Acquaintance Rape

danny72688 wrote:

Perhaps you shouldn't be inviting men over to your house, alone and to watch videos, that you don't know that well. If you did know him well then I doubt this situation would have occurred because you would have predicted it or been aware of the possiblity that it would happen and avoided this man. Also seeing you describe him as "this guy", I'm under the impression that you just met or have bumped into each other a few times. I hope you know his name and a bit about him (where he works, neighborhood or city he lives in, stuff like that) at least.

Be grateful you weren't raped and let this be a lesson. You've got to be careful!


(Not to sound like a dick but....) I can understand why this guy thought he might score based on what you've posted, not justifying his actions or approving of them, just saying.

Oooohh yeh, cos inviting someone over to watch a video is DEFINITELY sluttish for 'come shag, me horny' :rolleyes: It MAY well be... but you don't go EXPECTING it.

I've experienced something similar from somebody I WORKED with and knew really well and had been out drinking quite a few times with. I was very very lucky that night and don't I know it... had to fight him off literally. Thankfully he was too off his face on all kinds of drugs to overpower me. It was a different story with the girl he brought home the following week though :( :mad: And I was in NO way asking for it and to even suggest otherwise, no matter how well meaning you put it, is just fucking ridiculous.

tish wrote:

Thanks anyways Chadwick. Was sweet of you to offer.

I was not dressed sexy. I will get to know people that I think are neat on neutral/safe turf next time. This experience has taught me to have clear, strong boundaries when inviting men over.

I'm okay with not taking pride in my accomplishments. I'm more honored to be a small part in something good these days.

rule #1 - every heterosexual man you know will want to and/or think about sleeping with you

rule #2 - doesn't really matter how you're dressed, rule #1 applies

rule #3 - never forget rule #1


follow the 3 rules above and you can't go wrong. And ladies, remember every man is vulnerable in the same spot, no matter how big or tough a guy is. hit him in the balls and he will go down.

Indian Summer wrote:

sure it does.....this guy was apparently picking up some sort of signals from you. Sounds like you were being sort of a tease to get behavior like that out of him. I know it still doesn't make it right for him to keep it up after saying "no"...but I feel like you're not painting the whole picture....after all there are two sides to every story.

It's called self-restraint. If a woman says "no," that's the end of the discussion. Period. No matter what she's wearing, no matter what she says, no means no. Any other response is a lack of self-restraint on the man's part.

If I were you, I'd be very careful about saying things like this. It is never the victim's fault.

Heineken Helen wrote:

these attitudes don't even surprise me anymore :eek: :mad: what the fuck's wrong with some people? Ya know when they say 'I'm not saying it was your fault BUT.................... ' :rolleyes: sometimes I just wanna punch them. There is never ANY excuse. Even though Tish was lucky enough to NOT get raped, it's still a scary situation to be in, cos until you get rid of them you're wondering how far it's gonna go.

Back on topic..
While the guy was obviously a horny douche, am I wrong in understanding that he didn't physically touch her?

no means no.

sweet adeline wrote:

no means no.

Exactly... whether it's simply 'no you can't kiss me' or 'no you're not welcome in my house anymore', to continue trying is very intimidating when you're on the receiving end. I know it's definitely not the same as rape and very very very far from it... but when you're in that situation, you don't know how far he's going to go when he starts not taking no for an answer.

drivingrl wrote:

It's called self-restraint. If a woman says "no," that's the end of the discussion. Period. No matter what she's wearing, no matter what she says, no means no. Any other response is a lack of self-restraint on the man's part.

If I were you, I'd be very careful about saying things like this. It is never the victim's fault.

She wasn't raped! There was no victim! She just had some awkward moments on a date. People throw that term around too loosely.

AllNiteThing wrote:

Don't invite sketchy, barely known people over to your place ALONE to 'watch videos' :rolleyes: Pretty simple common sense if you ask me. Sure some people can be random victims and terrible things happen, but you have to have a good head on your shoulders. Don't walk alone in dark, secluded parking lots. Don't stay out late at a bar and walk home alone. And DON'T invite random people over to your house to 'watch videos'! lol...I can't believe this needs to be said?

it's a pretty sad state of affairs when there are rules WE must follow so other people don't think it's ok to do whatever the fuck they want. None of the above is an invitation for anything.

Heineken Helen wrote:

it's a pretty sad state of affairs when there are rules WE must follow so other people don't think it's ok to do whatever the fuck they want. None of the above is an invitation for anything.

well while I agree with you Helen the poster above does have somewhat of a point. You have to be really careful in your surroundings and who you deal with at all times. Especially if you are a woman. now maybe some attitudes about this are different depending on where your from and the type of area you live in. i know in the city areas of the US you want to be darn sure about who you are with and what you are doing. Unfortunately there are a lot of bad people out there. Don't get me wrong, in no way am I excusing what this guy did or blaming Tish but I think as a general rule you really need to be careful about people. I cringe sometimes when I see women out at a bar or something and how some women so casually leave their friends or let their friends do things with people they barely know. An example of this is the Natalle Holloway story. Why the hell would her friends let her leave with strange men in foreign country? At worse one of them should have went along. I guess that's a post for another time though.

pjhawks wrote:

well while I agree with you Helen the poster above does have somewhat of a point. You have to be really careful in your surroundings and who you deal with at all times. Especially if you are a woman.

Ya know when I said something similar before, people were arguing with me and saying I was going over the top... cos nothing happened, but once something DOES happen or COULD have happened, suddenly it's the girls fault (not saying you, but ya see where i'm coming from). Yes, of course I know you have to be careful, but it doesn't make you at fault if you decide to invite someone you think could be a friend or more around to watch a video.