Separating/Divorcing-Anyone in the process?

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  • rick1zoo2
    rick1zoo2 between a rock and a dumb place Posts: 12,632
    PearlJam24 wrote:
    Starfall wrote:
    From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.

    And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.

    I've done a few of those things over the past year. I recently went on a trip to Vegas with my cousin, which was freakin' sweet. I've reconnected with a cousin I haven't spoken to since 2001. Hung out with a couple old friends I haven't seen since 2003. I even enjoy volunteering for my kid's class when parents are asked to help.

    Part of the problem is my work schedule; my off days are during the week. That means my kid is at school and everyone else is at work...and when they're off I'm at work. It just seems difficult to meet new people.

    I hate my job but with this economy the options are limited. I have too many financial responsibilities to quit...not an option.


    I still mind not being with my kids as much as I did before, but the quality of the time I do have with them is much better. They can now see me as myself and being much happier. I think that it is very important for kids not to be in a dysfunctional situation.
  • badbrains
    badbrains Posts: 10,255
    Are we all really getting old??? Just seems like yesterday we were all wondering who we were going to take to the prom and now I'm reading about seperations and divorces...20 years ago it was how many shows in a row am I attending and now it's i can't go to more than 2 shows cuz I've got kids or my wife will kill me or whatever other reason. It just shows us all how mortal we all are. When we were young we thought we were invincible, now 20 years later and 4 kids later we see how mortal we really are. Jesus Christ I think I need to take a Xanax cuz I'm getting depressed....sorry to hear but if there's one thing us pearl jammers are is that were all tough as shit!!!!! Good luck to all and hopefully see you guys on tour!!!
  • badbrains
    badbrains Posts: 10,255
    Oh and bring the kids on tour to, show them some real rock n roll!!
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    badbrains wrote:
    Are we all really getting old??? Just seems like yesterday we were all wondering who we were going to take to the prom and now I'm reading about seperations and divorces...20 years ago it was how many shows in a row am I attending and now it's i can't go to more than 2 shows cuz I've got kids or my wife will kill me or whatever other reason. It just shows us all how mortal we all are. When we were young we thought we were invincible, now 20 years later and 4 kids later we see how mortal we really are. Jesus Christ I think I need to take a Xanax cuz I'm getting depressed....sorry to hear but if there's one thing us pearl jammers are is that were all tough as shit!!!!! Good luck to all and hopefully see you guys on tour!!!


    I definitely grew up a lot during the past year...now, at the ripe ol' age of 31, I feel wise beyond my years!!
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • rick1zoo2
    rick1zoo2 between a rock and a dumb place Posts: 12,632
    badbrains wrote:
    Are we all really getting old??? Just seems like yesterday we were all wondering who we were going to take to the prom and now I'm reading about seperations and divorces...20 years ago it was how many shows in a row am I attending and now it's i can't go to more than 2 shows cuz I've got kids or my wife will kill me or whatever other reason. It just shows us all how mortal we all are. When we were young we thought we were invincible, now 20 years later and 4 kids later we see how mortal we really are. Jesus Christ I think I need to take a Xanax cuz I'm getting depressed....sorry to hear but if there's one thing us pearl jammers are is that were all tough as shit!!!!! Good luck to all and hopefully see you guys on tour!!!


    actually quite the opposite has happened to me. During and after college I thought I had to be all grown up, then my marriage really killed everything including going to concerts, spending time with friends, etc. About 5 - 6 years ago, I kinda woke up and realized that I needed to start living. Now I see as many concerts as I can, and I take my kids to a lot of them - we have a blast.
  • PearlOfAGirl
    PearlOfAGirl Posts: 15,993
    He's NEVER gonna let me go... :(

    Wish you were here...
    ♥~RIP Dad
  • rick1zoo2
    rick1zoo2 between a rock and a dumb place Posts: 12,632
    HeartShapedBox wrote:
    He's NEVER gonna let me go... :(


    somedays I feel that too
  • PearlOfAGirl
    PearlOfAGirl Posts: 15,993
    rick1zoo2 wrote:
    HeartShapedBox wrote:
    He's NEVER gonna let me go... :(


    somedays I feel that too
    I moved out almost a year ago, but I'm still not free...

    Wish you were here...
    ♥~RIP Dad
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,714
    hmmm, 10 1/2 months since I was made aware she wasn't happy. 8 months today since it became official.

    While my days ARE much better than last year , I'm still in the middle of dealing with the loss.

    Is this what it means to love someone? To be happy for her in a bittersweet way as she has begun a life as another mans wife?
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    mickeyrat wrote:
    hmmm, 10 1/2 months since I was made aware she wasn't happy. 8 months today since it became official.

    While my days ARE much better than last year , I'm still in the middle of dealing with the loss.

    Is this what it means to love someone? To be happy for her in a bittersweet way as she has begun a life as another mans wife?


    i think it's a feeling you get when you care for someone...while i'm not in love with him, i still want my ex to be happy, and I certainly had some bittersweet feelings.

    Right after we split, my ex did a few things that I had really wanted I do when we were together. he moved back to the east coast right away (in with his new GF), knowing I wanted to move home for years...he got a "real" job and stopped playing volleyball, which had overtaken my life (so now he had time to do all the things we couldn't do because of tournaments and training)...so while i was happy for him, it was also bittersweet because i wondered what i did so wrong that he would never do those things for me.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • FearTheBeard
    FearTheBeard Posts: 666
    Hope you are all doing well! I've been pretty depressed lately, mainly because I have been having some pretty intense nightmares. I am not drinking nearly as much and have these very vivid dreams involving the ex. Very weird! :(
  • UpSideDown
    UpSideDown Posts: 1,966
    ucsbflipflop wrote:
    Hope you are all doing well! I've been pretty depressed lately, mainly because I have been having some pretty intense nightmares. I am not drinking nearly as much and have these very vivid dreams involving the ex. Very weird! :(

    The dreams can be the worst to re-awaken the pain.........

    Just need to get through it, not over it. Good advice I received.
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    ucsbflipflop wrote:
    Hope you are all doing well! I've been pretty depressed lately, mainly because I have been having some pretty intense nightmares. I am not drinking nearly as much and have these very vivid dreams involving the ex. Very weird! :(
    Oddly this past week I've dreamed of the ex every night... I don't miss him (not that I'm aware of) and it's been quite some time... since the divorce was final and even since I've seen him. Only thing I can think of is that last month I was getting his rehab bills in the mail at my new place (apparently he's decided to not pay them along with other things and the insurance thinks I will pay them for him). The dreams are pretty boring (besides the one where he informed me he was cheating on me with other women.. that one involved a lot of screaming!) but other than that they were all every day shit. It just makes me feel weird to wake of thinking of him... not top on my list.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    mickeyrat wrote:
    hmmm, 10 1/2 months since I was made aware she wasn't happy. 8 months today since it became official.

    While my days ARE much better than last year , I'm still in the middle of dealing with the loss.

    Is this what it means to love someone? To be happy for her in a bittersweet way as she has begun a life as another mans wife?

    who says you have to be happy for her??? sure, wish her no ill will but as for you being happy for her. screw that. id be feeling nothing for her.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    it's been a year since we admitted to ourselves that our marriage wasn't working...it feels like 10 lifetimes ago! In that year, we've both moved out of CA, started new jobs, began new and healthy relationships and gotten divorced...and are both happier.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • Lizard
    Lizard So Cal Posts: 12,091
    Wow---that went fast.

    Glad you are doing great!
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • PearlOfAGirl
    PearlOfAGirl Posts: 15,993
    He spent all last week in N. Carolina with his girlfriend... why won't he let me go???

    I want to get on with my life dammitt!!!

    Wish you were here...
    ♥~RIP Dad
  • Starfall
    Starfall Posts: 548
    I had a little conversation with my ex wife's most recent ex. They had been together - on and off - for just about 2 years, and it finally ended for good sometime last week.
    We remarked how relatively at ease we were with each other - as well as all with her other ex's. We even proposed a Facebook group called "B's Ex's" and make it a fan page :lol:
    "It's not hard to own something. Or everything. You just have to know that it's yours, and then be willing to let it go." - Neil Gaiman, "Stardust"
  • Lizard
    Lizard So Cal Posts: 12,091
    Starfall wrote:
    I had a little conversation with my ex wife's most recent ex. They had been together - on and off - for just about 2 years, and it finally ended for good sometime last week.
    We remarked how relatively at ease we were with each other - as well as all with her other ex's. We even proposed a Facebook group called "B's Ex's" and make it a fan page :lol:

    :lol::lol:
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • PearlOfAGirl
    PearlOfAGirl Posts: 15,993
    There is "NO WAY" I'm ever getting married again!! :lol: I'm gonna enjoy my freedom at last!! :thumbup:

    Wish you were here...
    ♥~RIP Dad

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