open relationships

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  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    Allie wrote:
    hee hee,

    and yes, I agree
    that is wise advice. I wish I knew it earlier in life :) I think you have to reach a certain maturity level before you realize how life is too short to not tell people how you feel.

    you may be right allie. youth is soo totally wasted on the young. :rolleyes: ;):)

    all i know is that right now, where i am in my life and how i feel about myself, is me at my best. and im fully prepared to use it, otherwise i know im gonna lose it. :D
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • Allie
    Allie Posts: 2,908
    catefrances wrote:
    you may be right allie. youth is soo totally wasted on the young. :rolleyes: ;):)

    all i know is that right now, where i am in my life and how i feel about myself, is me at my best. and im fully prepared to use it, otherwise i know im gonna lose it. :D

    I agree! Eddie said that on the Jools Holland show too!

    and you keep using it, people need wisdom and they need to tell it exactly like it is! :)
    you're inspiring me
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    Allie wrote:
    I agree! Eddie said that on the Jools Holland show too!

    yeah that's cause eddie stole it from me. i've warned him about that shit. :D:D


    Allie wrote:
    and you keep using it, people need wisdom and they need to tell it exactly like it is! :)
    you're inspiring me

    just so you know though allie, apparently i can get a little intense. :)
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • Allie
    Allie Posts: 2,908
    catefrances wrote:
    yeah that's cause eddie stole it from me.





    just so you know though allie, apparently i can get a little intense. :)
    hee hee,
    It's true, though. You and Eddie are wise folks :)

    I'm saying, I appreciate that you tell it like it is and you get right to the point. No bs.
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    Allie wrote:
    hee hee,
    It's true, though. You and Eddie are wise folks :)

    I'm saying, I appreciate that you tell it like it is and you get right to the point. No bs.


    yeah well if people can't deal with the truth, that ain't my problem.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    This is how I picture being in an open relationship:

    her - "mind if I have a night out with the girls tonight, hun?" ;);)
    me - "uh, ok, I'll see what the guys are doin"
    three hours later...
    I get home alone, sloppy drunk and depressed after being shot down 27 times.
    She comes in ten minutes later with two body builders, and I spend the rest of the night cowering in a closet.....with a videocamera ;)
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    Drowned Out wrote:
    This is how I picture being in an open relationship:

    her - "mind if I have a night out with the girls tonight, hun?" ; ) ; )
    me - "uh, ok, I'll see what the guys are doin"
    three hours later...
    I get home alone, sloppy drunk and depressed after being shot down 27 times.
    She comes in ten minutes later with two body builders, and I spend the rest of the night cowering in a closet.....with a videocamera ;)

    so... what's your problem? ;):p:D
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    catefrances wrote:
    so... what's your problem? ;):p:D
    I dont' have a videocamera :p
  • small town beck
    small town beck Posts: 6,691
    Drowned Out wrote:
    I dont' have a videocamera :p


    LMAO... that was TOO funny :D


    I don't think an open relationship would be for me but whatever floats your boat I guess :)


    Lots of people have unconventional lives that work for them. Now call me old fashion-not often one can say that about me :p

    I would truly love to meet a man and fall in love and we would only want to be with each other. To be commited to that person(doesn't have to be marriage ) and not want anyone else I think would be amazing and so beautiful.
  • Allie
    Allie Posts: 2,908
    small town beck wrote:

    I would truly love to meet a man and fall in love and we would only want to be with each other. To be commited to that person(doesn't have to be marriage ) and not want anyone else I think would be amazing and so beautiful.

    I hope that happens for you too STB. You are a nice person :)
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • small town beck
    small town beck Posts: 6,691
    Allie wrote:
    I hope that happens for you too STB. You are a nice person :)


    Ahhh, Allie. You are sweet. Thank you :) See you in NYC? I think I should be able to swing it!
  • Allie
    Allie Posts: 2,908
    catefrances wrote:
    yeah well if people can't deal with the truth, that ain't my problem.
    People can't handle the truth, to paraphrase Jack Nicholson. Or was that Tom Cruise?
    I think people have a hard time hearing the truth :)
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • Blackeyedangel
    Blackeyedangel Posts: 262
    PearlsGirl wrote:
    Well, it's not like I think that about every guy, but it seems like all the guys I've met lately are like this. I mean, it seems like they have no heart at all. They use you, and treat you like crap, they find someone else, and ditch you. you on the other hand are left behind crying, and feeling shitty as fuck. i mean, this isn't quiet my situation, as the guy i'm in this "open relationship" with won't tell me what is goin on in his head. i need communication... my friends and i are always in the same fucking boat. i want to meet a guy who has feelings, but not so much that they fucking cry like pansy ass bitches, like my last two boyfriends. that pissed me off so much, it was like i was the man in the relationship. i just want a man's man, who has a heart. where are they??? i will go there, and hopefully find my prince charming.
    wow. somebody totally does not have an issue with gender stereotypes. and you wonder why you have such issues with relationships?
  • SpinMeRoundRollMeOvr
    SpinMeRoundRollMeOvr Posts: 437
    I was in an open relationship as the "secondary partner". I was ok with it for a while. Bottom line, it's weird. Long story, she ended up breaking up with Mr. Primary and dating me.

    I think open relationships can only last so long...
  • he still stands
    he still stands Posts: 2,835
    decides2dream wrote:
    wow...cool to see this discussion and how it all developed, and being seriously addressed! kudos all!


    that said, this above is kinda my thoughts on it. i agree, if only ONE in the relationship wants it, and the other consents begrudingly...it would neverwork, someone would most definitely be left hurting.





    this too...kinda where my mind went when REALLY looking at it objectively. for a couple to successfully do so...there MUST be an unbelievable amount of trust in each other, true openness....and absolute desire. i DO agree, it CAN be a recipe for disaster w/o these elements...and it can be good? ( for lack of a better term) for those inclined to do so.

    as to it being a 'fucking blast'....i'd leave that to others to decide or not. as i said, this is not for me a 'personal discussion'...quite honestly, i thought i made it so clear in the first post. i would NEVER come looking here for advice on such, especially amongst a group of people mostly single/young....and if married, very few as long as i am. yikes. on such a topic, i'd ask people who are in similar life situations...and yea, privately. :o i love to 'talk' about a great many topics...some i guess quite 'personal'...but honestly, i don't GEt *personal* on the board, i am far too private! :p i just LOVE discussion human behavior.

    i DO see both sides of it, absolutely. why someone would be dead-set against it...and why some would be for it. either way, i would HOPE all had partners of similar mindsets....b/c either way, without similarities for something so important, THAT could be a recipe for disaster, w/o any 'open relationship.'


    btw - i just watched kinsey tonight. for those of you who've seen it, also touches on this, and basic social sexual mores.....very, very interesting! i've seen it before of course, but was interested in watching again. good stuff.


    so yea, i agree...bottomline...if such a thing COULD work, buth HAVE to be in agreement of it. whatever *it* there may be. no just going along, etc...it has to be a genuine desire for both parties. i mean to me, whatEVER a couple does, or doesn't do, sexually...should be for the benefit and pleasure of both. and there are ALL sorts of different ways such will manifest itself in a relationship...and if all are happy/satisifed with it...it works...i say kudos. for most, that means monogamy...or at least a semblance of it - given the preponderance of infidelity obviously it is not 100% 'successful....and for a small minority perhaps, the idea of 'openess' is more in line. i mean, in tehory....to have the commitment of monogamy, and the varity of openness....i can see the possibilities, even if i wouldn't necessarily choose such for myself. dunno. but it all fascinates me.

    well I think you have a pretty good idea of how this sort of thing works. there are definitely books out there written by people in the lifestyle that would bring you to a better understanding of how this sort of thing can happen and the couple stays together and are indeed HAPPIER than they would have been in a monogamous relationship.

    Again, since it takes so much work, a specific personality type, extreme trust, and in my opinion, a high "social IQ" to do this successfully, this sort of thing works for about .01% of the population.
    Everything not forbidden is compulsory and eveything not compulsory is forbidden. You are free... free to do what the government says you can do.
  • pjoasisrule
    pjoasisrule Posts: 3,412
    I thought these only happened in entertainment
    Alpine Valley 2000
    Summerfest 2006

    "Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?" -Lisa Simpson
  • Sian-of-the-dead
    Sian-of-the-dead Posts: 8,963
    Open relationships are not for me i'm afraid.

    I believe that if you're 'in a relationship' with someone then you are with ONLY them and that you do, to some degree, plan a future. Otherwise you're just fuck buddies. Not that there's anything wrong with fuck buddies, but again, not for me.
    In a relationship i'm a very loyal person and can also get quite jealous, the thought of my boyfriend being with someone else... well, we don't wanna go there... it's messy... so I'd be quite offended if I were in a relationship where my boyfriend suggested it. Being a very self concious person anyway, my first thought would be "why? whats wrong with me?" and i'm sure i'm not alone in thinking that.

    I think that open relationships can hurt at least one participant in the long run and to have one successfully there would have to be an insanely strong emotional bond between the original couple. I'm not saying couples who don't have open relationships don't have that strong bond but I do believe it's a requirement if you're prepared to have sex outside of your relationship and expect it to continue.
    Been to this many PJ shows: Reading 2006 London 2007 Manchester & London 2009 Dublin, Belfast, London, Nijmegen & Berlin 2010 Manchester 1 & Manchester 2 2012...

    ... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
  • PearlsGirl
    PearlsGirl Posts: 257
    Blackeyedangel wrote:
    wow. somebody totally does not have an issue with gender stereotypes. and you wonder why you have such issues with relationships?

    well, no need to worry. it's all over and i'm crushed. i had such a great out look on men for the longest time, then i started having my run with douche bags. i'm done. i need to figure myself out. i'm only 24.
    Don't let the world bring you down, not everyone here is that fucked up and cold. Remember why you came and while you're alive, experience the warmth before you grow old.

    Best two days of my life: Oasis at MSG and Pearl Jam at the Gorge.
  • Pacomc79
    Pacomc79 Posts: 9,404
    PearlsGirl wrote:
    well, no need to worry. it's all over and i'm crushed. i had such a great out look on men for the longest time, then i started having my run with douche bags. i'm done. i need to figure myself out. i'm only 24.


    keep your head up, it will suck for a little while, goes around comes around just try to stay positive and enjoy yourself eventually some good luck will come to you.
    My Girlfriend said to me..."How many guitars do you need?" and I replied...."How many pairs of shoes do you need?" She got really quiet.
  • Allie
    Allie Posts: 2,908
    small town beck wrote:
    Ahhh, Allie. You are sweet. Thank you :) See you in NYC? I think I should be able to swing it!
    Cool! Ok then! I'm going to try for night 2!
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!

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