if he's seeing other people he's not going to tell you what's in his head, b/c it probably involves, um, the other girls.
and also, if you want a man to tell you what is on his mind, in general, you have to ask him. He can't read your mind.
as far as i know, because his brother is my best friend, he isn't seeing anyone else. i want to know if he's with me because he likes me, or because he wants some one to do. i actually like him, and he knows that. i've asked him before, only to get no answer. although he did say this on saturday,, which i am guessing is his way of saying "yeah, i'm cool with us" or something and the only response he has EVER given me about the two of us, I asked him, what if i feel for you, hard, and he said, then we can have more mornings like this. this was after we had an incredible night together. i hate being a fucking girl...
Don't let the world bring you down, not everyone here is that fucked up and cold. Remember why you came and while you're alive, experience the warmth before you grow old.
Best two days of my life: Oasis at MSG and Pearl Jam at the Gorge.
as far as i know, because his brother is my best friend, he isn't seeing anyone else. i want to know if he's with me because he likes me, or because he wants some one to do. i actually like him, and he knows that. i've asked him before, only to get no answer. although he did say this on saturday,, which i am guessing is his way of saying "yeah, i'm cool with us" or something and the only response he has EVER given me about the two of us, I asked him, what if i feel for you, hard, and he said, then we can have more mornings like this. this was after we had an incredible night together. i hate being a fucking girl...
here's your problem. don't dance around the maypole. TELL HIM how you feel. don't say what if. that gives room to manoeuvre and if you want a definitive answer that's not a good strategy. tell him how you feel and ask him what he's going to do about it. if he doesnt feel about you the way you feel about him then you need to cut your losses and move on.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
here's your problem. don't dance around the maypole. TELL HIM how you feel. don't say what if. that gives room to manoeuvre and if you want a definitive answer that's not a good strategy. if he doesnt feel about you the way you feel about him then you need to cut your losses and move on.
^^^
what Cate said.
(I love how you tell it like it is, btw)
and,
I don't even understand what you mean by 'what if I feel for you, hard' and I wouldn't expect a guy to get that.
"...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
okay. i should do that, cause yeah, the past few weeks have been shitty in the since all i can think about is him. i've told him how i feel, and his responses are always along the lines of yeah, i like that you like me. he probably will never say how he really feels, so.... that's that. i guess in a way, i am making him look better than what he really is. The only real appealing thing about our whole relationship thing is that we both get what we want for right now, the physical aspect of it. i don't want a boyfriend for a *very* long time. i'm pretty much hating the thought of boyfriends, and marriage (which my family keeps bugging me about), and all this nonsense.
hehe, yeah, i did mean fell, oops! so sorry yeah, i just read that and i wouldn't have gotten it either. haha.
Don't let the world bring you down, not everyone here is that fucked up and cold. Remember why you came and while you're alive, experience the warmth before you grow old.
Best two days of my life: Oasis at MSG and Pearl Jam at the Gorge.
I think that the ego usually turns these kind of relationships very sour, very quick. I think it is doable but only when involving consenting, stable, confident, secure and open minded individuals.
***I'm not saying that people who wouldn't choose this lifestyle are close minded...only saying that those who do must be open to the things this kind of agreement might include.
wow...cool to see this discussion and how it all developed, and being seriously addressed! kudos all!
that said, this above is kinda my thoughts on it. i agree, if only ONE in the relationship wants it, and the other consents begrudingly...it would neverwork, someone would most definitely be left hurting.
From someone with experience in this sort of thing, the first thing to say is that it most definitely is not for everyone. There has to be an extremely unmovable amount of trust between you and your partner. Both partners have to be able to separate lust from emotional connection. Rules and guidelines need to be openly communicated often and followed. If any of these components are compromised, then it will definitely not work and will probably end up in the couple removing themselves from the lifestyle or in termination of the relationship. For the couples who have enough love and trust for eachother to handle this sort of thing and conform to the aforementioned guidelines, kudos to you (it can be a fucking blast!!!)
this too...kinda where my mind went when REALLY looking at it objectively. for a couple to successfully do so...there MUST be an unbelievable amount of trust in each other, true openness....and absolute desire. i DO agree, it CAN be a recipe for disaster w/o these elements...and it can be good? ( for lack of a better term) for those inclined to do so.
as to it being a 'fucking blast'....i'd leave that to others to decide or not. as i said, this is not for me a 'personal discussion'...quite honestly, i thought i made it so clear in the first post. i would NEVER come looking here for advice on such, especially amongst a group of people mostly single/young....and if married, very few as long as i am. yikes. on such a topic, i'd ask people who are in similar life situations...and yea, privately. i love to 'talk' about a great many topics...some i guess quite 'personal'...but honestly, i don't GEt *personal* on the board, i am far too private! i just LOVE discussion human behavior.
i DO see both sides of it, absolutely. why someone would be dead-set against it...and why some would be for it. either way, i would HOPE all had partners of similar mindsets....b/c either way, without similarities for something so important, THAT could be a recipe for disaster, w/o any 'open relationship.'
btw - i just watched kinsey tonight. for those of you who've seen it, also touches on this, and basic social sexual mores.....very, very interesting! i've seen it before of course, but was interested in watching again. good stuff.
so yea, i agree...bottomline...if such a thing COULD work, buth HAVE to be in agreement of it. whatever *it* there may be. no just going along, etc...it has to be a genuine desire for both parties. i mean to me, whatEVER a couple does, or doesn't do, sexually...should be for the benefit and pleasure of both. and there are ALL sorts of different ways such will manifest itself in a relationship...and if all are happy/satisifed with it...it works...i say kudos. for most, that means monogamy...or at least a semblance of it - given the preponderance of infidelity obviously it is not 100% 'successful....and for a small minority perhaps, the idea of 'openess' is more in line. i mean, in tehory....to have the commitment of monogamy, and the varity of openness....i can see the possibilities, even if i wouldn't necessarily choose such for myself. dunno. but it all fascinates me.
Communication is easier said than done though. It's hard to tell someone how you really feel, especially when you really like them.
oh absolutely true... but ive learnt that you owe the person you love the truth. and more often than not they need to hear it, for themselves and for the relationship. and you owe it to yourself to be truthful as well.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
oh absolutely true... but ive learnt that you owe the person you love the truth. and more often than not they need to hear it, for themselves and for the relationship. and you owe it to yourself to be truthful as well.
hee hee,
and yes, I agree
that is wise advice. I wish I knew it earlier in life I think you have to reach a certain maturity level before you realize how life is too short to not tell people how you feel.
"...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
and yes, I agree
that is wise advice. I wish I knew it earlier in life I think you have to reach a certain maturity level before you realize how life is too short to not tell people how you feel.
you may be right allie. youth is soo totally wasted on the young. :rolleyes:
all i know is that right now, where i am in my life and how i feel about myself, is me at my best. and im fully prepared to use it, otherwise i know im gonna lose it.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
you may be right allie. youth is soo totally wasted on the young. :rolleyes:
all i know is that right now, where i am in my life and how i feel about myself, is me at my best. and im fully prepared to use it, otherwise i know im gonna lose it.
I agree! Eddie said that on the Jools Holland show too!
and you keep using it, people need wisdom and they need to tell it exactly like it is!
you're inspiring me
"...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
This is how I picture being in an open relationship:
her - "mind if I have a night out with the girls tonight, hun?"
me - "uh, ok, I'll see what the guys are doin"
three hours later...
I get home alone, sloppy drunk and depressed after being shot down 27 times.
She comes in ten minutes later with two body builders, and I spend the rest of the night cowering in a closet.....with a videocamera
This is how I picture being in an open relationship:
her - "mind if I have a night out with the girls tonight, hun?" ; ) ; )
me - "uh, ok, I'll see what the guys are doin"
three hours later...
I get home alone, sloppy drunk and depressed after being shot down 27 times.
She comes in ten minutes later with two body builders, and I spend the rest of the night cowering in a closet.....with a videocamera
so... what's your problem?
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I don't think an open relationship would be for me but whatever floats your boat I guess
Lots of people have unconventional lives that work for them. Now call me old fashion-not often one can say that about me
I would truly love to meet a man and fall in love and we would only want to be with each other. To be commited to that person(doesn't have to be marriage ) and not want anyone else I think would be amazing and so beautiful.
I would truly love to meet a man and fall in love and we would only want to be with each other. To be commited to that person(doesn't have to be marriage ) and not want anyone else I think would be amazing and so beautiful.
I hope that happens for you too STB. You are a nice person
"...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
Well, it's not like I think that about every guy, but it seems like all the guys I've met lately are like this. I mean, it seems like they have no heart at all. They use you, and treat you like crap, they find someone else, and ditch you. you on the other hand are left behind crying, and feeling shitty as fuck. i mean, this isn't quiet my situation, as the guy i'm in this "open relationship" with won't tell me what is goin on in his head. i need communication... my friends and i are always in the same fucking boat. i want to meet a guy who has feelings, but not so much that they fucking cry like pansy ass bitches, like my last two boyfriends. that pissed me off so much, it was like i was the man in the relationship. i just want a man's man, who has a heart. where are they??? i will go there, and hopefully find my prince charming.
wow. somebody totally does not have an issue with gender stereotypes. and you wonder why you have such issues with relationships?
I was in an open relationship as the "secondary partner". I was ok with it for a while. Bottom line, it's weird. Long story, she ended up breaking up with Mr. Primary and dating me.
I think open relationships can only last so long...
wow...cool to see this discussion and how it all developed, and being seriously addressed! kudos all!
that said, this above is kinda my thoughts on it. i agree, if only ONE in the relationship wants it, and the other consents begrudingly...it would neverwork, someone would most definitely be left hurting.
this too...kinda where my mind went when REALLY looking at it objectively. for a couple to successfully do so...there MUST be an unbelievable amount of trust in each other, true openness....and absolute desire. i DO agree, it CAN be a recipe for disaster w/o these elements...and it can be good? ( for lack of a better term) for those inclined to do so.
as to it being a 'fucking blast'....i'd leave that to others to decide or not. as i said, this is not for me a 'personal discussion'...quite honestly, i thought i made it so clear in the first post. i would NEVER come looking here for advice on such, especially amongst a group of people mostly single/young....and if married, very few as long as i am. yikes. on such a topic, i'd ask people who are in similar life situations...and yea, privately. i love to 'talk' about a great many topics...some i guess quite 'personal'...but honestly, i don't GEt *personal* on the board, i am far too private! i just LOVE discussion human behavior.
i DO see both sides of it, absolutely. why someone would be dead-set against it...and why some would be for it. either way, i would HOPE all had partners of similar mindsets....b/c either way, without similarities for something so important, THAT could be a recipe for disaster, w/o any 'open relationship.'
btw - i just watched kinsey tonight. for those of you who've seen it, also touches on this, and basic social sexual mores.....very, very interesting! i've seen it before of course, but was interested in watching again. good stuff.
so yea, i agree...bottomline...if such a thing COULD work, buth HAVE to be in agreement of it. whatever *it* there may be. no just going along, etc...it has to be a genuine desire for both parties. i mean to me, whatEVER a couple does, or doesn't do, sexually...should be for the benefit and pleasure of both. and there are ALL sorts of different ways such will manifest itself in a relationship...and if all are happy/satisifed with it...it works...i say kudos. for most, that means monogamy...or at least a semblance of it - given the preponderance of infidelity obviously it is not 100% 'successful....and for a small minority perhaps, the idea of 'openess' is more in line. i mean, in tehory....to have the commitment of monogamy, and the varity of openness....i can see the possibilities, even if i wouldn't necessarily choose such for myself. dunno. but it all fascinates me.
well I think you have a pretty good idea of how this sort of thing works. there are definitely books out there written by people in the lifestyle that would bring you to a better understanding of how this sort of thing can happen and the couple stays together and are indeed HAPPIER than they would have been in a monogamous relationship.
Again, since it takes so much work, a specific personality type, extreme trust, and in my opinion, a high "social IQ" to do this successfully, this sort of thing works for about .01% of the population.
Everything not forbidden is compulsory and eveything not compulsory is forbidden. You are free... free to do what the government says you can do.
I believe that if you're 'in a relationship' with someone then you are with ONLY them and that you do, to some degree, plan a future. Otherwise you're just fuck buddies. Not that there's anything wrong with fuck buddies, but again, not for me.
In a relationship i'm a very loyal person and can also get quite jealous, the thought of my boyfriend being with someone else... well, we don't wanna go there... it's messy... so I'd be quite offended if I were in a relationship where my boyfriend suggested it. Being a very self concious person anyway, my first thought would be "why? whats wrong with me?" and i'm sure i'm not alone in thinking that.
I think that open relationships can hurt at least one participant in the long run and to have one successfully there would have to be an insanely strong emotional bond between the original couple. I'm not saying couples who don't have open relationships don't have that strong bond but I do believe it's a requirement if you're prepared to have sex outside of your relationship and expect it to continue.
Been to this many PJ shows: Reading 2006 London 2007 Manchester & London 2009 Dublin, Belfast, London, Nijmegen & Berlin 2010 Manchester 1 & Manchester 2 2012...
... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
wow. somebody totally does not have an issue with gender stereotypes. and you wonder why you have such issues with relationships?
well, no need to worry. it's all over and i'm crushed. i had such a great out look on men for the longest time, then i started having my run with douche bags. i'm done. i need to figure myself out. i'm only 24.
Don't let the world bring you down, not everyone here is that fucked up and cold. Remember why you came and while you're alive, experience the warmth before you grow old.
Best two days of my life: Oasis at MSG and Pearl Jam at the Gorge.
well, no need to worry. it's all over and i'm crushed. i had such a great out look on men for the longest time, then i started having my run with douche bags. i'm done. i need to figure myself out. i'm only 24.
keep your head up, it will suck for a little while, goes around comes around just try to stay positive and enjoy yourself eventually some good luck will come to you.
My Girlfriend said to me..."How many guitars do you need?" and I replied...."How many pairs of shoes do you need?" She got really quiet.
Comments
if he's seeing other people he's not going to tell you what's in his head, b/c it probably involves, um, the other girls.
and also, if you want a man to tell you what is on his mind, in general, you have to ask him. He can't read your mind.
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
as far as i know, because his brother is my best friend, he isn't seeing anyone else. i want to know if he's with me because he likes me, or because he wants some one to do. i actually like him, and he knows that. i've asked him before, only to get no answer. although he did say this on saturday,, which i am guessing is his way of saying "yeah, i'm cool with us" or something and the only response he has EVER given me about the two of us, I asked him, what if i feel for you, hard, and he said, then we can have more mornings like this. this was after we had an incredible night together. i hate being a fucking girl...
Best two days of my life: Oasis at MSG and Pearl Jam at the Gorge.
here's your problem. don't dance around the maypole. TELL HIM how you feel. don't say what if. that gives room to manoeuvre and if you want a definitive answer that's not a good strategy. tell him how you feel and ask him what he's going to do about it. if he doesnt feel about you the way you feel about him then you need to cut your losses and move on.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
what Cate said.
(I love how you tell it like it is, btw)
and,
I don't even understand what you mean by 'what if I feel for you, hard' and I wouldn't expect a guy to get that.
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
maybe she meant fell instead of feel?
well as you know allie, life is too short to be namby pamby.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
hehe, yeah, i did mean fell, oops! so sorry
Best two days of my life: Oasis at MSG and Pearl Jam at the Gorge.
wow...cool to see this discussion and how it all developed, and being seriously addressed! kudos all!
that said, this above is kinda my thoughts on it. i agree, if only ONE in the relationship wants it, and the other consents begrudingly...it would neverwork, someone would most definitely be left hurting.
this too...kinda where my mind went when REALLY looking at it objectively. for a couple to successfully do so...there MUST be an unbelievable amount of trust in each other, true openness....and absolute desire. i DO agree, it CAN be a recipe for disaster w/o these elements...and it can be good? ( for lack of a better term) for those inclined to do so.
as to it being a 'fucking blast'....i'd leave that to others to decide or not. as i said, this is not for me a 'personal discussion'...quite honestly, i thought i made it so clear in the first post. i would NEVER come looking here for advice on such, especially amongst a group of people mostly single/young....and if married, very few as long as i am. yikes. on such a topic, i'd ask people who are in similar life situations...and yea, privately.
i DO see both sides of it, absolutely. why someone would be dead-set against it...and why some would be for it. either way, i would HOPE all had partners of similar mindsets....b/c either way, without similarities for something so important, THAT could be a recipe for disaster, w/o any 'open relationship.'
btw - i just watched kinsey tonight. for those of you who've seen it, also touches on this, and basic social sexual mores.....very, very interesting! i've seen it before of course, but was interested in watching again. good stuff.
so yea, i agree...bottomline...if such a thing COULD work, buth HAVE to be in agreement of it. whatever *it* there may be. no just going along, etc...it has to be a genuine desire for both parties. i mean to me, whatEVER a couple does, or doesn't do, sexually...should be for the benefit and pleasure of both. and there are ALL sorts of different ways such will manifest itself in a relationship...and if all are happy/satisifed with it...it works...i say kudos. for most, that means monogamy...or at least a semblance of it - given the preponderance of infidelity obviously it is not 100% 'successful....and for a small minority perhaps, the idea of 'openess' is more in line. i mean, in tehory....to have the commitment of monogamy, and the varity of openness....i can see the possibilities, even if i wouldn't necessarily choose such for myself. dunno. but it all fascinates me.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Cate, you are indeed the best.
Communication is easier said than done though. It's hard to tell someone how you really feel, especially when you really like them.
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
well let's not get carried away with ourselves.
oh absolutely true... but ive learnt that you owe the person you love the truth. and more often than not they need to hear it, for themselves and for the relationship. and you owe it to yourself to be truthful as well.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
hee hee,
and yes, I agree
that is wise advice. I wish I knew it earlier in life
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
you may be right allie. youth is soo totally wasted on the young. :rolleyes:
all i know is that right now, where i am in my life and how i feel about myself, is me at my best. and im fully prepared to use it, otherwise i know im gonna lose it.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I agree! Eddie said that on the Jools Holland show too!
and you keep using it, people need wisdom and they need to tell it exactly like it is!
you're inspiring me
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
yeah that's cause eddie stole it from me. i've warned him about that shit.
just so you know though allie, apparently i can get a little intense.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
It's true, though. You and Eddie are wise folks
I'm saying, I appreciate that you tell it like it is and you get right to the point. No bs.
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
yeah well if people can't deal with the truth, that ain't my problem.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
her - "mind if I have a night out with the girls tonight, hun?"
me - "uh, ok, I'll see what the guys are doin"
three hours later...
I get home alone, sloppy drunk and depressed after being shot down 27 times.
She comes in ten minutes later with two body builders, and I spend the rest of the night cowering in a closet.....with a videocamera
so... what's your problem?
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
LMAO... that was TOO funny
I don't think an open relationship would be for me but whatever floats your boat I guess
Lots of people have unconventional lives that work for them. Now call me old fashion-not often one can say that about me
I would truly love to meet a man and fall in love and we would only want to be with each other. To be commited to that person(doesn't have to be marriage ) and not want anyone else I think would be amazing and so beautiful.
I hope that happens for you too STB. You are a nice person
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
Ahhh, Allie. You are sweet. Thank you
I think people have a hard time hearing the truth
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!
I think open relationships can only last so long...
well I think you have a pretty good idea of how this sort of thing works. there are definitely books out there written by people in the lifestyle that would bring you to a better understanding of how this sort of thing can happen and the couple stays together and are indeed HAPPIER than they would have been in a monogamous relationship.
Again, since it takes so much work, a specific personality type, extreme trust, and in my opinion, a high "social IQ" to do this successfully, this sort of thing works for about .01% of the population.
Summerfest 2006
"Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?" -Lisa Simpson
I believe that if you're 'in a relationship' with someone then you are with ONLY them and that you do, to some degree, plan a future. Otherwise you're just fuck buddies. Not that there's anything wrong with fuck buddies, but again, not for me.
In a relationship i'm a very loyal person and can also get quite jealous, the thought of my boyfriend being with someone else... well, we don't wanna go there... it's messy... so I'd be quite offended if I were in a relationship where my boyfriend suggested it. Being a very self concious person anyway, my first thought would be "why? whats wrong with me?" and i'm sure i'm not alone in thinking that.
I think that open relationships can hurt at least one participant in the long run and to have one successfully there would have to be an insanely strong emotional bond between the original couple. I'm not saying couples who don't have open relationships don't have that strong bond but I do believe it's a requirement if you're prepared to have sex outside of your relationship and expect it to continue.
... and I still think Drive-By Truckers are better.
well, no need to worry. it's all over and i'm crushed. i had such a great out look on men for the longest time, then i started having my run with douche bags. i'm done. i need to figure myself out. i'm only 24.
Best two days of my life: Oasis at MSG and Pearl Jam at the Gorge.
keep your head up, it will suck for a little while, goes around comes around just try to stay positive and enjoy yourself eventually some good luck will come to you.
"Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
6-01-06
6/25/08
Free Speedy
and Metsy!