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catefrances

'you didn't do anything wrong. god why would you even say that?'

he made it so hard sometimes. practically daring me to placate him by reassuring him it wasn't him, putting all the blame back on myself. well this time he doesn't realise just how close to the mark that is.

'the other week when you found me; that was a mistake. i had no intention of ending up in the hospital. the next time there will be no mistake. that's why i can't have you around davey. i don't want you saving me or thinking you owe me something. and i don't want to start thinking i owe you anything because i'm alive. and that's what i'm thinking right now. that i owe you and that because of that, i disappoint you.'

karma defect

You don't disappoint me Anna. I know you and I know the life you have had. I couldn't think of anyone I hold in higher regard. I love you Anna and even though I agree we'd be better of to not see each other right now, I will keep on loving you.

catefrances

i stood up, practically falling backwards over the wooden chest i use for a coffee table.

'you can't be saying that stuff to me. i don't want you love me. i want you to leave me alone. i want to be alone. don't you get that. i'm tired of people. it takes all my energy just to get out of bed in the mornings. i can't have you inside my head telling me you love me.'

i was losing my mind that's what it felt like. i don't know whether it was shock of almost being run over, or davey being here or hamish trying to play me. or all three, but whatever it was it wasn't going anywhere and it was doing me no good.

'i need you to leave davey. please.'

karma defect

Al right Anna I'll leave if you wish. But ...,but.....,I want it to end in beauty. And I couldn't tell you that my love for you is gone without lying.
I just thought we could at least have a nice time while we bury our love. It wouldn't be so rotten to hold the shovel that way. A last night of remembering our love before we say goodbye. But if you want me to leave, I’ll go.

catefrances

i just wanted to hit him. he wasn't getting it at all. all this talk about love. he was such a girl.

'remembering our love? you've got to be kidding me davey. i don't want to remember. i want you gone from my life. f-o-r-e-v-e-r. you want to prove your love for me or something. prove it by leaving. that's what you can do right now.'

karma defect

Come on Anna why do you always have to pick a fight. Be honest and see the situation before you. We will break up and never get back together. We tried it before don't you remember. It went something like you're making it now. You'll be left hurting if I leave this way. And we'll end up meeting again and again. Lets just enjoy some last moments together and do this properly without rising new issues.

karma defect

Come on Anna why do you always have to pick a fight. Be honest and see the situation before you. We will break up and never get back together. We tried it before don't you remember. It went something like you're making it now. You'll be left hurting if I leave this way. And we'll end up meeting again and again. Lets just enjoy some last moments together and do this properly without rising new issues.

catefrances

'new issues? what new issues davey? you are not listening to me. that is not a new issue. i know you want some sort of closure but i can't give you it the way you want. i thought we could do this. i thought i could do it. but i can't. you have to go right now, like this. no looking back. no hanging around trying to get answers i can't give you. i do know this is forever, but it can't be, if you want some conversation about where we went wrong or what we could have done to save our relationship. i'll make it simple for you. there is nothing you could say, no way you could analyse it to your satisfaction. you know that. you're the logic king. and this isn't logical. it's me needing to be away from you. from everyone right now. can you please see that?'

karma defect

I could do that and see you next week. Because that will happen if we leave it like this. Maybe not though, maybe you’ll just sit here feeling sorry for yourself. But hey, if you can’t just end this and you have to be confrontational, I’ll go.
I guess it’s to tough on you to say goodbye. It feels so much better kicking everyone around you doesn’t it Anna. Why say goodbye if you can hurt me instead.

catefrances

i am not going to stand here and listen to him talk in circles. i started towards the front door. i didn't look back. if davey wasn't going to leave then i would.

karma defect

He walked over to me and without any notice at all he just pulled me to his chest and kissed me. I was a bit surprised by him doing so, but I couldn’t help kissing him back.

catefrances

'davey stop'

i pushed him away, but he still had a hold of my wrist. i couldn't stand anyone grabbing my wrists. or touching my feet for that matter. he must have realised and let go. what was i doing? davey ran his fingers along the scars on my arms. shivers ran up my body. this was the man i was suppose to spend the rest of my life with. maybe i would. who knew how long my life would be. if i sent him away now i'd just spend the rest of the night thinking about him. if i asked him to stay he would. so what was the problem?

karma defect

Why can't it ever be easy, god I'd like to be normal one day.
I realized that we just stood there and I broke the silence by saying; Come.
I took his hand and he followed me on to the balcony.

catefrances

'what are we doing out here? ou're not going to expect me to follow you over the balustrade are you?'
i couldn't help but laugh at the idiocy of that question.

karma defect

Yes please follow me to down below. That would really make my day. Come on you're the romantic type, I'll even let you be Julia. He looked kind of silly as he didn't know what to say. I helped him out of his misery after I laughed at his expense. No you stupid boy you wanted this remember, now shut up and hold me.

catefrances

i don't know how long davey held me but when he spoke,it threw me a little.

'come inside'

what could i do but follow. as he held my face in his hands, brushing the hair from my eyes, i could think of no other plaec i wanted to be.

'i would have done anything for you anna,anything. but if this is what you want, then your wish is my command.'

karma defect

He kissed my neck while picking me up from the balcony and walking inside. I remember bumping into the door as we entered my living room. By then I had ripped his shirt of and we were crawling over the ground. I gave little bites in his nipple as he tried to pull my sweater over my head. He rolled me over and kissed me, with my arms still in my sweeter I pulled him closer.

catefrances

then it hit me. what we were doing. no no this was all wrong. as davey tried to kiss me i pulled back.

'wait i don't want this davey. we're trying to close a circle not leave it open. this just doesn't feel right to me, will you just hold me?'

davey didn't answer. i don't think he trusted himself to speak. but he did hold me. he wrapped his arms around me and held me close. i could feel his breath on my neck. and when he fell asleep his gentle snoring lulled me into sleep. i don't know how long he held me though. when i woke up to the sound of the garbage truck under the open balcony doors, i was alone. and not for the first time in my life i felt truly alone. and i was okay with that.

karma defect

What the fuck are you doing here. Hamish stood in the door opening a bit moody looking like he had a night of drinking under his belt. Whatever happened to hallo Davey good morrow? Yeah, yeah, come in and make some coffee while you’re at it.

catefrances

as they waited for the kettle to boil, davey kept stealing glances at his friend.

'you look like hell you know?'