PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

mickeyrat

hollow bottle wrote:

WE SHOULD START A 12 STEP GROUP TO BE PRESENT AT ALL SHOWS. ANYBODY INTERESTED?

DAMN FINE IDEA!!!!!!!!!

mickeyrat

Well , life and it's people can certainly change my perception of how things really are. Going through something right now that I call major life change. And with that , it's made me realize the importance of going through the steps in a more thorough, honest way. Lately Garden has changed for me. Thinking about the lyrics in a whole new way.

drop-the-leash

Amazing thread....I read it cover to cover. Although I have an addictive personality, I'm lazy as hell, and reading forums is definitely in the latter category.

Firstly, I want to know how you're doing mickeyrat. I almost feel like I know you man. Not that I could relate to your struggles.

Personally I have nothing, and everything in common with the good folk of this thread. I feel I have somewhat a hypocritical mind at the moment too. I cannot fathom how alcohol can do what it does, how people can get drunk, become alcoholics - yet I've had many unhealthy addictions that have seemed impossible to break. So while I cannot comprehend it, I can appreciate that your struggles are 100x worse than anything I might have gone through.

You might have read a few of my threads. I've gone a bit poster-happy today. See, I tend to have all these great things in my head that I am going to do....and I never do them. I missed seeing the GREAT Jeff Buckley because of my complete inactivity - a lifelong regret (just to emphasise how small-fry my issues are in comparison).

I feel that after reading this thread - I want to vent. I want to let it all out....ALL of it. And I really feel like I wouldn't be wasting your time either. I feel like I wouldn't be burdening someone else with my shit. That's pretty big as I've never wanted to burden anyone, or share anything with anyone. I'll hint all the time to a few friends, but they never take it seriously. There are plenty of groups and places to go, but I've never wanted to approach them either. I guess I feel safe here.

I wasn't abused, I wasn't mistreated, I never went without food or shelter, yet still I don't belong here....

Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me

Prompted I would delve in deeper and open up, but I don't think it's fair or polite of me to dump so much uninvited!

I feel pretty good these days, but for me, that's "As Good As It Gets....". I've given up on society. I work, I come home and live in my room, I work....I have a few friends, but you count them on half a hand!

I resent a lot of people. Attractive people, rich people, happy people. I cannot stand to be in a room with a lot of peers who I don't know, I simply don't belong and am not worthy to be in their presence - yet I could quite easily, and confidently, hold in depth discussions with prominent, internationally famous individuals (I know, I nearly had built myself a career on it).

Commitment is a dirty word. Father was alcoholic, abusive, useless, and divorced when I was 3. Took til I was 22 to open up to anyone, and when I did, I gave EVERYTHING. She took EVERYTHING with her to the next bed she crawled into, while I waited for her to return....

I ignored my friends because of my addiction to the internet. I neglected them, and now it seems no matter how hard I try, or how much I go out of my way with every other person I meet - the interest is never repaid.

I've given up on my life in a social sense. I feel I will never have a family, when all I want is to be the father mine never was. So I sit here content in limbo....spending my time doing the little things that keep me interested, yet do not inspire me.

Oh crap....I have waffled on a lot more than I intended, yet have not scratched the surface. There is so much more....

I am, Nothingman

Once divided...nothing left to subtract...
Some words when spoken...can't be taken back...
Walks on his own...with thoughts he can't help thinking...
Future's above...but in the past, he's slow and sinking...
Caught a bolt 'a lightnin'...cursed the day he let it go...

Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...

She once believed...in every story he had to tell...
One day she stiffened...took the other side...
Empty stares...from each corner of a shared prison cell...
One just escapes...one's left inside the well...
And he who forgets...will be destined to remember...

Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...

Oh, she don't want him...
Oh, she won't feed him...after he's flown away...
Oh, into the sun...ah, into the sun...
Burn...burn...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Coulda' been something...
Nothingman...
Oh...ohh...ohh...

mickeyrat

drop the leash, please continue. Helps alot. Anyway I can help you PM me. Might suggest ACOA Adult Children Of Alcoholics. Should be some info on the web. Let it out. to keep it bottled up man , turns to sludge in your heart and veins. Release.

drop-the-leash

I woke up feeling really good today. It was definitely good to just release.

I've traveled the Long Road for many many years. I don't consider that I have major issues, but I definitely have issues. My theory is that if I were to take medication for it, it would only mask it, so instead I decided to become my own therapist. I know what my attitude SHOULD be (just not how to interact with people "normally"), and slowly it's shown progress.

mickeyrat

drop-the-leash wrote:

I woke up feeling really good today. It was definitely good to just release.

I've traveled the Long Road for many many years. I don't consider that I have major issues, but I definitely have issues. My theory is that if I were to take medication for it, it would only mask it, so instead I decided to become my own therapist. I know what my attitude SHOULD be (just not how to interact with people "normally"), and slowly it's shown progress.

Good to hear. However , outside perspective has been extremely helpful to me in figuring out what really is going on.

DW203649

I'll admit to being a PJ addict, but I don't want a 12 step recovery, just keep feeding me their music, intravenously, if need be! I would rather die a Pearl Jam-aholic than to not have them at all!! Call me "obsessed" I don't CARE! Their music puts me into a "Happy place" nothing else can or will ever do! I'll even keep throwing money at the problem, I DON'T CARE, money well spent as far as I'm concerned!! All the PJ boys are great people, and make me even prouder to be their fan! I'll even be a prouder fan when they come to Sacramento for me!! (I just miss seeing them in concert and with this economy- travel is out of the question!!) I do LOVE my "Ten Re-Issue Super DeLuxe Edition" (bday present to myself, what's you're point???!), just need a damn record player for the records- doh!!! Still money well spent in my world. My step program... Listen to Ten, VS, No Code, and keep on going till I get to the newest of the new Pearl Jam and anxiously wait for the new album, is it out YET?? How bout now??? No, darn it?? Oh well, guess I will just have to keep listening to all the other good stuff they have out till their new good stuff comes out. Love to my PJ boys! Always!!

DW203649

DUDE!! I am a girl and I completely understand you're post, for the last month I felt empty. I gave to everyone, they took and left me with nothing. Some PJ songs make me realize WHAT I DO NOT want to be, but I have been. If everyone keeps taking off the shelves and not replenishing, it leaves you blank, empty and not knowing what to do. And that really, really hurts. That's where many laugh or accuse me of being distant, hmm wonder why! But my Pearl Jam and their music, really does help, therapy in an ipod (used to be a cassette tape, but I'll go with the times, even though I haven't synced my ipod with my computer for 2 years- I tunes is evil- took up too much space on my hard drive for little music), rebel against the recovery program-- PJ is the recovery program!!

drop-the-leash wrote:

Amazing thread....I read it cover to cover. Although I have an addictive personality, I'm lazy as hell, and reading forums is definitely in the latter category.

Firstly, I want to know how you're doing mickeyrat. I almost feel like I know you man. Not that I could relate to your struggles.

Personally I have nothing, and everything in common with the good folk of this thread. I feel I have somewhat a hypocritical mind at the moment too. I cannot fathom how alcohol can do what it does, how people can get drunk, become alcoholics - yet I've had many unhealthy addictions that have seemed impossible to break. So while I cannot comprehend it, I can appreciate that your struggles are 100x worse than anything I might have gone through.

You might have read a few of my threads. I've gone a bit poster-happy today. See, I tend to have all these great things in my head that I am going to do....and I never do them. I missed seeing the GREAT Jeff Buckley because of my complete inactivity - a lifelong regret (just to emphasise how small-fry my issues are in comparison).

I feel that after reading this thread - I want to vent. I want to let it all out....ALL of it. And I really feel like I wouldn't be wasting your time either. I feel like I wouldn't be burdening someone else with my shit. That's pretty big as I've never wanted to burden anyone, or share anything with anyone. I'll hint all the time to a few friends, but they never take it seriously. There are plenty of groups and places to go, but I've never wanted to approach them either. I guess I feel safe here.

I wasn't abused, I wasn't mistreated, I never went without food or shelter, yet still I don't belong here....

Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me

Prompted I would delve in deeper and open up, but I don't think it's fair or polite of me to dump so much uninvited!

I feel pretty good these days, but for me, that's "As Good As It Gets....". I've given up on society. I work, I come home and live in my room, I work....I have a few friends, but you count them on half a hand!

I resent a lot of people. Attractive people, rich people, happy people. I cannot stand to be in a room with a lot of peers who I don't know, I simply don't belong and am not worthy to be in their presence - yet I could quite easily, and confidently, hold in depth discussions with prominent, internationally famous individuals (I know, I nearly had built myself a career on it).

Commitment is a dirty word. Father was alcoholic, abusive, useless, and divorced when I was 3. Took til I was 22 to open up to anyone, and when I did, I gave EVERYTHING. She took EVERYTHING with her to the next bed she crawled into, while I waited for her to return....

I ignored my friends because of my addiction to the internet. I neglected them, and now it seems no matter how hard I try, or how much I go out of my way with every other person I meet - the interest is never repaid.

I've given up on my life in a social sense. I feel I will never have a family, when all I want is to be the father mine never was. So I sit here content in limbo....spending my time doing the little things that keep me interested, yet do not inspire me.

Oh crap....I have waffled on a lot more than I intended, yet have not scratched the surface. There is so much more....

I am, Nothingman

Once divided...nothing left to subtract...
Some words when spoken...can't be taken back...
Walks on his own...with thoughts he can't help thinking...
Future's above...but in the past, he's slow and sinking...
Caught a bolt 'a lightnin'...cursed the day he let it go...

Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...

She once believed...in every story he had to tell...
One day she stiffened...took the other side...
Empty stares...from each corner of a shared prison cell...
One just escapes...one's left inside the well...
And he who forgets...will be destined to remember...

Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...

Oh, she don't want him...
Oh, she won't feed him...after he's flown away...
Oh, into the sun...ah, into the sun...
Burn...burn...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Coulda' been something...
Nothingman...
Oh...ohh...ohh...

DW203649

Just a girl...

just a drunk girl...

For those of you jumping onto the wagon, good job, grab my hand and take me with you!! alas, I have my own demons to tackle, I can support you when I can't support myself, I am yet still weak. Maybe just too much on my plate that I go in the directions I have? I posted something earlier without reading further, and I really do feel kinda bad. no hard feelings to my fellow PJ lovers!! peace to all hope you sleep well!!

mickeyrat

I swear , getting a whole lot from the music these days. Current circumstances have caused my to revise what ALL the songs mean in my life. Almost like hearing for the first time. Awesome. Going the steps again with a different sponser. Getting a whole new experience from it too. I know for a fact that I do NOT have to live that way again. At least not for today. Awesome!!!!

DreamOfAngels

mickeyrat wrote:

I swear , getting a whole lot from the music these days. Current circumstances have caused my to revise what ALL the songs mean in my life. Almost like hearing for the first time. Awesome. Going the steps again with a different sponser. Getting a whole new experience from it too. I know for a fact that I do NOT have to live that way again. At least not for today. Awesome!!!!

Good for you mickeyrat. Isn't that just amazing? Their songs can morph that way.. non-PJ people don't quite comprehend that. I've not had a drink in almost 3 years and I can tell you that there have been a lot of tempting times based on the circumstances of the day. I just know I'm a better person. To wake up every day and not feel regret is an awesome thing.

To the poster 'DW203649' - i would encourage you to really focus on knowing and fulfilling you before you focus on helping others. Fill yourself, your soul, be happy and content with who you are... or focus on changing the things you don't like so that you can be content with who you are. Doing this can remove so many heavy bricks from your shoulders. People take off the shelves without replenishing because you allow them to. Figure out what that is so you can work on protecting 'you'. These are not preaching words, but words of encouragement.. it's what saved me.. well, that and PJ music However, PJ can't truly 'save' you either. It comes from within - PJ music can help open those doors but it is you that has to make something come from it. Good luck to you!

Take care and DreamOfAngels

mickeyrat

Step 9 awaits!!!! Reminds me of "Thumbing My Way" this process of the 9th step.

melodious

DreamOfAngels wrote:

To the poster 'DW203649' - i would encourage you to really focus on knowing and fulfilling you before you focus on helping others. Fill yourself, your soul, be happy and content with who you are... or focus on changing the things you don't like so that you can be content with who you are. Doing this can remove so many heavy bricks from your shoulders. People take off the shelves without replenishing because you allow them to. Figure out what that is so you can work on protecting 'you'. These are not preaching words, but words of encouragement.. it's what saved me.. well, that and PJ music However, PJ can't truly 'save' you either. It comes from within - PJ music can help open those doors but it is you that has to make something come from it. Good luck to you!

Take care and DreamOfAngels

Sending support and tenderness through strength in numbers. We are cellular structure in the walk of the HUman race. Once a person opens him/herself to their natural rhythms and gives whole heartedly to the HIgher power, he or she will have faith that moves mountains.

Lately I have been being confronted with people asking for simple gifts from me. For instance the inn keeper down the road refuses to buy himself a pack of smokes. He comes to me at my job and asks me to "sell" him a couple of cigarettes. I don't want his money because even giving him to him what he requests will give me a return in the Highest. He expressed to me, YOu are a very nice lady. People will take advantage of you. He doesn't know that I stripped off my mega b*tch costume a couple of years back...I look at him and I say...no, I give in the faith of Spirit Divine and only expect direct return from my Source...

If you trust in your Higher power, wholly, then you just can't go wrong...The ground seems to become solid like a rock. Confusion breaks away and learning to forgive ourselves is the key to this magnificent walk into recovery.

*As for PJ community. You are a great source of refuge in my heart and I am so grateful to visit here as Timing permits...

Keep on walking...and rocking and while you're at it, don't forget to stop and smell the roses are take time to look in the sky and see all those awesome patterns ...

G'day. Recovering Travellers!!!

p.s. Hoping to express encouragement and support-everyone can use some!!!

mickeyrat

On to the third sponser. This one has a much quieter way about him. Has always been available to me to talk. Like what he has going on. Sad has been on the cd player. Man this fucking band can can really speak to and for me!!!!

locked

mickeyrat wrote:

On to the third sponser. This one has a much quieter way about him. Has always been available to me to talk. Like what he has going on. Sad has been on the cd player. Man this fucking band can can really speak to and for me!!!!

check out these other PJ songs too for recovery inspiration:

All those yesterdays
Low light
Down
In Hiding
Life Wasted (obvious)

hollow bottle

It is awesome to read all the posts on this thread. I'm glad to see that it is still going strong. I have been sober now for over 5 years, one day at a time. I was just thinking how I used to do everything my way. I tried to control my drinking and drug use every way possible. I kept getting worse. People didn't really like to be around me and I didn't like to be around them unless they were like me. If you have been trying to do things your way and keep failing, what are you going to do about it? We have a short time on this planet. Make a decision and try something else. A true alcoholic or addict most likely will not stop drinking without a 12 step recovery plan. It is that simple. Do careful research for yourself if you want. Doctors, psychologists and clergymen have a very low success rate. So try something new. It works!

Tom

mickeyrat

Todays song is Hard To Imagine. What the fuck has happened this summer?How does a person go from cruising along with a wonderful woman to being UNmarried a short two months later. And still hold the love for that woman.



On a happier note.
Today I got to see my youngest niece get married to someone , who by all appearences, loves her very much.

ManOfTheHour75

I just celebrated my 2 years clean and sober on Sept.1, and i gotta say it feels pretty amazing to be given a second chance and to truly be enjoying my life again. Inside Job and life wasted have definitely been huge inspirations to me as i have been working my own program.

oona left

AS57568 wrote:

I just celebrated my 2 years clean and sober on Sept.1, and i gotta say it feels pretty amazing to be given a second chance and to truly be enjoying my life again. Inside Job and life wasted have definitely been huge inspirations to me as i have been working my own program.

Congratulations!

ManOfTheHour75

oona left wrote:

AS57568 wrote:

I just celebrated my 2 years clean and sober on Sept.1, and i gotta say it feels pretty amazing to be given a second chance and to truly be enjoying my life again. Inside Job and life wasted have definitely been huge inspirations to me as i have been working my own program.

Congratulations!

Thank You