I can make it through the next few months on pure stubborn pride. I'd be embarrassed to admit I'd slipped to my sponsor and friends, so I won't. Plus, I hate confrontation, so for the same reason I can't dump my gf, I can't go back out... I'd feel too guilty and ashamed at disappointing them. The real test will come when I move next summer... new town, new people, fresh start. I can ditch the gf without facing the fallout and just stop talking to the sponsor without having to explain it. I never got over my ex and feel the need to get some revenge on the female gender and rebuild my confidence. Talk about a resentment
she was underwhelmed, if that's a word
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
I can make it through the next few months on pure stubborn pride. I'd be embarrassed to admit I'd slipped to my sponsor and friends, so I won't. Plus, I hate confrontation, so for the same reason I can't dump my gf, I can't go back out... I'd feel too guilty and ashamed at disappointing them. The real test will come when I move next summer... new town, new people, fresh start. I can ditch the gf without facing the fallout and just stop talking to the sponsor without having to explain it. I never got over my ex and feel the need to get some revenge on the female gender and rebuild my confidence. Talk about a resentment
YEAH, not sure the revenge thing is helpful to YOU. Where are you moving to anyway?
And one of this threads purposes was to provide a forum for shit like this. Here is truely anonymous. So no judgements really and IF someone does who gives a fuck?
If you feel the need to dump , please do so. There are some cool people who do post here.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
YEAH, not sure the revenge thing is helpful to YOU. Where are you moving to anyway?
And one of this threads purposes was tpprovide a forum for shit like this. Here is truely anonymous. So no judgements really and IF someone does who gives a fuck?
If you feel the need to dump , please do so. There are some cool people who do post here.
Cleveland. I'm from northwest Ohio, but am finishing grad school in Chicago now.
she was underwhelmed, if that's a word
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
Cleveland. I'm from northwest Ohio, but am finishing grad school in Chicago now.
well When ya get back in state let me know. I live in Columbus. Maybe we could hook up and hit a meeting. Bonus for you is some of the OLDEST meetings are in Cleveland. And yes I would be willing to drive up for that.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
well When ya get back in state let me know. I live in Columbus. Maybe we could hook up and hit a meeting. Bonus for you is some of the OLDEST meetings are in Cleveland. And yes I would be willing to drive up for that.
I don't want old meetings... I want meetings with other young people my age, preferably beautiful, single, and female. There are no young professionals in Cleveland though, it's a dying city that every attractive single girl (like my ex) is trying to leave.
But perhaps I will take you up on that when I move, if I've still got a shred of sanity or sobriety left.
she was underwhelmed, if that's a word
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Options
mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
I don't want old meetings... I want meetings with other young people my age, preferably beautiful, single, and female. There are no young professionals in Cleveland though, it's a dying city that every attractive single girl (like my ex) is trying to leave.
But perhaps I will take you up on that when I move, if I've still got a shred of sanity or sobriety left.
even if you don't have that shred left, lets do it anyway.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
0
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
Ok , First post in the new format. Not sure about this "change" yet.As always I'm resistant to change. I am interested to see how the two pits will "marry" after all is said and done.Theres been some new posts on the other pit since the change over.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
0
Options
mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
Happy Sober Holidays everyone!!! Hope it's a safe one!
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Sometimes, after we abstain from ingesting toxic waste, we wake up and find that there are so many feelings and circumstances that have caused us to make agreements which are not always real. We live our lives on these agreement as manifest toxins in our behaviors, our visions, and our perceptions of others. I come to talk about this because this past week, I have felt a lot of anger directed at a person who I am not quite certain to what their intention is. The evidence I see by talking one on one with this beautiful soul, is the person is caring.
And yet, this same person who is caring has brandished poisons at a lot of people who might even be more sensitive than even you or I, who walk through the time of recovery.
Love is a key factor. I wonder if love holds malicious acts upon or within. Does love hold protest, or do we accept the elements as they flow towards us. Do we jump in and make a stand for the meek or does making this stand take away our meekness? How do we support all sides? How do we stop malignancy?
My question is if a person feels that he or she is qualified to help others, is such a person right to initiate psychic trauma through what a person claims to be protest. What happens when a person is exiled from a community and yet that person comes back with out no honor to the rules this person has made an agreement to join a respective club.?
When I read the MT, I love how people can take a stand for perspective, but through what I am seeing, our perspectives change from moment to moment.
I love this thread, and I am so happy that you are hear to read my woes....
all insanity:
a derivitive of nature.
nature is god
god is love
love is light
alcohol is a serious addiction... you should do what ever you can to manage it. Especially if you have kids... -H (p.s. feel free to contact me at <!-- e --><a href="mailto:hlangolf@berkeley.edu">hlangolf@berkeley.edu</a><!-- e -->... I may not have the answers, but I can offer support, and i'm not religious in any way... just a PJ fan)
the drugs and booze were put to rest long ago; however recovery is life-long...
thank you beautiful pearl jam community for letting me vent...
i found the answer in my soul...
it comes in the form of a love note I sent to my beloved ...
Not with eye-service, as men-pleasers; but in the singleness of heart, fearing God. Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, to the lord, and not unto men.- COL. iii. 22, 23
TEACH me, my God and King.
In all things Thee to see
And what I do in anything,
To do it as for Thee.
G. HERBERT
THERE is no action so slight nor so mean but it maybe done to a great purpose, and ennobled thereby; nor is any purpose great but that slight actions may help it, may be so done as to help it much, most especially, that chief of all purposes - the pleasing of God.
J. RUSKIN
EVERY duty, even the least duty, involves the whole principle of obedience. And little duties make the will dutiful, that is, supple and prompt to obey. Little obediences lead into great. The daily round of duty is full of probation and of discipline; it trains the will, heart and conscience. We need not to be prophets or apostles. The commonest life may be full of perfection. The duties of home are a discipline for the ministires of heaven.
H.E. MANNING
obedience is meekness...
i have no religion but to learn to love...
under all circumstances...
peace and joy.
God: Divine terms of course
all insanity:
a derivitive of nature.
nature is god
god is love
love is light
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
3 years yesterday!!! Lately, Sleight of Hand has been hitting home for me.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Cept the look, the look...
Oh, you know where, now I can't see, I just stare...
I, I'm still alive
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Sometimes, I wish I could and would settle for less than. I see people hook up with a common ground of getting "high". They are noisy and dramatic. Then I listen to the sound of my spirit God and rejoice that there is peace and we can all have it if we only listen to the rhythm of our souls.
May this I am listening to a version of letting go and letting God...or the Higher power.
peace.
all insanity:
a derivitive of nature.
nature is god
god is love
love is light
my same old, same old friend
until a quarter-to-ten
i saw the strain creep in
he seems distracted and i know just what is gonna happen next
before his first step
he's off again
i've been sober for 46 days! You lose a lot of yourself when you start all over. i was a drunk bartender for the last ten years. In 96 my brother was shot and killed, i was a senior in high school. i went on a long roller coaster ride of drug an alcohol abuse. Quit burning trees last august. gave up xanex the year before. Now booze - i'm all out of self medication ---- off he goes..............
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
0
Options
mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
Well , life and it's people can certainly change my perception of how things really are. Going through something right now that I call major life change. And with that , it's made me realize the importance of going through the steps in a more thorough, honest way. Lately Garden has changed for me. Thinking about the lyrics in a whole new way.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Amazing thread....I read it cover to cover. Although I have an addictive personality, I'm lazy as hell, and reading forums is definitely in the latter category.
Firstly, I want to know how you're doing mickeyrat. I almost feel like I know you man. Not that I could relate to your struggles.
Personally I have nothing, and everything in common with the good folk of this thread. I feel I have somewhat a hypocritical mind at the moment too. I cannot fathom how alcohol can do what it does, how people can get drunk, become alcoholics - yet I've had many unhealthy addictions that have seemed impossible to break. So while I cannot comprehend it, I can appreciate that your struggles are 100x worse than anything I might have gone through.
You might have read a few of my threads. I've gone a bit poster-happy today. See, I tend to have all these great things in my head that I am going to do....and I never do them. I missed seeing the GREAT Jeff Buckley because of my complete inactivity - a lifelong regret (just to emphasise how small-fry my issues are in comparison).
I feel that after reading this thread - I want to vent. I want to let it all out....ALL of it. And I really feel like I wouldn't be wasting your time either. I feel like I wouldn't be burdening someone else with my shit. That's pretty big as I've never wanted to burden anyone, or share anything with anyone. I'll hint all the time to a few friends, but they never take it seriously. There are plenty of groups and places to go, but I've never wanted to approach them either. I guess I feel safe here.
I wasn't abused, I wasn't mistreated, I never went without food or shelter, yet still I don't belong here....
Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Prompted I would delve in deeper and open up, but I don't think it's fair or polite of me to dump so much uninvited!
I feel pretty good these days, but for me, that's "As Good As It Gets....". I've given up on society. I work, I come home and live in my room, I work....I have a few friends, but you count them on half a hand!
I resent a lot of people. Attractive people, rich people, happy people. I cannot stand to be in a room with a lot of peers who I don't know, I simply don't belong and am not worthy to be in their presence - yet I could quite easily, and confidently, hold in depth discussions with prominent, internationally famous individuals (I know, I nearly had built myself a career on it).
Commitment is a dirty word. Father was alcoholic, abusive, useless, and divorced when I was 3. Took til I was 22 to open up to anyone, and when I did, I gave EVERYTHING. She took EVERYTHING with her to the next bed she crawled into, while I waited for her to return....
I ignored my friends because of my addiction to the internet. I neglected them, and now it seems no matter how hard I try, or how much I go out of my way with every other person I meet - the interest is never repaid.
I've given up on my life in a social sense. I feel I will never have a family, when all I want is to be the father mine never was. So I sit here content in limbo....spending my time doing the little things that keep me interested, yet do not inspire me.
Oh crap....I have waffled on a lot more than I intended, yet have not scratched the surface. There is so much more....
I am, Nothingman
Once divided...nothing left to subtract...
Some words when spoken...can't be taken back...
Walks on his own...with thoughts he can't help thinking...
Future's above...but in the past, he's slow and sinking...
Caught a bolt 'a lightnin'...cursed the day he let it go...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
She once believed...in every story he had to tell...
One day she stiffened...took the other side...
Empty stares...from each corner of a shared prison cell...
One just escapes...one's left inside the well...
And he who forgets...will be destined to remember...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
Oh, she don't want him...
Oh, she won't feed him...after he's flown away...
Oh, into the sun...ah, into the sun...
Burn...burn...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Coulda' been something...
Nothingman...
Oh...ohh...ohh...
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
drop the leash, please continue. Helps alot. Anyway I can help you PM me. Might suggest ACOA Adult Children Of Alcoholics. Should be some info on the web. Let it out. to keep it bottled up man , turns to sludge in your heart and veins. Release.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I woke up feeling really good today. It was definitely good to just release.
I've traveled the Long Road for many many years. I don't consider that I have major issues, but I definitely have issues. My theory is that if I were to take medication for it, it would only mask it, so instead I decided to become my own therapist. I know what my attitude SHOULD be (just not how to interact with people "normally"), and slowly it's shown progress.
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
I woke up feeling really good today. It was definitely good to just release.
I've traveled the Long Road for many many years. I don't consider that I have major issues, but I definitely have issues. My theory is that if I were to take medication for it, it would only mask it, so instead I decided to become my own therapist. I know what my attitude SHOULD be (just not how to interact with people "normally"), and slowly it's shown progress.
Good to hear. However , outside perspective has been extremely helpful to me in figuring out what really is going on.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I'll admit to being a PJ addict, but I don't want a 12 step recovery, just keep feeding me their music, intravenously, if need be! I would rather die a Pearl Jam-aholic than to not have them at all!! Call me "obsessed" I don't CARE! Their music puts me into a "Happy place" nothing else can or will ever do! I'll even keep throwing money at the problem, I DON'T CARE, money well spent as far as I'm concerned!! All the PJ boys are great people, and make me even prouder to be their fan! I'll even be a prouder fan when they come to Sacramento for me!! (I just miss seeing them in concert and with this economy- travel is out of the question!!) I do LOVE my "Ten Re-Issue Super DeLuxe Edition" (bday present to myself, what's you're point???!), just need a damn record player for the records- doh!!! Still money well spent in my world. My step program... Listen to Ten, VS, No Code, and keep on going till I get to the newest of the new Pearl Jam and anxiously wait for the new album, is it out YET?? How bout now??? No, darn it?? Oh well, guess I will just have to keep listening to all the other good stuff they have out till their new good stuff comes out. Love to my PJ boys! Always!!
"I had a false belief, I thought we all came here to stay"
DUDE!! I am a girl and I completely understand you're post, for the last month I felt empty. I gave to everyone, they took and left me with nothing. Some PJ songs make me realize WHAT I DO NOT want to be, but I have been. If everyone keeps taking off the shelves and not replenishing, it leaves you blank, empty and not knowing what to do. And that really, really hurts. That's where many laugh or accuse me of being distant, hmm wonder why! But my Pearl Jam and their music, really does help, therapy in an ipod (used to be a cassette tape, but I'll go with the times, even though I haven't synced my ipod with my computer for 2 years- I tunes is evil- took up too much space on my hard drive for little music), rebel against the recovery program-- PJ is the recovery program!!
Amazing thread....I read it cover to cover. Although I have an addictive personality, I'm lazy as hell, and reading forums is definitely in the latter category.
Firstly, I want to know how you're doing mickeyrat. I almost feel like I know you man. Not that I could relate to your struggles.
Personally I have nothing, and everything in common with the good folk of this thread. I feel I have somewhat a hypocritical mind at the moment too. I cannot fathom how alcohol can do what it does, how people can get drunk, become alcoholics - yet I've had many unhealthy addictions that have seemed impossible to break. So while I cannot comprehend it, I can appreciate that your struggles are 100x worse than anything I might have gone through.
You might have read a few of my threads. I've gone a bit poster-happy today. See, I tend to have all these great things in my head that I am going to do....and I never do them. I missed seeing the GREAT Jeff Buckley because of my complete inactivity - a lifelong regret (just to emphasise how small-fry my issues are in comparison).
I feel that after reading this thread - I want to vent. I want to let it all out....ALL of it. And I really feel like I wouldn't be wasting your time either. I feel like I wouldn't be burdening someone else with my shit. That's pretty big as I've never wanted to burden anyone, or share anything with anyone. I'll hint all the time to a few friends, but they never take it seriously. There are plenty of groups and places to go, but I've never wanted to approach them either. I guess I feel safe here.
I wasn't abused, I wasn't mistreated, I never went without food or shelter, yet still I don't belong here....
Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Prompted I would delve in deeper and open up, but I don't think it's fair or polite of me to dump so much uninvited!
I feel pretty good these days, but for me, that's "As Good As It Gets....". I've given up on society. I work, I come home and live in my room, I work....I have a few friends, but you count them on half a hand!
I resent a lot of people. Attractive people, rich people, happy people. I cannot stand to be in a room with a lot of peers who I don't know, I simply don't belong and am not worthy to be in their presence - yet I could quite easily, and confidently, hold in depth discussions with prominent, internationally famous individuals (I know, I nearly had built myself a career on it).
Commitment is a dirty word. Father was alcoholic, abusive, useless, and divorced when I was 3. Took til I was 22 to open up to anyone, and when I did, I gave EVERYTHING. She took EVERYTHING with her to the next bed she crawled into, while I waited for her to return....
I ignored my friends because of my addiction to the internet. I neglected them, and now it seems no matter how hard I try, or how much I go out of my way with every other person I meet - the interest is never repaid.
I've given up on my life in a social sense. I feel I will never have a family, when all I want is to be the father mine never was. So I sit here content in limbo....spending my time doing the little things that keep me interested, yet do not inspire me.
Oh crap....I have waffled on a lot more than I intended, yet have not scratched the surface. There is so much more....
I am, Nothingman
Once divided...nothing left to subtract...
Some words when spoken...can't be taken back...
Walks on his own...with thoughts he can't help thinking...
Future's above...but in the past, he's slow and sinking...
Caught a bolt 'a lightnin'...cursed the day he let it go...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
She once believed...in every story he had to tell...
One day she stiffened...took the other side...
Empty stares...from each corner of a shared prison cell...
One just escapes...one's left inside the well...
And he who forgets...will be destined to remember...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
Oh, she don't want him...
Oh, she won't feed him...after he's flown away...
Oh, into the sun...ah, into the sun...
Burn...burn...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Coulda' been something...
Nothingman...
Oh...ohh...ohh...
"I had a false belief, I thought we all came here to stay"
For those of you jumping onto the wagon, good job, grab my hand and take me with you!! alas, I have my own demons to tackle, I can support you when I can't support myself, I am yet still weak. Maybe just too much on my plate that I go in the directions I have? I posted something earlier without reading further, and I really do feel kinda bad. no hard feelings to my fellow PJ lovers!! peace to all hope you sleep well!!
"I had a false belief, I thought we all came here to stay"
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Options
mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,768
I swear , getting a whole lot from the music these days. Current circumstances have caused my to revise what ALL the songs mean in my life. Almost like hearing for the first time. Awesome. Going the steps again with a different sponser. Getting a whole new experience from it too. I know for a fact that I do NOT have to live that way again. At least not for today. Awesome!!!!
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Comments
I can make it through the next few months on pure stubborn pride. I'd be embarrassed to admit I'd slipped to my sponsor and friends, so I won't. Plus, I hate confrontation, so for the same reason I can't dump my gf, I can't go back out... I'd feel too guilty and ashamed at disappointing them. The real test will come when I move next summer... new town, new people, fresh start. I can ditch the gf without facing the fallout and just stop talking to the sponsor without having to explain it. I never got over my ex and feel the need to get some revenge on the female gender and rebuild my confidence. Talk about a resentment
And one of this threads purposes was to provide a forum for shit like this. Here is truely anonymous. So no judgements really and IF someone does who gives a fuck?
If you feel the need to dump , please do so. There are some cool people who do post here.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Cleveland. I'm from northwest Ohio, but am finishing grad school in Chicago now.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I don't want old meetings... I want meetings with other young people my age, preferably beautiful, single, and female. There are no young professionals in Cleveland though, it's a dying city that every attractive single girl (like my ex) is trying to leave.
But perhaps I will take you up on that when I move, if I've still got a shred of sanity or sobriety left.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Peace
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
"let go and let god"
whew!!!! made it through...
a derivitive of nature.
nature is god
god is love
love is light
Sometimes, after we abstain from ingesting toxic waste, we wake up and find that there are so many feelings and circumstances that have caused us to make agreements which are not always real. We live our lives on these agreement as manifest toxins in our behaviors, our visions, and our perceptions of others. I come to talk about this because this past week, I have felt a lot of anger directed at a person who I am not quite certain to what their intention is. The evidence I see by talking one on one with this beautiful soul, is the person is caring.
And yet, this same person who is caring has brandished poisons at a lot of people who might even be more sensitive than even you or I, who walk through the time of recovery.
Love is a key factor. I wonder if love holds malicious acts upon or within. Does love hold protest, or do we accept the elements as they flow towards us. Do we jump in and make a stand for the meek or does making this stand take away our meekness? How do we support all sides? How do we stop malignancy?
My question is if a person feels that he or she is qualified to help others, is such a person right to initiate psychic trauma through what a person claims to be protest. What happens when a person is exiled from a community and yet that person comes back with out no honor to the rules this person has made an agreement to join a respective club.?
When I read the MT, I love how people can take a stand for perspective, but through what I am seeing, our perspectives change from moment to moment.
I love this thread, and I am so happy that you are hear to read my woes....
a derivitive of nature.
nature is god
god is love
love is light
thank you beautiful pearl jam community for letting me vent...
i found the answer in my soul...
it comes in the form of a love note I sent to my beloved ...
Not with eye-service, as men-pleasers; but in the singleness of heart, fearing God. Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, to the lord, and not unto men.- COL. iii. 22, 23
TEACH me, my God and King.
In all things Thee to see
And what I do in anything,
To do it as for Thee.
G. HERBERT
THERE is no action so slight nor so mean but it maybe done to a great purpose, and ennobled thereby; nor is any purpose great but that slight actions may help it, may be so done as to help it much, most especially, that chief of all purposes - the pleasing of God.
J. RUSKIN
EVERY duty, even the least duty, involves the whole principle of obedience. And little duties make the will dutiful, that is, supple and prompt to obey. Little obediences lead into great. The daily round of duty is full of probation and of discipline; it trains the will, heart and conscience. We need not to be prophets or apostles. The commonest life may be full of perfection. The duties of home are a discipline for the ministires of heaven.
H.E. MANNING
obedience is meekness...
i have no religion but to learn to love...
under all circumstances...
peace and joy.
God: Divine terms of course
a derivitive of nature.
nature is god
god is love
love is light
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Thanks again for this thread, MR, it's a blessing for me...
Please encourage the MRS, to share some more of those prayers...
Hungry in Clearlake... xox
a derivitive of nature.
nature is god
god is love
love is light
Cept the look, the look...
Oh, you know where, now I can't see, I just stare...
I, I'm still alive
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
May this I am listening to a version of letting go and letting God...or the Higher power.
peace.
a derivitive of nature.
nature is god
god is love
love is light
until a quarter-to-ten
i saw the strain creep in
he seems distracted and i know just what is gonna happen next
before his first step
he's off again
i've been sober for 46 days! You lose a lot of yourself when you start all over. i was a drunk bartender for the last ten years. In 96 my brother was shot and killed, i was a senior in high school. i went on a long roller coaster ride of drug an alcohol abuse. Quit burning trees last august. gave up xanex the year before. Now booze - i'm all out of self medication ---- off he goes..............
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Firstly, I want to know how you're doing mickeyrat. I almost feel like I know you man. Not that I could relate to your struggles.
Personally I have nothing, and everything in common with the good folk of this thread. I feel I have somewhat a hypocritical mind at the moment too. I cannot fathom how alcohol can do what it does, how people can get drunk, become alcoholics - yet I've had many unhealthy addictions that have seemed impossible to break. So while I cannot comprehend it, I can appreciate that your struggles are 100x worse than anything I might have gone through.
You might have read a few of my threads. I've gone a bit poster-happy today. See, I tend to have all these great things in my head that I am going to do....and I never do them. I missed seeing the GREAT Jeff Buckley because of my complete inactivity - a lifelong regret (just to emphasise how small-fry my issues are in comparison).
I feel that after reading this thread - I want to vent. I want to let it all out....ALL of it. And I really feel like I wouldn't be wasting your time either. I feel like I wouldn't be burdening someone else with my shit. That's pretty big as I've never wanted to burden anyone, or share anything with anyone. I'll hint all the time to a few friends, but they never take it seriously. There are plenty of groups and places to go, but I've never wanted to approach them either. I guess I feel safe here.
I wasn't abused, I wasn't mistreated, I never went without food or shelter, yet still I don't belong here....
Society, you're a crazy breed
I hope you're not lonely without me
Prompted I would delve in deeper and open up, but I don't think it's fair or polite of me to dump so much uninvited!
I feel pretty good these days, but for me, that's "As Good As It Gets....". I've given up on society. I work, I come home and live in my room, I work....I have a few friends, but you count them on half a hand!
I resent a lot of people. Attractive people, rich people, happy people. I cannot stand to be in a room with a lot of peers who I don't know, I simply don't belong and am not worthy to be in their presence - yet I could quite easily, and confidently, hold in depth discussions with prominent, internationally famous individuals (I know, I nearly had built myself a career on it).
Commitment is a dirty word. Father was alcoholic, abusive, useless, and divorced when I was 3. Took til I was 22 to open up to anyone, and when I did, I gave EVERYTHING. She took EVERYTHING with her to the next bed she crawled into, while I waited for her to return....
I ignored my friends because of my addiction to the internet. I neglected them, and now it seems no matter how hard I try, or how much I go out of my way with every other person I meet - the interest is never repaid.
I've given up on my life in a social sense. I feel I will never have a family, when all I want is to be the father mine never was. So I sit here content in limbo....spending my time doing the little things that keep me interested, yet do not inspire me.
Oh crap....I have waffled on a lot more than I intended, yet have not scratched the surface. There is so much more....
I am, Nothingman
Once divided...nothing left to subtract...
Some words when spoken...can't be taken back...
Walks on his own...with thoughts he can't help thinking...
Future's above...but in the past, he's slow and sinking...
Caught a bolt 'a lightnin'...cursed the day he let it go...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
She once believed...in every story he had to tell...
One day she stiffened...took the other side...
Empty stares...from each corner of a shared prison cell...
One just escapes...one's left inside the well...
And he who forgets...will be destined to remember...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
Oh, she don't want him...
Oh, she won't feed him...after he's flown away...
Oh, into the sun...ah, into the sun...
Burn...burn...
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Isn't it something?
Nothingman...
Nothingman...
Coulda' been something...
Nothingman...
Oh...ohh...ohh...
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I've traveled the Long Road for many many years. I don't consider that I have major issues, but I definitely have issues. My theory is that if I were to take medication for it, it would only mask it, so instead I decided to become my own therapist. I know what my attitude SHOULD be (just not how to interact with people "normally"), and slowly it's shown progress.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
just a drunk girl...
For those of you jumping onto the wagon, good job, grab my hand and take me with you!! alas, I have my own demons to tackle, I can support you when I can't support myself, I am yet still weak. Maybe just too much on my plate that I go in the directions I have? I posted something earlier without reading further, and I really do feel kinda bad. no hard feelings to my fellow PJ lovers!! peace to all hope you sleep well!!
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14