I am 31, soon to be 32. There's a big age gap between us anyway. Sucks there's not many people my age at uni. They are either too old for me or too young. I don't go out to bars and clubs, I don't like internet dating. What's a guy like me to do to meet someone?
Not sure out there in aus... but if i were single.... it seems like bookstores/coffeeshops are great places to chill out, read, hang out... and there are always women there. That would be the place.
I have seen you start various threads here with difficulty with girls. I dont know the whole story... but it seems like you come on too strong, too obvious/deliberate. For the most part, most girls are turned away by that... especially if you also portray insecurity/nervousness. If this girl is normal university age, say 19-22 and your 31, i could see how she could be slightly uncomfortable with advances.
Its tough to deal with the opposite sex if you are an introvert and have self esteem issues. Its a lethal combo and girls can smell it 100 miles away. I dealt with it a very long time for sure. You need to attain a level of comfortability with who you are and a level of dont give a fuckness. I dont mean dont be compassionate about others or turn into a jerk anything. I mean when you speak to women you may potentially be interested in, you dont feel like every word is make or break. There are like 3.5 billion females in the world. 1 you!
Yeah I guess I do come across too strong. My friend keeps telling me that. blockquote>
Yeah I guess I do come across too strong. My friend keeps telling me that.
Yeah. Sounds like it by this and your other situations from the past and the fact that a friend is telling you...
I comment in your threads because i felt your pain at various times.
Its like a card game. Women dont like it when you show your cards off the bat. You have to play closer to the vest. Be mysterious.
I was living away from home for awhile and i happened to meet this girl. I found her on myspace we were from the same hometown. We hung out a few times as friends. She came over and i was watching a hockey game with my friend. She was heading to this other guys house (who she was kind of interested in) for a party. I didnt give a shit because i just wanted to watch the hockey game (and she was more than welcome to stay). She went. I didnt try to prevent it, didnt contact her that night or the next day. Maybe the day after that. She reached out to me a couple of days later and wanted to do dinner My wife cites that hockey game night as the night i "got her attention".
My friend's bandmate just invited me to their bands gig in the same town this girl lives, what are the chances ay? Imagine I told her I am going to her town, she'd definitely think I am stalking her and creep out for sure. I felt sick when I saw the name of the town when he told me where the gig is. I want to go but imagine she's at the same venue?
Post edited by Thoughts_Arrive on
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Yeah I guess I do come across too strong. My friend keeps telling me that.
Yeah. Sounds like it by this and your other situations from the past and the fact that a friend is telling you...
I comment in your threads because i felt your pain at various times.
Its like a card game. Women dont like it when you show your cards off the bat. You have to play closer to the vest. Be mysterious.
I was living away from home for awhile and i happened to meet this girl. I found her on myspace we were from the same hometown. We hung out a few times as friends. She came over and i was watching a hockey game with my friend. She was heading to this other guys house (who she was kind of interested in) for a party. I didnt give a shit because i just wanted to watch the hockey game (and she was more than welcome to stay). She went. I didnt try to prevent it, didnt contact her that night or the next day. Maybe the day after that. She reached out to me a couple of days later and wanted to do dinner My wife cites that hockey game night as the night i "got her attention".
Funny how it works ay. My friend told me they are like cats. If you pat them too much they scratch or bite you and run off.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
My friend's bandmate just invited me to their bands gig in the same town this girl lives, what are the chances ay? Imagine I told her I am going to her town, she'd definitely think I am stalking her and creep out for sure. I felt sick when I saw the name of the town when he told me where the gig is. I want to go but imagine she's at the same venue?
This may be a bit simplistic, but if you want to go for reasons other than her, you should just go, I think. I wouldn't mention it to her, and if (when) you go, don't look out for her (it'll be a bit difficult, but let yourself get into the band, since that's your reason for being there. If she should by chance be there (not likely, I suspect), let her find you.
As far as the meeting later, likely best to keep to business, but let things take their natural turns (if they do so).
I can sympathize with some of your story, I went back to school for a bit at 35 (please finish your program, unlike me, lol), and had discovered a classmate (whom I hadn't actually spoken with) on Facebook. I sent a friend request, and her status changed to "OMG I think I have an online stalker!" I apologized and backed off, but always felt a bit uncomfortable when she was around. Later a different classmate had posted a picture of me with the label "The stalker, lol." That classmate was dealt with a little more harshly by me, lol. I'm also still dealing with depression and have the tendency to overthink things some as well. Glad to hear you're aware of your issues and are working to ameliorate them. Took me a decade to face some of mine, lol.
As has been suggested, just stay true to yourself and don't beat yourself up too much over this, sounds like it was a simple misunderstanding, and she was the one to overreact. While she sounds nice and has given rise to some strong feelings from you, her loss should be turned into someone else's gain (as well as yours). As clichéd as it may sound, there are plenty of fish in the seas.
Seriously, all the best, and best of luck with your studies!
I should also add, when considering this post, please bear in mind my profile quote, lol.
"The world is full of idiots and I am but one of them."
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
Don't get mixed into her crazy before the first date!
Basically this. The girl is, at the very least, fickle and thin-skinned. At worst, she's mean and insensitive. I think she totally overreacted and handled it very badly. She obviously misread your intentions and motivation with the link, which is fine really. It happens. But she handled it very poorly and rudely. From your story, it seems like she is the one who should be apologizing to you, not the other way around. But since that will obviously not happen I think you should cut your losses and be glad that you avoided dating this chick. I don't think you should go out of your way to avoid places she will be at. Just be you and she can be her, spending her time being totally creeped out by the slightest little thing.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
My friend's bandmate just invited me to their bands gig in the same town this girl lives, what are the chances ay? Imagine I told her I am going to her town, she'd definitely think I am stalking her and creep out for sure. I felt sick when I saw the name of the town when he told me where the gig is. I want to go but imagine she's at the same venue?
This may be a bit simplistic, but if you want to go for reasons other than her, you should just go, I think. I wouldn't mention it to her, and if (when) you go, don't look out for her (it'll be a bit difficult, but let yourself get into the band, since that's your reason for being there. If she should by chance be there (not likely, I suspect), let her find you.
As far as the meeting later, likely best to keep to business, but let things take their natural turns (if they do so).
I can sympathize with some of your story, I went back to school for a bit at 35 (please finish your program, unlike me, lol), and had discovered a classmate (whom I hadn't actually spoken with) on Facebook. I sent a friend request, and her status changed to "OMG I think I have an online stalker!" I apologized and backed off, but always felt a bit uncomfortable when she was around. Later a different classmate had posted a picture of me with the label "The stalker, lol." That classmate was dealt with a little more harshly by me, lol. I'm also still dealing with depression and have the tendency to overthink things some as well. Glad to hear you're aware of your issues and are working to ameliorate them. Took me a decade to face some of mine, lol.
As has been suggested, just stay true to yourself and don't beat yourself up too much over this, sounds like it was a simple misunderstanding, and she was the one to overreact. While she sounds nice and has given rise to some strong feelings from you, her loss should be turned into someone else's gain (as well as yours). As clichéd as it may sound, there are plenty of fish in the seas.
Seriously, all the best, and best of luck with your studies!
I should also add, when considering this post, please bear in mind my profile quote, lol.
Thank you. :-) I doubt she will be there as she's not into metal music and she tells me she works most weekends. I always share my friend's bands flyers on Facebook to try get people to come and I click I am going to the events on facebook so she'll see it for sure that I will be in her town.
Post edited by Thoughts_Arrive on
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Don't get mixed into her crazy before the first date!
Basically this. The girl is, at the very least, fickle and thin-skinned. At worst, she's mean and insensitive. I think she totally overreacted and handled it very badly. She obviously misread your intentions and motivation with the link, which is fine really. It happens. But she handled it very poorly and rudely. From your story, it seems like she is the one who should be apologizing to you, not the other way around. But since that will obviously not happen I think you should cut your losses and be glad that you avoided dating this chick. I don't think you should go out of your way to avoid places she will be at. Just be you and she can be her, spending her time being totally creeped out by the slightest little thing.
Should I tell her that I think she overreacted tomorrow when we meet up for the assignment? Or just say I am sorry I made her feel that way and it was not my intention and I am glad she told me and it won't happen again? I still feel very shit about this, lacking motivation for my homework this weekend and taking forever to get out of bed.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Agree 100% with Hedonist, I know it's hard to break out of these thought-cycles, but I've found it incredibly freeing when I've managed to do it. As heartbreaking as it may be, accept the friendship she seems to be offering, and let what's happened stay in the past (namely, don't address it yourself, let it go, and if she should bring it up, just deal with it honestly).
Not sure how access to help works down under, but you need to do it. If there's costs, I hope your family and friends would be willing to help you. I've been fortunate in that sense, despite (or maybe because of) the fact it took me some time to admit to myself I couldn't fix myself.
It may be a long road (hopefully not, though), but it all begins with the smallest of steps (to paraphrase Tolkien, lol).
Then again, that's just this idiot's take, there's been a lot of good advice before I stuck my nose in here, lol. We all want you to be the best you that you can be, I think.
"The world is full of idiots and I am but one of them."
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
Don't get mixed into her crazy before the first date!
Basically this. The girl is, at the very least, fickle and thin-skinned. At worst, she's mean and insensitive. I think she totally overreacted and handled it very badly. She obviously misread your intentions and motivation with the link, which is fine really. It happens. But she handled it very poorly and rudely. From your story, it seems like she is the one who should be apologizing to you, not the other way around. But since that will obviously not happen I think you should cut your losses and be glad that you avoided dating this chick. I don't think you should go out of your way to avoid places she will be at. Just be you and she can be her, spending her time being totally creeped out by the slightest little thing.
Should I tell her that I think she overreacted tomorrow when we meet up for the assignment? Or just say I am sorry I made her feel that way and it was not my intention and I am glad she told me and it won't happen again? I still feel very shit about this, lacking motivation for my homework this weekend and taking forever to get out of bed.
Well the truth isn't ALWAYS the best option. In order to smooth it over, since you need to meet with her for school, yes, maybe consider just apologizing for making her uncomfortable but clearly explain the meaning behind what you sent her so she understands that she misinterpreted it. Don't make a big deal of it, but you probabky need to address the elephant in the room to feel better in the end. If that doesn't smooth it out for her then nothing will, and if it doesn't I think that you shouod try to rest easy in the fact that a pretty unreasonable person had an unreasonable reaction to you, which would be a reflection on her, not you.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus…. Yet, we all live on Earth making each others life miserable after we fornicate and procreate. (j/k) Move on my man, plenty more of aliens out there in outer space to meet...
Post edited by Attaway77 on
1998 Dallas (7/5) 2006 San Fran (7/15,7/16) 2009 San Fran (8/28) 2010 Bristow (5/13) NY (5/21) 2011 Alpine Valley (9/3,9/4) 2012 Missoula (9/30) 2013 Chicago (7/19) Pittsburgh (10/11) Buffalo (10/12) Baltimore (10/27) Dallas (11/15) 2014 Austin (10/12) Memphis (10/14) St. Paul (10/19) Milwaukee (10/20) Denver (10/22) 2016 Ft. Lauderdale (4/8) Miami (4/9) Hampton (4/18) Philly (4/28,4/29) NY (5/1,5/2) 2018 Seattle (8/10) Missoula (8/13) 2022 Nashville (9/16) E.V. - 2008 Berkeley (4/8) 2012 Austin (11/9,11/12) Temple of the Dog - 2016 Upper Darby
My friend's bandmate just invited me to their bands gig in the same town this girl lives, what are the chances ay? Imagine I told her I am going to her town, she'd definitely think I am stalking her and creep out for sure. I felt sick when I saw the name of the town when he told me where the gig is. I want to go but imagine she's at the same venue?
Unless she told you she would be there, whats the big deal? Jesus christ man, seek on campus help.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
So I met with her this morning to do out assignment, she said hi how was your weekend, what did you do. It was a bit awkward, after a bit of silence I apologised and she said please don't and then said that what I sent her on facebook she got creeped out by, I said it wasn't my intention and it is not who I am (a creep).
After the meeting she kind of walked away and sat down in the library, so I took it she didn't want to walk to the cafeteria with me. In the following lecture she was sitting in her usual seat, I sat away. After the lecture I was waiting for another guy I know from uni as he said he'd catch the train home with me, so she left the lecture building and she had a minute or so head start walking towards the train station.
Me and the other guy ended up catching up to her at a pedestrian crossing as she was waiting for the green man, my friend then left me as he had to get a tram, leaving me and her to walk for a block to the subway station. I chatted like normal and so did she but when we got to the subway stairs entering the subway she kept her distance from me then when we got into the foyer she just turned towards a ticket machine without saying bye and I went through the gates and down 2 sets of escalators to the platform. At the second set of escalators going down she ran quickly down the stairs past me, didn't say anything, I guess she was rushing as her train was approaching and I had a 20 minute wait.
She's either wanting to distance herself from me due to me creeping her out or she's upset I didn't sit next to her so didn't say bye.
I feel so bad about how this has ended up, I feel like I have made an enemy. It's got me really stressed out, I didn't sleep well last night and my anxiety is high.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
So I met with her this morning to do out assignment, she said hi how was your weekend, what did you do. It was a bit awkward, after a bit of silence I apologised and she said please don't and then said that what I sent her on facebook she got creeped out by, I said it wasn't my intention and it is not who I am (a creep).
After the meeting she kind of walked away and sat down in the library, so I took it she didn't want to walk to the cafeteria with me. In the following lecture she was sitting in her usual seat, I sat away. After the lecture I was waiting for another guy I know from uni as he said he'd catch the train home with me, so she left the lecture building and she had a minute or so head start walking towards the train station.
Me and the other guy ended up catching up to her at a pedestrian crossing as she was waiting for the green man, my friend then left me as he had to get a tram, leaving me and her to walk for a block to the subway station. I chatted like normal and so did she but when we got to the subway stairs entering the subway she kept her distance from me then when we got into the foyer she just turned towards a ticket machine without saying bye and I went through the gates and down 2 sets of escalators to the platform. At the second set of escalators going down she ran quickly down the stairs past me, didn't say anything, I guess she was rushing as her train was approaching and I had a 20 minute wait.
She's either wanting to distance herself from me due to me creeping her out or she's upset I didn't sit next to her so didn't say bye.
I feel so bad about how this has ended up, I feel like I have made an enemy. It's got me really stressed out, I didn't sleep well last night and my anxiety is high.
I think it best if you take your cues from her. it is clear she has an issue with you and you might not ever find out what it is. if she doesn't initiate contact then i'd steer clear of her. people are weird and do things that we sometimes can't understand... just look after yourself.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Yeah, let me just say that she's not upset that you didnt sit next to her. Its best to put her behind you as much as possible. Be polite, say the basics to her when necessary but don't go out of your way to explain yourself anymore. You don't have to. You did that. If this is how she is, then let her be and move on to newer and better things. Do you. Women love guys who are themselves. Act calm, natural and be kind and in no time you will meet someone. It will happen.
And so you see, I have come to doubt All that I once held as true I stand alone without beliefs The only truth I know is you.
So I met with her this morning to do out assignment, she said hi how was your weekend, what did you do. It was a bit awkward, after a bit of silence I apologised and she said please don't and then said that what I sent her on facebook she got creeped out by, I said it wasn't my intention and it is not who I am (a creep).
After the meeting she kind of walked away and sat down in the library, so I took it she didn't want to walk to the cafeteria with me. In the following lecture she was sitting in her usual seat, I sat away. After the lecture I was waiting for another guy I know from uni as he said he'd catch the train home with me, so she left the lecture building and she had a minute or so head start walking towards the train station.
Me and the other guy ended up catching up to her at a pedestrian crossing as she was waiting for the green man, my friend then left me as he had to get a tram, leaving me and her to walk for a block to the subway station. I chatted like normal and so did she but when we got to the subway stairs entering the subway she kept her distance from me then when we got into the foyer she just turned towards a ticket machine without saying bye and I went through the gates and down 2 sets of escalators to the platform. At the second set of escalators going down she ran quickly down the stairs past me, didn't say anything, I guess she was rushing as her train was approaching and I had a 20 minute wait.
She's either wanting to distance herself from me due to me creeping her out or she's upset I didn't sit next to her so didn't say bye.
I feel so bad about how this has ended up, I feel like I have made an enemy. It's got me really stressed out, I didn't sleep well last night and my anxiety is high.
I think it best if you take your cues from her. it is clear she has an issue with you and you might not ever find out what it is. if she doesn't initiate contact then i'd steer clear of her. people are weird and do things that we sometimes can't understand... just look after yourself.
I want to unfriend her on Facebook but me her and our other team member communicate on it for our assignment. I don't want her to think I am stalking her on Facebook.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I'm sorry to hear things didn't go as smoothly as they might have, but your last paragraph is amping up my concern for you.
First, I wouldn't say you've made an enemy, but (harsh as this may sound, I'm sorry) you've definitely been "friend-zoned," I'd say. At this point, apologies have been made, so let it be, and just be friendly with her when you have to interact. It seems like she's overreacted to an extent (remember, we're only getting your side of the story here, again, sorry for any harshness), but it is what it is, all you have any control over is you.
Second, this is clearly REALLY eating at you (please believe me, I know the feeling). You're not sleeping, and anxiety's up. If it hasn't already, this will have a negative effect on your studies, which it sounds like where your focus needs to be right now. I hope I can speak for everyone here when I say we want you to be successful.
Unfortunately, I want to go back to earlier advice that you find out what resources are available to you to get more professional help to deal with your issues. As I said before, hopefully your family (at least) and friends will want to help you with whatever obstacles might present. Here in Canada, it was about a 6-month wait for a referral (I am also dependant on the public health system), and while the wait was frustrating, in the end it's been worth it. While the Internet will provide shoulders to lean on, we're not the ones to give the help you may need, and ultimately the heavy lifting will be up to you.
Not sure what else to say other than I hope the best for you, and wish I could give better advice on how to break these trains of thought (my fallback method's usually been distraction, which isn't really the best way).
Hopefully we'll also be hearing back that you made it to the metal show and had a blast.
"The world is full of idiots and I am but one of them."
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
I'm sorry to hear things didn't go as smoothly as they might have, but your last paragraph is amping up my concern for you.
First, I wouldn't say you've made an enemy, but (harsh as this may sound, I'm sorry) you've definitely been "friend-zoned," I'd say. At this point, apologies have been made, so let it be, and just be friendly with her when you have to interact. It seems like she's overreacted to an extent (remember, we're only getting your side of the story here, again, sorry for any harshness), but it is what it is, all you have any control over is you.
Second, this is clearly REALLY eating at you (please believe me, I know the feeling). You're not sleeping, and anxiety's up. If it hasn't already, this will have a negative effect on your studies, which it sounds like where your focus needs to be right now. I hope I can speak for everyone here when I say we want you to be successful.
Unfortunately, I want to go back to earlier advice that you find out what resources are available to you to get more professional help to deal with your issues. As I said before, hopefully your family (at least) and friends will want to help you with whatever obstacles might present. Here in Canada, it was about a 6-month wait for a referral (I am also dependant on the public health system), and while the wait was frustrating, in the end it's been worth it. While the Internet will provide shoulders to lean on, we're not the ones to give the help you may need, and ultimately the heavy lifting will be up to you.
Not sure what else to say other than I hope the best for you, and wish I could give better advice on how to break these trains of thought (my fallback method's usually been distraction, which isn't really the best way).
Hopefully we'll also be hearing back that you made it to the metal show and had a blast.
All I did was send her that link to a video of her town and a pic of the shire from LOTR saying that's her town, I know it's stupid of me but we were teasing the places where we live. Thank you for your best wishes. Even my friends are upset at me for not taking their advice when they told me she doesn't sound like she's interested.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I'm sorry to hear things didn't go as smoothly as they might have, but your last paragraph is amping up my concern for you.
First, I wouldn't say you've made an enemy, but (harsh as this may sound, I'm sorry) you've definitely been "friend-zoned," I'd say. At this point, apologies have been made, so let it be, and just be friendly with her when you have to interact. It seems like she's overreacted to an extent (remember, we're only getting your side of the story here, again, sorry for any harshness), but it is what it is, all you have any control over is you.
Second, this is clearly REALLY eating at you (please believe me, I know the feeling). You're not sleeping, and anxiety's up. If it hasn't already, this will have a negative effect on your studies, which it sounds like where your focus needs to be right now. I hope I can speak for everyone here when I say we want you to be successful.
Unfortunately, I want to go back to earlier advice that you find out what resources are available to you to get more professional help to deal with your issues. As I said before, hopefully your family (at least) and friends will want to help you with whatever obstacles might present. Here in Canada, it was about a 6-month wait for a referral (I am also dependant on the public health system), and while the wait was frustrating, in the end it's been worth it. While the Internet will provide shoulders to lean on, we're not the ones to give the help you may need, and ultimately the heavy lifting will be up to you.
Not sure what else to say other than I hope the best for you, and wish I could give better advice on how to break these trains of thought (my fallback method's usually been distraction, which isn't really the best way).
Hopefully we'll also be hearing back that you made it to the metal show and had a blast.
All I did was send her that link to a video of her town and a pic of the shire from LOTR saying that's her town, I know it's stupid of me but we were teasing the places where we live. Thank you for your best wishes. Even my friends are upset at me for not taking their advice when they told me she doesn't sound like she's interested.
Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel defensive, I had read about the link, which seems innocent enough, and is why I agree with others that she overreacted. The point is to stop beating yourself up over it.
Unfortunately another elephant in the room is the age difference. I know going back to school at 35 with a bunch of 17-year-olds was an odd experience for me, and likely played a role in some of what I experienced. She's likely still got some growing up to do, if she's ok to joke about hometowns, but then turns around and reacts like she did to the link you sent.
Again, just want you to be successful and happy. Seriously, it looks like there are at least several others here that feel this way, so maybe I should just shut up now, lol?
"The world is full of idiots and I am but one of them."
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
I'm sorry to hear things didn't go as smoothly as they might have, but your last paragraph is amping up my concern for you.
First, I wouldn't say you've made an enemy, but (harsh as this may sound, I'm sorry) you've definitely been "friend-zoned," I'd say. At this point, apologies have been made, so let it be, and just be friendly with her when you have to interact. It seems like she's overreacted to an extent (remember, we're only getting your side of the story here, again, sorry for any harshness), but it is what it is, all you have any control over is you.
Second, this is clearly REALLY eating at you (please believe me, I know the feeling). You're not sleeping, and anxiety's up. If it hasn't already, this will have a negative effect on your studies, which it sounds like where your focus needs to be right now. I hope I can speak for everyone here when I say we want you to be successful.
Unfortunately, I want to go back to earlier advice that you find out what resources are available to you to get more professional help to deal with your issues. As I said before, hopefully your family (at least) and friends will want to help you with whatever obstacles might present. Here in Canada, it was about a 6-month wait for a referral (I am also dependant on the public health system), and while the wait was frustrating, in the end it's been worth it. While the Internet will provide shoulders to lean on, we're not the ones to give the help you may need, and ultimately the heavy lifting will be up to you.
Not sure what else to say other than I hope the best for you, and wish I could give better advice on how to break these trains of thought (my fallback method's usually been distraction, which isn't really the best way).
Hopefully we'll also be hearing back that you made it to the metal show and had a blast.
All I did was send her that link to a video of her town and a pic of the shire from LOTR saying that's her town, I know it's stupid of me but we were teasing the places where we live. Thank you for your best wishes. Even my friends are upset at me for not taking their advice when they told me she doesn't sound like she's interested.
Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel defensive, I had read about the link, which seems innocent enough, and is why I agree with others that she overreacted. The point is to stop beating yourself up over it.
Unfortunately another elephant in the room is the age difference. I know going back to school at 35 with a bunch of 17-year-olds was an odd experience for me, and likely played a role in some of what I experienced. She's likely still got some growing up to do, if she's ok to joke about hometowns, but then turns around and reacts like she did to the link you sent.
Again, just want you to be successful and happy. Seriously, it looks like there are at least several others here that feel this way, so maybe I should just shut up now, lol?
Yeah I always felt uncomfortable, I am 32 soon just to clarify, still too old. She turns 19 soon. I thought she was interested in me, I misread her. I just remember when my sister and her boyfriend now husband got together she was 19 and he was 27. But that was generations ago. Girls I find are not as mature as girls from Gen X were at that age.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I'm sorry to hear things didn't go as smoothly as they might have, but your last paragraph is amping up my concern for you.
First, I wouldn't say you've made an enemy, but (harsh as this may sound, I'm sorry) you've definitely been "friend-zoned," I'd say. At this point, apologies have been made, so let it be, and just be friendly with her when you have to interact. It seems like she's overreacted to an extent (remember, we're only getting your side of the story here, again, sorry for any harshness), but it is what it is, all you have any control over is you.
Second, this is clearly REALLY eating at you (please believe me, I know the feeling). You're not sleeping, and anxiety's up. If it hasn't already, this will have a negative effect on your studies, which it sounds like where your focus needs to be right now. I hope I can speak for everyone here when I say we want you to be successful.
Unfortunately, I want to go back to earlier advice that you find out what resources are available to you to get more professional help to deal with your issues. As I said before, hopefully your family (at least) and friends will want to help you with whatever obstacles might present. Here in Canada, it was about a 6-month wait for a referral (I am also dependant on the public health system), and while the wait was frustrating, in the end it's been worth it. While the Internet will provide shoulders to lean on, we're not the ones to give the help you may need, and ultimately the heavy lifting will be up to you.
Not sure what else to say other than I hope the best for you, and wish I could give better advice on how to break these trains of thought (my fallback method's usually been distraction, which isn't really the best way).
Hopefully we'll also be hearing back that you made it to the metal show and had a blast.
All I did was send her that link to a video of her town and a pic of the shire from LOTR saying that's her town, I know it's stupid of me but we were teasing the places where we live. Thank you for your best wishes. Even my friends are upset at me for not taking their advice when they told me she doesn't sound like she's interested.
Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel defensive, I had read about the link, which seems innocent enough, and is why I agree with others that she overreacted. The point is to stop beating yourself up over it.
Unfortunately another elephant in the room is the age difference. I know going back to school at 35 with a bunch of 17-year-olds was an odd experience for me, and likely played a role in some of what I experienced. She's likely still got some growing up to do, if she's ok to joke about hometowns, but then turns around and reacts like she did to the link you sent.
Again, just want you to be successful and happy. Seriously, it looks like there are at least several others here that feel this way, so maybe I should just shut up now, lol?
Yeah I always felt uncomfortable, I am 32 soon just to clarify, still too old. She turns 19 soon. I thought she was interested in me, I misread her. I just remember when my sister and her boyfriend now husband got together she was 19 and he was 27. But that was generations ago. Girls I find are not as mature as girls from Gen X were at that age.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. All depends on the individuals involved, lol. I'm actually discovering how nice it can be to be 42 and single these days. I have the best kind of kids, for example: other people's, lol (parents, maybe you can dump on me via PM if you feel the need, so as to maintains the integrity of the thread, lol).
"The world is full of idiots and I am but one of them."
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
Comments
You just changed your avatar to say "I am a loser".
Pretty strong.
I comment in your threads because i felt your pain at various times.
Its like a card game. Women dont like it when you show your cards off the bat. You have to play closer to the vest. Be mysterious.
I was living away from home for awhile and i happened to meet this girl. I found her on myspace we were from the same hometown. We hung out a few times as friends. She came over and i was watching a hockey game with my friend. She was heading to this other guys house (who she was kind of interested in) for a party. I didnt give a shit because i just wanted to watch the hockey game (and she was more than welcome to stay). She went. I didnt try to prevent it, didnt contact her that night or the next day. Maybe the day after that. She reached out to me a couple of days later and wanted to do dinner
My wife cites that hockey game night as the night i "got her attention".
My friend told me they are like cats. If you pat them too much they scratch or bite you and run off.
As far as the meeting later, likely best to keep to business, but let things take their natural turns (if they do so).
I can sympathize with some of your story, I went back to school for a bit at 35 (please finish your program, unlike me, lol), and had discovered a classmate (whom I hadn't actually spoken with) on Facebook. I sent a friend request, and her status changed to "OMG I think I have an online stalker!" I apologized and backed off, but always felt a bit uncomfortable when she was around. Later a different classmate had posted a picture of me with the label "The stalker, lol." That classmate was dealt with a little more harshly by me, lol. I'm also still dealing with depression and have the tendency to overthink things some as well. Glad to hear you're aware of your issues and are working to ameliorate them. Took me a decade to face some of mine, lol.
As has been suggested, just stay true to yourself and don't beat yourself up too much over this, sounds like it was a simple misunderstanding, and she was the one to overreact. While she sounds nice and has given rise to some strong feelings from you, her loss should be turned into someone else's gain (as well as yours). As clichéd as it may sound, there are plenty of fish in the seas.
Seriously, all the best, and best of luck with your studies!
I should also add, when considering this post, please bear in mind my profile quote, lol.
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
I doubt she will be there as she's not into metal music and she tells me she works most weekends.
I always share my friend's bands flyers on Facebook to try get people to come and I click I am going to the events on facebook so she'll see it for sure that I will be in her town.
Should I tell her that I think she overreacted tomorrow when we meet up for the assignment?
Or just say I am sorry I made her feel that way and it was not my intention and I am glad she told me and it won't happen again?
I still feel very shit about this, lacking motivation for my homework this weekend and taking forever to get out of bed.
If you're serious about getting past this, then please seek out the resources that are there and available to help you HELP YOURSELF.
Don't know what else to offer.
Not sure how access to help works down under, but you need to do it. If there's costs, I hope your family and friends would be willing to help you. I've been fortunate in that sense, despite (or maybe because of) the fact it took me some time to admit to myself I couldn't fix myself.
It may be a long road (hopefully not, though), but it all begins with the smallest of steps (to paraphrase Tolkien, lol).
Then again, that's just this idiot's take, there's been a lot of good advice before I stuck my nose in here, lol. We all want you to be the best you that you can be, I think.
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
I want to bring it up to clear the air but maybe as you said it may be best to leave it unless she brings it up.
2012 Missoula (9/30) 2013 Chicago (7/19) Pittsburgh (10/11) Buffalo (10/12) Baltimore (10/27) Dallas (11/15)
2014 Austin (10/12) Memphis (10/14) St. Paul (10/19) Milwaukee (10/20) Denver (10/22)
2016 Ft. Lauderdale (4/8) Miami (4/9) Hampton (4/18) Philly (4/28,4/29) NY (5/1,5/2) 2018 Seattle (8/10) Missoula (8/13) 2022 Nashville (9/16)
E.V. - 2008 Berkeley (4/8) 2012 Austin (11/9,11/12)
Temple of the Dog - 2016 Upper Darby
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Being trolled...not cool.
Really?
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
After the meeting she kind of walked away and sat down in the library, so I took it she didn't want to walk to the cafeteria with me. In the following lecture she was sitting in her usual seat, I sat away.
After the lecture I was waiting for another guy I know from uni as he said he'd catch the train home with me, so she left the lecture building and she had a minute or so head start walking towards the train station.
Me and the other guy ended up catching up to her at a pedestrian crossing as she was waiting for the green man, my friend then left me as he had to get a tram, leaving me and her to walk for a block to the subway station. I chatted like normal and so did she but when we got to the subway stairs entering the subway she kept her distance from me then when we got into the foyer she just turned towards a ticket machine without saying bye and I went through the gates and down 2 sets of escalators to the platform. At the second set of escalators going down she ran quickly down the stairs past me, didn't say anything, I guess she was rushing as her train was approaching and I had a 20 minute wait.
She's either wanting to distance herself from me due to me creeping her out or she's upset I didn't sit next to her so didn't say bye.
I feel so bad about how this has ended up, I feel like I have made an enemy. It's got me really stressed out, I didn't sleep well last night and my anxiety is high.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Its best to put her behind you as much as possible. Be polite, say the basics to her when necessary but don't go out of your way to explain yourself anymore. You don't have to. You did that. If this is how she is, then let her be and move on to newer and better things.
Do you. Women love guys who are themselves. Act calm, natural and be kind and in no time you will meet someone. It will happen.
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.
First, I wouldn't say you've made an enemy, but (harsh as this may sound, I'm sorry) you've definitely been "friend-zoned," I'd say. At this point, apologies have been made, so let it be, and just be friendly with her when you have to interact. It seems like she's overreacted to an extent (remember, we're only getting your side of the story here, again, sorry for any harshness), but it is what it is, all you have any control over is you.
Second, this is clearly REALLY eating at you (please believe me, I know the feeling). You're not sleeping, and anxiety's up. If it hasn't already, this will have a negative effect on your studies, which it sounds like where your focus needs to be right now. I hope I can speak for everyone here when I say we want you to be successful.
Unfortunately, I want to go back to earlier advice that you find out what resources are available to you to get more professional help to deal with your issues. As I said before, hopefully your family (at least) and friends will want to help you with whatever obstacles might present. Here in Canada, it was about a 6-month wait for a referral (I am also dependant on the public health system), and while the wait was frustrating, in the end it's been worth it. While the Internet will provide shoulders to lean on, we're not the ones to give the help you may need, and ultimately the heavy lifting will be up to you.
Not sure what else to say other than I hope the best for you, and wish I could give better advice on how to break these trains of thought (my fallback method's usually been distraction, which isn't really the best way).
Hopefully we'll also be hearing back that you made it to the metal show and had a blast.
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
Thank you for your best wishes. Even my friends are upset at me for not taking their advice when they told me she doesn't sound like she's interested.
Unfortunately another elephant in the room is the age difference. I know going back to school at 35 with a bunch of 17-year-olds was an odd experience for me, and likely played a role in some of what I experienced. She's likely still got some growing up to do, if she's ok to joke about hometowns, but then turns around and reacts like she did to the link you sent.
Again, just want you to be successful and happy. Seriously, it looks like there are at least several others here that feel this way, so maybe I should just shut up now, lol?
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022
I thought she was interested in me, I misread her.
I just remember when my sister and her boyfriend now husband got together she was 19 and he was 27. But that was generations ago. Girls I find are not as mature as girls from Gen X were at that age.
10-30-1991 Toronto, Toronto 1 & 2 2016, Toronto 2022