What exactly were you hoping to accomplish with the youtube video of her town though? try and put yourself in her shoes. "Hey that guy from class who asked me out last month sent me a video..... This video is of the town I live in .... He doesn't live anywhere near here or have any business here and he's looking the place up on youtube... he knows I live here... so he's thinking about where I live even though I gave him the brush off when he asked me out a MONTH ago!??!"
Now do you understand why she felt creeped out?
That said - everyone does/says stupid shit sometimes. Calm yourself. Think things through from other people's perspective. Also you didn't quote her exactly so I'm wondering if she actually said "you creep me out" or "that was creepy please stop doing things like that". It's a fine line. I don't think you need to stop sitting next to her, unless she's explicitly asked you to leave her alone - but maybe pay more attention in class instead of trying to goof around with her? don't unfriend her on Facebook, but don't like or comment on her posts either. Participate in your project as if nothing had happened, do your part all the same. Don't text her anymore unless it's in response to a text she sent you, or if it's directly related to the group work.
I don't know how much time has passed but I'd suggest maybe instead of "talking" about it just apologise to her for making her feel uncomfortable. Something like "Hey, sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, it was not my intention at all. My bad. I won't do anything like that again, and please tell me if I'm ever making you uncomfortable again."
What exactly were you hoping to accomplish with the youtube video of her town though? try and put yourself in her shoes. "Hey that guy from class who asked me out last month sent me a video..... This video is of the town I live in .... He doesn't live anywhere near here or have any business here and he's looking the place up on youtube... he knows I live here... so he's thinking about where I live even though I gave him the brush off when he asked me out a MONTH ago!??!"
Now do you understand why she felt creeped out?
That said - everyone does/says stupid shit sometimes. Calm yourself. Think things through from other people's perspective. Also you didn't quote her exactly so I'm wondering if she actually said "you creep me out" or "that was creepy please stop doing things like that". It's a fine line. I don't think you need to stop sitting next to her, unless she's explicitly asked you to leave her alone - but maybe pay more attention in class instead of trying to goof around with her? don't unfriend her on Facebook, but don't like or comment on her posts either. Participate in your project as if nothing had happened, do your part all the same. Don't text her anymore unless it's in response to a text she sent you, or if it's directly related to the group work.
I don't know how much time has passed but I'd suggest maybe instead of "talking" about it just apologise to her for making her feel uncomfortable. Something like "Hey, sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, it was not my intention at all. My bad. I won't do anything like that again, and please tell me if I'm ever making you uncomfortable again."
Hey, what I pasted in my first post was copy and pasted from her message, I just removed the town name. I only sent her the link as I found the music to it something she'd find funny. I've been playfully teasing where she lives and she's teased her town a few times so that is why I sent it. But I get what you're saying, I feel embarrassed about it. I don't want to sit next to her but I don't want her to feel I am cold shouldering her and mad at her. Maybe if I sit on another table in class and wave/nod my head a high with a smile? I can be so stupid and lack social skills sometimes.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
So she just sent me a message via the group chat for the assignment which includes the other member of our group just saying all the work I did on my own all day today looks good. I didn't reply right away, ended up giving just a thumbs up. Decided to just plough through all the work so I do not have to show up to the group meeting on Tuesday morning where we work on this assignment. I've done most of it. I don't want to show my face. Still teary thinking about it. Worse still I felt she was interested in me, I've blown it and someone now thinks I am a creep, worse still imagine she complains to the university and I get in trouble or tells other students. I'm trying to fight my way out of depression and was feeling very positive going back to full time study after spending 2 years at home, now this. Life can't give me a break.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Can you ask your therapist for an emergency session? By phone if necessary? It sounds like something that you would benefit from.
I'm not a mental health professional so I'm sorry if this is poor advice, but I think you need to do something to get your mind off of this. Play a video game or hit the gym or something. Just to give your brain a break.
I threw myself into my assignment and am still doing homework. I am fine, just feeling bad about all of this, sorry that I made a first year university student feel creeped out when she shouldn't be subject to feeling that way especially at university. Medication helps. I can't afford a therapist, I am un unemployed. I'll be okay, I have you guys and there's a support forum I am part of. Thank you anyways.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Don't get mixed into her crazy before the first date!
you don't normally befriend and joke around in class with creeps so she's a mole for doing and saying so but headonist is right tell her about how you joked about things and you thought it would be funny and your sorry if you creeped her out and be sure to tell her you feel bad and imbaressed about it let her know your human too and not an odd one sorry for you mate
So she just sent me a message via the group chat for the assignment which includes the other member of our group just saying all the work I did on my own all day today looks good. I didn't reply right away, ended up giving just a thumbs up. Decided to just plough through all the work so I do not have to show up to the group meeting on Tuesday morning where we work on this assignment. I've done most of it. I don't want to show my face. Still teary thinking about it. Worse still I felt she was interested in me, I've blown it and someone now thinks I am a creep, worse still imagine she complains to the university and I get in trouble or tells other students. I'm trying to fight my way out of depression and was feeling very positive going back to full time study after spending 2 years at home, now this. Life can't give me a break.
Seems like you are overreacting, stop thinking so much about what other people think of you. You must attend the group meeting, in that way you can move on from this ridiculous misunderstanding. Be well
Universities usually have counselling centers, might be something to look into.
Yeah mine does. I was thinking about it but feel embarrassed telling the counsellor the reason why she got creeped out as it sounds so stupid and makes me look immature which I guess I was with my actions.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Universities usually have counselling centers, might be something to look into.
Yeah mine does. I was thinking about it but feel embarrassed telling the counsellor the reason why she got creeped out as it sounds so stupid and makes me look immature which I guess I was with my actions.
Don't be embarrassed. That is what they are there for.
stop beating yourself up over it. maybe it was a mistake to send the video but hey everyone makes mistakes. move on from it and stop obsessing about. i know that can be very hard when dealing with your own issues though but seems like if she is still interacting with you so she is most likely over it. i would agree to dial it back a bit with her. don't be in a rush to get her to go out with you. you asked her, she knows you are into her that is pretty much all you can do at this point. if it is near the end of the semester and you are heading on break soon maybe just ask her to grab a coffee before you each go home. just chill with her and don't come on too strong. and let her have her space, especially on social media.
yeah. Gotta move on. Listen to Present Tense. Learn a lesson with this one and move on. Treat this girl like anyone else in your group. No more extra-curricular contact. You are only in control of yourself and you are one with the universe, nothing else matters
Let's try to clarify a few things. She doesn't think YOU are a creep, just that one action was creepy. You apologized, and she seems to have moved on. If she actually thought you were a creep, she would have unfriended you on FB, right? Even if you are in a group for school, she could have unfriended you and had other people contact you. She didn't. No need for you to unfriend her or block her or whatever you kids do on FB. Show up for the group meeting, as not showing might be obvious and cause more weirdness. As for the lecturer with whom you thought was trying to get away from you...maybe he is the one with the lack of social skills. Sometimes people do not know how to respond to compliments. Do not feel embarrassed reaching out to a mental health counselor--that is what they are there for. Despite this incident, it sounds as if you are making positive efforts in your life. Please don't let this side track you.
Let's try to clarify a few things. She doesn't think YOU are a creep, just that one action was creepy. You apologized, and she seems to have moved on. If she actually thought you were a creep, she would have unfriended you on FB, right? Even if you are in a group for school, she could have unfriended you and had other people contact you. She didn't. No need for you to unfriend her or block her or whatever you kids do on FB. Show up for the group meeting, as not showing might be obvious and cause more weirdness. As for the lecturer with whom you thought was trying to get away from you...maybe he is the one with the lack of social skills. Sometimes people do not know how to respond to compliments. Do not feel embarrassed reaching out to a mental health counselor--that is what they are there for. Despite this incident, it sounds as if you are making positive efforts in your life. Please don't let this side track you.
Thank you. I was thinking maybe she's waiting until the group assignment is done before she unfriends me which is why she hasn't done it yet plus she probably wouldn't want others to communicate for her. Besides we have student email addresses we can use.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
based on the information ... i'd say you are handling things appropriately in terms of interaction ... i do think you might be beating yourself up a bit too much over it but I can't stress this enough ... it's OK to sit with your feelings and emotions ... so, you are tearing up a bit ... that's ok ... you're a sensitive guy ... nothing wrong with that one bit ... just understand that you may have "creeped" her out but that you aren't a creep ...
it's hard to know why she is playful with you in public and then reaming you out on fb the next ... that's probably an exercise in futility ...
i would also say at this stage - she is probably not that into you so move on and just treat her like a classmate ...
based on the information ... i'd say you are handling things appropriately in terms of interaction ... i do think you might be beating yourself up a bit too much over it but I can't stress this enough ... it's OK to sit with your feelings and emotions ... so, you are tearing up a bit ... that's ok ... you're a sensitive guy ... nothing wrong with that one bit ... just understand that you may have "creeped" her out but that you aren't a creep ...
it's hard to know why she is playful with you in public and then reaming you out on fb the next ... that's probably an exercise in futility ...
i would also say at this stage - she is probably not that into you so move on and just treat her like a classmate ...
Lots of good points in this thread. I agree with this post, esp the last two points. Move on from her, as far as romance goes.
Don't obsess over it, and don't beat yourself up over it. She didn't like the video, or you sending it, but how were you going to know that based on your previous interactions. You aren't a creep, move on, life.
You had good intentions You meant no harm You are not a creep You apologized
Don't beat yourself up.
Dr. Speedy sums it up very well. Many good points in this thread.
You're overthinking the situation. Move on, let it go. I know it's easy to say that but I used to be someone who was always overthinking things. It took a lot of practice to learn how to stop. Be patient with yourself. It takes time and practice to form new habits. You will be fine.
You had good intentions You meant no harm You are not a creep You apologized
Don't beat yourself up.
Speedy is a wise man, OP. Chicks are fuckin weird. I was just dating a girl for a couple months, the last 3 days that I spent with her she kept telling me how awesome I was and how lucky she was to have me, all the things she loves about me, etc, etc. Then overnight she stops acknowledging any of my flirtations, compliments, etc. and dodges every suggestion I make of doing something together. Thought maybe she's just having cold feet bc no one ever treats her nice, so I'd give her some space. Then she comes into the bar the next week with some other dude, kissing on him and making a damn fool out of herself. Goofy looking fucker, too.
I don't need that shit, and OP you don't need this shit. Just move on. Do what you need to do in class, but move on otherwise.
I don't think you seem weird at all. And I think 99% of the advice on here has been spot on (1%, you know who you are). Agree about moving on, but as the queen of somebody who hangs on to stuff and worries about how people perceive me, I understand how hard that is.
Hang in there - look how many people are here supporting you. Hope that makes you feel better.
Don't be embarrassed. Speak to someone at the counselling/wellness center. Its their job to listen and doctor/patient privilege will still apply, so you don't have to worry about them telling anyone or thinking you're weird.
I keep seeing this advice: it's not your business what other people think of you.
What exactly were you hoping to accomplish with the youtube video of her town though? try and put yourself in her shoes. "Hey that guy from class who asked me out last month sent me a video..... This video is of the town I live in .... He doesn't live anywhere near here or have any business here and he's looking the place up on youtube... he knows I live here... so he's thinking about where I live even though I gave him the brush off when he asked me out a MONTH ago!??!"
Now do you understand why she felt creeped out?
That said - everyone does/says stupid shit sometimes. Calm yourself. Think things through from other people's perspective. Also you didn't quote her exactly so I'm wondering if she actually said "you creep me out" or "that was creepy please stop doing things like that". It's a fine line. I don't think you need to stop sitting next to her, unless she's explicitly asked you to leave her alone - but maybe pay more attention in class instead of trying to goof around with her? don't unfriend her on Facebook, but don't like or comment on her posts either. Participate in your project as if nothing had happened, do your part all the same. Don't text her anymore unless it's in response to a text she sent you, or if it's directly related to the group work.
I don't know how much time has passed but I'd suggest maybe instead of "talking" about it just apologise to her for making her feel uncomfortable. Something like "Hey, sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, it was not my intention at all. My bad. I won't do anything like that again, and please tell me if I'm ever making you uncomfortable again."
Thank you all for your support, I really appreciate it. Well yeah I do obsessively think about things. Like I kept thinking about her because I like her, I find it hard to get thoughts out of my head. I ruminate. It sucks.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
yeah. Gotta move on. Listen to Present Tense. Learn a lesson with this one and move on. Treat this girl like anyone else in your group. No more extra-curricular contact. You are only in control of yourself and you are one with the universe, nothing else matters
Thoughts, it sounds to me like you are in a good process of learning/improving your social skills. Some things turn out best when we don't expect too much of ourselves too soon and take our time learning what we're here to learn. When I was in high school I was a complete and total social klutz and felt like I had landed on the wrong planet. Gradually I learned better people skills and gained confidence. In the long run, it all worked out fine.
I definitely get the feeling you are very self-aware and more sensitive to what what you're doing, what's going on with other people and what's going on around you. In the long run, the more you are aware of them, the more those perceptions and the growth you acquire from them will serve you well and you will gain confidence and become more self-assured and like yourself more. And some lucky lady will recognize you for the good guy you are and you'll look back on all this as a good life lesson.
Go easy on yourself and keep growing. You'll do fine!
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Thoughts, it sounds to me like you are in a good process of learning/improving your social skills. Some things turn out best when we don't expect too much of ourselves too soon and take our time learning what we're here to learn. When I was in high school I was a complete and total social klutz and felt like I had landed on the wrong planet. Gradually I learned better people skills and gained confidence. In the long run, it all worked out fine.
I definitely get the feeling you are very self-aware and more sensitive to what what you're doing, what's going on with other people and what's going on around you. In the long run, the more you are aware of them, the more those perceptions and the growth you acquire from them will serve you well and you will gain confidence and become more self-assured and like yourself more. And some lucky lady will recognize you for the good guy you are and you'll look back on all this as a good life lesson.
Go easy on yourself and keep growing. You'll do fine!
Thank you Brian.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Comments
You meant no harm
You are not a creep
You apologized
Don't beat yourself up.
Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
try and put yourself in her shoes.
"Hey that guy from class who asked me out last month sent me a video..... This video is of the town I live in .... He doesn't live anywhere near here or have any business here and he's looking the place up on youtube... he knows I live here... so he's thinking about where I live even though I gave him the brush off when he asked me out a MONTH ago!??!"
Now do you understand why she felt creeped out?
That said - everyone does/says stupid shit sometimes. Calm yourself. Think things through from other people's perspective. Also you didn't quote her exactly so I'm wondering if she actually said "you creep me out" or "that was creepy please stop doing things like that". It's a fine line.
I don't think you need to stop sitting next to her, unless she's explicitly asked you to leave her alone - but maybe pay more attention in class instead of trying to goof around with her? don't unfriend her on Facebook, but don't like or comment on her posts either. Participate in your project as if nothing had happened, do your part all the same. Don't text her anymore unless it's in response to a text she sent you, or if it's directly related to the group work.
I don't know how much time has passed but I'd suggest maybe instead of "talking" about it just apologise to her for making her feel uncomfortable. Something like "Hey, sorry I made you feel uncomfortable, it was not my intention at all. My bad. I won't do anything like that again, and please tell me if I'm ever making you uncomfortable again."
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
I've been playfully teasing where she lives and she's teased her town a few times so that is why I sent it.
But I get what you're saying, I feel embarrassed about it. I don't want to sit next to her but I don't want her to feel I am cold shouldering her and mad at her. Maybe if I sit on another table in class and wave/nod my head a high with a smile?
I can be so stupid and lack social skills sometimes.
I didn't reply right away, ended up giving just a thumbs up.
Decided to just plough through all the work so I do not have to show up to the group meeting on Tuesday morning where we work on this assignment. I've done most of it. I don't want to show my face.
Still teary thinking about it. Worse still I felt she was interested in me, I've blown it and someone now thinks I am a creep, worse still imagine she complains to the university and I get in trouble or tells other students. I'm trying to fight my way out of depression and was feeling very positive going back to full time study after spending 2 years at home, now this. Life can't give me a break.
I'm not a mental health professional so I'm sorry if this is poor advice, but I think you need to do something to get your mind off of this. Play a video game or hit the gym or something. Just to give your brain a break.
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
I am fine, just feeling bad about all of this, sorry that I made a first year university student feel creeped out when she shouldn't be subject to feeling that way especially at university.
Medication helps. I can't afford a therapist, I am un unemployed. I'll be okay, I have you guys and there's a support forum I am part of.
Thank you anyways.
let her know your human too and not an odd one
sorry for you mate
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
You must attend the group meeting, in that way you can move on from this ridiculous misunderstanding.
Be well
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
Let's try to clarify a few things. She doesn't think YOU are a creep, just that one action was creepy. You apologized, and she seems to have moved on. If she actually thought you were a creep, she would have unfriended you on FB, right? Even if you are in a group for school, she could have unfriended you and had other people contact you. She didn't. No need for you to unfriend her or block her or whatever you kids do on FB. Show up for the group meeting, as not showing might be obvious and cause more weirdness. As for the lecturer with whom you thought was trying to get away from you...maybe he is the one with the lack of social skills. Sometimes people do not know how to respond to compliments. Do not feel embarrassed reaching out to a mental health counselor--that is what they are there for. Despite this incident, it sounds as if you are making positive efforts in your life. Please don't let this side track you.
I was thinking maybe she's waiting until the group assignment is done before she unfriends me which is why she hasn't done it yet plus she probably wouldn't want others to communicate for her. Besides we have student email addresses we can use.
it's hard to know why she is playful with you in public and then reaming you out on fb the next ... that's probably an exercise in futility ...
i would also say at this stage - she is probably not that into you so move on and just treat her like a classmate ...
Don't obsess over it, and don't beat yourself up over it. She didn't like the video, or you sending it, but how were you going to know that based on your previous interactions. You aren't a creep, move on, life.
You're overthinking the situation. Move on, let it go. I know it's easy to say that but I used to be someone who was always overthinking things. It took a lot of practice to learn how to stop. Be patient with yourself. It takes time and practice to form new habits. You will be fine.
I don't need that shit, and OP you don't need this shit. Just move on. Do what you need to do in class, but move on otherwise.
Hang in there - look how many people are here supporting you. Hope that makes you feel better.
I keep seeing this advice: it's not your business what other people think of you.
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
Well yeah I do obsessively think about things.
Like I kept thinking about her because I like her, I find it hard to get thoughts out of my head.
I ruminate. It sucks.
I definitely get the feeling you are very self-aware and more sensitive to what what you're doing, what's going on with other people and what's going on around you. In the long run, the more you are aware of them, the more those perceptions and the growth you acquire from them will serve you well and you will gain confidence and become more self-assured and like yourself more. And some lucky lady will recognize you for the good guy you are and you'll look back on all this as a good life lesson.
Go easy on yourself and keep growing. You'll do fine!