maybe its negative or some form of defeatism due to it doesn't follow Pandoras guidelines. Great post Prism, spot on again as you were in that long ago DV thread.
Peace
Thank you, g under p. also thanks to hugh freaking dillion, jeanwah and redrock for validating what was said in my previous post
The old fashioned viewpoint...
weaker sex, don't fight back, can't leave an abuser... I'm a victim...
there is a much different trend taking place. I will be glad when all women begin to understand
who we can be and fight to bring positive change. The negativity of those thoughts from
generations ago are limiting and ridiculous and as we see doing nothing to stop victimization.
Unfortunately some men do not want to empower their own women, obviously.
They speak of personal and private issues as though their partners were children not equals.
Not even comprehending the embarrassment they would feel. The sad part is they
can not even see it.
"Pandora's guidelines " wow that speaks volumes on being up on things... :fp:
I'm on board with the empowerment of women, and taking personal
responsibility for one's own life and their children's lives, teaching the next generation by example.
I have learned much helping lately in my community to do just that.
I remember that thread quite well where you repeatedly kept insisting that DV surviviors, their familes, DV shelters & programs, law enforcement and the courts weren't effective to stop DV. so "the pandora solution" was for victims to get a male family member to KILL the abuser, because that would solve everything and there'd be no negative consequences to the survior, the good guy that kills on her behalf, or any children that might be involved. :twisted:
When i offered some of what i had personally been through not only as a survior, but as someone that went back and got dv volunteer training and spent nearly 3 years as a volunteer...not to mention all the while successfully raising my two kids myself. to be concise myself and some others pointed out & posted studies showing one can not break the cycle of violence by responding with violence.
in your 'know it all' twisted logic you kept insisting that what i did was wrong and the ONLY solution was was for me or some male on my behave to kill my ex. now suddenly you're saying something vague about how you're now helping women DV surviors in a shelter to fight back with violence. which only points out that you're still fucking ridiculous on so many levels.
perhaps you can pm me with the name of the DV shelter where you're voluteering your nonsense? i'm sure the director and other staff there would love to know that one of their "helpers" is espounding fighting-back with violence, shaming and blaming clients if they don't, and refering to them as victims. how is it you don't know that goes against DV guidelines? (which are for the most part standard) to say that recently DV experts, staff and volunteers suggest that women take up weapons or other violent means to fight back is just more of your twisted rhetorical bullshit
now here you are spouting that same kill or be killed twisted bs when it comes to rape. when a woman has to do what it takes to survive the attack you call her a defeatist...that's appalling. you've been the one throughout this thread that has been pushing fear on women...that if they don't dress modestly or or arm themselves they should expect to be raped because boys will be boys, men will be men and there's no other way to prevent them from raping and/or abusing women.
one last thing, don't ever call anyone that's lived through rape or DV a victim or a defeatist (f*** u very much) because they didn't fight-back using violence....those of us that have are called SURVIORS.
I just was wondering if that thread was still there and searched, it is there.....it's called
"My Sister Is In an Abusive Relationship...". I never understand the concept of combating violence with MORE violence....unless in a self defense scenario.
My daughter will off to college next year and may face some of the situations some have posted here. She has been given all the self defense awareness and date rape lessons a father can give a daughter. With that said I still want to get her a small canister of pepper spray. Just to keep her on her toes at all times.
Peace
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
I just was wondering if that thread was still there and searched, it is there.....it's called
"My Sister Is In an Abusive Relationship...". I never understand the concept of combating violence with MORE violence....unless in a self defense scenario.
My daughter will off to college next year and may face some of the situations some have posted here. She has been given all the self defense awareness and date rape lessons a father can give a daughter. With that said I still want to get her a small canister of pepper spray. Just to keep her on her toes at all times.
Peace
Hey - couldn't hurt! I remember many nights as a young woman walking to my car in the parking garage after work - kept that canister in my hand; I think just holding it made me more aware in many senses.
(in retrospect, I envision my then-self as a wannabe-super-ninja-heroine. "who's there?" *spins around, armed!* My present self has ditched that persona and just keeps a common sense/mindful eye out)
Thank god that footlooseness passed.
Anyway, any bit helps...but the part I bolded up there?
Smacks of good parenting.
I think you've mentioned in the past you have a son, or stepson? Lucky kid.
maybe its negative or some form of defeatism due to it doesn't follow Pandoras guidelines. Great post Prism, spot on again as you were in that long ago DV thread.
Peace
Thank you, g under p. also thanks to hugh freaking dillion, jeanwah and redrock for validating what was said in my previous post
The old fashioned viewpoint...
weaker sex, don't fight back, can't leave an abuser... I'm a victim...
there is a much different trend taking place. I will be glad when all women begin to understand
who we can be and fight to bring positive change. The negativity of those thoughts from
generations ago are limiting and ridiculous and as we see doing nothing to stop victimization.
Unfortunately some men do not want to empower their own women, obviously.
They speak of personal and private issues as though their partners were children not equals.
Not even comprehending the embarrassment they would feel. The sad part is they
can not even see it.
"Pandora's guidelines " wow that speaks volumes on being up on things... :fp:
I'm on board with the empowerment of women, and taking personal
responsibility for one's own life and their children's lives, teaching the next generation by example.
I have learned much helping lately in my community to do just that.
I remember that thread quite well where you repeatedly kept insisting that DV surviviors, their familes, DV shelters & programs, law enforcement and the courts weren't effective to stop DV. so "the pandora solution" was for victims to get a male family member to KILL the abuser, because that would solve everything and there'd be no negative consequences to the survior, the good guy that kills on her behalf, or any children that might be involved. :twisted:
When i offered some of what i had personally been through not only as a survior, but as someone that went back and got dv volunteer training and spent nearly 3 years as a volunteer...not to mention all the while successfully raising my two kids myself. to be concise myself and some others pointed out & posted studies showing one can not break the cycle of violence by responding with violence.
in your 'know it all' twisted logic you kept insisting that what i did was wrong and the ONLY solution was was for me or some male on my behave to kill my ex. now suddenly you're saying something vague about how you're now helping women DV surviors in a shelter to fight back with violence. which only points out that you're still fucking ridiculous on so many levels.
perhaps you can pm me with the name of the DV shelter where you're voluteering your nonsense? i'm sure the director and other staff there would love to know that one of their "helpers" is espounding fighting-back with violence, shaming and blaming clients if they don't, and refering to them as victims. how is it you don't know that goes against DV guidelines? (which are for the most part standard) to say that recently DV experts, staff and volunteers suggest that women take up weapons or other violent means to fight back is just more of your twisted rhetorical bullshit
now here you are spouting that same kill or be killed twisted bs when it comes to rape. when a woman has to do what it takes to survive the attack you call her a defeatist...that's appalling. you've been the one throughout this thread that has been pushing fear on women...that if they don't dress modestly or or arm themselves they should expect to be raped because boys will be boys, men will be men and there's no other way to prevent them from raping and/or abusing women.
one last thing, don't ever call anyone that's lived through rape or DV a victim or a defeatist (f*** u very much) because they didn't fight-back using violence....those of us that have are called SURVIORS.
I just was wondering if that thread was still there and searched, it is there.....it's called
"My Sister Is In an Abusive Relationship...". I never understand the concept of combating violence with MORE violence....unless in a self defense scenario.
My daughter will off to college next year and may face some of the situations some have posted here. She has been given all the self defense awareness and date rape lessons a father can give a daughter. With that said I still want to get her a small canister of pepper spray. Just to keep her on her toes at all times.
Peace
that may have been the thread. i recall it was headache inducing and a few couldn't grasp that self-defense only applies when one is in imminent danger.
like i've said self defense awareness (including pepper spray) can be a good thing, even tho unfortunatly can't always be counted on to prevent attacks. parents have to teach both their sons and daughters lessons about personal safety and it's never okay to hurt, rape or abuse others... all the while without instilling shame in their kids nor the fear or mistrust of others.
looks like you've got it covered with your daughter....great parenting g under p :thumbup:
I'm still wondering what one means by 'empowering' women. What this buzzword really means.... used a lot, not meaning much, I think. Trendy word.
Empowering how? What are the techniques used to 'empower'? When is one 'empowered'? What 'powers' are women invested with?
TBU - that is horrible. There have been a number of horrible rape cases lately there. Not only are women starting to take a stand there, but so are men. Ties in with Chadwick's thread (which I still need to respond to).
Just reminds us that rape is not 'reserved' for women but children as well (and has been mentioned in this thread already). How does one 'empower' a 4 year old?
The old fashioned viewpoint...
weaker sex....
don't fight back.....
The negativity of those thoughts from generations ago are limiting and ridiculous.....
teaching the next generation by example......
...."the pandora solution" was for victims to get a male family member to KILL the abuser...., the good guy that kills on her behalf :twisted:
How ironic... getting a MALE family member to 'take care of things' for the 'weak' (?) woman. Old fashion viewpoint? Has a woman been 'empowered'? Limiting and ridiculous thoughts...
We keep mentioning 'empowering' women but very few suggestions are floated when the topic is brought up. How about we empower our girls from an early age to love and respect themselves? Teaching in high school, I see SO many girls that really do not love themselves at all. Why don't we teach our girls more than just academics and sports and clubs. Why don't we help them understand their bodies and how they function? Why don't we teach them how to stand firm when girl friends and boys are pushing them to do things they don't want to (and this is about more then sex or drugs and alcohol)? We say we teach these things but when I listen to these kids talking about their weekend.....well, let's just say some parents might be suprised at what their kids are doing - even the 'good' kids are doing some crazy shit. DOn't get me wrong, I had a great time in high school and college but I spent a good portion of my youth looking for those things that were expected of and for me (and I know that this is just me and my expectations and my parental expectations but I don't think it is vastly different when you get to the heart of what these kids want). I would also say we don't teach our boys to love and respect themselves either and it's just as hard for these boys to navigate their way through the expectations that are laid on them as well. I think there are huge similarities between this thread and the one about expectations. Expectations really drive most of us - for the good and the bad.
Are we getting something out of this all-encompassing trip?
Seems my preconceptions are what should have been burned...
unfortunately empowering women is going to take a major societal shift. little girls grow up reading stories about overcoming all odds to meet the man, their prince, that will then take care of them the rest of their lives in their big house. I read stories like this to my daughters every night. why? there's really nothing out there that caters to the opposite at their age. it's still stories that will cause more honey boo boo's to be raised.
they are taught from a young age that they are the ones raising the babies. cooking dinner. and the boys are raised to be the ones out there in the construction zone. being manly. getting the girl with the grossly disproportionate waistline after staying out all night drinking beers with his friends.
there was a great Simpsons episode about this. Lisa was disgusted how her doll, Malibu Stacey, now spoke words with a pull cord, and all it spouted was antiquated quotes about "boys will be boys" and "don't ask me, I'm just a girl" followed by an airhead giggle. So she designed a doll that empowered girls to think for themselves, etc. But then Malibu Stacey put out a new doll with a brand new hat and the little girls went wild for it and Lisa's doll went to the bargain bin. what is the bigger commentary here? is it that girls are taught to be this way, or that it is that you can't fight nature? nature vs nurture.
we need to stop putting out magazines with rail thin models on the cover and in the pages that are telling girls that this is not only acceptable, but expected. the women in these pages starve themselves and snort cocaine for breakfast. there was a photoshoot I saw recently (there's a thread in AET dedicated to her-can't remember her name), and she was by no means fat, but she wasn't a stick either. She had curves. Hour glass. Beautiful. How women were MADE. This is the example that needs to be set on a societal level. Not just in the home. that's not enough. Because peer pressure and corporate pressure are much harder to combat.
we have to stop tolerating the idea that every girl should aspire to be a cheerleader.
Gimli 1993
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.
2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!
6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
11. And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are committing a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.
unfortunately empowering women is going to take a major societal shift. little girls grow up reading stories about overcoming all odds to meet the man, their prince, that will then take care of them the rest of their lives in their big house....
Absolutely right. It will also take a major societal shift to allow men/young men/boys to be 'men' without either this 'laddish/boys will be boys and all will be forgiven' attitude or this 'protector/provider (and therefore you 'owe' me)' attitude. Neither really respect the woman/girl for what she is - an equal. Same as young girls/women looking for their 'prince charming' taking care of everything - not seeing men as equal.
Major change but change is happening. My daughter had the fairy tales read to her too but her favourite 'doll' was a Lara Croft one (OK.. so going to the other extreme!) and for the right reasons too. Whilst young girls and boys still have the examples of some of the outdated 'values' in their fairy tales, in their grand-parents maybe, etc., as a parent, one must make the difference. 'Decent' men (which most are), need to stand up for their kind and not let idiots like in the OP seem to be the norm.
The old fashioned viewpoint...
weaker sex....
don't fight back.....
The negativity of those thoughts from generations ago are limiting and ridiculous.....
teaching the next generation by example......
...."the pandora solution" was for victims to get a male family member to KILL the abuser...., the good guy that kills on her behalf :twisted:
How ironic... getting a MALE family member to 'take care of things' for the 'weak' (?) woman. Old fashion viewpoint? Has a woman been 'empowered'? Limiting and ridiculous thoughts...
As for teaching by example... :roll:
I remember one point in that thread from long ago was families stick together.
Of course twisted by my buddies here
A strong man here who is very opinionated
brought just that to the thread and yes I agree with him, still do on many topics.
I realize we have some people here,
there is a name for it but it slips my mind, those who can not value fighting back
even when a life is at stake. That's their choice, ok for them but certainly not ok for others....
many many others.
As I said how is this working for women over the past 50 -60 years?
the mambie pambie, its never your fault,
you have no responsibility towards what happens to you in life, don't fight back,
fear for your life.... yaddy yaddy yaddy
We see this does not work but I guess some will continue to encourage rape
with this attitude. I see a much different trend here in the work I've been doing.
Work towards making strong women not afraid to stand up to and to change to bring change.
And in doing so are helping the next generation.
Kudos to them for breaking this cycle encouraged by so many.
There is much we can all do ... please write write write to make change.
Sign petitions, contact companies that actually encourage rape...
like I have done so on this and many others http://www.empowernetwork.com/newmoney2 ... ross-head/
I was wondering if anyone is volunteering here and contributing in their communities?
Positive words and actions that can be shared with us all here that would be nice.
The negativity is sometimes stifling, hearing positive efforts motivates.
unfortunately empowering women is going to take a major societal shift. little girls grow up reading stories about overcoming all odds to meet the man, their prince, that will then take care of them the rest of their lives in their big house. I read stories like this to my daughters every night. why? there's really nothing out there that caters to the opposite at their age. it's still stories that will cause more honey boo boo's to be raised.
they are taught from a young age that they are the ones raising the babies. cooking dinner. and the boys are raised to be the ones out there in the construction zone. being manly. getting the girl with the grossly disproportionate waistline after staying out all night drinking beers with his friends.
there was a great Simpsons episode about this. Lisa was disgusted how her doll, Malibu Stacey, now spoke words with a pull cord, and all it spouted was antiquated quotes about "boys will be boys" and "don't ask me, I'm just a girl" followed by an airhead giggle. So she designed a doll that empowered girls to think for themselves, etc. But then Malibu Stacey put out a new doll with a brand new hat and the little girls went wild for it and Lisa's doll went to the bargain bin. what is the bigger commentary here? is it that girls are taught to be this way, or that it is that you can't fight nature? nature vs nurture.
we need to stop putting out magazines with rail thin models on the cover and in the pages that are telling girls that this is not only acceptable, but expected. the women in these pages starve themselves and snort cocaine for breakfast. there was a photoshoot I saw recently (there's a thread in AET dedicated to her-can't remember her name), and she was by no means fat, but she wasn't a stick either. She had curves. Hour glass. Beautiful. How women were MADE. This is the example that needs to be set on a societal level. Not just in the home. that's not enough. Because peer pressure and corporate pressure are much harder to combat.
we have to stop tolerating the idea that every girl should aspire to be a cheerleader.
True. Hard to achieve global wide though. An individual household has the chance to educate and raise their daughter to defy the stereotype girls are saturated with throughout society, but there are way too many parents out there that strive for their daughters to fit the stereotype. What's that disgusting reality show focusing on toddler beauty queens (Toddlers and Tiaras)?
There is another side to this equation: the young men we raise need to be taught to respect women. Further, society teaches our young men to be strong and aggressive. The kind and gentle young man is viewed as weak. No young male wishes that for themselves. Again... there are too many households who neglect this significant task and as a result... the violence towards women has no chance of disappearing with many men inherently predisposed and conditioned to act out violently.
Bottom line: for me it boils down to parenting. We are a morally decaying society. When young men act poorly, it has been my experience that most of the time... the parents look to blame the other party, or a neutral party, for the incident versus holding their kid accountable. I think this attitude stems from poor mentoring, widespread general lack of discipline, as well as a common narcissistic view of the world and one's place in it. Kids are taught to take from society... not contribute to it.
Bottom line: for me it boils down to parenting. We are a morally decaying society. When young men act poorly, it has been my experience that most of the time... the parents look to blame the other party, or a neutral party, for the incident versus holding their kid accountable....
Absolutely. For societies such as ours.
Can be a completely different issue in other cultures. But that is a huge, huge cultural upheaval which will take generations upon generations to even think about changing (so much more involved than just 'respect').
True. Hard to achieve global wide though. An individual household has the chance to educate and raise their daughter to defy the stereotype girls are saturated with throughout society, but there are way too many parents out there that strive for their daughters to fit the stereotype. What's that disgusting reality show focusing on toddler beauty queens (Toddlers and Tiaras)?
There is another side to this equation: the young men we raise need to be taught to respect women. Further, society teaches our young men to be strong and aggressive. The kind and gentle young man is viewed as weak. No young male wishes that for themselves. Again... there are too many households who neglect this significant task and as a result... the violence towards women has no chance of disappearing with many men inherently predisposed and conditioned to act out violently.
Bottom line: for me it boils down to parenting. We are a morally decaying society. When young men act poorly, it has been my experience that most of the time... the parents look to blame the other party, or a neutral party, for the incident versus holding their kid accountable. I think this attitude stems from poor mentoring, widespread general lack of discipline, as well as a common narcissistic view of the world and one's place in it. Kids are taught to take from society... not contribute to it.
yes, the male side of it is equally important. for example, my sister's husband freaks out any time their son picks up what he deems a girl's toy. "YOU'RE A BOY. BOYS DON'T PLAY WITH BARBIES". Seriously, dude, f*** off. Let your kid be who he is. I played with barbies with my sister and her friends all the time growing up. And it didn't "make me gay". :roll: the odd thing is,though, that he enourages my daughters to play with cars and trucks and such. Maybe I should freak on him for turning my daughters into butchy lesbians. :roll:
and your last pargraph is so true it's frightening.
Gimli 1993
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
the mambie pambie, its never your fault,
you have no responsibility towards what happens to you in life, don't fight back,
fear for your life.... yaddy yaddy yaddy
this is so utterly disgusting I can't even begin to respond to it.
GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF WHEN IT IS THEIR FAULT.
Gimli 1993
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
I just want to make sure that a company it actively encouraging rape or are you using it in the if you are against the drug war you are encouraging drug use kind of way...
I am kind of seeing what you are trying to say, but you lost me here
that’s right! Can’t we all just get together and focus on our real enemies: monogamous gays and stem cells… - Ned Flanders
It is terrifying when you are too stupid to know who is dumb
- Joe Rogan
I just want to make sure that a company it actively encouraging rape or are you using it in the if you are against the drug war you are encouraging drug use kind of way...
I am kind of seeing what you are trying to say, but you lost me here
as with the link I posted is one example of a company we contacted but I have also signed
many petitions like this
thanks for giving me time and attempting to understand, this has become a proactive
subject for me, it has been self motivating and fulfilling working with other women
who take action for change.
I just want to make sure that a company it actively encouraging rape or are you using it in the if you are against the drug war you are encouraging drug use kind of way...
I am kind of seeing what you are trying to say, but you lost me here
as with the link I posted is one example of a company we contacted but I have also signed
many petitions like this
thanks for giving me time and attempting to understand, this has become a proactive
subject for me, it has been self motivating and fulfilling working with other women
who take action for change.
interesting organization.
I am not really in favor of people attacking sponsors as a way to silence/punish someone, but understand the rationale for wanting to do it.
I doubt the song lyric is an actual recount of things Ross did. But we will just have to disagree on the tactics used.
that’s right! Can’t we all just get together and focus on our real enemies: monogamous gays and stem cells… - Ned Flanders
It is terrifying when you are too stupid to know who is dumb
- Joe Rogan
I just want to make sure that a company it actively encouraging rape or are you using it in the if you are against the drug war you are encouraging drug use kind of way...
I am kind of seeing what you are trying to say, but you lost me here
as with the link I posted is one example of a company we contacted but I have also signed
many petitions like this
thanks for giving me time and attempting to understand, this has become a proactive
subject for me, it has been self motivating and fulfilling working with other women
who take action for change.
interesting organization.
I am not really in favor of people attacking sponsors as a way to silence/punish someone, but understand the rationale for wanting to do it.
I doubt the song lyric is an actual recount of things Ross did. But we will just have to disagree on the tactics used.
Matters not if he did it personally :? he has young people looking up to him.
It's important that real life acts like this, that are happening, are not painted in any kind of light
that could be considered acceptable behavior. Send a message to those who profit at the expense
of those who are victimzed.
I just was wondering if that thread was still there and searched, it is there.....it's called
"My Sister Is In an Abusive Relationship...". I never understand the concept of combating violence with MORE violence....unless in a self defense scenario.
My daughter will off to college next year and may face some of the situations some have posted here. She has been given all the self defense awareness and date rape lessons a father can give a daughter. With that said I still want to get her a small canister of pepper spray. Just to keep her on her toes at all times.
Peace
Hey - couldn't hurt! I remember many nights as a young woman walking to my car in the parking garage after work - kept that canister in my hand; I think just holding it made me more aware in many senses.
(in retrospect, I envision my then-self as a wannabe-super-ninja-heroine. "who's there?" *spins around, armed!* My present self has ditched that persona and just keeps a common sense/mindful eye out)
Thank god that footlooseness passed.
Anyway, any bit helps...but the part I bolded up there?
Smacks of good parenting.
I think you've mentioned in the past you have a son, or stepson? Lucky kid.
Well I went back again and read through some of that ABUSIVE thread and came across one of the links I posted.... http://justicewomen.com/help_teach.html it's called...12 Teaching Scenarios: Responding to Rape, Domestic Violence, and Child Abuse.....that was from page 9 in the thread
Oh as for my daughter I have tried to be very detailed in teaching her to be aware of her surroundings and scenarios. I have raised her as a single parent since she was 3 years old, she thinks of EVERYONE as a friend and I have tried to teach her that's NOT always the case. Far worse is that we live in an community where we have never locked the house, cars or anything else but that doesn't mean they're dangers about. As a parent I have protect her from any dangers that might arise and have her ready, aware of said dangers.
Peace
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
True. Hard to achieve global wide though. An individual household has the chance to educate and raise their daughter to defy the stereotype girls are saturated with throughout society, but there are way too many parents out there that strive for their daughters to fit the stereotype. What's that disgusting reality show focusing on toddler beauty queens (Toddlers and Tiaras)?
There is another side to this equation: the young men we raise need to be taught to respect women. Further, society teaches our young men to be strong and aggressive. The kind and gentle young man is viewed as weak. No young male wishes that for themselves. Again... there are too many households who neglect this significant task and as a result... the violence towards women has no chance of disappearing with many men inherently predisposed and conditioned to act out violently.
Bottom line: for me it boils down to parenting. We are a morally decaying society. When young men act poorly, it has been my experience that most of the time... the parents look to blame the other party, or a neutral party, for the incident versus holding their kid accountable. I think this attitude stems from poor mentoring, widespread general lack of discipline, as well as a common narcissistic view of the world and one's place in it. Kids are taught to take from society... not contribute to it.
I agree with it all, but especially the bolded and last paragraph. Which makes me think of Eddie Vedder. Now he respects women. You don't see anyone viewing him as weak, he's been fighting the good fight since the early 90's with writing pro-choice on his arm and covering Leaving Here. But did he get his respect from his mother? Who knows, maybe it's just in-bred in some people to simply respect all.
Parents today. Man, they are stereotypically are so bad, that all the good parents aren't even easily seen. But they are out there. Somewhere. We need more. More parents like g under p.
Elizabeth Smart: Abstinence Education Teaches Rape Victims They’re Worthless, Dirty, And Filthy
By Tara Culp-Ressler on May 6, 2013 at 12:00 pm
Elizabeth Smart became a household name after she was kidnapped from her home in Salt Lake City, UT at the age of 14 and held in captivity for nine months. She was forced into a polygamous marriage, tethered to a metal cable, and raped daily until she was rescued from her captors nine months later. Smart was recovered while she and her kidnappers were walking down a suburban street, leading many Americans who followed her story on the national news to wonder: Why didn’t she just run away as soon as she was brought outside?
Speaking to an audience at Johns Hopkins about issues of human trafficking and sexual violence, Smart recently offered an answer to that question. She explained that some human trafficking victims don’t run away because they feel worthless after being raped, particularly if they have been raised in conservative cultures that push abstinence-only education and emphasize sexual purity:
Smart said she “felt so dirty and so filthy” after she was raped by her captor, and she understands why someone wouldn’t run “because of that alone.”
Smart spoke at a Johns Hopkins human trafficking forum, saying she was raised in a religious household and recalled a school teacher who spoke once about abstinence and compared sex to chewing gum.
“I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, I’m that chewed up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a piece of gum, you throw it away.’ And that’s how easy it is to feel like you no longer have worth, you no longer have value,” Smart said. “Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value.”
Now in her mid-twenties, Smart runs a foundation to help educate children about sexual crimes. She now believes that children should grow up learning that “you will always have value and nothing can change that.”
Social psychologists and sexual abuse counselors agree that comprehensive sex education can help prevent sexual crimes. Teaching children about their bodies gives them the tools to describe acts of abuse without feeling as embarrassed or uncomfortable, and it also helps elevate their self-confidence and sense of bodily autonomy. A shame-based approach to genitalia and sexuality, on the other hand, sends kids the message that they can’t discuss or ask questions about any of those issues.
Nonethless, abstinence-only education programs have a long history of imparting harmful messages that shame youth about their sexuality instead of teaching them the facts they need to safeguard their health. A high school in West Virginia recently made national headlines after hosting a conservative religious speaker who allegedly told students “if you take birth control, your mother probably hates you” and “I could look at any one of you in the eyes right now and tell if you’re going to be promiscuous.” In Smart’s home state of Utah — which is home to a large religiously conservative Mormon community — sex education is currently mandated, but lawmakers have repeatedly pushed to weaken the state law and reinstate an abstinence-only curriculum.
Comments
I just was wondering if that thread was still there and searched, it is there.....it's called
"My Sister Is In an Abusive Relationship...". I never understand the concept of combating violence with MORE violence....unless in a self defense scenario.
My daughter will off to college next year and may face some of the situations some have posted here. She has been given all the self defense awareness and date rape lessons a father can give a daughter. With that said I still want to get her a small canister of pepper spray. Just to keep her on her toes at all times.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
(in retrospect, I envision my then-self as a wannabe-super-ninja-heroine. "who's there?" *spins around, armed!* My present self has ditched that persona and just keeps a common sense/mindful eye out)
Thank god that footlooseness passed.
Anyway, any bit helps...but the part I bolded up there?
Smacks of good parenting.
I think you've mentioned in the past you have a son, or stepson? Lucky kid.
that may have been the thread. i recall it was headache inducing and a few couldn't grasp that self-defense only applies when one is in imminent danger.
like i've said self defense awareness (including pepper spray) can be a good thing, even tho unfortunatly can't always be counted on to prevent attacks. parents have to teach both their sons and daughters lessons about personal safety and it's never okay to hurt, rape or abuse others... all the while without instilling shame in their kids nor the fear or mistrust of others.
looks like you've got it covered with your daughter....great parenting g under p :thumbup:
angels share laughter
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There are people in India right now that think to the contrary:
http://www.upi.com/Top_News/World-News/ ... 367319423/
Death seems like a pretty reasonable solution to this display of depravity.
Empowering how? What are the techniques used to 'empower'? When is one 'empowered'? What 'powers' are women invested with?
TBU - that is horrible. There have been a number of horrible rape cases lately there. Not only are women starting to take a stand there, but so are men. Ties in with Chadwick's thread (which I still need to respond to).
Just reminds us that rape is not 'reserved' for women but children as well (and has been mentioned in this thread already). How does one 'empower' a 4 year old?
How ironic... getting a MALE family member to 'take care of things' for the 'weak' (?) woman. Old fashion viewpoint? Has a woman been 'empowered'? Limiting and ridiculous thoughts...
As for teaching by example... :roll:
Seems my preconceptions are what should have been burned...
I AM MINE
they are taught from a young age that they are the ones raising the babies. cooking dinner. and the boys are raised to be the ones out there in the construction zone. being manly. getting the girl with the grossly disproportionate waistline after staying out all night drinking beers with his friends.
there was a great Simpsons episode about this. Lisa was disgusted how her doll, Malibu Stacey, now spoke words with a pull cord, and all it spouted was antiquated quotes about "boys will be boys" and "don't ask me, I'm just a girl" followed by an airhead giggle. So she designed a doll that empowered girls to think for themselves, etc. But then Malibu Stacey put out a new doll with a brand new hat and the little girls went wild for it and Lisa's doll went to the bargain bin. what is the bigger commentary here? is it that girls are taught to be this way, or that it is that you can't fight nature? nature vs nurture.
we need to stop putting out magazines with rail thin models on the cover and in the pages that are telling girls that this is not only acceptable, but expected. the women in these pages starve themselves and snort cocaine for breakfast. there was a photoshoot I saw recently (there's a thread in AET dedicated to her-can't remember her name), and she was by no means fat, but she wasn't a stick either. She had curves. Hour glass. Beautiful. How women were MADE. This is the example that needs to be set on a societal level. Not just in the home. that's not enough. Because peer pressure and corporate pressure are much harder to combat.
we have to stop tolerating the idea that every girl should aspire to be a cheerleader.
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
not men being men but men being bad men :fp:
Major change but change is happening. My daughter had the fairy tales read to her too but her favourite 'doll' was a Lara Croft one (OK.. so going to the other extreme!) and for the right reasons too. Whilst young girls and boys still have the examples of some of the outdated 'values' in their fairy tales, in their grand-parents maybe, etc., as a parent, one must make the difference. 'Decent' men (which most are), need to stand up for their kind and not let idiots like in the OP seem to be the norm.
Of course twisted by my buddies here
A strong man here who is very opinionated
brought just that to the thread and yes I agree with him, still do on many topics.
I realize we have some people here,
there is a name for it but it slips my mind, those who can not value fighting back
even when a life is at stake. That's their choice, ok for them but certainly not ok for others....
many many others.
As I said how is this working for women over the past 50 -60 years?
the mambie pambie, its never your fault,
you have no responsibility towards what happens to you in life, don't fight back,
fear for your life.... yaddy yaddy yaddy
We see this does not work but I guess some will continue to encourage rape
with this attitude. I see a much different trend here in the work I've been doing.
Work towards making strong women not afraid to stand up to and to change to bring change.
And in doing so are helping the next generation.
Kudos to them for breaking this cycle encouraged by so many.
There is much we can all do ... please write write write to make change.
Sign petitions, contact companies that actually encourage rape...
like I have done so on this and many others
http://www.empowernetwork.com/newmoney2 ... ross-head/
I was wondering if anyone is volunteering here and contributing in their communities?
Positive words and actions that can be shared with us all here that would be nice.
The negativity is sometimes stifling, hearing positive efforts motivates.
True. Hard to achieve global wide though. An individual household has the chance to educate and raise their daughter to defy the stereotype girls are saturated with throughout society, but there are way too many parents out there that strive for their daughters to fit the stereotype. What's that disgusting reality show focusing on toddler beauty queens (Toddlers and Tiaras)?
There is another side to this equation: the young men we raise need to be taught to respect women. Further, society teaches our young men to be strong and aggressive. The kind and gentle young man is viewed as weak. No young male wishes that for themselves. Again... there are too many households who neglect this significant task and as a result... the violence towards women has no chance of disappearing with many men inherently predisposed and conditioned to act out violently.
Bottom line: for me it boils down to parenting. We are a morally decaying society. When young men act poorly, it has been my experience that most of the time... the parents look to blame the other party, or a neutral party, for the incident versus holding their kid accountable. I think this attitude stems from poor mentoring, widespread general lack of discipline, as well as a common narcissistic view of the world and one's place in it. Kids are taught to take from society... not contribute to it.
Absolutely. For societies such as ours.
Can be a completely different issue in other cultures. But that is a huge, huge cultural upheaval which will take generations upon generations to even think about changing (so much more involved than just 'respect').
yes, the male side of it is equally important. for example, my sister's husband freaks out any time their son picks up what he deems a girl's toy. "YOU'RE A BOY. BOYS DON'T PLAY WITH BARBIES". Seriously, dude, f*** off. Let your kid be who he is. I played with barbies with my sister and her friends all the time growing up. And it didn't "make me gay". :roll: the odd thing is,though, that he enourages my daughters to play with cars and trucks and such. Maybe I should freak on him for turning my daughters into butchy lesbians. :roll:
and your last pargraph is so true it's frightening.
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
this is so utterly disgusting I can't even begin to respond to it.
GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF WHEN IT IS THEIR FAULT.
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
example of a company that encourages rape?
I just want to make sure that a company it actively encouraging rape or are you using it in the if you are against the drug war you are encouraging drug use kind of way...
I am kind of seeing what you are trying to say, but you lost me here
It is terrifying when you are too stupid to know who is dumb
- Joe Rogan
many petitions like this
http://www.empowernetwork.com/newmoney2 ... ross-head/
and it brings change
http://wavenewspapers.com/arts_and_ente ... 0f31a.html
thanks for giving me time and attempting to understand, this has become a proactive
subject for me, it has been self motivating and fulfilling working with other women
who take action for change.
interesting organization.
I am not really in favor of people attacking sponsors as a way to silence/punish someone, but understand the rationale for wanting to do it.
I doubt the song lyric is an actual recount of things Ross did. But we will just have to disagree on the tactics used.
It is terrifying when you are too stupid to know who is dumb
- Joe Rogan
It's important that real life acts like this, that are happening, are not painted in any kind of light
that could be considered acceptable behavior. Send a message to those who profit at the expense
of those who are victimzed.
Well I went back again and read through some of that ABUSIVE thread and came across one of the links I posted....
http://justicewomen.com/help_teach.html it's called...12 Teaching Scenarios: Responding to Rape, Domestic Violence, and Child Abuse.....that was from page 9 in the thread
I think it can be helpful.
This is from the entire thread.....viewtopic.php?f=14&t=148775&hilit=My+sister+is+in+an+abusive+relationship
Oh as for my daughter I have tried to be very detailed in teaching her to be aware of her surroundings and scenarios. I have raised her as a single parent since she was 3 years old, she thinks of EVERYONE as a friend and I have tried to teach her that's NOT always the case. Far worse is that we live in an community where we have never locked the house, cars or anything else but that doesn't mean they're dangers about. As a parent I have protect her from any dangers that might arise and have her ready, aware of said dangers.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
I agree with it all, but especially the bolded and last paragraph. Which makes me think of Eddie Vedder. Now he respects women. You don't see anyone viewing him as weak, he's been fighting the good fight since the early 90's with writing pro-choice on his arm and covering Leaving Here. But did he get his respect from his mother? Who knows, maybe it's just in-bred in some people to simply respect all.
Parents today. Man, they are stereotypically are so bad, that all the good parents aren't even easily seen. But they are out there. Somewhere. We need more. More parents like g under p.
By Tara Culp-Ressler on May 6, 2013 at 12:00 pm
Elizabeth Smart became a household name after she was kidnapped from her home in Salt Lake City, UT at the age of 14 and held in captivity for nine months. She was forced into a polygamous marriage, tethered to a metal cable, and raped daily until she was rescued from her captors nine months later. Smart was recovered while she and her kidnappers were walking down a suburban street, leading many Americans who followed her story on the national news to wonder: Why didn’t she just run away as soon as she was brought outside?
Speaking to an audience at Johns Hopkins about issues of human trafficking and sexual violence, Smart recently offered an answer to that question. She explained that some human trafficking victims don’t run away because they feel worthless after being raped, particularly if they have been raised in conservative cultures that push abstinence-only education and emphasize sexual purity:
Now in her mid-twenties, Smart runs a foundation to help educate children about sexual crimes. She now believes that children should grow up learning that “you will always have value and nothing can change that.”
Social psychologists and sexual abuse counselors agree that comprehensive sex education can help prevent sexual crimes. Teaching children about their bodies gives them the tools to describe acts of abuse without feeling as embarrassed or uncomfortable, and it also helps elevate their self-confidence and sense of bodily autonomy. A shame-based approach to genitalia and sexuality, on the other hand, sends kids the message that they can’t discuss or ask questions about any of those issues.
Nonethless, abstinence-only education programs have a long history of imparting harmful messages that shame youth about their sexuality instead of teaching them the facts they need to safeguard their health. A high school in West Virginia recently made national headlines after hosting a conservative religious speaker who allegedly told students “if you take birth control, your mother probably hates you” and “I could look at any one of you in the eyes right now and tell if you’re going to be promiscuous.” In Smart’s home state of Utah — which is home to a large religiously conservative Mormon community — sex education is currently mandated, but lawmakers have repeatedly pushed to weaken the state law and reinstate an abstinence-only curriculum.
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/05 ... ?mobile=nc
Good for Elizabeth Smart.