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*** Jokes of the Day!! ***

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  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    what is the definition of trust?


    one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Posts: 10,217
    davidtrios wrote:
    what is the definition of trust?


    one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj

    :fp: :lol::lol:
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • of.the.girlof.the.girl Posts: 10,026
    davidtrios wrote:
    what is the definition of trust?


    one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj

    I'm surprised you remembered that one :lol::lol::lol:
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    of.the.girl wrote:
    davidtrios wrote:
    what is the definition of trust?


    one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj

    I'm surprised you remembered that one :lol::lol::lol:


    that was a good one! i think that joke was better than her depressing songs.
  • of.the.girlof.the.girl Posts: 10,026
    davidtrios wrote:
    of.the.girl wrote:
    davidtrios wrote:
    what is the definition of trust?


    one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj

    I'm surprised you remembered that one :lol::lol::lol:


    that was a good one! i think that joke was better than her depressing songs.
    That's not what you were saying at the time
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    she had a great voice, dont get me wrong but i wanted to slit my wrists by the end
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    My neighbor just asked if I could not come home so late at night because the garage door wakes her up. I said sure, if you lose weight.
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    Whose the favorite guy at a nudist colony? The guy that can carry one dozen doughnuts and two cups of coffee!
    Who's the favorite girl there? The one that can eat the last doughnut!!!
  • The Waiting Trophy ManThe Waiting Trophy Man Posts: 12,158
    What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?

    "Are you gonna eat that?"
    Another habit says it's in love with you
    Another habit says its long overdue
    Another habit like an unwanted friend
    I'm so happy with my righteous self
  • Dru_CortezDru_Cortez Posts: 953
    Who doesn't love a good fish n' chips joke?!
    Exactly: NOBODY!

    A priest is visiting an unfamiliar monastery in a strange town. For his first meal, he is treated to the best fish and chips he's ever had.

    After dinner, he goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. He is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Francis."

    "I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"

    Brother Michael replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

    Father turns to the other brother and says, "Then you must be...."

    "Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk..."

    Cheers.
    'Cause you don't give blood and take it back again.
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    a plane is going down, theres a teacher, a lawyer, a priest...the teacher says "lets save the kids first", the lawyer says "F___ the kids", the priest says "oh...do we have time for that?
  • tempo_n_groovetempo_n_groove Posts: 40,086
    davidtrios said:

    a plane is going down, theres a teacher, a lawyer, a priest...the teacher says "lets save the kids first", the lawyer says "F___ the kids", the priest says "oh...do we have time for that?

    Love it!^

    Pirate walks into a bar (I LOVE pirate jokes) with a steering wheel attached to a chain around his neck.

    Takes a seat at the bar and tells the bartender "Argggh, get me a spot o' rum laddie".

    Bartender looks at him and the steering wheel around his neck and looks confused. "Sure"

    Bartender returns to the pirate and says " look this drink is on me but, I gotta ask, what's with the steering wheel?"

    Pirate replies "arrrrggghh, it's drivin' me nuts!"



  • PJSirenPJSiren Posts: 5,863
    I didn't read all 8 pages, so this one might be in here, but I didn't see it among the blonde jokes I did read and usually when I tell it people haven't heard it before...

    Why were the blonde's boobs square?
    She forgot to take the kleenex out of the box...
    Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior!
    Tattooed Dissident!
  • northerndragonnortherndragon Posts: 9,851
    What's the difference between a peeping Tom and a pickpocket?

    A pickpocket snatches watches.
    Anything you lose from being honest
    You never really had to begin with.


    Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.
  • WhatYouTaughtMeWhatYouTaughtMe Posts: 4,957
    northerndragon said:

    What's the difference between a peeping Tom and a pickpocket?

    A pickpocket snatches watches.

    Hahaha!
    2 cannibals are eating a clown. One looks up and says to the other, "does this guy taste funny to you?"
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    What did Ford say to GM?
    I don't recall
  • pjhawkspjhawks Posts: 12,420
    Q: What did mayor Rob Ford get on his IQ test?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    A: Molson Canadian
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    President walks into a BBQ restuarant. Cashier yells out, "Equal rights for Gays!" President asks, "Are you gay?"

    "Only when I have sex!"

    BOOM

    http://gawker.com/obama-fist-bumps-texas-bbq-cashier-in-response-to-gay-s-1604591349?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_facebook&utm_source=gawker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow
  • davidtriosdavidtrios Posts: 9,732
    How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
    None, he fell.
  • northerndragonnortherndragon Posts: 9,851
    edited April 2015
    From the White House Correspondents dinner.....

    "Lets give it up for the Secret Service. I don't want to be too hard on those guys, because they are the only law enforcement agency in the country that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot."
    - Cecily Strong
    Post edited by northerndragon on
    Anything you lose from being honest
    You never really had to begin with.


    Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    How many psychics does it take to screw in a lightbulb???











    Only 15.99 a minute go find out!! CALL NOW..
  • HesCalledDyerHesCalledDyer Posts: 16,427
    Did I ever tell you guys about the first hipster that ever lived?

    Ahh, you probably never heard of him anyway.
    Star Lake 00 / Pittsburgh 03 / State College 03 / Bristow 03 / Cleveland 06 / Camden II 06 / DC 08 / Pittsburgh 13 / Baltimore 13 / Charlottesville 13 / Cincinnati 14 / St. Paul 14 / Hampton 16 / Wrigley I 16 / Wrigley II 16 / Baltimore 20 (xx) / Camden 22 / Baltimore 24
  • WobbieWobbie Posts: 29,901
    whispering hands said:

    How many psychics does it take to screw in a lightbulb???











    Only 15.99 a minute go find out!! CALL NOW..

    How many Teamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?














    Six. You got a fucking problem wit dat?

    If I had known then what I know now...

    Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
    VIC 07
    EV LA1 08
    Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
    Columbus 10
    EV LA 11
    Vancouver 11
    Missoula 12
    Portland 13, Spokane 13
    St. Paul 14, Denver 14
    Philly I & II, 16
    Denver 22
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    What does a bad horse do???

    Stirrup trouble.
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    What does a gay pedophile rooster say??


    A little cock'll do!!
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    whispering hands said:

    What does a gay pedophile rooster say??


    A little cock'll do!!

    I may get in trouble for this one..
  • HesCalledDyerHesCalledDyer Posts: 16,427
    What do you call a fly without wings?

    A walk. *rimshot*
    Star Lake 00 / Pittsburgh 03 / State College 03 / Bristow 03 / Cleveland 06 / Camden II 06 / DC 08 / Pittsburgh 13 / Baltimore 13 / Charlottesville 13 / Cincinnati 14 / St. Paul 14 / Hampton 16 / Wrigley I 16 / Wrigley II 16 / Baltimore 20 (xx) / Camden 22 / Baltimore 24
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    What do you call an expired hot dog?

    A RotDog
  • Muffin The MuleMuffin The Mule Posts: 490
    What's got 2 legs and bleeds?

    Half a dog.
    Brixton Academy 14/7/93, Wembley Arena 29/5/00, Wembley Arena 18/6/07, London O2 18/8/09, Hyde Park 25/6/10, Manchester 20/6/12, Arras 30/6/12, Werchter 5/7/14, Leeds 8/7/14, Milton Keynes 11/7/14, Mexico City 28/11/15, Toronto 10/5/16, Toronto 12/5/16,  Amsterdam 12/6/18, Amsterdam 13/6/18, London O2 18/6/18, Werchter 7/7/18, London O2 17/7/18, Werchter 30/6/22, Hyde Park 8/7/22, Hyde Park 9/7/22, Budapest 12/7/22, Prague 22/7/22, Amsterdam 24/7/22, Amsterdam 25/7/22, Dublin 22/6/24, Manchester 25/6/24, London 29/6/2024, Berlin 2/7/24, Berlin 3/7/24 
  • Amongst the AniAmongst the Ani Posts: 7,790
    Very inappropriate, just plain wrong but also funny in a wrong way.

    What do women and bowling balls have in common?

    They both have 3 holes and when you throw them in the gutter they come back eventually.
    Tom Brady & Donald Trump, BFF's
    Fuckus rules all
    Rob
    Seattle
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