*** Jokes of the Day!! ***

davidtrios

Dissidentman wrote:

If sex between 2 people is a twosome
and sex between 3 people is called a threesome
now I know why everyone calls me handsome

pretty good

JonnyPistachio

Dissidentman wrote:

If sex between 2 people is a twosome
and sex between 3 people is called a threesome
now I know why everyone calls me handsome

dimitrispearljam

Dissidentman wrote:

If sex between 2 people is a twosome
and sex between 3 people is called a threesome
now I know why everyone calls me handsome

don smith

what do you call the person who graduates last in their medical class?
doctor

madtowndave

davidtrios wrote:

if you think fetuses have souls, imagine would heaven would be like. you'd be tip toe-ing around, trying not to step on them. if you did, it would be like bubble gum stuck to your shoes.

he.who.forgets

Two Dogs:

A Native American family were all gathered around a fire outside their teepee one evening when the youngest son begins asking how everyone got their names. The father, Clapping Thunder, began explaining. Well son, the day I was born there was a terrible storm. Rain poured from the heavens, lightning struck all across the prairy, and there was the loudest thunder anyone had ever heard, so my parents named be Clapping Thunder. Your grandmother actually gave birth to your mother right there down by the river, hence her name, Rushing Water. Curiously, the youngest boy replies, "Well, how did I get my name?". Wondering why all of the sudden the boy was being so inquisitive, the father asks, "Well why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

SPEEDY MCCREADY

A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 25-pound pig. The pig farmer put the pig's tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down. He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy -- it was 30 pounds. The city slicker told the farmer he didn't believe that was the way to weigh pigs. The farmer called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The son put the pig's tail in his mouth, bobbed his head a couple of times and said the pig weighed 30 pounds. The city slicker said the farmer and his son were putting him on. The farmer told his son to go get his mother and have her come out and weigh the pig. The son went into the house and after a few minutes came out again.

"Mom's weighing the mailman."

BinauralJam

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 25-pound pig. The pig farmer put the pig's tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down. He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy -- it was 30 pounds. The city slicker told the farmer he didn't believe that was the way to weigh pigs. The farmer called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The son put the pig's tail in his mouth, bobbed his head a couple of times and said the pig weighed 30 pounds. The city slicker said the farmer and his son were putting him on. The farmer told his son to go get his mother and have her come out and weigh the pig. The son went into the house and after a few minutes came out again.

"Mom's weighing the mailman."

SPEEDY MCCREADY

BinauralJam wrote:

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 25-pound pig. The pig farmer put the pig's tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down. He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy -- it was 30 pounds. The city slicker told the farmer he didn't believe that was the way to weigh pigs. The farmer called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The son put the pig's tail in his mouth, bobbed his head a couple of times and said the pig weighed 30 pounds. The city slicker said the farmer and his son were putting him on. The farmer told his son to go get his mother and have her come out and weigh the pig. The son went into the house and after a few minutes came out again.

"Mom's weighing the mailman."

SPEEDY MCCREADY

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc after several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but not wanting to display his ignorance he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up & gives this some thought, he comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and then goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes & looks out at the pigs seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives themout to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drives them out to the woods. He spends all day screwing the pigs and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. 'No,' she says, 'they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.

davidtrios

what is the definition of trust?


one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj

JonnyPistachio

davidtrios wrote:

what is the definition of trust?


one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj

:fp:

of.the.girl

davidtrios wrote:

what is the definition of trust?


one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj

I'm surprised you remembered that one

davidtrios

of.the.girl wrote:

davidtrios wrote:

what is the definition of trust?


one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj

I'm surprised you remembered that one

that was a good one! i think that joke was better than her depressing songs.

of.the.girl

davidtrios wrote:

of.the.girl wrote:

davidtrios wrote:

what is the definition of trust?


one cannibal giving another cannibal a bj

I'm surprised you remembered that one

that was a good one! i think that joke was better than her depressing songs.

That's not what you were saying at the time

davidtrios

she had a great voice, dont get me wrong but i wanted to slit my wrists by the end

davidtrios

My neighbor just asked if I could not come home so late at night because the garage door wakes her up. I said sure, if you lose weight.

whispering hands

Whose the favorite guy at a nudist colony? The guy that can carry one dozen doughnuts and two cups of coffee!
Who's the favorite girl there? The one that can eat the last doughnut!!!

The Waiting Trophy Man

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?

"Are you gonna eat that?"

Dru_Cortez

Who doesn't love a good fish n' chips joke?!
Exactly: NOBODY!

A priest is visiting an unfamiliar monastery in a strange town. For his first meal, he is treated to the best fish and chips he's ever had.

After dinner, he goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. He is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Francis."

"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"

Brother Michael replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

Father turns to the other brother and says, "Then you must be...."

"Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk..."

Cheers.