*** Jokes of the Day!! ***

pandora

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJCfUm21BsI :P

Newch91

Apparantely some of my friends think me going to Dunkin Donuts yesterday was a joke:

I walk into Dunkin Donuts to get some food for dinner because I have a night class. I order a chocolate donut, bacon, egg, and cheese on plain bagel, and a strawberry coolata. I get the total, pull out my wallet, and noticed I didn't have any money in my wallet. So I just walked out.

pandora

Newch91 wrote:

Apparantely some of my friends think me going to Dunkin Donuts yesterday was a joke:

I walk into Dunkin Donuts to get some food for dinner because I have a night class. I order a chocolate donut, bacon, egg, and cheese on plain bagel, and a strawberry coolata. I get the total, pull out my wallet, and noticed I didn't have any money in my wallet. So I just walked out.

oh my, that's not funny... you were all ready for a great meal!
Hide a spare $10 in your wallet for next time try to forget about it then you'll be surprised when you find it
works for me but I'm getting forgetful, that's the nice thing about that, lots of surprises!

Newch91

pandora wrote:

Newch91 wrote:

Apparantely some of my friends think me going to Dunkin Donuts yesterday was a joke:

I walk into Dunkin Donuts to get some food for dinner because I have a night class. I order a chocolate donut, bacon, egg, and cheese on plain bagel, and a strawberry coolata. I get the total, pull out my wallet, and noticed I didn't have any money in my wallet. So I just walked out.

oh my, that's not funny... you were all ready for a great meal!
Hide a spare $10 in your wallet for next time try to forget about it then you'll be surprised when you find it
works for me but I'm getting forgetful, that's the nice thing about that, lots of surprises!

It's funny a little bit because it's the second time that it's happened to me! I just said to myself, "Not again".

pandora

Newch91 wrote:

pandora wrote:

Newch91 wrote:

Apparantely some of my friends think me going to Dunkin Donuts yesterday was a joke:

I walk into Dunkin Donuts to get some food for dinner because I have a night class. I order a chocolate donut, bacon, egg, and cheese on plain bagel, and a strawberry coolata. I get the total, pull out my wallet, and noticed I didn't have any money in my wallet. So I just walked out.

oh my, that's not funny... you were all ready for a great meal!
Hide a spare $10 in your wallet for next time try to forget about it then you'll be surprised when you find it
works for me but I'm getting forgetful, that's the nice thing about that, lots of surprises!

It's funny a little bit because it's the second time that it's happened to me! I just said to myself, "Not again".

well then no pity on you!

pandora

This one is for all the Blonde joke lovers! including me!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIA1VS2b ... re=related

Nothingman54

I'm stoned like a woman in Iran.

davidtrios

Old Python Joke:

One guys says, "My dog lost it's nose."
The other guy asks, "How does it smell?"
"Just awful."

pandora

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- and they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the guy over and demands, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach!"

theoceansmademe

pandora wrote:

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- and they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the guy over and demands, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach!"

great one will share this with my 7 year old.

theoceansmademe

A group of psychologist want to study the effect dog owner career choice has on the dog's behavior.

They get 3 puppies from the same litter place one with an architect, an accountant, and a waiter.

The dog's go off for one year.

One year later all 3 dogs are brought back and placed in a room with 20 dog treats.

The architect's dog is lead into the room, he looks at the treats and builds a house. He eats a few treats and then goes off and lays down in the corner.

The accountant's dog is next. He looks at the bones, counts them, breaks them up into 4 groups of 5, eats a few and then joins the other dog.

The waiters dog is then placed in the room. He looks at the bones, smashes them into a powder, snorts the dust, goes over to the other two dogs and fucks them up the ass, gets on the phone calls in sick and then takes a nap.

nuffingman

theoceansmademe wrote:

A group of psychologist want to study the effect dog owner career choice has on the dog's behavior.

They get 3 puppies from the same litter place one with an architect, an accountant, and a waiter.

The dog's go off for one year.

One year later all 3 dogs are brought back and placed in a room with 20 dog treats.

The architect's dog is lead into the room, he looks at the treats and builds a house. He eats a few treats and then goes off and lays down in the corner.

The accountant's dog is next. He looks at the bones, counts them, breaks them up into 4 groups of 5, eats a few and then joins the other dog.

The waiters dog is then placed in the room. He looks at the bones, smashes them into a powder, snorts the dust, goes over to the other two dogs and fucks them up the ass, gets on the phone calls in sick and then takes a nap.

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic warden’s funeral, a voice screamed from inside the box, “I’m not dead! I’m not dead!”

The vicar shouted back, “Sorry, the paperwork has already been done!”

pandora

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...

Eraserhead

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrott.

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.

A penguin walks into a pub and asks the landlord "have you seen my dad"? And the landlord replies "what does he look like?"

Jukee

This one made me laugh this morning...

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.

Franny

A man pulls his wife into the bedroom and rips off her clothes.
"Now honey, do a handstand against the full-length mirror on the wall"
"Hmmm", she thinks, "Kinky...I like it!"
She does the handstand and her hubby pulls her legs apart puts his chin down on her privates.
"The boys down the pub were right", he exclaims, "a goatie WOULD suit me!"

pandora

One day an old lady and an old man were sitting on their porch when the old lady says "Hey pa, why don't you run down to the restaurant and get us some ice cream." Pa said, "Ok I will go right now." Ma told him that she had better write it down for him, because he always forgets. He said no he would be fine, so off he went to the restaurant. When he got back he handed her a hamburger and she said "Dang it pa, I knew you would forget, I told you to get mustard on mine!"

Franny

three men go on holiday and find that thier accomodation has been incorrectly booked. There is only one room left at the motel and it had only one bed. So they share, after all it's only one night.
Morning comes and the guy sleeping on right says " Last night I dreamt I had the best wank ever". The guy on the left says "Me too!" The guy in the middle says " I dreamt I was skiing!"

DangDang

Did you hear about the broken-hearted tractor salesman?



He got a John Deere letter.

nuffingman

Sagittarius Crux wrote:

three men go on holiday and find that thier accomodation has been incorrectly booked. There is only one room left at the motel and it had only one bed. So they share, after all it's only one night.
Morning comes and the guy sleeping on right says " Last night I dreamt I had the best wank ever". The guy on the left says "Me too!" The guy in the middle says " I dreamt I was skiing!"