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*** Jokes of the Day!! ***

pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
edited September 2013 in All Encompassing Trip
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing? :shock:

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs. :P

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. :lol:

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion. :P

Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives. :roll:

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. :lol:


GOT SOME?
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    how 4 blondes seat in a chair?
    they put the chair,upside down..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • JukeeJukee Posts: 4,500
    dimitrispearljam wrote:
    how 4 blondes seat in a chair?
    they put the chair,upside down..

    :lol: Wow that's one blonde joke I haven't heard before.
    If you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to worry about.
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    dimitrispearljam wrote:
    how 4 blondes seat in a chair?
    they put the chair,upside down..
    :o:lol:
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    Jukee wrote:
    dimitrispearljam wrote:
    how 4 blondes seat in a chair?
    they put the chair,upside down..

    :lol: Wow that's one blonde joke I haven't heard before.
    we have blondes in Greece too.. :lol: let me try to remember some..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    I only know jokes that will get the thread locked... :cry:
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • JukeeJukee Posts: 4,500
    zchick wrote:
    I only know jokes that will get the thread locked... :cry:

    We had enough of that yesterday so maybe you should keep them to yourself... 8-)
    If you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to worry about.
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    Jukee wrote:
    zchick wrote:
    I only know jokes that will get the thread locked... :cry:

    We had enough of that yesterday so maybe you should keep them to yourself... 8-)
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    edited August 2010
    what 17 blondes waiting out of the cinema,?
    on more cos the film is for under 18
    Post edited by dimitrispearljam on
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • AnonAnon Posts: 11,175
    What did one snowman say to the other??
    Do you smell carrots?



    Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
    Because he was a little shellfish!



    What does a vegan zombie eat??
    Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains.
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    Jukee wrote:
    zchick wrote:
    I only know jokes that will get the thread locked... :cry:

    We had enough of that yesterday so maybe you should keep them to yourself... 8-)

    that's why I didn't post them...guess if somebody really wants to know, you cam PM me...LOL
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • Green CircleGreen Circle Posts: 5,192
    Jukee wrote:
    zchick wrote:
    I only know jokes that will get the thread locked... :cry:

    We had enough of that yesterday so maybe you should keep them to yourself... 8-)

    Yup...I give this thread, hmmmmm...a couple weeks before the
    jokes get good and the thread gets locked :P
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

    "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
    The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
    The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

    :D
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    LoveOnTwoLegs wrote:
    What did one snowman say to the other??
    Do you smell carrots?



    Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
    Because he was a little shellfish!



    What does a vegan zombie eat??
    Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains.
    :lol::D:lol:
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    A blonde goes into a beauty shop at New york :
    Blonde: Do you have a hair removal cream?
    Saleswoman: What area?
    Blonde: downtown
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    It's a dumb blonde, a smart blonde, Superman and Batman in a room with a pie. Suddenly the lights off and then the cake disappears. Who ate the pie??
    The dumb blonde because the other three are fictional characters!
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • JukeeJukee Posts: 4,500
    pandora wrote:
    A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

    "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
    The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
    The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

    :lol: Good one!

    :D
    If you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to worry about.
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    Why did the blonde opens her milk to the super market;
    Why writes on "Open here"
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    ok, lame one...
    Why did the blonde snort Nutra Sweet? She thought it was Diet Coke.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    This is one my little brother likes to say:

    Q: What kind of dog likes to take baths?
    A: A shampoodle.
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    Yo mamma's so old, she farts dust.
    :lol:
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    5 blondes were closed in an elevator. They began to shout for help. Suddenly one says:
    Stop, we get nothing like that. It should be loud and all together at the same time,,ill count to 3."
    ready?
    1,2,3,go!!
    "At the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    Yo Momma is so old....
    I told her to act her age, and she died!

    Yo Momma is so old....
    the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment!

    Yo Momma is so old....
    Jurassic Park brought back memories! :lol:
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    pandora wrote:
    Yo Momma is so old....
    I told her to act her age, and she died!

    Yo Momma is so old....
    the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment!

    Yo Momma is so old....
    Jurassic Park brought back memories! :lol:
    :lol: yo mamma is so old,older than Acropolis!!!
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Green CircleGreen Circle Posts: 5,192
    edited August 2010
    After everything I say respond with Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Breakfast?.......... Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Lunch?..............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Dinner?............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Dessert?.............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What do you do when you see a hot woman walking down the street?...........


    kudos to my 10 year old son.. :lol:
    Post edited by Green Circle on
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    A blonde to her husband:
    someone stole our car, but do not worry! I kept the number!
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    Yo Momma is so FAT
    Your momma is so fat she's not allowed to wear a Malcolm X jacket because they're afraid helicopters might land on her.
  • Green CircleGreen Circle Posts: 5,192
    pandora wrote:
    Yo Momma is so FAT
    Your momma is so fat she's not allowed to wear a Malcolm X jacket because they're afraid helicopters might land on her.

    Nice one!
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    Boo Boo wrote:
    After everything I say respond with Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Breakfast?.......... Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Lunch?..............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Dinner?............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Dessert?.............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What do you do when you see a hot woman walking down the street?...........


    kudos to my 10 year old son.. :lol:
    cute, kids have great jokes!
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,549
    A blond go into a shop and says:
    How much is this TV?
    And the shopkeeper:
    Madam, we do not sell things on blondes

    Go the next time the blonde with a red wig and redo the same question and the shopkeeper
    Madam, we do not sell to blondes

    again blonde with a black wig asking the same question and the shopkeeper
    Madam, i told u we do not sell to blondes
    and the blonde says:
    How do you understand that I am a blonde?


    cos my lady this is a microwave,not a TV !!!
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    dimitrispearljam wrote:
    A blond go into a shop and says:
    How much is this TV?
    And the shopkeeper:
    Madam, we do not sell things on blondes

    Go the next time the blonde with a red wig and redo the same question and the shopkeeper
    Madam, we do not sell to blondes

    again blonde with a black wig asking the same question and the shopkeeper
    Madam, i told u we do not sell to blondes
    and the blonde says:
    How do you understand that I am a blonde?


    cos my lady this is a microwave,not a TV !!!

    Haha! :lol::lol::lol:
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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