The wedding thread

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

And I believe you lack the ability to see that some people are happy and will always be happy.
This thread was created by the OP to talk wedding plans and to share happy experiences in the run up to her big day. Now, I know the OP very well, she's a close friend of mine and has been a huge help since my own engagement two months ago. I understand that you wish her well but using words such as 'fake' and suggesting that people who wed nowadays only want to put a price tag on their wedding, is a negative opinion and completely wrong when in context of the OP and myself... In fact you couldn't be further from the truth.
I'm sorry if you've had a bad experience with marriage and weddings but this isn't the place to vent that. Remember that not all weddings end in divorce and many people spend their ruby and even diamond anniversary's together.

There's an old saying: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Aww shucks :oops: thanks Sian!

I wanna go to Tennessee... really wanna see some of the Southern States but I think for a road trip, the West may be winning. It means once we're married... I can start planning that southern state trip! It'll gimme something to live for!

I can recommend Rome... but I'd be more inclined to recommend Tuscany

unlost dogs

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

unlost dogs wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Morning :wave:

Well that's it! We have a date and £1000 has been handed over as a deposit

25th November 2011.... 473 days to go :shock:

We're not having cars either Helen, saves a lot of money... and besides, that way I get to spend the night before in the hotel drinking cocktails, eating food and getting a massage

Outstanding, Sian!
So when do the lottery sales start? I'm really hoping for a front table seat.

Ah now that would be telling If I give you the heads up now it doesn't give a fair chance to everyone else

We do have an ever expanding guest list... should sort that really :?

You can always do lawn seating if you have to.

Heineken Helen

chime wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

We made sure to get a lot done in the beginning so that we wouldn't have to stress out too much as the day approaches. We'd make a few arrangements, then stop for a week or so. Once we realized that we were lagging, we'd get motivated to make a few more arrangements.

Yeh, we're at a point now where there's a few things we need to do in the next couple of weeks... and then we can relax til the next stage

There will come a point a couple of weeks before the wedding where whatever's not organised can be done without. When I pack for travel, I have a list that says 'ticket, money, passport'. Anything else can be done without or bought. For the wedding, once I have the man, the priest and the guests (ok... and the dress ) what more is actually NEEDED?

*coughs* the SHOOOOOEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!

you know I ain't no shoe person... but I'm sure I'll learn... what with you and Sian to teach me and all

Dottles, of course you're not intruding... you're HELPING... that's only ever a good thing but thanks so much. I wouldn't have known or thought about that otherwise. That'll gimme something to do at the weekend

Sian-of-the-dead

Heineken Helen wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

And I believe you lack the ability to see that some people are happy and will always be happy.
This thread was created by the OP to talk wedding plans and to share happy experiences in the run up to her big day. Now, I know the OP very well, she's a close friend of mine and has been a huge help since my own engagement two months ago. I understand that you wish her well but using words such as 'fake' and suggesting that people who wed nowadays only want to put a price tag on their wedding, is a negative opinion and completely wrong when in context of the OP and myself... In fact you couldn't be further from the truth.
I'm sorry if you've had a bad experience with marriage and weddings but this isn't the place to vent that. Remember that not all weddings end in divorce and many people spend their ruby and even diamond anniversary's together.

There's an old saying: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Aww shucks :oops: thanks Sian!

I wanna go to Tennessee... really wanna see some of the Southern States but I think for a road trip, the West may be winning. It means once we're married... I can start planning that southern state trip! It'll gimme something to live for!

I can recommend Rome... but I'd be more inclined to recommend Tuscany

No probs sweet cheeks x
So why Tuscany then? Y'see, I want to see the Vatican and Pompeii so Rome seems like the ideal place for that really

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Ah now that would be telling If I give you the heads up now it doesn't give a fair chance to everyone else

We do have an ever expanding guest list... should sort that really :?

Just do what I've done and ignore it til it goes away :oops: yeh, we really need to sort the guest list too... it's still hovering around the 100 mark but I need to get it down to 80 I don't think I can.

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

No probs sweet cheeks x
So why Tuscany then? Y'see, I want to see the Vatican and Pompeii so Rome seems like the ideal place for that really

I dunno... Rome's big and grand... but, for me, Tuscany has the heart and soul (and the food... my GOD the food). It's like the difference between Tennessee and say NYC :oops:


Pompeii is indeed amazing though.

Sian-of-the-dead

Heineken Helen wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

No probs sweet cheeks x
So why Tuscany then? Y'see, I want to see the Vatican and Pompeii so Rome seems like the ideal place for that really

I dunno... Rome's big and grand... but, for me, Tuscany has the heart and soul (and the food... my GOD the food). It's like the difference between Tennessee and say NYC :oops:


Pompeii is indeed amazing though.

I see... :think: I've never been one for NYC... I'm more of a Tenessee girl, most definitely

Ah I dunno. We're probably gonna make a short list of places we wanna go to (from ultra bargain to luxury) and then see how much we get in gifts :thumbup:

Sian-of-the-dead

Talking shoes... Is it too early to get mine? I want them for the wedding fair in October in case I try dresses on and because I want to be professionally measured. Good idea/bad idea?

chime

Heineken Helen wrote:

chime wrote:

*coughs* the SHOOOOOEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!

you know I ain't no shoe person... but I'm sure I'll learn... what with you and Sian to teach me and all

I just wish I could find somewhere selling the ones you liked in the picture :evil:

I will google myself silly looking at shoes though

JOEJOEJOE

BhagavadGita wrote:

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

BhagavadGita wrote:

A damper was not my intention. I notice I"m not the only one to speak from a different perspective.

If you noticed at all, I wished the bride well.

As far as I know this a forum where everyone is allowed to speak out if asked.

Everyone is allowed to speak out, but this is a thread to share wedding planning experiences...not really a place to express your negative feelings about weddings/marriages.

If you want company for your misery, perhaps you may want to start your own thread?

Perhaps you lack the ability to see the truth for many people. Sorry, happy endings are not always happy. Wake up.

It is not my goal to see the truth for many people. I know that happy ending are not always happy, however, this is a thread about a joyous milestone in people's lives.

If you are trying to warn us about the risks of marriage, thanks, but we are going to proceed with our plans and not worry about failure.

I hope you can wake up and find some happiness in the future.

dottles

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Talking shoes... Is it too early to get mine? I want them for the wedding fair in October in case I try dresses on and because I want to be professionally measured. Good idea/bad idea?

Good idea in my experience (obviously not as a bride, but been a bridesmaid 5 times), often they make you stand on pedestals to help with the alterations but also to imitate shoe height, and if you have shoes already then thats cool.

Sian-of-the-dead

dottles wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Talking shoes... Is it too early to get mine? I want them for the wedding fair in October in case I try dresses on and because I want to be professionally measured. Good idea/bad idea?

Good idea in my experience (obviously not as a bride, but been a bridesmaid 5 times), often they make you stand on pedestals to help with the alterations but also to imitate shoe height, and if you have shoes already then thats cool.

and a great excuse to buy shoes!!

I have a huge dilemma surrounding my wedding though and I need some advice actually... I'll compile a post now

chime

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

dottles wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Talking shoes... Is it too early to get mine? I want them for the wedding fair in October in case I try dresses on and because I want to be professionally measured. Good idea/bad idea?

Good idea in my experience (obviously not as a bride, but been a bridesmaid 5 times), often they make you stand on pedestals to help with the alterations but also to imitate shoe height, and if you have shoes already then thats cool.

and a great excuse to buy shoes!!

I have a huge dilemma surrounding my wedding though and I need some advice actually... I'll compile a post now

Although if you can't find your dream shoes don't force it ... take a couple of pairs of shoes you already own in a couple of heel heights so you can get the idea

I always take a pair of heels with me when I'm looking to buy an 'occasion' dress even if they probably won't match what I'm buying

Sian-of-the-dead

Right so, I have a huge dilemma...

I have some friends who, shall we say, are not as close as they were but I have known them for many years. Our relationship is nowhere near what it used to be and one of said friends is ignoring me completely... Our mutual friends will be invited all day and I know they also expect to come all day to the wedding.
This wouldn't be a problem (there's always people you don't like at your own wedding) had they not treated my MoH with contempt without knowing her and spoken very freely to mutual friends about their dislike of my future husband... Obviously, this is a HUGE issue for me.
So down to the dilemma itself... do we, for old times sake, invite them all day with the risk of them being miserable and it putting a dampner on the day for us or do we just invite them for the evening and risk a huge row and them not turning up at all... or worse still, alienating our other friends who we do want to come all day?

Sian-of-the-dead

chime wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

dottles wrote:

Good idea in my experience (obviously not as a bride, but been a bridesmaid 5 times), often they make you stand on pedestals to help with the alterations but also to imitate shoe height, and if you have shoes already then thats cool.

and a great excuse to buy shoes!!

I have a huge dilemma surrounding my wedding though and I need some advice actually... I'll compile a post now

Although if you can't find your dream shoes don't force it ... take a couple of pairs of shoes you already own in a couple of heel heights so you can get the idea

I always take a pair of heels with me when I'm looking to buy an 'occasion' dress even if they probably won't match what I'm buying

Oh but I have found my dream shoes...

Heineken Helen

chime wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

chime wrote:

*coughs* the SHOOOOOEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!

you know I ain't no shoe person... but I'm sure I'll learn... what with you and Sian to teach me and all

I just wish I could find somewhere selling the ones you liked in the picture :evil:

I will google myself silly looking at shoes though

Lol, any excuse trust me to find the one pair that can't be found... although there has to be a similar pair out there SOMEWHERE. I probably couldn't walk in them anyway. Perhaps I can drift in on a platform or something to make me look taller?

Lol at you pair and your shoes.

Ooohh... *looks for Sians post*

Digital Twilight

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Right so, I have a huge dilemma...

I have some friends who, shall we say, are not as close as they were but I have known them for many years. Our relationship is nowhere near what it used to be and one of said friends is ignoring me completely... Our mutual friends will be invited all day and I know they also expect to come all day to the wedding.
This wouldn't be a problem (there's always people you don't like at your own wedding) had they not treated my MoH with contempt without knowing her and spoken very freely to mutual friends about their dislike of my future husband... Obviously, this is a HUGE issue for me.
So down to the dilemma itself... do we, for old times sake, invite them all day with the risk of them being miserable and it putting a dampner on the day for us or do we just invite them for the evening and risk a huge row and them not turning up at all... or worse still, alienating our other friends who we do want to come all day?

If they are speaking freely about their dislike for Dave and your MoH I would leave them out for the wedding personally but it really comes down to what you and Dave want, not worrying about what others will think and feel.

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Right so, I have a huge dilemma...

I have some friends who, shall we say, are not as close as they were but I have known them for many years. Our relationship is nowhere near what it used to be and one of said friends is ignoring me completely... Our mutual friends will be invited all day and I know they also expect to come all day to the wedding.
This wouldn't be a problem (there's always people you don't like at your own wedding) had they not treated my MoH with contempt without knowing her and spoken very freely to mutual friends about their dislike of my future husband... Obviously, this is a HUGE issue for me.
So down to the dilemma itself... do we, for old times sake, invite them all day with the risk of them being miserable and it putting a dampner on the day for us or do we just invite them for the evening and risk a huge row and them not turning up at all... or worse still, alienating our other friends who we do want to come all day?

Is it bad that it took me ages to figure out what MoH is?


Sian, I've had the same dilemma with my mother... edging towards not inviting her :? . I'm more worried about what other people would think... but people who know her are begging me not to invite her... and people who don't know her don't seem all that bothered... and don't seem to be judging me on it. But still... it's a tough one :oops: . Make your decision both ways and see which one feels the best. I decided to invite her, said it to other people and realised they'd ALL be incredibly uncomfortable... so am now deciding the other way... and I seem to be fine with it. I reckon I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't though. There is no easy answer.

dottles

Digital Twilight wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Right so, I have a huge dilemma...

I have some friends who, shall we say, are not as close as they were but I have known them for many years. Our relationship is nowhere near what it used to be and one of said friends is ignoring me completely... Our mutual friends will be invited all day and I know they also expect to come all day to the wedding.
This wouldn't be a problem (there's always people you don't like at your own wedding) had they not treated my MoH with contempt without knowing her and spoken very freely to mutual friends about their dislike of my future husband... Obviously, this is a HUGE issue for me.
So down to the dilemma itself... do we, for old times sake, invite them all day with the risk of them being miserable and it putting a dampner on the day for us or do we just invite them for the evening and risk a huge row and them not turning up at all... or worse still, alienating our other friends who we do want to come all day?

If they are speaking freely about their dislike for Dave and your MoH I would leave them out for the wedding personally but it really comes down to what you and Dave want, not worrying about what others will think and feel.

I concur with this Dave... you don't want any ill feeling, but this is your day. Friendships change, the nature of friendships change, and you need the support and love of all those attending, not those that make you feel uncomfortable. You have limited numbers, everyone should understand that...

redrock

Heineken Helen wrote:

Red... 3rd April less than 8 months

Ah yes!!! I remember thinking at least it's not on 1st April

redrock

Heineken Helen wrote:

you know I ain't no shoe person... but I'm sure I'll learn... what with you and Sian to teach me and all :

Damn girl... s h o e s.... always shoes (or boots). Shoes of every colour, style, etc. You MUST learn to love shoes

Sian-of-the-dead

Heineken Helen wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Right so, I have a huge dilemma...

I have some friends who, shall we say, are not as close as they were but I have known them for many years. Our relationship is nowhere near what it used to be and one of said friends is ignoring me completely... Our mutual friends will be invited all day and I know they also expect to come all day to the wedding.
This wouldn't be a problem (there's always people you don't like at your own wedding) had they not treated my MoH with contempt without knowing her and spoken very freely to mutual friends about their dislike of my future husband... Obviously, this is a HUGE issue for me.
So down to the dilemma itself... do we, for old times sake, invite them all day with the risk of them being miserable and it putting a dampner on the day for us or do we just invite them for the evening and risk a huge row and them not turning up at all... or worse still, alienating our other friends who we do want to come all day?

Is it bad that it took me ages to figure out what MoH is?


Sian, I've had the same dilemma with my mother... edging towards not inviting her :? . I'm more worried about what other people would think... but people who know her are begging me not to invite her... and people who don't know her don't seem all that bothered... and don't seem to be judging me on it. But still... it's a tough one :oops: . Make your decision both ways and see which one feels the best. I decided to invite her, said it to other people and realised they'd ALL be incredibly uncomfortable... so am now deciding the other way... and I seem to be fine with it. I reckon I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't though. There is no easy answer.

Yes, unfortunately there isn't. You've mentioned about your mum before and i'm sorry you feel that inviting her isn't the solution. At the end of the day though, it's YOUR wedding and you know the relationship you have with her more than anyone else so it is totally your call.

Thing is, more than just myself will feel awkward if these people come to our wedding. Most people who are going to the wedding won't know these people from Adam and I KNOW that they only want to come to the wedding to be seen and for the party. They don't give two shits about me or Dave but they'll raise bloody hell if they don't have an invite and at the end of the day, I don't want to upset mutual friends who's opinions I DO care about...

At the moment I've pretty much decided to invite them for the evening only but if our relationship improves then they'll come all day when the invites go out but to be honest, I know that Dave, my MoH and various other people (including myself to a degree) will be happier if they're not there :( I just feel terrible though because I do love them and we used to be such good friends :(

redrock

dottles wrote:

Digital Twilight wrote:

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Right so, I have a huge dilemma...

I have some friends who, shall we say, are not as close as they were but I have known them for many years. Our relationship is nowhere near what it used to be and one of said friends is ignoring me completely... Our mutual friends will be invited all day and I know they also expect to come all day to the wedding.
This wouldn't be a problem (there's always people you don't like at your own wedding) had they not treated my MoH with contempt without knowing her and spoken very freely to mutual friends about their dislike of my future husband... Obviously, this is a HUGE issue for me.
So down to the dilemma itself... do we, for old times sake, invite them all day with the risk of them being miserable and it putting a dampner on the day for us or do we just invite them for the evening and risk a huge row and them not turning up at all... or worse still, alienating our other friends who we do want to come all day?

If they are speaking freely about their dislike for Dave and your MoH I would leave them out for the wedding personally but it really comes down to what you and Dave want, not worrying about what others will think and feel.

I concur with this Dave... you don't want any ill feeling, but this is your day. Friendships change, the nature of friendships change, and you need the support and love of all those attending, not those that make you feel uncomfortable. You have limited numbers, everyone should understand that...

I concur with Dave too. I wouldn't invite anyone who openly dislikes and disses the person I'm going to live the rest of my life with. Think... will you be wanting to socialise with these people before or after the wedding? No? So why bother during? I'm sure your 'real' friends in common will know and understand the situation. Anyway, they won't care because you will have invited them for a grand ol' day and they will be happy!

Helen, your case is so much more difficult. I don't know the extent of the problems with your mum, but a mum is a mum. Then again, they can be such bitches and dragons. Is this a good time to reconcile or not?

eMMI

redrock wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

you know I ain't no shoe person... but I'm sure I'll learn... what with you and Sian to teach me and all :

Damn girl... s h o e s.... always shoes (or boots). Shoes of every colour, style, etc. You MUST learn to love shoes

Oooohh.. Shoes.

*goes back to just lurking the thread*

Heineken Helen

redrock wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

you know I ain't no shoe person... but I'm sure I'll learn... what with you and Sian to teach me and all :

Damn girl... s h o e s.... always shoes (or boots). Shoes of every colour, style, etc. You MUST learn to love shoes

I'm learning I do believe a days shoe shopping in London may be in order though! Thanks to Chime, I may have just found a very very strong maybe (i.e they're lovely and make me a little gushy )

Yep, we actually did consider 1st April at first (well the 2nd was our FIRST choice) but I can't remember why we didn't go for it now :oops:

Sian-of-the-dead

Heineken Helen wrote:

redrock wrote:

Heineken Helen wrote:

you know I ain't no shoe person... but I'm sure I'll learn... what with you and Sian to teach me and all :

Damn girl... s h o e s.... always shoes (or boots). Shoes of every colour, style, etc. You MUST learn to love shoes

I'm learning I do believe a days shoe shopping in London may be in order though! Thanks to Chime, I may have just found a very very strong maybe (i.e they're lovely and make me a little gushy )

Yep, we actually did consider 1st April at first (well the 2nd was our FIRST choice) but I can't remember why we didn't go for it now :oops:

Maybe because Simon knew you could just say "April fools!" and run off

Thanks for all your input people. It has clarified how I already felt but I guess I just needed confirmation

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Yes, unfortunately there isn't. You've mentioned about your mum before and i'm sorry you feel that inviting her isn't the solution. At the end of the day though, it's YOUR wedding and you know the relationship you have with her more than anyone else so it is totally your call.

Thing is, more than just myself will feel awkward if these people come to our wedding. Most people who are going to the wedding won't know these people from Adam and I KNOW that they only want to come to the wedding to be seen and for the party. They don't give two shits about me or Dave but they'll raise bloody hell if they don't have an invite and at the end of the day, I don't want to upset mutual friends who's opinions I DO care about...

At the moment I've pretty much decided to invite them for the evening only but if our relationship improves then they'll come all day when the invites go out but to be honest, I know that Dave, my MoH and various other people (including myself to a degree) will be happier if they're not there :( I just feel terrible though because I do love them and we used to be such good friends :(

Well the only reason I was gonna invite her was so that I can't have any regrets... but if I invite her I probably will . It wasn't that I want her there... but I understand that down the line I may look back and wish she was there. If I thought she could come and behave, I'd invite her no problem... but I don't think she would... and I wanna enjoy my wedding... not worry about who she's talking to!

If you don't invite them, you have to be willing to write them out of your life :oops: I think maybe you are though?

Heineken Helen

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

Maybe because Simon knew you could just say "April fools!" and run off

Thanks for all your input people. It has clarified how I already felt but I guess I just needed confirmation

Did people give the RIGHT answer then?

Lol, nah, he knows he's got me. He probably would though

Sian-of-the-dead

Heineken Helen wrote:

Well the only reason I was gonna invite her was so that I can't have any regrets... but if I invite her I probably will . It wasn't that I want her there... but I understand that down the line I may look back and wish she was there. If I thought she could come and behave, I'd invite her no problem... but I don't think she would... and I wanna enjoy my wedding... not worry about who she's talking to!

If you don't invite them, you have to be willing to write them out of your life :oops: I think maybe you are though?

Ohhh I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. My mum can be a pain in the arse but I've never felt like that. I'm afraid I can't even begin to give you advice on it. I know you though and I know you wouldn't take a decision like that lightly... You need to do whatever makes you comfortable. You know I'm here if you need to rant about stuff like this though.

I think that is the case with my dilemma... I think they would draw a line under the friendship if they don't get a day invite but really, it'll be me drawing the line... maybe you're right, maybe I am ready to do that. It's sad but it may be true... I can only hope that our relationship does improve and i'll feel comfortable enough that I want them there all day. I genuinely do hope that but I can't see it happening :(

Can I just say though, Dave has been brilliant in all of this. He has said that he will accept if I want them there all day and won't make a deal out of it. He's said that it's entirely my decision and he supports me in whatever I do... If only the fickle people could see how awesome he is :(

redrock

Sian-of-the-dead wrote:

If only the fickle people could see how awesome he is :(

He would be even more awesome if he would get you a kittygirl