A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

deadendp said:

S_C, I'm sorry. You've been lied to and betrayed. I don't know if what is going on is as a result of their actions or as a result of something that happened to them. 

Me feeling this way is a direct result of this persons actions, and how he/she chose to treat me by shamelessly doing this behind my back. Knowing perfectly well what an unthinkable insensitive thing it was to do, to someone you supposedly care about. According to the person him/herself, he/she didn't even think once about me during this. And then on top of it, saying he/she didn't even consider I would care about it, or that I even would have a right to care. "I never even thought about you or your feelings, during this"

Describing how he/she has made me feel, using a random thought example: Imagine finding a stack of pictures of your husband and his secretary being in your house and in your bed. That type of gut wrenching feeling of being violated. Not just "mistreated" - but violated. Degraded. Not a moment's pause from him about what he is doing to you. You are nothing. And that this person (husband in this example) purposely did this to you. He chose to disregard you and not care about the violation or the hurt he was obviously causing. And then as icing on the cake, wave it away with: "It's just a bed. What does it matter who sleeps in it? To me personally, it would be much worse if you two would use the same brand of perfume. So then this must not matter. And I didn't even think about you while me and her was in our bed"

deadendp said:

Did they choose their path to the state they are in? If so, by providing aid, are you helping or enabling? As a helper/fixer, I have had to ask myself this same question. 

The person choose the path for him/herself. I have not aided it.

This is someone I care about and I have felt cared about me. I can't comprehend how he/she would even be able to do this to me. But still I am here trying to find a way to help and have him/her understand that he/she needs to get away from this path. Because I care so much it hurts. And I feel so bad for him/her that I can't stop crying. And I wish he/she would have talked to me before and treated me with human decency, instead of going behind my back and without any hesitation treat me like this. And I wish that he/she would have regret what he/she has done. But he/she doesnt. The regret I have heard, is that he/she thinks he/she should have just lied to me instead -- but still have done all these things to me, behind my back.

And the worst part is that this is a wonderful human being. Like really wonderful. The best person I've met since Eddie Vedder after the London show in 2012. And maybe that's why I can't fully comprehend all of this. I don't understand how I could be worth this little. Or understand how he/she thought our relationship was something to just trash. I'm heartbroken.

Spiritual_Chaos said:

deadendp said:

S_C, I'm sorry. You've been lied to and betrayed. I don't know if what is going on is as a result of their actions or as a result of something that happened to them. 

It is a result of this persons actions, and how he/she chose to treat me by shamelessly doing this behind my back. Knowing perfectly well what a unthinkable shitty thing it was to do, to someone else. According to the person him/herself, he/she didn't even think once about me during this. And then on top of it, saying he/she didn't even consider I would care, or that I even have a right to care. "I never even thought about you or your feelings, when I did all this"

To describe how I feel, a random thought example: Imagine finding a stack of pictures of your husband and his secretary being in your house, in your bed. That type of feeling of being violated. Disregarded. Spit on. And that this person (husband in this case) purposely did this to you. He chose to completely disregard you and not care about the hurt he knew he was causing. "Whatever it's just a bed! Who cares who sleeps in it!" 

deadendp said:

Did they choose their path to the state they are in? If so, by providing aid, are you helping or enabling? As a helper/fixer, I have had to ask myself this same question. 

The person choose the path for him/herself. I have not aided it.

This is someone I trusted. And that I really like. I can't grasp why he/she did this to me. But still I am here trying to find a way to help and have him/her understand that he/she needs to get away from this path. Because I care. And I feel so bad for him/her that I can't stop crying. And I wish he/she would have talked to me before, instead of going behind my back deciding without hesitation to treat me like this. And I wish that he/she would regret what he/she has done. But he/she doesnt.

And the worst part is that this is a wonderful human being. Like really wonderful. And maybe that's why I can't fully comprehend all of this. I don't understand how I turned into someone he/she didn't see a problem with doing this vile thing to. And thinking it is worth throwing away our relationship for this. I'm heartbroken.

I am so very sorry.  I would say that time heals all wounds, but having a close friendship that hit the ditch hard a lil over a year ago, I'm still struggling with the healing myself.  

It's difficult, because you don't want ill for this person.  You are hurt, betrayed and trust is out the door.  It's clearly something you didn't know of this person or even see coming.  But . . . the hurt done to you was purposeful.  Coming from someone who you cared for so deeply, to toss the friendship may be necessary, but absolutely beyond crushing.  

I am so very sorry that everything about you was completely disregarded.  No amount of apologizing for someone else's hurt toward you will make it any better.  That makes me incredibly sad for you.  This hurt will probably always remain, even if but a shadow hanging in the background.  Irreparable damage is an unforgivable and unforgettable thing.  

Feel our love.  Talk all you need.  

@Spiritual_Chaos I’m so sorry that you are going through this upheaval in your life.  As others have stated, betrayal is very confusing and painful. Sending you love and light.

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you S and Matts.

I used to have bad anxiety the first time I went to a gym. I thought everyone was looking at and judging me.

dude, women fart in hot yoga, with their asses in the air, with people behind them. no one's judging shit. and remember, if someone is judging, that's THEIR insecurity, not a reflection of you. 

hedonist said:

Haha, I suck today.

I hate days like this. I hate myself like this.

Gotta kick this funk to the fucking curb. 

Suck is never a word I would use to describe you. Awesome is a better word. I know we all have days like this but feel better soon. Big hug!!

hedonist said:

GlowGirl said:

hedonist said:

Haha, I suck today.

I hate days like this. I hate myself like this.

Gotta kick this funk to the fucking curb. 

Suck is never a word I would use to describe you. Awesome is a better word. I know we all have days like this but feel better soon. Big hug!!

Well thank you!  I probably should've put this in my Bitch Here thread

When it comes without warning, it makes me angry on top of the feeling itself.  No provocation or spark, just my mind working overtime.

After posting, I decided to take a long hot shower.  My husband can pair his phone with the speaker inside, so I'm enjoying it all - the scents, the music (Blind Melon, who, if you're unfamiliar with them, is not really known as being a light or poppy band) - then the music abruptly stops and I hear a cacophony of farts.

Loud, wet, high-pitched, long, burp-like, all varieties!  Dude got me laughing my ass off when I didn't think I was open to it.

Yet another reason I fucking love this man

I will take Blind Melon.  No, they are not light or poppy-- thank god. 

You may keep the cacophony of farts.   

(What did you guys eat?  Dude may need some Beano!)

I feel I should clarify - they were not HIS farts! Something he found on YouTube. He had tears from laughing. 

We're under a red flag warning Sunday and Monday with a chance of wide-spread dry lightning.  We may get nothing, we may get Mother Natures wrath upon us like so many others in the state of California have.  Who knows?  But it's that uncertainty that is building a pressure cooker of anxiety in my brain.  Sometimes it feels like my lid is going to blow off.  Most of the time it's just dread and worry.  I'm on the internet searching and searching for answers.  How lame.  There are none.  We're either gonna burn or we're not.  The essentials are packed.  There's nothing I can do... but hold the lid down.  The next two days will be... interesting.