So advice on this situation... I really like this girl. Problem is over the last year we have become like best friends, I'm proper in the friend zone. We also work in the same office and I've heard her say she'd never data a co-worker.
I've always thought of her as a friend but in the last couple weeks I've realised I like her more than just a friend, especially when I've seen her flirt with other guys. I don't want to say anything as I'm convinced she doesn't feel the same and it will ruin our friendship.
Anyone been in a similar situation where they've fallen for a friend? Am I best in trying to wait it out and get over this?
I've been on the receiving end of this several times. It never works. I've never seen it work with other people, and it's never worked for me. In most cases, the woman would know that more is possible between her and a guy a LOT faster than that. If she isn't having the same feelings by now, she is very unlikely to ever have those feelings. Your only options are to 1) forget about it and either let the feelings go away or stop being her friend entirely so that you're not torturing yourself, or 2) express how you feel just to make sure she's not got the same feelings for you (obviously this option is riskier in terms of holding onto any possibility of a platonic friendship as you move forward, although that is definitely not impossible - I've seen that work).
It happens all the time!
I'm wracking my brain trying to think of a single person I know in real life or knew ever in my life where this scenario actually worked for the long term. Like, I'm seriously giving it real thought...... I sincerely cannot think of a single instance. Oh, I've seen lots of attempts! I've attempted it myself a couple times (i.e. chose to go for the male friend's suggestion to escalate the relationship, placing myself under a form of self-delusion or maybe just putting in an uninspired effort until I quickly realize that I should always trust my instincts, lol!).... But no ultimate success.
Now if BOTH parties are having romantic feelings at the same time during the friendship, that's another story altogether obviously. That means that "the friend zone" never actually existed. That's what romantic comedies are made of, haha. And also why someone who develops a crush on a friend that won't go away has to just go for it and ask. Because you never know when the other person feels the same way.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Yeah, I can only think of one that ever worked out, and they just got married a month ago after having only dated for about 8 months. So we’ll see how it goes.
I would change my vote if you were going to try it again in person. Unless she gave you some long drawn out reason of why she said no. If you are friends, it should be pretty simple to have this conversation.
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 31,778
What advice would you give Force Of Nature, Spiritual_Chaos?
If I worked with the person I would chill out.
If I didn't I would ask her out with a cool-as-a-cuccumber textmessage.
And if she would say "No thanks", I would stack up as many deadlines and surgeries and trips home I could so I wouldn't have to meet her again untill some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge.
Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer.
What advice would you give Force Of Nature, Spiritual_Chaos?
If I worked with the person I would chill out.
If I didn't I would ask her out with a cool-as-a-cuccumber textmessage.
And if she would say "No thanks", I would stack up as many deadlines and surgeries and trips home I could so I wouldn't have to meet her again untill some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge.
Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer.
Your heart may dance a thousand dances but The soul never forgets.
The whole world will be different soon... - EV
RED ROCKS 6-19-95
AUGUSTA 9-26-96
MANSFIELD 9-15-98
BOSTON 9-29-04
BOSTON 5-25-06
MANSFIELD 6-30-08
EV SOLO BOSTON 8-01-08
BOSTON 5-17-10
EV SOLO BOSTON 6-16-11
PJ20 9-3-11
PJ20 9-4-11
WRIGLEY 7-19-13
WORCESTER 10-15-13
WORCESTER 10-16-13
HARTFORD 10-25-13
I used to think keeping busy was the best strategy, but I think that has actually turned out to be the best strategy for avoiding problems and feelings. Which sounds horrible, I know.
Therapy helped me out of a serious one more than any medications ever did before that time, but one has to find the appropriate therapist. Cats are pretty awesome, too.
I don't think we've discussed this topic yet, at length anyway...
What helps most with depression? Therapy? Anti-depressants? Support from loved ones? Group Therapy Sessions?
If only people had that one figured out, there wouldn't be a problem.
That's true. I've just seen a few posts lately about others going through a rough patch, and thought maybe people could talk about what works for them. However, we may all be in the same boat right about now!
I used to think keeping busy was the best strategy, but I think that has actually turned out to be the best strategy for avoiding problems and feelings. Which sounds horrible, I know.
it's usually a combination of all of those factors. keeping busy helps once you've started to get a handle on things spiralling out of control,as sitting around doing nothing just lends itself to negative thoughts/feelings.
some get by with just one of those things. it depends on the severity and your lifestyle.
Hugh Freaking Dillon is currently out of the office, returning sometime in the fall
Therapy helped me out of a serious one more than any medications ever did before that time, but one has to find the appropriate therapist. Cats are pretty awesome, too.
Cats are awesome! Pets are a big big help!
I've gone to therapy, with varying results. I'm glad that you found one that was really helpful.
Has anyone ever seen Bad Dreams? A lot of it is very similar film to ANOES3:DreamWarriors but without Freddy Krueger. It does have Chainsaw in it from Summer School.
I meditate with music, usually 20th century minimalist composers (Glass, Reich, Riley, extended early Pink Floyd jams).
That's a good idea. I'm going to try that. I usually put on a guided meditation video by Thich Nhat Hanh on YouTube.
I have one of his CD's and a booklet. When I first got sober I delved into a lot of different self help, meditation avenues. I found that I could meditate pretty easily as long as I had the right conditions (no people around, other noises off) and it is a very helpful tool. I've gone to guided meditation which is pretty interesting; my sponsor was a yoga instructor and knew people that did all the chi, energy, etc stuff. Unfortunately her son was in a really bad accident and she was a single mom and had to concentrate on him, so I lost a really great mentor.
I don't like group therapy for depression or mental health issues, I prefer to have a one on one therapist and also a psychiatrist (to prescribe meds, watch that I'm not having side effects, or if I'm really off the rails). I like group therapy when it comes to AA and other issues where peer to peer support is crucial.
I don't have a therapist or a psychiatrist right now. After having a long term shrink, I went to a practice where one doctor specialized in trauma, and he was great. But about a year in he left to go the VA and I switched doctors 3 times, none of them were really helping and I also was cycled through 3 different therapists so I finally had enough. When someone is dealing with trauma, change is not a good thing. You're starting from scratch every 6 months.
I've searched for someone who is a trauma specialist and it is hard to find one that takes my insurance. I could easily find one if I didn't have a specific need at the moment - as long as I like their vibe and approach, I'm really open.
The longer I go without a doctor, the worse I get cause negativity is easier to feed than light. And this is a new animal, I've learned how to live with my other ones.
Anyway - self affirmation books are really great too. There are gobs of them for all kinds of people/issues. I find that reading a daily meditation and thinking and writing about that thought is helpful in keeping me on track (I just need to get back on the rails. )
I meditate with music, usually 20th century minimalist composers (Glass, Reich, Riley, extended early Pink Floyd jams).
I have gotten into movie scores recently. Glass of course, but Nick Cave & Warren Ellis have done some good ones and Interstellar's score is really great too. I'm sure there are tons out there.
I meditate with music, usually 20th century minimalist composers (Glass, Reich, Riley, extended early Pink Floyd jams).
I have gotten into movie scores recently. Glass of course, but Nick Cave & Warren Ellis have done some good ones and Interstellar's score is really great too. I'm sure there are tons out there.
There are a myriad of phone apps, if you aren't going for a specific artist, that have all different types of music, sounds, speaking. There's plenty of options to start with if you don't know what you like or what works for you.
Comments
even if I look and act really crazy.
The soul never forgets.
RED ROCKS 6-19-95
AUGUSTA 9-26-96
MANSFIELD 9-15-98
BOSTON 9-29-04
BOSTON 5-25-06
MANSFIELD 6-30-08
EV SOLO BOSTON 8-01-08
BOSTON 5-17-10
EV SOLO BOSTON 6-16-11
PJ20 9-3-11
PJ20 9-4-11
WRIGLEY 7-19-13
WORCESTER 10-15-13
WORCESTER 10-16-13
HARTFORD 10-25-13
What helps most with depression? Therapy? Anti-depressants? Support from loved ones? Group Therapy Sessions?
some get by with just one of those things. it depends on the severity and your lifestyle.
I've gone to therapy, with varying results. I'm glad that you found one that was really helpful.
I don't like group therapy for depression or mental health issues, I prefer to have a one on one therapist and also a psychiatrist (to prescribe meds, watch that I'm not having side effects, or if I'm really off the rails). I like group therapy when it comes to AA and other issues where peer to peer support is crucial.
I don't have a therapist or a psychiatrist right now. After having a long term shrink, I went to a practice where one doctor specialized in trauma, and he was great. But about a year in he left to go the VA and I switched doctors 3 times, none of them were really helping and I also was cycled through 3 different therapists so I finally had enough. When someone is dealing with trauma, change is not a good thing. You're starting from scratch every 6 months.
I've searched for someone who is a trauma specialist and it is hard to find one that takes my insurance. I could easily find one if I didn't have a specific need at the moment - as long as I like their vibe and approach, I'm really open.
The longer I go without a doctor, the worse I get cause negativity is easier to feed than light. And this is a new animal, I've learned how to live with my other ones.
Anyway - self affirmation books are really great too. There are gobs of them for all kinds of people/issues. I find that reading a daily meditation and thinking and writing about that thought is helpful in keeping me on track (I just need to get back on the rails. )