Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

HughFreakingDillon

as dankind stated, there is this overwhelming need/desire to help everyone in pain. and it can get really unhealthy.  

OffSheGoes35

No

         That doesn't sound weird or dramatic to me, it does sound exhausting though. I'm glad that you have found a way to relate to people in a way that is healthier for you.

njnancy

Yes

This is exactly the reason why people who have constant issues prefer private therapy instead of group therapy. It's the reason why I don't post on a regular basis anywhere either. It sucks to always be talking about crap that is going on and having people tell you how strong you are. I'd rather not share continuously and just isolate. So I pop in here for a couple months then go away. 

Group is good for addiction though. Mental health and life issues are different and are better shared with one on one therapy. But if you are dealing with addiction of any sort - it's difficult but going to AA, NA, AlAnon , etc are life saving. I cannot recommend this strongly enough. 

OffSheGoes35

No

Okay, since we have a lot of single people in this thread...who has a "let's-not-die-alone" pact with someone already? You may be okay with your single status now, but...very few of us can depend on an 'Our Souls At Night' scenario happening. Better firm things up now. I'm looking at you guys, PJ_Soul & Spiritual_Chaos! 

OffSheGoes35

No

OffSheGoes35

No

Just to clarify, I'm not speaking of a murder-suicide pact.

Meltdown99

Yes

OffSheGoes35 said:

Meltdown99 said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Has anybody tried group therapy, a support group, or a meditation group?

Yes, I tried a support group.  I do not recommend.

Yeah, that's one of those things I would probably like more in theory than practice. 

I probably should not have said, I don't recommend.  Group therapy is probably good for some.  I thrived in individual counselling though.  

Meltdown99

Yes

I know I would suck at dating at this point.  The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost.  LOL

PJ_Soul

Yes

OffSheGoes35 said:

Okay, since we have a lot of single people in this thread...who has a "let's-not-die-alone" pact with someone already? You may be okay with your single status now, but...very few of us can depend on an 'Our Souls At Night' scenario happening. Better firm things up now. I'm looking at you guys, PJ_Soul & Spiritual_Chaos! 

I'm good, lol!

I have no issues "dying alone" anyhow, but even if I did, hooking up with a partner sure isn't going to guarantee that you don't - a 50/50 shot certainly isn't enough to get me to partner up with anyone. Someone has to go first, right? Half of any couple is still going to "die alone", if they thought marrying someone would prevent it. Unless, I guess, they just keep pairing up with a new person after each one dies, lol. This plan would work best for cougars and sugar daddies.

For me, the only thing that's going to get me actually making some sort of effort to connect with someone romantically is if I start feeling hopelessly lonely. I am so far from that feeling now it's hard to imagine I'd ever maybe get to that, but I suppose you never know what the future holds.

Besides that, if my "soul mate" just falls into my lap one day I'd probably not reject it.

HesCalledDyer

Meltdown99 said:

I know I would suck at dating at this point.  The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost.  LOL

I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.

OffSheGoes35

No

Meltdown99 said:

I know I would suck at dating at this point.  The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost.  LOL

HesCalledDyer said:

I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.

That's the beauty of the pact, you don't have to worry about dating. If you pick the right age to act on it, you'll be beyond caring about the who,what,when,where, and why. LOL
You'll be like,"Yay, I always wondered what it would be like to wake up to Yoda's older sister!'

PJ_Soul

Yes

HesCalledDyer said:

Meltdown99 said:

I know I would suck at dating at this point.  The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost.  LOL

I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.

I don't think there is a formula or anything... You just do it however you want, and wait until someone who goes for whatever that is comes along. The only "trick" to dating is handling rejection well and perseverance.

Meltdown99

Yes

HesCalledDyer said:

Meltdown99 said:

I know I would suck at dating at this point.  The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost.  LOL

I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.

I wouldn't even know to get a date.  I'm not into the bar scene or online dating.  Have you tried online dating?  I worked with a fellow who has been in a long-term live-in relationship from online dating.

Meltdown99

Yes

PJ_Soul said:

HesCalledDyer said:

Meltdown99 said:

I know I would suck at dating at this point.  The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost.  LOL

I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.

I don't think there is a formula or anything... You just do it however you want, and wait until someone who goes for whatever that is comes along. The only "trick" to dating is handling rejection well and perseverance.

Here is how I'm approaching things for now.  I am not actively looking, but if I meet someone that would be great too.  In a nutshell, if someone ends up in my life accidentally I'll pursue.  Does that make sense?

Meltdown99

Yes

I would like to say, I am enjoying being single.  The upside, it's usually easier to get good concert tickets for 1...LOL

OffSheGoes35

No

PJ_Soul said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Okay, since we have a lot of single people in this thread...who has a "let's-not-die-alone" pact with someone already? You may be okay with your single status now, but...very few of us can depend on an 'Our Souls At Night' scenario happening. Better firm things up now. I'm looking at you guys, PJ_Soul & Spiritual_Chaos! 

I'm good, lol!

I have no issues "dying alone" anyhow, but even if I did, hooking up with a partner sure isn't going to guarantee that you don't - a 50/50 shot certainly isn't enough to get me to partner up with anyone. Someone has to go first, right? Half of any couple is still going to "die alone", if they thought marrying someone would prevent it. Unless, I guess, they just keep pairing up with a new person after each one dies, lol. This plan would work best for cougars and sugar daddies.

For me, the only thing that's going to get me actually making some sort of effort to connect with someone romantically is if I start feeling hopelessly lonely. I am so far from that feeling now it's hard to imagine I'd ever maybe get to that, but I suppose you never know what the future holds.

Besides that, if my "soul mate" just falls into my lap one day I'd probably not reject it.

Hmmm, I'd rather take my chances with the pact, I don't really believe in the soul mate thing. Also, I understand your reasoning for wanting to remain a free agent. I don't know if S_C will, but I do.

PJ_Soul

Yes

Meltdown99 said:

PJ_Soul said:

HesCalledDyer said:

Meltdown99 said:

I know I would suck at dating at this point.  The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost.  LOL

I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.

I don't think there is a formula or anything... You just do it however you want, and wait until someone who goes for whatever that is comes along. The only "trick" to dating is handling rejection well and perseverance.

Here is how I'm approaching things for now.  I am not actively looking, but if I meet someone that would be great too.  In a nutshell, if someone ends up in my life accidentally I'll pursue.  Does that make sense?

Yeah, sure. That's necessarily what my plan is too, since I'm not looking or hoping to meet anyone at all, lol. It's going to have to be a complete accident or else it's not happening. Effort on my part is not a factor.

HesCalledDyer

Meltdown99 said:

HesCalledDyer said:

Meltdown99 said:

I know I would suck at dating at this point.  The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost.  LOL

I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.

I wouldn't even know to get a date.  I'm not into the bar scene or online dating.  Have you tried online dating?  I worked with a fellow who has been in a long-term live-in relationship from online dating.

I have. In my experience it was a total waste.  There just isn't much of a pool here.  If I lived in a more urban area or a big city, I could see how online stuff would be a great tool.  But here, population 20,000 and shrinking, the online options are the bottom of the barrel.

PJ_Soul

Yes

OffSheGoes35 said:

PJ_Soul said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Okay, since we have a lot of single people in this thread...who has a "let's-not-die-alone" pact with someone already? You may be okay with your single status now, but...very few of us can depend on an 'Our Souls At Night' scenario happening. Better firm things up now. I'm looking at you guys, PJ_Soul & Spiritual_Chaos! 

I'm good, lol!

I have no issues "dying alone" anyhow, but even if I did, hooking up with a partner sure isn't going to guarantee that you don't - a 50/50 shot certainly isn't enough to get me to partner up with anyone. Someone has to go first, right? Half of any couple is still going to "die alone", if they thought marrying someone would prevent it. Unless, I guess, they just keep pairing up with a new person after each one dies, lol. This plan would work best for cougars and sugar daddies.

For me, the only thing that's going to get me actually making some sort of effort to connect with someone romantically is if I start feeling hopelessly lonely. I am so far from that feeling now it's hard to imagine I'd ever maybe get to that, but I suppose you never know what the future holds.

Besides that, if my "soul mate" just falls into my lap one day I'd probably not reject it.

Hmmm, I'd rather take my chances with the pact, I don't really believe in the soul mate thing. Also, I understand your reasoning for wanting to remain a free agent. I don't know if S_C will, but I do.

I'm not sure I understand "the pact" thing. If you're good enough friends with someone to make such a pact, then why not just be good friends and keep each other company like friends do when the time comes? Or is a sexual relationship a necessity here? What if there is no sexual chemistry, which I have to assume there isn't, because if there was, then the pact wouldn't have been necessary - you would have just hooked up in the first place, lol.

OffSheGoes35

No

I'm counting on not caring about sexual chemistry when I'm 80.