Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

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  • PJ_Soul
    PJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 50,673
    edited November 2018
    Yes
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Force Of Nature said:
    So advice on this situation...
    I really like this girl.  Problem is over the last year we have become like best friends, I'm proper in the friend zone.
    We also work in the same office and I've heard her say she'd never data a co-worker.

    I've always thought of her as a friend but in the last couple weeks I've realised I like her more than just a friend, especially when I've seen her flirt with other guys.
    I don't want to say anything as I'm convinced she doesn't feel the same and it will ruin our friendship.

    Anyone been in a similar situation where they've fallen for a friend?
    Am I best in trying to wait it out and get over this?
    I've been on the receiving end of this several times. It never works. I've never seen it work with other people, and it's never worked for me. In most cases, the woman would know that more is possible between her and a guy a LOT faster than that. If she isn't having the same feelings by now, she is very unlikely to ever have those feelings. Your only options are to 1) forget about it and either let the feelings go away or stop being her friend entirely so that you're not torturing yourself, or 2) express how you feel just to make sure she's not got the same feelings for you (obviously this option is riskier in terms of holding onto any possibility of a platonic friendship as you move forward, although that is definitely not impossible - I've seen that work).
    It happens all the time!
    I'm wracking my brain trying to think of a single person I know in real life or knew ever in my life where this scenario actually worked for the long term. Like, I'm seriously giving it real thought...... I sincerely cannot think of a single instance. Oh, I've seen lots of attempts! I've attempted it myself a couple times (i.e. chose to go for the male friend's suggestion to escalate the relationship, placing myself under a form of self-delusion or maybe just putting in an uninspired effort until I quickly realize that I should always trust my instincts, lol!).... But no ultimate success.
    Now if BOTH parties are having romantic feelings at the same time during the friendship, that's another story altogether obviously. That means that "the friend zone" never actually existed. That's what romantic comedies are made of, haha. And also why someone who develops a crush on a friend that won't go away has to just go for it and ask. Because you never know when the other person feels the same way.

    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • HesCalledDyer
    HesCalledDyer Maryland Posts: 16,491
    Yeah, I can only think of one that ever worked out, and they just got married a month ago  after having only dated for about 8 months. So we’ll see how it goes. 
    Star Lake 00 / Pittsburgh 03 / State College 03 / Bristow 03 / Cleveland 06 / Camden II 06 / DC 08 / Pittsburgh 13 / Baltimore 13 / Charlottesville 13 / Cincinnati 14 / St. Paul 14 / Hampton 16 / Wrigley I 16 / Wrigley II 16 / Baltimore 20 / Camden 22 / Baltimore 24 / Raleigh I 25 / Raleigh II 25 / Pittsburgh I 25
  • Malroth
    Malroth broken down chevrolet Posts: 2,557
    No
    Can I change my vote?
    The worst of times..they don't phase me,
    even if I look and act really crazy.
  • LongestRoad
    LongestRoad Posts: 477
    No
    Malroth said:
    Can I change my vote?
    I would change my vote if you were going to try it again in person. Unless she gave you some long drawn out reason of why she said no. If you are friends, it should be pretty simple to have this conversation. 
  • F Me In The Brain
    F Me In The Brain this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 31,812
    No
    Spiritual_Chaos said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    What advice would you give Force Of Nature, Spiritual_Chaos?
    If I worked with the person I would chill out.

    If I didn't I would ask her out with a cool-as-a-cuccumber textmessage. 

    And if she would say "No thanks", I would stack up as many deadlines and surgeries and trips home I could so I wouldn't have to meet her again untill some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge.
    Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer. 
    The love he receives is the love that is saved
  • LongestRoad
    LongestRoad Posts: 477
    No
    F Me In The Brain said:
    Spiritual_Chaos said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    What advice would you give Force Of Nature, Spiritual_Chaos?
    If I worked with the person I would chill out.

    If I didn't I would ask her out with a cool-as-a-cuccumber textmessage. 

    And if she would say "No thanks", I would stack up as many deadlines and surgeries and trips home I could so I wouldn't have to meet her again untill some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge.
    Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer. 
    Your heart may dance a thousand dances but
    The soul never forgets. 
  • dankind
    dankind Posts: 20,841
    Yes

    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • ed243421
    ed243421 Posts: 7,730

    The whole world will be different soon... - EV
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  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    No
    I don't think we've discussed this topic yet, at length anyway...

    What helps most with depression? Therapy? Anti-depressants? Support from loved ones? Group Therapy Sessions?
  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    No
    I used to think keeping busy was the best strategy, but I think that has actually turned out to be the best strategy for avoiding problems and feelings. Which sounds horrible, I know.  
  • PJ_Soul
    PJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 50,673
    Yes
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    I don't think we've discussed this topic yet, at length anyway...

    What helps most with depression? Therapy? Anti-depressants? Support from loved ones? Group Therapy Sessions?
    If only people had that one figured out, there wouldn't be a problem.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • dankind
    dankind Posts: 20,841
    Yes
    Therapy helped me out of a serious one more than any medications ever did before that time, but one has to find the appropriate therapist. Cats are pretty awesome, too.
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    No
    PJ_Soul said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    I don't think we've discussed this topic yet, at length anyway...

    What helps most with depression? Therapy? Anti-depressants? Support from loved ones? Group Therapy Sessions?
    If only people had that one figured out, there wouldn't be a problem.
    That's true. I've just seen a few posts lately about others going through a rough patch, and thought maybe people could talk about what works for them. However, we may all be in the same boat right about now!
  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,473
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    I used to think keeping busy was the best strategy, but I think that has actually turned out to be the best strategy for avoiding problems and feelings. Which sounds horrible, I know.  
    it's usually a combination of all of those factors. keeping busy helps once you've started to get a handle on things spiralling out of control,as sitting around doing nothing just lends itself to negative thoughts/feelings. 

    some get by with just one of those things. it depends on the severity and your lifestyle. 
    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    No
    dankind said:
    Therapy helped me out of a serious one more than any medications ever did before that time, but one has to find the appropriate therapist. Cats are pretty awesome, too.
    Cats are awesome! Pets are a big big help! 

    I've gone to therapy, with varying results. I'm glad that you found one that was really helpful.
  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    No
    Has anybody tried group therapy, a support group, or a meditation group?
  • dankind
    dankind Posts: 20,841
    Yes
    I meditate with music, usually 20th century minimalist composers (Glass, Reich, Riley, extended early Pink Floyd jams).
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • Spiritual_Chaos
    Spiritual_Chaos Posts: 31,471
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Has anybody tried group therapy, a support group, or a meditation group?

    "Mostly I think that people react sensitively because they know you’ve got a point"
  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    edited November 2018
    No
    dankind said:
    I meditate with music, usually 20th century minimalist composers (Glass, Reich, Riley, extended early Pink Floyd jams).
    That's a good idea. I'm going to try that. I usually put on a guided meditation video by Thich Nhat Hanh on YouTube.
    Post edited by OffSheGoes35 on
  • OffSheGoes35
    OffSheGoes35 Posts: 3,517
    No
    Spiritual_Chaos said:
    OffSheGoes35 said:
    Has anybody tried group therapy, a support group, or a meditation group?

    The Dream Team would've been better. =)

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