Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

njnancy

Yes

Everybody has problems. Everybody. I'm sure that there is a counseling service at university. They have free counseling available at colleges in the US so I'm sure they have it available in Australia. 

Find out and make an appt and see the counselor on a regular basis until they or you feel that you are past your negative thoughts and, more concerning, talk of suicide and death. 

Seeing a counselor doesn't make you weird, you'd be amazed at how many people need someone to talk to with varying levels of experience in social work and psychology. Please make an appt. You are in a cycle of negativity and you need more than a bunch of people posting on a PJ forum that can't see you and aren't educated in therapy. 

Good Luck. And not having someone in your life is not bad. Sometimes it is better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable. You need to love yourself before you can love another person. I hope you work on that first. 

OffSheGoes35

No

^^^Yes, that's the best advice, seek other counsel. 

PJ_Soul

Yes

HesCalledDyer said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you dude.
I'll see if she initiates conversation with me first. If it's only me doing the initiating then that's a sign of no interest.
If she initiates I'll chat for a bit here and then ask her out.
As I said before, not getting my hopes up as I've been down this road so many times.
As for opposites attracting, every single lecturer at university tells us that they do not based on evidence. Even as recently as this semester in my social psychology subject. 

If you always wait for the woman to initiate, I’ve got bad news for ya...
Just strike up conversation and go from there. If you don’t talk to her, she’s gonna think the same thing (no interest) and move on. Women don’t waste time.

Yes, another good point. She very well could be thinking about waiting for him to initiate more conversation... if both are doing that, no more conversation! Games/tactics like that are not helpful.

darwinstheory

Yes

mcgruff10 said:

dudeman said:

What's Agnes up to these days?

Who's going to ask her out next?

I am actually flying her to the states for the holidays.  We are going to head to vegas for a few days; I booked a room with two queen sized beds so my wife was cool with it.  

Room has a stripper pole, mirror on the ceiling, in room hot tub and a special swing mounted from the ceiling. But Mrs. McG knows they are just buddies. It's all good. On fact, Mrs. McG is even paying for Mr. McG and Agnes to go to the Bunny Ranch for a few hours. But it's cool....they're just going to have a few beers in the lounge and go back to the sex suite and play Uno, Risk and Monopoly. 


***editors note***

You may do well to fill your wife in on the saga that is Agnes before I meet her. Just saying...

PJ_Soul

Yes

@njnancy has wise words.

I went to a therapist before, during a time in my life when things went to shit. It was actually very helpful, even though I didn't think it would be at all. It wasn't helpful because he told me stuff I didn't already know (although that may well be the case for many, depending on the person and their issues), but simply because it was extremely validating.

hedonist

Yeah, I went for a spell years ago and now have been going again regularly as I navigate through some heavy stuff and its ripple-effects.  Like with PJS, sometimes she says something I know, or maybe knew but avoided, or asks a question that opens a fountain of...myself.

I'm not sure validation is a factor in my case this go-around, though I think it can be invaluable in the right situations.  For me, it provides release and through that, clarity.  Maybe strength too.

It's a long fucking process, and while therapy may eventually end, that search never does.

If anyone chooses that route, find the right therapist for you, one with whom you're comfortable.  Honesty is key, as is the sense of freedom to speak freely.

Meltdown99

Yes

So what's up with Agnes?  Is she out of the picture.   Does she know that there are 33 pages of comment about her on pearljam.com?

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

PJ_Soul said:

I really have to just ask this Thoughts_Arrive ....... Are you sure you don't have a B.O. problem? Because that is the one thing that would definitely make me move down a seat away from someone like that, and also the most common reason I avoid someone I don't really know in general. I am forced to do just that on a semi-regular basis because there are a lot of men with rank B.O. Nothing is more repellant. I have to assume these men with terrible terrible body odor are truly unaware of how bad they smell and maybe they have no one in their lives willing to broach that uncomfortable subject.

If you think this could be the issue, feel free to PM me for tips. I have helped people with this before.

She moved as soon as I sat down. She wouldn't even have had time to smell me if I did smell bad.
No I don't have a BO problem, not to my knowledge. I shower before university and use a lot of deodorant. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

hedonist said:

Yes, I recall the tellings of the girl who moved her seat.

Good (if awkward!) point made above; also consider someone may want their personal space or just don't feel like chit-chatting.  It's not always about you.

I got nothing else, TA.  You've asked for and been given so much worthy advice - and support - but aside from saying thanks or offering up an excuse or claiming you'll look into a suggestion, that's it.

So, I wish you luck.

I didn't move next to her to chit chat and did not even say one word to her.
I just moved because my seat was broken.
You can't chit chat in a lecture, especially when you in the front row right in front of the lecturer. 
Thanks.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

OffSheGoes35 said:

Yeah, we can only suggest so much, we don't know why women would feel intimidated in your presence. If you stare at them like Charles Manson, Queer Eye probably isn't going to be that helpful. 

I don't stare.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

HesCalledDyer said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you dude.
I'll see if she initiates conversation with me first. If it's only me doing the initiating then that's a sign of no interest.
If she initiates I'll chat for a bit here and then ask her out.
As I said before, not getting my hopes up as I've been down this road so many times.
As for opposites attracting, every single lecturer at university tells us that they do not based on evidence. Even as recently as this semester in my social psychology subject. 

If you always wait for the woman to initiate, I’ve got bad news for ya...
Just strike up conversation and go from there. If you don’t talk to her, she’s gonna think the same thing (no interest) and move on. Women don’t waste time.

If she doesn't within a few days then I'll say hi first.
Usually if a woman messages first online it is a sign she is keen if not then she is not.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

njnancy said:

Everybody has problems. Everybody. I'm sure that there is a counseling service at university. They have free counseling available at colleges in the US so I'm sure they have it available in Australia. 

Find out and make an appt and see the counselor on a regular basis until they or you feel that you are past your negative thoughts and, more concerning, talk of suicide and death. 

Seeing a counselor doesn't make you weird, you'd be amazed at how many people need someone to talk to with varying levels of experience in social work and psychology. Please make an appt. You are in a cycle of negativity and you need more than a bunch of people posting on a PJ forum that can't see you and aren't educated in therapy. 

Good Luck. And not having someone in your life is not bad. Sometimes it is better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable. You need to love yourself before you can love another person. I hope you work on that first. 

I've seen the university counsellor a number of times.
I can't recall talking of suicide?
Thanks.

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

PJ_Soul said:

HesCalledDyer said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you dude.
I'll see if she initiates conversation with me first. If it's only me doing the initiating then that's a sign of no interest.
If she initiates I'll chat for a bit here and then ask her out.
As I said before, not getting my hopes up as I've been down this road so many times.
As for opposites attracting, every single lecturer at university tells us that they do not based on evidence. Even as recently as this semester in my social psychology subject. 

If you always wait for the woman to initiate, I’ve got bad news for ya...
Just strike up conversation and go from there. If you don’t talk to her, she’s gonna think the same thing (no interest) and move on. Women don’t waste time.

Yes, another good point. She very well could be thinking about waiting for him to initiate more conversation... if both are doing that, no more conversation! Games/tactics like that are not helpful.

Isn't it game over if you do the chasing as a guy in an online context? Like she'll see that I am desperate? Or annoying?
I saw some dating tips on youtube and the 'expert' said that don't contact the woman and she'll eventually get frustrated and contact first. 

HesCalledDyer

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

HesCalledDyer said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you dude.
I'll see if she initiates conversation with me first. If it's only me doing the initiating then that's a sign of no interest.
If she initiates I'll chat for a bit here and then ask her out.
As I said before, not getting my hopes up as I've been down this road so many times.
As for opposites attracting, every single lecturer at university tells us that they do not based on evidence. Even as recently as this semester in my social psychology subject. 

If you always wait for the woman to initiate, I’ve got bad news for ya...
Just strike up conversation and go from there. If you don’t talk to her, she’s gonna think the same thing (no interest) and move on. Women don’t waste time.

Yes, another good point. She very well could be thinking about waiting for him to initiate more conversation... if both are doing that, no more conversation! Games/tactics like that are not helpful.

Isn't it game over if you do the chasing as a guy in an online context? Like she'll see that I am desperate? Or annoying?
I saw some dating tips on youtube and the 'expert' said that don't contact the woman and she'll eventually get frustrated and contact first. 

If you send her 100 messages a day, yes. But if you just strike up a convo there’s no harm. Stop overthinking it.

Spiritual_Chaos

What are we talking about in this thread nowadays? 

Thoughts_Arrive

Yes

Back to Agnes.

mcgruff10

Yes

darwinstheory said:

mcgruff10 said:

dudeman said:

What's Agnes up to these days?

Who's going to ask her out next?

I am actually flying her to the states for the holidays.  We are going to head to vegas for a few days; I booked a room with two queen sized beds so my wife was cool with it.  

Room has a stripper pole, mirror on the ceiling, in room hot tub and a special swing mounted from the ceiling. But Mrs. McG knows they are just buddies. It's all good. On fact, Mrs. McG is even paying for Mr. McG and Agnes to go to the Bunny Ranch for a few hours. But it's cool....they're just going to have a few beers in the lounge and go back to the sex suite and play Uno, Risk and Monopoly. 


***editors note***

You may do well to fill your wife in on the saga that is Agnes before I meet her. Just saying...

I don't think my wife could comprehend this thread! lol
I would lose her with: "so a guy posted a poll on whether he should ask a woman out".  That would be it. lol

Spiritual_Chaos

EVERY GUY HAS AN AGNES

Meltdown99

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

I really have to just ask this Thoughts_Arrive ....... Are you sure you don't have a B.O. problem? Because that is the one thing that would definitely make me move down a seat away from someone like that, and also the most common reason I avoid someone I don't really know in general. I am forced to do just that on a semi-regular basis because there are a lot of men with rank B.O. Nothing is more repellant. I have to assume these men with terrible terrible body odor are truly unaware of how bad they smell and maybe they have no one in their lives willing to broach that uncomfortable subject.

If you think this could be the issue, feel free to PM me for tips. I have helped people with this before.

She moved as soon as I sat down. She wouldn't even have had time to smell me if I did smell bad.
No I don't have a BO problem, not to my knowledge. I shower before university and use a lot of deodorant. 

Maybe she likes her personal space. 

darwinstheory

Yes

Spiritual_Chaos said:

What are we talking about in this thread nowadays? 

Did you man up yet and meet for drinks? Your work deadline has come and long gone.