Why people feel so alone?

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  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    edited May 2015
    ldent42 said:



    I will do this occasionally when I'm getting messaged about something that warrants a real time response, but when people do this at a restaurant as soon as they sit down it annoys the fuck out of me.

    It bothers me too. When we go out to dinner, my husband and younger son spend time on their phones while my older son and I talk. I don't understand the need to look at the phones that much!

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  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    justam said:

    RKCNDY said:



    I've tried to talk to people to get to know them better...not when I first meet them, but people that I had met and known for a bit who claimed to be my friends. So, if people really want to make those types of connections or not anymore is beyond me.

    Do you mean you've tried to talk to them and it hasn't been as successful as you'd like?

    Yes, they just change the subject...not that I'm asking super personal questions...things like 'where'd you grow up?'
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    Rkcndy, I can see why you'd be disappointed if people didn't respond to your questions.

    I promise you I'd answer any question you asked! :)
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  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    justam said:

    Rkcndy, I can see why you'd be disappointed if people didn't respond to your questions.

    I promise you I'd answer any question you asked! :)

    :) it's okay, I've learned to just assume those people would just rather have 'surface friendships'. They only want to be as deep as a puddle...I'd rather know people who are like oceans, deep and meaningful.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    Me too.
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  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.

    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    RKCNDY said:

    justam said:

    Rkcndy, I can see why you'd be disappointed if people didn't respond to your questions.

    I promise you I'd answer any question you asked! :)

    :) it's okay, I've learned to just assume those people would just rather have 'surface friendships'. They only want to be as deep as a puddle...I'd rather know people who are like oceans, deep and meaningful.
    Me too. Unfortunately I believe that is becoming a rarity.
  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    whispering hands said:

    RKCNDY said:

    justam said:

    Rkcndy, I can see why you'd be disappointed if people didn't respond to your questions.

    I promise you I'd answer any question you asked! :)

    :) it's okay, I've learned to just assume those people would just rather have 'surface friendships'. They only want to be as deep as a puddle...I'd rather know people who are like oceans, deep and meaningful.
    Me too. Unfortunately I believe that is becoming a rarity.
    I think texting and cell phones killed that desire to connect inerpersonally with others.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    HughFreakingDillon said:



    Yeah, totally. I have facebook friends I was never really friends with in 3D life. I get a friend request, and it exhibits an annoyed response now, rather than the "cool! I wonder who this one is!" of a few years ago. When I have to look at the persons mutual friends list, and pm one of those people asking who the fuck this person is trying to friend me, we've lost the whole initial purpose.

    I habe literally walked by a group of teens/20's and noticed them al looking down in silence, and I wonder what the fuck is happening.

    To be fair though, every generation has its previous generation looking down its nose at them for one reason or another. I cant say that a load of my teenage years were spent in highly intuitive conversation anyway. We were sitting there, flipping through rock magazines, listening to music, not saying much, getting stoned and saying virtually nothing sensical. Or walking around the neighbourhood smoking our cool cigarettes waiting for something awesome to happen, and 99% of the time nothing did, so we just went home at the end of the night thinking how boring our worthless lives were. Is it really that damn different than staring at a phone in the company of friends at a coffee shop? Probably not. I think the problem is when we stop going out into the world....just staying in our empty homes and live tweeting game of thrones marathons, or playing video games for 20 hours with our headsets on, blowing the bejesus out of some teenager in Japan, thinking that is somehow "connecting".

    Yes. That's true, but I do think there's something to sitting next to someone trying to think of something to say to get a conversation going. They don't face that. They just pull out their phones.

    I think about this because I teach a bunch of freshman college students and so often they sit in that time before class starts and don't talk to each other. I know they could be having fun conversations but they don't even get them rolling because of the phones!

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  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    RKCNDY said:

    whispering hands said:

    RKCNDY said:

    justam said:

    Rkcndy, I can see why you'd be disappointed if people didn't respond to your questions.

    I promise you I'd answer any question you asked! :)

    :) it's okay, I've learned to just assume those people would just rather have 'surface friendships'. They only want to be as deep as a puddle...I'd rather know people who are like oceans, deep and meaningful.
    Me too. Unfortunately I believe that is becoming a rarity.
    I think texting and cell phones killed that desire to connect inerpersonally with others.
    I do as well. That's why I turn my phone off when hanging out with people in person.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    RKCNDY said:

    So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.

    I think that's true sometimes.

    I also think sometimes people use forums because it gives them a way to meet people with some kind of common interest. To find people who have a similar passion or interest allows you to have something to talk about in the first place before the conversations expand out into other areas.

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  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    RKCNDY said:

    So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.

    I think so. For me, when I started hanging out online back
    In 89 or so.. No one in my real life had any clue what my cousin and I were talking about. I'd found a world where I didn't have to face the awkwardness of face to face interaction.. I just had to wait weeks for an answer! Lol but once the online world grew into a household arena, I was pretty well versed at my
    'Persona'. Now days I am exactly whom I am in person as I am online. What you read here is what you'll get IRL. But it really IS a way to talk on a 'deeper' level because there's a security in the words spoken from behind a screen via a keyboard. That isn't often felt on a face to face conversation. For me it was easier because I didn't have nine million tons of olfactory, and perceptive information shoved at me at once, which is often what overwhelms me in public...
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    And to be honest. The pre party at Slugger's for Wrigley was the very first one I'd ever been to! And I sat outside for most of it.. I just couldn't handle the crowds!
  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    whispering hands said:

    RKCNDY said:

    whispering hands said:

    RKCNDY said:

    justam said:

    Rkcndy, I can see why you'd be disappointed if people didn't respond to your questions.

    I promise you I'd answer any question you asked! :)

    :) it's okay, I've learned to just assume those people would just rather have 'surface friendships'. They only want to be as deep as a puddle...I'd rather know people who are like oceans, deep and meaningful.
    Me too. Unfortunately I believe that is becoming a rarity.
    I think texting and cell phones killed that desire to connect inerpersonally with others.
    I do as well. That's why I turn my phone off when hanging out with people in person.
    We have a group of friends and we go out every so often. There is another couple, and I've been asked 'what do you think of her'. Well, honestly I don't care for her because when we all go out, and I leave to smoke, she wants to go with me-fine, I can chat and get to know her right? Wrong-first thing she does as soon as she gets outside is bury her face in her phone. I ask her how work is going, "mmmmm" is her answer. " How are your dogs doing?" "mmmmm". Then she puts out her cigarette and leaves me by myself. Not that I really care about that part (she's not talking to me anyway), but smoker's courtesy is if you go with someone to smoke, you wait till the other one is finished. You don't go to dinner, and if you finish first, leave the table and go wait in the car if your buddy isn't finished yet. I don't even know why she wants to go with me...she even asks to go smoke with me. I don't get it. So, no, I don't like her. I don't like her at all.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    RKCNDY said:

    whispering hands said:

    RKCNDY said:

    whispering hands said:

    RKCNDY said:

    justam said:

    Rkcndy, I can see why you'd be disappointed if people didn't respond to your questions.

    I promise you I'd answer any question you asked! :)

    :) it's okay, I've learned to just assume those people would just rather have 'surface friendships'. They only want to be as deep as a puddle...I'd rather know people who are like oceans, deep and meaningful.
    Me too. Unfortunately I believe that is becoming a rarity.
    I think texting and cell phones killed that desire to connect inerpersonally with others.
    I do as well. That's why I turn my phone off when hanging out with people in person.
    We have a group of friends and we go out every so often. There is another couple, and I've been asked 'what do you think of her'. Well, honestly I don't care for her because when we all go out, and I leave to smoke, she wants to go with me-fine, I can chat and get to know her right? Wrong-first thing she does as soon as she gets outside is bury her face in her phone. I ask her how work is going, "mmmmm" is her answer. " How are your dogs doing?" "mmmmm". Then she puts out her cigarette and leaves me by myself. Not that I really care about that part (she's not talking to me anyway), but smoker's courtesy is if you go with someone to smoke, you wait till the other one is finished. You don't go to dinner, and if you finish first, leave the table and go wait in the car if your buddy isn't finished yet. I don't even know why she wants to go with me...she even asks to go smoke with me. I don't get it. So, no, I don't like her. I don't like her at all.
    Can't blame you there!
  • Dr. Delight
    Dr. Delight Posts: 11,210
    For all the FB bashing there can be,while valid, I have had some solid, genuine conversations and forged some good friendships thru PM chats, etc.
    And so you see, I have come to doubt
    All that I once held as true
    I stand alone without beliefs
    The only truth I know is you.
  • Thoughts_Arrive
    Thoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    edited May 2015
    justam said:

    I think it takes time to truly know people and so often people don't feel comfortable talking about deep questions or feelings they might have in everyday conversations.

    I also think all this superficial connection on social media is often substituting for deeper, in-person, relationships. Not that I don't enjoy the distant friendships, it's just that they aren't the same as close, in-the-room relationships.

    So often I see people with their noses in their phones when they are sitting next to someone they could be talking to!

    I always see the young generation at restaurants or cafes all sitting around a table looking at their phones in silence.
    It is sad.
    One of my dates kept looking at her phone. I knew then she wasn't the right one for me.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_Arrive
    Thoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    RKCNDY said:

    So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.

    People that have met me after knowing me strictly online via forums are shocked at how quiet I am.
    They think I am some loud extroverted clown in real life.
    Well I was told I have social anxiety so there you go.
    I can be a clown with close friends.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_Arrive
    Thoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    chadwick said:

    people are a pain in the ass

    If you want a true friend get a dog or cat.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • jnimhaoileoin
    jnimhaoileoin Baile Átha Cliath Posts: 2,682
    RKCNDY said:

    So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.

    I'm a very different person online than in person. I'm incredibly shy except when I'm playing sport and I can't deal with being in a group of more than 4 or 5 people really. It's much easier to be yourself when posting from the safety of your home etc. You can be more honest and the sense of being somewhat removed allows you to say things you mighn't have the courage to say out loud. This thread is a good example of that. How many of us would openly speak about our thoughts and feelings on this subject with our friends and family? I know I couldn't

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