Ok well I can match you in all those except that I do have a job! Being unemployed certainly doesn't make you a loser, if it did then you'd be in the company of thousands of other losers in your state alone (if you're American?). I can't explain where we're going wrong, it's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. I'm inclined to blame myself though, if I don't go out and socialise then how can I expect to develop relationships. I suppose I've been hoping to meet someone through my sports but no luck there so far. We're definitely too young to write ourselves off though. We both believe we're good people, so we do see some positives. Maybe we just need to focus more on those and less on the negatives. So give me 5 things about yourself or your life that you're happy about?
Ok well I can match you in all those except that I do have a job! Being unemployed certainly doesn't make you a loser, if it did then you'd be in the company of thousands of other losers in your state alone (if you're American?). I can't explain where we're going wrong, it's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. I'm inclined to blame myself though, if I don't go out and socialise then how can I expect to develop relationships. I suppose I've been hoping to meet someone through my sports but no luck there so far. We're definitely too young to write ourselves off though. We both believe we're good people, so we do see some positives. Maybe we just need to focus more on those and less on the negatives. So give me 5 things about yourself or your life that you're happy about?
I am Aussie :-) Yeah there are many young people out of work here. Yeah I know that a partner and friends won't fall on my lap and that I need to go out there. But going out alone like a lone wolf ain't my idea of a happy fun time, plus in my city going out alone at night is an invitation to a mugging or bashing. I thought about internet dating sites but not too keen on that either. I thought I might meet someone at work but that didn't happen and isn't a wise idea. I am not part of any sporting club. What sport do you play? The problem I find is I cannot find like minded people, every person here is boring and into superficial things. My only friend is my only friend because we are very much alike in terms of interests in music, bands, food, and our senses of humour. Most guys are macho tough car loving misogynistic jerks that I come across into doof doof techno music. I feel like an alien. I have reconnected through Facebook with old friends from early childhood that want to catch up with me and I want to but without a job I can't afford to right now but the chance is there in future.
5 things about me I am happy about? Hmmm. 1. Can play guitar 2. Can write songs 3. Can draw good 4. Intelligent 5. Tall
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Ok well I can match you in all those except that I do have a job! Being unemployed certainly doesn't make you a loser, if it did then you'd be in the company of thousands of other losers in your state alone (if you're American?). I can't explain where we're going wrong, it's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. I'm inclined to blame myself though, if I don't go out and socialise then how can I expect to develop relationships. I suppose I've been hoping to meet someone through my sports but no luck there so far. We're definitely too young to write ourselves off though. We both believe we're good people, so we do see some positives. Maybe we just need to focus more on those and less on the negatives. So give me 5 things about yourself or your life that you're happy about?
I am Aussie :-) Yeah there are many young people out of work here. Yeah I know that a partner and friends won't fall on my lap and that I need to go out there. But going out alone like a lone wolf ain't my idea of a happy fun time, plus in my city going out alone at night is an invitation to a mugging or bashing. I thought about internet dating sites but not too keen on that either. I thought I might meet someone at work but that didn't happen and isn't a wise idea. I am not part of any sporting club. What sport do you play? The problem I find is I cannot find like minded people, every person here is boring and into superficial things. My only friend is my only friend because we are very much alike in terms of interests in music, bands, food, and our senses of humour. Most guys are macho tough car loving misogynistic jerks that I come across into doof doof techno music. I feel like an alien. I have reconnected through Facebook with old friends from early childhood that want to catch up with me and I want to but without a job I can't afford to right now but the chance is there in future.
5 things about me I am happy about? Hmmm. 1. Can play guitar 2. Can write songs 3. Can draw good 4. Intelligent 5. Tall
Sounds to me like you have talents then Maybe not ones that are instantly translatable into a job but still skills that you have that others not only don't have but would also envy.
Getting yourself out there isn't easy. I don't drink, so you can imagine that makes socialising a bit of a challenge in Ireland, where everything revolves around drinking. I've tried internet dating but nothing has come of it so far. I go on the site every couple of weeks though and I'll message a guy. So far this hasn't yielded any results but at least I can say I'm trying and there's no harm in it.
I play badminton and soccer, both mixed sports so I certainly meet plenty of people from all walks of life. I'm also a more confident person when I'm playing sport so it's easier for me to talk to people. Maybe if you looked to meet people in an environment in which you'd be comfortable. You say you play and write, have you ever performed in public or do you feel you'd be able to? Maybe you could even look into giving guitar lessons?
Good to hear facebook being used in a positive way, to reconnect with people
Ok well I can match you in all those except that I do have a job! Being unemployed certainly doesn't make you a loser, if it did then you'd be in the company of thousands of other losers in your state alone (if you're American?). I can't explain where we're going wrong, it's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. I'm inclined to blame myself though, if I don't go out and socialise then how can I expect to develop relationships. I suppose I've been hoping to meet someone through my sports but no luck there so far. We're definitely too young to write ourselves off though. We both believe we're good people, so we do see some positives. Maybe we just need to focus more on those and less on the negatives. So give me 5 things about yourself or your life that you're happy about?
I am Aussie :-) Yeah there are many young people out of work here. Yeah I know that a partner and friends won't fall on my lap and that I need to go out there. But going out alone like a lone wolf ain't my idea of a happy fun time, plus in my city going out alone at night is an invitation to a mugging or bashing. I thought about internet dating sites but not too keen on that either. I thought I might meet someone at work but that didn't happen and isn't a wise idea. I am not part of any sporting club. What sport do you play? The problem I find is I cannot find like minded people, every person here is boring and into superficial things. My only friend is my only friend because we are very much alike in terms of interests in music, bands, food, and our senses of humour. Most guys are macho tough car loving misogynistic jerks that I come across into doof doof techno music. I feel like an alien. I have reconnected through Facebook with old friends from early childhood that want to catch up with me and I want to but without a job I can't afford to right now but the chance is there in future.
5 things about me I am happy about? Hmmm. 1. Can play guitar 2. Can write songs 3. Can draw good 4. Intelligent 5. Tall
Sounds to me like you have talents then Maybe not ones that are instantly translatable into a job but still skills that you have that others not only don't have but would also envy.
Getting yourself out there isn't easy. I don't drink, so you can imagine that makes socialising a bit of a challenge in Ireland, where everything revolves around drinking. I've tried internet dating but nothing has come of it so far. I go on the site every couple of weeks though and I'll message a guy. So far this hasn't yielded any results but at least I can say I'm trying and there's no harm in it.
I play badminton and soccer, both mixed sports so I certainly meet plenty of people from all walks of life. I'm also a more confident person when I'm playing sport so it's easier for me to talk to people. Maybe if you looked to meet people in an environment in which you'd be comfortable. You say you play and write, have you ever performed in public or do you feel you'd be able to? Maybe you could even look into giving guitar lessons?
Good to hear facebook being used in a positive way, to reconnect with people
I am a self taught guitarist, I am no whiz, I can't even play lead. No way I'd be able to teach. I don't even know theory or what chords I am playing. I can't sing well so I don't know about performing. I am getting singing lessons when I can. I thought by joining a sports club (I am not bad at soccer and thought of playing) would mean friendships, but your there for the soccer and beyond that may not have anything in common. I am more comfortable around artistic/musician types than sports types anyways.
Yeah I don't drink either, not since getting on anti depressant medication. I can have one standard drink a week but would rather not. Haven't touched alcohol since starting my medication. Even before that I was rarely drinking, only at after work functions or at birthdays. I dread having to avoid drinking at future work functions as I don't want people to know about my depression/anxiety. We too have a big drinking culture here, everyone is expected to get drunk to have a good time. I used to get drunk years ago but it's not fun anymore. I wouldn't mind a nice Guinness by the way.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Yeah it can be very hard to fit in when you don't drink, unless you're a naturally confident person. People tell me I shouldn't let it stop me going out but they have no idea what it's like when you're not outgoing.
Sounds like you have at least one good friend though, does he know about your depression and can you talk to him about things like that?
Yep that's me. I am single, never had a partner and have one friend and there are times we don't see each other for long periods of time but always stay in touch online. Makes me feel lonely and scared if I were to lose that friendship I'd be a loner. Saturday nights at home are the worst. Since starting taking antidepressants for my anxiety and depression I am coping better with my situation and not thinking of suicide as much as I used to.
Facebook is terrible in that I see everyone having a great night out, getting married etc and makes me feel shit about my situation. I had more "friends" years ago but they proved themselves to not be true friends.
My shrink kept pushing me to join social groups but I can't do it. Too shy and just don't trust people having been hurt and let down many times in the past. It is hard to find a true friend that deeply cares for you.
My comfort is in listening to music and writing music.
Ok well I can match you in all those except that I do have a job! Being unemployed certainly doesn't make you a loser, if it did then you'd be in the company of thousands of other losers in your state alone (if you're American?). I can't explain where we're going wrong, it's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. I'm inclined to blame myself though, if I don't go out and socialise then how can I expect to develop relationships. I suppose I've been hoping to meet someone through my sports but no luck there so far. We're definitely too young to write ourselves off though. We both believe we're good people, so we do see some positives. Maybe we just need to focus more on those and less on the negatives. So give me 5 things about yourself or your life that you're happy about?
I am Aussie :-) Yeah there are many young people out of work here. Yeah I know that a partner and friends won't fall on my lap and that I need to go out there. But going out alone like a lone wolf ain't my idea of a happy fun time, plus in my city going out alone at night is an invitation to a mugging or bashing. I thought about internet dating sites but not too keen on that either. I thought I might meet someone at work but that didn't happen and isn't a wise idea. I am not part of any sporting club. What sport do you play? The problem I find is I cannot find like minded people, every person here is boring and into superficial things. My only friend is my only friend because we are very much alike in terms of interests in music, bands, food, and our senses of humour. Most guys are macho tough car loving misogynistic jerks that I come across into doof doof techno music. I feel like an alien. I have reconnected through Facebook with old friends from early childhood that want to catch up with me and I want to but without a job I can't afford to right now but the chance is there in future.
5 things about me I am happy about? Hmmm. 1. Can play guitar 2. Can write songs 3. Can draw good 4. Intelligent 5. Tall
Sounds to me like you have talents then Maybe not ones that are instantly translatable into a job but still skills that you have that others not only don't have but would also envy.
Getting yourself out there isn't easy. I don't drink, so you can imagine that makes socialising a bit of a challenge in Ireland, where everything revolves around drinking. I've tried internet dating but nothing has come of it so far. I go on the site every couple of weeks though and I'll message a guy. So far this hasn't yielded any results but at least I can say I'm trying and there's no harm in it.
I play badminton and soccer, both mixed sports so I certainly meet plenty of people from all walks of life. I'm also a more confident person when I'm playing sport so it's easier for me to talk to people. Maybe if you looked to meet people in an environment in which you'd be comfortable. You say you play and write, have you ever performed in public or do you feel you'd be able to? Maybe you could even look into giving guitar lessons?
Good to hear facebook being used in a positive way, to reconnect with people
I am a self taught guitarist, I am no whiz, I can't even play lead. No way I'd be able to teach. I don't even know theory or what chords I am playing. I can't sing well so I don't know about performing. I am getting singing lessons when I can. I thought by joining a sports club (I am not bad at soccer and thought of playing) would mean friendships, but your there for the soccer and beyond that may not have anything in common. I am more comfortable around artistic/musician types than sports types anyways.
Yeah I don't drink either, not since getting on anti depressant medication. I can have one standard drink a week but would rather not. Haven't touched alcohol since starting my medication. Even before that I was rarely drinking, only at after work functions or at birthdays. I dread having to avoid drinking at future work functions as I don't want people to know about my depression/anxiety. We too have a big drinking culture here, everyone is expected to get drunk to have a good time. I used to get drunk years ago but it's not fun anymore. I wouldn't mind a nice Guinness by the way.
Reading your posts over the years, I've always seen you a good person and a together kind of guy, Thoughts. You know what you like, you're taking care of things, and you know what's good for you and what's not. I hope you find the right people to be around who are like you in those good ways. And it's really cool that you are here on the PJ forums with these other good folks.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Plus I think once you're in your twenties even, you probably think it's too late, assuming everyone already has best friends and nobody is really looking for new ones. Of course, we forget that there are probably other people like us out there....
I am almost 31. I feel reluctant tagging along to groups of people that have been friends for a long time. I have been invited by an old friend from school to his parties before but didn't go as he has a group of friends that have been friends for years. I'd feel awkward trying to fit in. I feel my time is to find a girl and get married but who would want a loser like me?
I got 11 years in YA! And I feel like that a lot too. We just gotta hang in there. If you ever need to vent, or just want someone to 'talk' to. You can always PM me.
Yeah it can be very hard to fit in when you don't drink, unless you're a naturally confident person. People tell me I shouldn't let it stop me going out but they have no idea what it's like when you're not outgoing.
Sounds like you have at least one good friend though, does he know about your depression and can you talk to him about things like that?
Yeah he does. I don't really talk to him about it. I don't feel comfortable talking about it and my friend has his own dramas. I am naturally very introverted and shy and uncomfortable in social settings unless I know the people well. I was told I have social anxiety by my shrink.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Ok well I can match you in all those except that I do have a job! Being unemployed certainly doesn't make you a loser, if it did then you'd be in the company of thousands of other losers in your state alone (if you're American?). I can't explain where we're going wrong, it's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. I'm inclined to blame myself though, if I don't go out and socialise then how can I expect to develop relationships. I suppose I've been hoping to meet someone through my sports but no luck there so far. We're definitely too young to write ourselves off though. We both believe we're good people, so we do see some positives. Maybe we just need to focus more on those and less on the negatives. So give me 5 things about yourself or your life that you're happy about?
I am Aussie :-) Yeah there are many young people out of work here. Yeah I know that a partner and friends won't fall on my lap and that I need to go out there. But going out alone like a lone wolf ain't my idea of a happy fun time, plus in my city going out alone at night is an invitation to a mugging or bashing. I thought about internet dating sites but not too keen on that either. I thought I might meet someone at work but that didn't happen and isn't a wise idea. I am not part of any sporting club. What sport do you play? The problem I find is I cannot find like minded people, every person here is boring and into superficial things. My only friend is my only friend because we are very much alike in terms of interests in music, bands, food, and our senses of humour. Most guys are macho tough car loving misogynistic jerks that I come across into doof doof techno music. I feel like an alien. I have reconnected through Facebook with old friends from early childhood that want to catch up with me and I want to but without a job I can't afford to right now but the chance is there in future.
5 things about me I am happy about? Hmmm. 1. Can play guitar 2. Can write songs 3. Can draw good 4. Intelligent 5. Tall
Sounds to me like you have talents then Maybe not ones that are instantly translatable into a job but still skills that you have that others not only don't have but would also envy.
Getting yourself out there isn't easy. I don't drink, so you can imagine that makes socialising a bit of a challenge in Ireland, where everything revolves around drinking. I've tried internet dating but nothing has come of it so far. I go on the site every couple of weeks though and I'll message a guy. So far this hasn't yielded any results but at least I can say I'm trying and there's no harm in it.
I play badminton and soccer, both mixed sports so I certainly meet plenty of people from all walks of life. I'm also a more confident person when I'm playing sport so it's easier for me to talk to people. Maybe if you looked to meet people in an environment in which you'd be comfortable. You say you play and write, have you ever performed in public or do you feel you'd be able to? Maybe you could even look into giving guitar lessons?
Good to hear facebook being used in a positive way, to reconnect with people
I am a self taught guitarist, I am no whiz, I can't even play lead. No way I'd be able to teach. I don't even know theory or what chords I am playing. I can't sing well so I don't know about performing. I am getting singing lessons when I can. I thought by joining a sports club (I am not bad at soccer and thought of playing) would mean friendships, but your there for the soccer and beyond that may not have anything in common. I am more comfortable around artistic/musician types than sports types anyways.
Yeah I don't drink either, not since getting on anti depressant medication. I can have one standard drink a week but would rather not. Haven't touched alcohol since starting my medication. Even before that I was rarely drinking, only at after work functions or at birthdays. I dread having to avoid drinking at future work functions as I don't want people to know about my depression/anxiety. We too have a big drinking culture here, everyone is expected to get drunk to have a good time. I used to get drunk years ago but it's not fun anymore. I wouldn't mind a nice Guinness by the way.
Reading your posts over the years, I've always seen you a good person and a together kind of guy, Thoughts. You know what you like, you're taking care of things, and you know what's good for you and what's not. I hope you find the right people to be around who are like you in those good ways. And it's really cool that you are here on the PJ forums with these other good folks.
Thank you so much :-) Glad you remember me haha. I haven't been on here much in the last year or so.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Plus I think once you're in your twenties even, you probably think it's too late, assuming everyone already has best friends and nobody is really looking for new ones. Of course, we forget that there are probably other people like us out there....
I am almost 31. I feel reluctant tagging along to groups of people that have been friends for a long time. I have been invited by an old friend from school to his parties before but didn't go as he has a group of friends that have been friends for years. I'd feel awkward trying to fit in. I feel my time is to find a girl and get married but who would want a loser like me?
I got 11 years in YA! And I feel like that a lot too. We just gotta hang in there. If you ever need to vent, or just want someone to 'talk' to. You can always PM me.
Thank you. You can PM me also. Enough about me, I don't want to derail this thread lol
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Ok well I can match you in all those except that I do have a job! Being unemployed certainly doesn't make you a loser, if it did then you'd be in the company of thousands of other losers in your state alone (if you're American?). I can't explain where we're going wrong, it's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. I'm inclined to blame myself though, if I don't go out and socialise then how can I expect to develop relationships. I suppose I've been hoping to meet someone through my sports but no luck there so far. We're definitely too young to write ourselves off though. We both believe we're good people, so we do see some positives. Maybe we just need to focus more on those and less on the negatives. So give me 5 things about yourself or your life that you're happy about?
I am Aussie :-) Yeah there are many young people out of work here. Yeah I know that a partner and friends won't fall on my lap and that I need to go out there. But going out alone like a lone wolf ain't my idea of a happy fun time, plus in my city going out alone at night is an invitation to a mugging or bashing. I thought about internet dating sites but not too keen on that either. I thought I might meet someone at work but that didn't happen and isn't a wise idea. I am not part of any sporting club. What sport do you play? The problem I find is I cannot find like minded people, every person here is boring and into superficial things. My only friend is my only friend because we are very much alike in terms of interests in music, bands, food, and our senses of humour. Most guys are macho tough car loving misogynistic jerks that I come across into doof doof techno music. I feel like an alien. I have reconnected through Facebook with old friends from early childhood that want to catch up with me and I want to but without a job I can't afford to right now but the chance is there in future.
5 things about me I am happy about? Hmmm. 1. Can play guitar 2. Can write songs 3. Can draw good 4. Intelligent 5. Tall
Sounds to me like you have talents then Maybe not ones that are instantly translatable into a job but still skills that you have that others not only don't have but would also envy.
Getting yourself out there isn't easy. I don't drink, so you can imagine that makes socialising a bit of a challenge in Ireland, where everything revolves around drinking. I've tried internet dating but nothing has come of it so far. I go on the site every couple of weeks though and I'll message a guy. So far this hasn't yielded any results but at least I can say I'm trying and there's no harm in it.
I play badminton and soccer, both mixed sports so I certainly meet plenty of people from all walks of life. I'm also a more confident person when I'm playing sport so it's easier for me to talk to people. Maybe if you looked to meet people in an environment in which you'd be comfortable. You say you play and write, have you ever performed in public or do you feel you'd be able to? Maybe you could even look into giving guitar lessons?
Good to hear facebook being used in a positive way, to reconnect with people
I am a self taught guitarist, I am no whiz, I can't even play lead. No way I'd be able to teach. I don't even know theory or what chords I am playing. I can't sing well so I don't know about performing. I am getting singing lessons when I can. I thought by joining a sports club (I am not bad at soccer and thought of playing) would mean friendships, but your there for the soccer and beyond that may not have anything in common. I am more comfortable around artistic/musician types than sports types anyways.
Yeah I don't drink either, not since getting on anti depressant medication. I can have one standard drink a week but would rather not. Haven't touched alcohol since starting my medication. Even before that I was rarely drinking, only at after work functions or at birthdays. I dread having to avoid drinking at future work functions as I don't want people to know about my depression/anxiety. We too have a big drinking culture here, everyone is expected to get drunk to have a good time. I used to get drunk years ago but it's not fun anymore. I wouldn't mind a nice Guinness by the way.
Reading your posts over the years, I've always seen you a good person and a together kind of guy, Thoughts. You know what you like, you're taking care of things, and you know what's good for you and what's not. I hope you find the right people to be around who are like you in those good ways. And it's really cool that you are here on the PJ forums with these other good folks.
Thank you so much :-) Glad you remember me haha. I haven't been on here much in the last year or so.
Absolutely- glad your here.
I haven't spend much time here on AET either. I've mostly been posting on AMT but it's gotten too weird there. The All Encompassing Trip is a smoother ride.
Hey, hope to see around here more soon!
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Ok well I can match you in all those except that I do have a job! Being unemployed certainly doesn't make you a loser, if it did then you'd be in the company of thousands of other losers in your state alone (if you're American?). I can't explain where we're going wrong, it's as much a mystery to me as it is to you. I'm inclined to blame myself though, if I don't go out and socialise then how can I expect to develop relationships. I suppose I've been hoping to meet someone through my sports but no luck there so far. We're definitely too young to write ourselves off though. We both believe we're good people, so we do see some positives. Maybe we just need to focus more on those and less on the negatives. So give me 5 things about yourself or your life that you're happy about?
I am Aussie :-) Yeah there are many young people out of work here. Yeah I know that a partner and friends won't fall on my lap and that I need to go out there. But going out alone like a lone wolf ain't my idea of a happy fun time, plus in my city going out alone at night is an invitation to a mugging or bashing. I thought about internet dating sites but not too keen on that either. I thought I might meet someone at work but that didn't happen and isn't a wise idea. I am not part of any sporting club. What sport do you play? The problem I find is I cannot find like minded people, every person here is boring and into superficial things. My only friend is my only friend because we are very much alike in terms of interests in music, bands, food, and our senses of humour. Most guys are macho tough car loving misogynistic jerks that I come across into doof doof techno music. I feel like an alien. I have reconnected through Facebook with old friends from early childhood that want to catch up with me and I want to but without a job I can't afford to right now but the chance is there in future.
5 things about me I am happy about? Hmmm. 1. Can play guitar 2. Can write songs 3. Can draw good 4. Intelligent 5. Tall
Sounds to me like you have talents then Maybe not ones that are instantly translatable into a job but still skills that you have that others not only don't have but would also envy.
Getting yourself out there isn't easy. I don't drink, so you can imagine that makes socialising a bit of a challenge in Ireland, where everything revolves around drinking. I've tried internet dating but nothing has come of it so far. I go on the site every couple of weeks though and I'll message a guy. So far this hasn't yielded any results but at least I can say I'm trying and there's no harm in it.
I play badminton and soccer, both mixed sports so I certainly meet plenty of people from all walks of life. I'm also a more confident person when I'm playing sport so it's easier for me to talk to people. Maybe if you looked to meet people in an environment in which you'd be comfortable. You say you play and write, have you ever performed in public or do you feel you'd be able to? Maybe you could even look into giving guitar lessons?
Good to hear facebook being used in a positive way, to reconnect with people
I am a self taught guitarist, I am no whiz, I can't even play lead. No way I'd be able to teach. I don't even know theory or what chords I am playing. I can't sing well so I don't know about performing. I am getting singing lessons when I can. I thought by joining a sports club (I am not bad at soccer and thought of playing) would mean friendships, but your there for the soccer and beyond that may not have anything in common. I am more comfortable around artistic/musician types than sports types anyways.
Yeah I don't drink either, not since getting on anti depressant medication. I can have one standard drink a week but would rather not. Haven't touched alcohol since starting my medication. Even before that I was rarely drinking, only at after work functions or at birthdays. I dread having to avoid drinking at future work functions as I don't want people to know about my depression/anxiety. We too have a big drinking culture here, everyone is expected to get drunk to have a good time. I used to get drunk years ago but it's not fun anymore. I wouldn't mind a nice Guinness by the way.
Reading your posts over the years, I've always seen you a good person and a together kind of guy, Thoughts. You know what you like, you're taking care of things, and you know what's good for you and what's not. I hope you find the right people to be around who are like you in those good ways. And it's really cool that you are here on the PJ forums with these other good folks.
Thank you so much :-) Glad you remember me haha. I haven't been on here much in the last year or so.
Absolutely- glad your here.
I haven't spend much time here on AET either. I've mostly been posting on AMT but it's gotten too weird there. The All Encompassing Trip is a smoother ride.
Hey, hope to see around here more soon!
I haven't been on this forum at all. I posted some song demos in Musicians & Gearheads recently. AMT is a no go for me, I have gotten into some heated arguments and been attacked by others on there. Can't be bothered. I'll pop in here and there.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Going back to what I said before. An old friend who I haven't seen since childhood just messaged me saying we need to go out for beers soon. I can't drink due to my medication and don't want to admit my illness. How would you all handle this? Do I just say I don't drink?
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Great thread Dimi. I think a lot of it can be chemical- just how some of us are wired. It happens to me from time to time, warranted or not. And there's nothing wrong with it. As far as Facebook, just know, a lot of what people put out there is just a show. You'd be surprised at how those people that look to be having the time of their lives, are really feeling.
Post edited by Dr. Delight on
And so you see, I have come to doubt All that I once held as true I stand alone without beliefs The only truth I know is you.
Going back to what I said before. An old friend who I haven't seen since childhood just messaged me saying we need to go out for beers soon. I can't drink due to my medication and don't want to admit my illness. How would you all handle this? Do I just say I don't drink?
Great thread Dimi. I think a lot of it can be chemical- just how some of us are wired. It happens to me from time to time, warranted or not. And there's nothing wrong with it. As far s Facebook, just know, a lot of what people put out there is just a show. You'd be surprised at how those people that look to be having the time of their lives, really feel.
Well said, Dr.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Going back to what I said before. An old friend who I haven't seen since childhood just messaged me saying we need to go out for beers soon. I can't drink due to my medication and don't want to admit my illness. How would you all handle this? Do I just say I don't drink?
You can either say, "I would love to get together with you, but I can't drink due to medication," and just leave it at that; or, "I'm taking a break from drinking right now, but I would love to catch up with you over coffee or lunch (or whatever)." You don't need to go in to details of why you are not drinking, just be clear that it is not an option for you. And if they press, just say that you don't want to go into it right now.
Going back to what I said before. An old friend who I haven't seen since childhood just messaged me saying we need to go out for beers soon. I can't drink due to my medication and don't want to admit my illness. How would you all handle this? Do I just say I don't drink?
I would just have something without alcohol it's no big deal, take the chance to meet your old friend.
Probably already talked about at length, but I think the sense of loneliness comes from feeling like one isn't truly known. Some people are more complex in their emotions and the way they interpret the world, and those people feel like others usually don't really truly get them. These may be the people who might not know how to express themselves fully, or people who just think in a different way from most and it truly is hard to find anyone who really gets them deep down. And i think so many people must feel this. It's not easy to find a person who really knows you. Some people never find such a person, even though they have friends, family, a spouse, kids.... And some others do find a few people like that in life, but lose them along the road one way or another. Feeling misunderstood and/or not known has to be one of the most lonely feelings in the world, and the more people surrounding you who don't really know you, the more lonely it probably feels. The person with the most folks in their lives but isn't fully understood in the deepest sense could be the loneliness.
.... Of course, that sense of feeling known could have a little or a lot to do with a certain brand of arrogance too. Like, I'm sure many people feel like no one really knows or understands them, but in fact they are simply overestimating their own complexity, and simply rejecting the fact that some people do indeed totally understand them, or at least could, given half a chance. Sometimes people can become trapped in their own bubbles, where what they feel is magnified and warped, and they start turning away from people under the assumption that no one could possibly feel the very special way they do... Little do they know that they have grossly overestimated how special they are. In that case, they are the ones who don't truly get to know the people surrounding them, and not the other way around. Some people really are difficult for most others to really understand and know. They really are just that different and complex. And the other possibility is that some people simply surround themselves with particulary unperceptive people (of which there are soooo many).... and that might say a lot about that particular lonely person, or perhaps about where they choose to be in life. Time to start seeking out the perceptive ones.
I'm also thinking it's often a bit of all those sides.
And then there are the folks who never feel alone. I feel like most who never do are the ones who are very content with themselves, for better or worse. Being content with oneself can be a wonderful thing, or a.terrible thing, depending on how self-aware the person is.and depending on what makes them content.... I'm sure some truly evil people have been very content with themselves, and a whole lot of vapid morons too. Contentment can be justified, but it can also amount to having ones head in the sand.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Probably already talked about at length, but I think the sense of loneliness comes from feeling like one isn't truly known. Some people are more complex in their emotions and the way they interpret the world, and those people feel like others usually don't really truly get them. These may be the people who might not know how to express themselves fully, or people who just think in a different way from most and it truly is hard to find anyone who really gets them deep down. And i think so many people must feel this. It's not easy to find a person who really knows you. Some people never find such a person, even though they have friends, family, a spouse, kids.... And some others do find a few people like that in life, but lose them along the road one way or another. Feeling misunderstood and/or not known has to be one of the most lonely feelings in the world, and the more people surrounding you who don't really know you, the more lonely it probably feels. The person with the most folks in their lives but isn't fully understood in the deepest sense could be the loneliness.
.... Of course, that sense of feeling known could have a little or a lot to do with a certain brand of arrogance too. Like, I'm sure many people feel like no one really knows or understands them, but in fact they are simply overestimating their own complexity, and simply rejecting the fact that some people do indeed totally understand them, or at least could, given half a chance. Sometimes people can become trapped in their own bubbles, where what they feel is magnified and warped, and they start turning away from people under the assumption that no one could possibly feel the very special way they do... Little do they know that they have grossly overestimated how special they are. In that case, they are the ones who don't truly get to know the people surrounding them, and not the other way around. Some people really are difficult for most others to really understand and know. They really are just that different and complex. And the other possibility is that some people simply surround themselves with particulary unperceptive people (of which there are soooo many).... and that might say a lot about that particular lonely person, or perhaps about where they choose to be in life. Time to start seeking out the perceptive ones.
I thinking it's usually a bit of both sides.
And then there are the folks who never feel alone. I feel like most who never do are the ones who are very content with themselves, for better or worse.
Probably already talked about at length, but I think the sense of loneliness comes from feeling like one isn't truly known. Some people are more complex in their emotions and the way they interpret the world, and those people feel like others usually don't really truly get them. These may be the people who might not know how to express themselves fully, or people who just think in a different way from most and it truly is hard to find anyone who really gets them deep down. And i think so many people must feel this. It's not easy to find a person who really knows you. Some people never find such a person, even though they have friends, family, a spouse, kids.... And some others do find a few people like that in life, but lose them along the road one way or another. Feeling misunderstood and/or not known has to be one of the most lonely feelings in the world, and the more people surrounding you who don't really know you, the more lonely it probably feels. The person with the most folks in their lives but isn't fully understood in the deepest sense could be the loneliness.
.... Of course, that sense of feeling known could have a little or a lot to do with a certain brand of arrogance too. Like, I'm sure many people feel like no one really knows or understands them, but in fact they are simply overestimating their own complexity, and simply rejecting the fact that some people do indeed totally understand them, or at least could, given half a chance. Sometimes people can become trapped in their own bubbles, where what they feel is magnified and warped, and they start turning away from people under the assumption that no one could possibly feel the very special way they do... Little do they know that they have grossly overestimated how special they are. In that case, they are the ones who don't truly get to know the people surrounding them, and not the other way around. Some people really are difficult for most others to really understand and know. They really are just that different and complex. And the other possibility is that some people simply surround themselves with particulary unperceptive people (of which there are soooo many).... and that might say a lot about that particular lonely person, or perhaps about where they choose to be in life. Time to start seeking out the perceptive ones.
I'm also thinking it's often a bit of all those sides.
And then there are the folks who never feel alone. I feel like most who never do are the ones who are very content with themselves, for better or worse. Being content with oneself can be a wonderful thing, or a.terrible thing, depending on how self-aware the person is.and depending on what makes them content.... I'm sure some truly evil people have been very content with themselves, and a whole lot of vapid morons too. Contentment can be justified, but it can also amount to having ones head in the sand.
Well said!
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I wanna reach back to the comments about interacting socially without alcohol. A huge part of why I never go anywhere anymore is cuz I stopped getting invited because I don't drink. a lot of time I'm told that it's not my scene, or that it's just gonna be a bunch of drunk assholes and I don't need to be around that. I'm also told that I'm not invited cuz everyone is gonna be drinking and what am I gonna do there? Or that no one wants a sober person hanging around while everyone else is drinking. People who don't already know me react with distrust when i inevitably have to explain that I don't drink. They think something must be wrong with me.
My advice: fuck em. It's a goddamned beverage.
I used to get upset about it (especially when photos started popping up on social media & I'd get a hard case of the fomos, and I'd argue with them about it, demanding to know why no one gives a fuck that I don't fuck cough syrup but holds it against me that I don't drink alcohol, when I drink neither for the same fucking reason. I even considered buying a fake AA coin to carry and brandish as an explanation for why I'm not drinking.
I do still occasionally get jealous, like when my friend posted photos from her birthday at this cute rooftop bar with a great view, but I've just accepted that I'm not really welcome in those situations and that's okay. I don't mind being at a bar and ordering a club soda. Other people minding me doing that isn't my problem.
After reading these posts I have to say, there are some very together people here. Coming here with trust, admitting a problem, meeting it head on, giving and getting a little help. That makes my day. Thank you, good people.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
I wanna reach back to the comments about interacting socially without alcohol. A huge part of why I never go anywhere anymore is cuz I stopped getting invited because I don't drink. a lot of time I'm told that it's not my scene, or that it's just gonna be a bunch of drunk assholes and I don't need to be around that. I'm also told that I'm not invited cuz everyone is gonna be drinking and what am I gonna do there? Or that no one wants a sober person hanging around while everyone else is drinking. People who don't already know me react with distrust when i inevitably have to explain that I don't drink. They think something must be wrong with me.
My advice: fuck em. It's a goddamned beverage.
I used to get upset about it (especially when photos started popping up on social media & I'd get a hard case of the fomos, and I'd argue with them about it, demanding to know why no one gives a fuck that I don't fuck cough syrup but holds it against me that I don't drink alcohol, when I drink neither for the same fucking reason. I even considered buying a fake AA coin to carry and brandish as an explanation for why I'm not drinking.
I do still occasionally get jealous, like when my friend posted photos from her birthday at this cute rooftop bar with a great view, but I've just accepted that I'm not really welcome in those situations and that's okay. I don't mind being at a bar and ordering a club soda. Other people minding me doing that isn't my problem.
That is totally fucked up that people would exclude you because you don't drink. Why should they care? You are not affecting them in any way...if you don't mind being around people who are drinking, then more power to you. I don't drink not because I don't want to, it's because I'm allergic to alcohol. I can have some drinks, but I just can't have a whole lot-it's also a reason I'm a social smoker...I need to get out of the bar to get away from all the drunks for a few minutes . I still hang out with my friends, I just figure I'm taking care of them, and making sure they have a safe ride home.
Sometimes I wanna order a club soda and cranberry so it doesn't look so obvious, but I'm fine with ordering a soda water with lemon and lime...some bartenders are really nice and actually will muddle the lemon and lime and shake it with the soda water for me. Believe me, I would love to be able to have a glass of wine, a few beers, or a few drinks and laugh with everybody, but turning bright red, and having your face and throat swell up isn't very fun.
If people are going to exclude you because you don't drink, they really aren't your friends.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
I still get invited out sometimes but because I don't drink I don't really feel comfortable surrounded by others who are drinking and particularly when they're getting drunk (which is inevitable in Ireland). I also feel very uncomfortable in groups of anymore than 3 or 4 people, maybe because it takes more effort to keep involved in conversations etc and I just always feel like an outsider. So, as a result of all this, I just don't socialise outside of sport anymore. We just had a long weekend here and I didn't even leave the house til yesterday, when I had to go training. I'm happy enough in some ways sitting at home watching TV but at the same time I realise that if this doesn't change I will be alone for the rest of my life
I wanna reach back to the comments about interacting socially without alcohol. A huge part of why I never go anywhere anymore is cuz I stopped getting invited because I don't drink. a lot of time I'm told that it's not my scene, or that it's just gonna be a bunch of drunk assholes and I don't need to be around that. I'm also told that I'm not invited cuz everyone is gonna be drinking and what am I gonna do there? Or that no one wants a sober person hanging around while everyone else is drinking. People who don't already know me react with distrust when i inevitably have to explain that I don't drink. They think something must be wrong with me.
My advice: fuck em. It's a goddamned beverage.
I used to get upset about it (especially when photos started popping up on social media & I'd get a hard case of the fomos, and I'd argue with them about it, demanding to know why no one gives a fuck that I don't fuck cough syrup but holds it against me that I don't drink alcohol, when I drink neither for the same fucking reason. I even considered buying a fake AA coin to carry and brandish as an explanation for why I'm not drinking.
I do still occasionally get jealous, like when my friend posted photos from her birthday at this cute rooftop bar with a great view, but I've just accepted that I'm not really welcome in those situations and that's okay. I don't mind being at a bar and ordering a club soda. Other people minding me doing that isn't my problem.
What the? That's messed up. Screw those fools, they aren't true friends.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Here's the thing, I respectfully disagree with this idea that I just have shitty friends. It's just about honesty and knowing people. We all have people we gotta be careful with, like one guy who drinks too much and gets unbearably nasty when he does, so you don't invite him if there's gonna be an open bar right? Or if you've got a new bf/gf you don't want them around that person who is a giant perv. Or if you've got a friend who is incredibly sensitive emotionally you don't call them up when you're having a crisis cuz you know they aren't gonna be of much help/use cuz they'll end up having a melt down. I'm fine with excluding people because of certain traits or personality types or whatever, because sometimes it makes sense. I don't get upset when I don't get invited to the strip club. Or even the regular club. Or the EDC. Cuz I have no interest in strippers, dancing, dudes pressing play on a laptop, or Molly. The alcohol thing I think is stupid, cuz in my mind it's still just a fucking beverage. I won't accept "I was drunk" as an excuse/explanation/part of an apology cuz no one put a gun to your head and said "drink this". But then I remember that I'm never gonna understand what it's like to be the person who wants to drink. I can't relate to that. So how exactly can i judge them for not wanting a sober person there while they're drinking? I don't know what it's like to be in their shoes. It could very well be the same mentality I have toward my emotional friend. "Why didn't you call me?" "Cuz you'd be useless in a crisis." Vs. "Why no invite?" "Cuz you'd be useless in a bar." That's how/why I learned to let it go, and realized that at least they respect me enough to tell me my presence is unwelcome, rather than making up excuses or inviting me when they don't really want me there, just out of obligation or something.
Jenny I have similar feelings about large groups, but it entirely depends on the setting. Anywhere loud I can't do. It's too difficult to talk to 8 people at once if I have to yell. If it's like a park or someone's house, it's easy. There's more than 4 people on your team right? Venue/environment is a huge factor. I also find it exhausting after 5 hours or whatever of 15 people crammed into a kitchen drinking, eating, laughing, telling stories, listening to music, arguing, etc. I will be more exhausted after that despite having sat on my ass the whole time, than if I'd been running around doing errands and shopping and whatever in that time. I think it's an attention span thing. If you're someone who likes to focus on one thing at a time trying to divide your attention among 10 people is mentally exhausting. And since you mentioned you like to watch tv and read and find yourself in good company when you're alone I suspect you are generally more focused on one or two things at a time, than someone who can't sit through a whole episode of GoT without getting up to go do something else or texting with someone about something else. Some people want to go back and rewatch an entire series from the 90a before the movie comes out, some people want to play half a level of bejeweled while talking to someone, playing with a child, watching a tv show, and eating. Guess which one can better handle a group of 20 at a loud bar on Saturday night? Maybe consider signing up for a cooking class? You'll meet people, it's probably a small group, and you'll learn a valuable skill.
Edit: in the interest of disclosure, I'm not in recovery or anything.I don't drink cuz I've got the palette of a five year old, and alcohol is yucky. I'm also a picky eater. I've always been like that, I think I've got one of those super sensitive palate things I read about in an article once. I'm also female, And not the compliant type - so ain't nobody forcing me to put something in my mouth that I don't want to. All the social pressure in the woooooooorld ain't gonna change that. :putsdukesup:
I wanna reach back to the comments about interacting socially without alcohol. A huge part of why I never go anywhere anymore is cuz I stopped getting invited because I don't drink. a lot of time I'm told that it's not my scene, or that it's just gonna be a bunch of drunk assholes and I don't need to be around that. I'm also told that I'm not invited cuz everyone is gonna be drinking and what am I gonna do there? Or that no one wants a sober person hanging around while everyone else is drinking. People who don't already know me react with distrust when i inevitably have to explain that I don't drink. They think something must be wrong with me.
My advice: fuck em. It's a goddamned beverage.
I used to get upset about it (especially when photos started popping up on social media & I'd get a hard case of the fomos, and I'd argue with them about it, demanding to know why no one gives a fuck that I don't fuck cough syrup but holds it against me that I don't drink alcohol, when I drink neither for the same fucking reason. I even considered buying a fake AA coin to carry and brandish as an explanation for why I'm not drinking.
I do still occasionally get jealous, like when my friend posted photos from her birthday at this cute rooftop bar with a great view, but I've just accepted that I'm not really welcome in those situations and that's okay. I don't mind being at a bar and ordering a club soda. Other people minding me doing that isn't my problem.
That is totally fucked up that people would exclude you because you don't drink. Why should they care? You are not affecting them in any way...if you don't mind being around people who are drinking, then more power to you. I don't drink not because I don't want to, it's because I'm allergic to alcohol. I can have some drinks, but I just can't have a whole lot-it's also a reason I'm a social smoker...I need to get out of the bar to get away from all the drunks for a few minutes . I still hang out with my friends, I just figure I'm taking care of them, and making sure they have a safe ride home.
Sometimes I wanna order a club soda and cranberry so it doesn't look so obvious, but I'm fine with ordering a soda water with lemon and lime...some bartenders are really nice and actually will muddle the lemon and lime and shake it with the soda water for me. Believe me, I would love to be able to have a glass of wine, a few beers, or a few drinks and laugh with everybody, but turning bright red, and having your face and throat swell up isn't very fun.
If people are going to exclude you because you don't drink, they really aren't your friends.
Comments
Yeah there are many young people out of work here.
Yeah I know that a partner and friends won't fall on my lap and that I need to go out there.
But going out alone like a lone wolf ain't my idea of a happy fun time, plus in my city going out alone at night is an invitation to a mugging or bashing.
I thought about internet dating sites but not too keen on that either.
I thought I might meet someone at work but that didn't happen and isn't a wise idea.
I am not part of any sporting club.
What sport do you play?
The problem I find is I cannot find like minded people, every person here is boring and into superficial things. My only friend is my only friend because we are very much alike in terms of interests in music, bands, food, and our senses of humour. Most guys are macho tough car loving misogynistic jerks that I come across into doof doof techno music.
I feel like an alien. I have reconnected through Facebook with old friends from early childhood that want to catch up with me and I want to but without a job I can't afford to right now but the chance is there in future.
5 things about me I am happy about? Hmmm.
1. Can play guitar
2. Can write songs
3. Can draw good
4. Intelligent
5. Tall
Getting yourself out there isn't easy. I don't drink, so you can imagine that makes socialising a bit of a challenge in Ireland, where everything revolves around drinking. I've tried internet dating but nothing has come of it so far. I go on the site every couple of weeks though and I'll message a guy. So far this hasn't yielded any results but at least I can say I'm trying and there's no harm in it.
I play badminton and soccer, both mixed sports so I certainly meet plenty of people from all walks of life. I'm also a more confident person when I'm playing sport so it's easier for me to talk to people. Maybe if you looked to meet people in an environment in which you'd be comfortable. You say you play and write, have you ever performed in public or do you feel you'd be able to? Maybe you could even look into giving guitar lessons?
Good to hear facebook being used in a positive way, to reconnect with people
I thought by joining a sports club (I am not bad at soccer and thought of playing) would mean friendships, but your there for the soccer and beyond that may not have anything in common.
I am more comfortable around artistic/musician types than sports types anyways.
Yeah I don't drink either, not since getting on anti depressant medication. I can have one standard drink a week but would rather not. Haven't touched alcohol since starting my medication. Even before that I was rarely drinking, only at after work functions or at birthdays.
I dread having to avoid drinking at future work functions as I don't want people to know about my depression/anxiety. We too have a big drinking culture here, everyone is expected to get drunk to have a good time. I used to get drunk years ago but it's not fun anymore.
I wouldn't mind a nice Guinness by the way.
Sounds like you have at least one good friend though, does he know about your depression and can you talk to him about things like that?
I was told I have social anxiety by my shrink.
Glad you remember me haha. I haven't been on here much in the last year or so.
Enough about me, I don't want to derail this thread lol
I haven't spend much time here on AET either. I've mostly been posting on AMT but it's gotten too weird there. The All Encompassing Trip is a smoother ride.
Hey, hope to see around here more soon!
I posted some song demos in Musicians & Gearheads recently.
AMT is a no go for me, I have gotten into some heated arguments and been attacked by others on there. Can't be bothered.
I'll pop in here and there.
An old friend who I haven't seen since childhood just messaged me saying we need to go out for beers soon.
I can't drink due to my medication and don't want to admit my illness.
How would you all handle this?
Do I just say I don't drink?
It happens to me from time to time, warranted or not.
And there's nothing wrong with it. As far as Facebook, just know, a lot of what people put out there is just a show. You'd be surprised at how those people that look to be having the time of their lives, are really feeling.
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.
Well said, Dr.
.... Of course, that sense of feeling known could have a little or a lot to do with a certain brand of arrogance too. Like, I'm sure many people feel like no one really knows or understands them, but in fact they are simply overestimating their own complexity, and simply rejecting the fact that some people do indeed totally understand them, or at least could, given half a chance. Sometimes people can become trapped in their own bubbles, where what they feel is magnified and warped, and they start turning away from people under the assumption that no one could possibly feel the very special way they do... Little do they know that they have grossly overestimated how special they are. In that case, they are the ones who don't truly get to know the people surrounding them, and not the other way around. Some people really are difficult for most others to really understand and know. They really are just that different and complex. And the other possibility is that some people simply surround themselves with particulary unperceptive people (of which there are soooo many).... and that might say a lot about that particular lonely person, or perhaps about where they choose to be in life. Time to start seeking out the perceptive ones.
I'm also thinking it's often a bit of all those sides.
And then there are the folks who never feel alone. I feel like most who never do are the ones who are very content with themselves, for better or worse. Being content with oneself can be a wonderful thing, or a.terrible thing, depending on how self-aware the person is.and depending on what makes them content.... I'm sure some truly evil people have been very content with themselves, and a whole lot of vapid morons too. Contentment can be justified, but it can also amount to having ones head in the sand.
My advice: fuck em. It's a goddamned beverage.
I used to get upset about it (especially when photos started popping up on social media & I'd get a hard case of the fomos, and I'd argue with them about it, demanding to know why no one gives a fuck that I don't fuck cough syrup but holds it against me that I don't drink alcohol, when I drink neither for the same fucking reason. I even considered buying a fake AA coin to carry and brandish as an explanation for why I'm not drinking.
I do still occasionally get jealous, like when my friend posted photos from her birthday at this cute rooftop bar with a great view, but I've just accepted that I'm not really welcome in those situations and that's okay. I don't mind being at a bar and ordering a club soda. Other people minding me doing that isn't my problem.
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
I don't drink not because I don't want to, it's because I'm allergic to alcohol. I can have some drinks, but I just can't have a whole lot-it's also a reason I'm a social smoker...I need to get out of the bar to get away from all the drunks for a few minutes
Sometimes I wanna order a club soda and cranberry so it doesn't look so obvious, but I'm fine with ordering a soda water with lemon and lime...some bartenders are really nice and actually will muddle the lemon and lime and shake it with the soda water for me. Believe me, I would love to be able to have a glass of wine, a few beers, or a few drinks and laugh with everybody, but turning bright red, and having your face and throat swell up isn't very fun.
If people are going to exclude you because you don't drink, they really aren't your friends.
- Christopher McCandless
Screw those fools, they aren't true friends.
Jenny I have similar feelings about large groups, but it entirely depends on the setting. Anywhere loud I can't do. It's too difficult to talk to 8 people at once if I have to yell. If it's like a park or someone's house, it's easy. There's more than 4 people on your team right? Venue/environment is a huge factor. I also find it exhausting after 5 hours or whatever of 15 people crammed into a kitchen drinking, eating, laughing, telling stories, listening to music, arguing, etc. I will be more exhausted after that despite having sat on my ass the whole time, than if I'd been running around doing errands and shopping and whatever in that time. I think it's an attention span thing. If you're someone who likes to focus on one thing at a time trying to divide your attention among 10 people is mentally exhausting. And since you mentioned you like to watch tv and read and find yourself in good company when you're alone I suspect you are generally more focused on one or two things at a time, than someone who can't sit through a whole episode of GoT without getting up to go do something else or texting with someone about something else. Some people want to go back and rewatch an entire series from the 90a before the movie comes out, some people want to play half a level of bejeweled while talking to someone, playing with a child, watching a tv show, and eating. Guess which one can better handle a group of 20 at a loud bar on Saturday night?
Maybe consider signing up for a cooking class? You'll meet people, it's probably a small group, and you'll learn a valuable skill.
Edit: in the interest of disclosure, I'm not in recovery or anything.I don't drink cuz I've got the palette of a five year old, and alcohol is yucky. I'm also a picky eater. I've always been like that, I think I've got one of those super sensitive palate things I read about in an article once. I'm also female, And not the compliant type - so ain't nobody forcing me to put something in my mouth that I don't want to. All the social pressure in the woooooooorld ain't gonna change that. :putsdukesup:
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce