i guess people get bored with themselves and also want to share good moments with others a bit like sharing and caring, laughter and familarity and without it theres a breakdown in communication and that makes a person feel unrecognized inturn unknown awkward in social situations and slightly socially disfunctional or boring because lets face it one man sharpens the face of another, we naturally feed off one another in a positive way, only people who are anti social by choice are normally very selfish or are the ones out on the streets as a psycopath
Here's my breakdown. I don't have great experiences on which to draw, in relation to other people. I don't know if that's why I fear/ hate them, or if it's just that I get terrifically overwhelmed by them. But I do know I had a six year relationship with my vey best friend in life. He was my everything. And I thought I was his.. We met when we were nine in family court. We were each there for a different reason, and we met in the child psychologist's waiting room. We were both wearing the same artist's t-shirt and had our walk mans on. That was it.. We started talking and we whiled away an hour becoming friends.. It was just very easy and very natural. He smelled like Mexican Cinnamon bread, ( just his scent, I saw him for a brief time this last September in Cali, and he STILL smells like that!) and he had an energy unlike any I had ever felt. Then we each went for our sessions, our hearings, and I got stuck going home again with my mother and step father. For two years, he and I met each month in family court at the psychologist's office. Then one day his family walked into my dad's church... And I was just floored! I was so happy! We ran over and hugged each other, and declared each was the other kid we'd been telling our parents about.. From then on we grew up together.. By sixteen we realized that we were in love, and began formal dating. By 18 he'd asked me to marry him after we each finished college.. By then I was two years into my college career and he was just beginning his. Things were great, til I graduated college and began to set up shop for our 'dream life. Then I got the call from a long time family friend to train his horse for his daughter. I flew back to Cali and began the work, but something was off with Eddie. ( not THAT Eddie) it wasn't the same.. Then I had my accident, and my whole world was crushed right before my eyes.. In the entire nine months I was hospitalized he only came to visit me once. After six months of this, and having had a really grueling day in PT, I called him to ask him why. My worst enemy answered the phone... And suddenly I reized why things were 'off'. I think that was just the last straw with people. I had trusted him like no other human.. EVER. I loved no other but him. I've had other boyfriends, but they were all cheats, and the last one I drive to it, cause I was certain that was what was going on.. So I don't want to be alone.. Trust me I've been alone too much.. But I'm terrified.. So far pain has all I've ever been awarded.. And I'm not necessarily willing to be open and honest with people anymore cause then when they fuck you over it hurts even worse.. So I guess in a way my pain is self chosen.. But it's safer here, just miserable as well.
Here's my breakdown. I don't have great experiences on which to draw, in relation to other people. I don't know if that's why I fear/ hate them, or if it's just that I get terrifically overwhelmed by them. But I do know I had a six year relationship with my vey best friend in life. He was my everything. And I thought I was his.. We met when we were nine in family court. We were each there for a different reason, and we met in the child psychologist's waiting room. We were both wearing the same artist's t-shirt and had our walk mans on. That was it.. We started talking and we whiled away an hour becoming friends.. It was just very easy and very natural. He smelled like Mexican Cinnamon bread, ( just his scent, I saw him for a brief time this last September in Cali, and he STILL smells like that!) and he had an energy unlike any I had ever felt. Then we each went for our sessions, our hearings, and I got stuck going home again with my mother and step father. For two years, he and I met each month in family court at the psychologist's office. Then one day his family walked into my dad's church... And I was just floored! I was so happy! We ran over and hugged each other, and declared each was the other kid we'd been telling our parents about.. From then on we grew up together.. By sixteen we realized that we were in love, and began formal dating. By 18 he'd asked me to marry him after we each finished college.. By then I was two years into my college career and he was just beginning his. Things were great, til I graduated college and began to set up shop for our 'dream life. Then I got the call from a long time family friend to train his horse for his daughter. I flew back to Cali and began the work, but something was off with Eddie. ( not THAT Eddie) it wasn't the same.. Then I had my accident, and my whole world was crushed right before my eyes.. In the entire nine months I was hospitalized he only came to visit me once. After six months of this, and having had a really grueling day in PT, I called him to ask him why. My worst enemy answered the phone... And suddenly I reized why things were 'off'. I think that was just the last straw with people. I had trusted him like no other human.. EVER. I loved no other but him. I've had other boyfriends, but they were all cheats, and the last one I drive to it, cause I was certain that was what was going on.. So I don't want to be alone.. Trust me I've been alone too much.. But I'm terrified.. So far pain has all I've ever been awarded.. And I'm not necessarily willing to be open and honest with people anymore cause then when they fuck you over it hurts even worse.. So I guess in a way my pain is self chosen.. But it's safer here, just miserable as well.
I know how you feel WH, the betrayal, trust issues. When I just got out of high school, I met a guy and fell in love. One day when I got off work early, I walked into our apartment to find him in bed with my best friend. my best friend for Christ sake. I felt very betrayed by both of them. I packed up a few things and left right then and there, he slept out in my mom's front yard for the next three days, begging my forgiveness, which he did not get. Deep wounds such as these don't heal easily if ever, but, I've learned through the years that trust can be accomplished little by little, and that not everyone I've met has to pay for the mistake of someone else. Sometimes we isolate ourselves as a self protective coping mechanism, but if we don't give others a chance, whos' really missing out? Thanks for sharing your story, and I know someday you will find a great guy that will treat you wonderfully and the way you should have treated,all along, you deserve no less.
Thanks both of you WH and Katwoman sharing your stories. I also had a friend that was betrayed by her best friend and boyfriend, she discovered photos (nude) in his phone of her :(
But one thing that's cool is that there actually are many great people of both genders out there and it's never too late to find love, never lose hope!
It's like they think we're trash and of no value.. So why be loyal?
I don't think all men think that way, and the ones that do not deserve no less either. I think a lot of things have a lot to do with the way we were raised and that we should treat others the way we would like to be treated, a mutual respect and try not to compare and put on others what one awful person did.
Oh believe me I know.. I should have said why do people think that's ok.. I should know that cause my older sister is like that towards men, and it pisses me off. Just cause men act tough doesn't mean they don't get hurt. So I hbky apologize for that one sided accusation.
P.S. I was sure ident42 was a guy. Sorry. Care to share what's behind your user name?
I still don't get it.....I hardly ever see a movie.
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
^^Rockbiter was male. He's giving you that shrug look cuz you thought I was.
I missed the username question. Drop the first letter. It's a HitchHiker's Guide reference.
I'm lost. I don't know who rockbiter is and, altho I read HHGTTU years ago, that reference escapes me too.
no matter; carry on.
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
I'm sure you're trying, but I think getting a job might make a big difference for you. you might feel like you're doing something worthwhile (most jobs are, even if they may not feel like it) and you might meet some people. hang in there.
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
well i live by myself, no girlfriend, not too many friends. kinda an outsider i guess. I come off weird/awkward when meeting people for the first time. Ask a few people on here they can testify to that It sucks. I do have my cats and music so that helps
I also am single and love alone. I don't feel lonely though. Not so far anyway. If we ever meet i won't care if you are weird and awkward - i'll deal with it. People are too weird and awkward about weird and awkward, lol.
living alone does have it's advantages i'll admit along with some disadvantages as well though.
We did kinda "meet" at the Wrigley pre-party. I don't think we actually talked but we are in one photo together,
The financial factor is definitely a huge thing. Sharing the bills is fantastic. Having been in a common law marriage and going through its ending, being alone after that feels just fine. I have absolutely nothing against being with someone, marriage, whatever, and of course don't rule it out for myself... but i think i still have some leftover feelings of 'been there, done that' about it, as well as the whole 'wow, I don't know if I want to risk going through THAT again' mindset (the breakup was pretty horrific), so living alone is more like an extended vacation for me, lol! I don't know how I'll feel down the road a bit... i assume that if I just meet the right one, I'll be more than happy to try cohabitating again. But i don't have a specific desire for it right now.
Lol, that is true dave. I think we might have said hi quickly, but am not positive. Maybe I just thought about it and then swooned. I was so hot in that place I was delirious, lol.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I wouldn't mind living alone, it's the thought of being alone for the rest of my life that's scary, that I might never have a partner or children
Yeah same. I am 31 soon and never had a girlfriend and don't believe I ever will. Everyone is dumbfounded at this. Shrinks I have seen were shocked to hear and ask me why, if I knew I'd tell them, I don't know.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I'm sure you're trying, but I think getting a job might make a big difference for you. you might feel like you're doing something worthwhile (most jobs are, even if they may not feel like it) and you might meet some people. hang in there.
Thanks dude. I have stopped trying in the last few weeks, I can't find the will to get back on internet job sites. I don't even know what I want to do and what my purpose is in life which doesn't help. All the jobs (close to 100 applications) that I have applied for I have gotten nowhere. I applied for where I have skills yet never hear back from recruiters or get told I wasn't successful. I can't fit into the corporate world in which I have experience, it's a daily struggle to be 'like them'. My previous colleagues all turned out to be bullies, two faced backstabbers with a nasty streak behind your back, and users. I have lost faith in people in the workplace.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you". Ouch! It hurts because it is true. She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I wouldn't mind living alone, it's the thought of being alone for the rest of my life that's scary, that I might never have a partner or children
Yeah same. I am 31 soon and never had a girlfriend and don't believe I ever will. Everyone is dumbfounded at this. Shrinks I have seen were shocked to hear and ask me why, if I knew I'd tell them, I don't know.
Yep, same here, never even been on a date and heading for the title of Ireland's only 30 year old virgin next year haha
Hardest thing is not even being able to imagine the situation changing as your self-esteem is so low you can't imagine anyone ever loving you, even though you can't really explain what makes you so unlovable compared to others. I have many faults but I think I'm a good person, I guess I'm just not an attractive person
If your mother speaks to you like that then she's doing so with the intention of hurting you and her words mean nothing. Don't let her cruelty bring you down. I don't think you or me are any less worthy or deserving of friends, I think we just find it harder to make connections with people and to put ourselves out there
I am terrified of the 40 year old virgin tag, like that movie. 9 years to go. I find it hard to not be terrified around new people so it makes it hard meeting potential friends. I don't think I am a bad person, I too have my flaws in character. I guess my lack of confidence has turned off my 3 previous dates.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I am terrified of the 40 year old virgin tag, like that movie. 9 years to go. I find it hard to not be terrified around new people so it makes it hard meeting potential friends. I don't think I am a bad person, I too have my flaws in character. I guess my lack of confidence has turned off my 3 previous dates.
Sure even though I'm only 29, I've already resigned myself to the fact that I may never have children, simply because I can't foresee any future in which I won't be alone
Have you tried internet dating? Maybe you could get to know someone via messaging before meeting in person and then it wouldn't be as scary. I've had no luck with it myself but Ireland is a very small country!
I am terrified of the 40 year old virgin tag, like that movie. 9 years to go. I find it hard to not be terrified around new people so it makes it hard meeting potential friends. I don't think I am a bad person, I too have my flaws in character. I guess my lack of confidence has turned off my 3 previous dates.
Sure even though I'm only 29, I've already resigned myself to the fact that I may never have children, simply because I can't foresee any future in which I won't be alone
Have you tried internet dating? Maybe you could get to know someone via messaging before meeting in person and then it wouldn't be as scary. I've had no luck with it myself but Ireland is a very small country!
I haven't got the courage to try internet dating. I don't have any good photos of myself in social settings to use as profile pics. Plus I don't have anything interesting to say about myself. A former friend had some psychos from net dating (one threatened to have him bashed after he told her he didn't want to continue dating) so it has scared me off. I feel like net dating is the last resort for losers like me. I prefer meeting the traditional tech-free ways.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
So what if you can't even get the 'losers' ( self proclaimed, not MY words) to talk to you? I got my little feelings hurt a bit by the fact that I made an attempt to reach out to someone here, and other than one response have gotten no further replies.. Yet the claim is we all want to change our loneliness factor.. At some point, we have to make an effort.. My effort was shot down.. Just like elementary school. Oh well, I guess there's no harm in having tried. I wish you all the best Thoughts Arrive.
I am terrified of the 40 year old virgin tag, like that movie. 9 years to go. I find it hard to not be terrified around new people so it makes it hard meeting potential friends. I don't think I am a bad person, I too have my flaws in character. I guess my lack of confidence has turned off my 3 previous dates.
Sure even though I'm only 29, I've already resigned myself to the fact that I may never have children, simply because I can't foresee any future in which I won't be alone
Have you tried internet dating? Maybe you could get to know someone via messaging before meeting in person and then it wouldn't be as scary. I've had no luck with it myself but Ireland is a very small country!
I haven't got the courage to try internet dating. I don't have any good photos of myself in social settings to use as profile pics. Plus I don't have anything interesting to say about myself. A former friend had some psychos from net dating (one threatened to have him bashed after he told her he didn't want to continue dating) so it has scared me off. I feel like net dating is the last resort for losers like me. I prefer meeting the traditional tech-free ways.
Sure i haven't much of interest to say for myself either I guess it makes me feel better that I can say I'm making an effort though. So I set up a profile and every couple of weeks I'll message a guy. I'm not hugely surprised that none of them have replied but even so it feels like a small achievement to have tried.
P.s. if you chat a bit online before meeting you should be able to weed out the crazies Give it a go, you really have nothing to lose and it's such a normal and popular way of meeting people these days
My mum to me today: "You have no friends, nobody loves you". Ouch! It hurts because it is true. She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.
What in the fuck? Why would your mother say something so incredibly hurtful?
I'm sure you're trying, but I think getting a job might make a big difference for you. you might feel like you're doing something worthwhile (most jobs are, even if they may not feel like it) and you might meet some people. hang in there.
Thanks dude. I have stopped trying in the last few weeks, I can't find the will to get back on internet job sites. I don't even know what I want to do and what my purpose is in life which doesn't help. All the jobs (close to 100 applications) that I have applied for I have gotten nowhere. I applied for where I have skills yet never hear back from recruiters or get told I wasn't successful. I can't fit into the corporate world in which I have experience, it's a daily struggle to be 'like them'. My previous colleagues all turned out to be bullies, two faced backstabbers with a nasty streak behind your back, and users. I have lost faith in people in the workplace.
why not try to volunteer somewhere or try and get a retail job or like a supermarket. yea the money won't do much but it will get you out of the house where you will have more interactions with people and even though the money won't be great will most likely make you feel good that you are accomplishing something by working outside the home.
maybe people on this board aren't traditional friends per se but you always have the people who have responded here who seem liked minded and some with similar situations. that's a good thing.
Comments
I don't know if that's why I fear/ hate them, or if it's just that I get terrifically overwhelmed by them. But I do know I had a six year relationship with my vey best friend in life. He was my everything. And I thought I was his.. We met when we were nine in family court. We were each there for a different reason, and we met in the child psychologist's waiting room. We were both wearing the same artist's t-shirt and had our walk mans on. That was it.. We started talking and we whiled away an hour becoming friends.. It was just very easy and very natural. He smelled like Mexican Cinnamon bread, ( just his scent, I saw him for a brief time this last September in Cali, and he STILL smells like that!) and he had an energy unlike any I had ever felt. Then we each went for our sessions, our hearings, and I got stuck going home again with my mother and step father. For two years, he and I met each month in family court at the psychologist's office. Then one day his family walked into my dad's church... And I was just floored! I was so happy! We ran over and hugged each other, and declared each was the other kid we'd been telling our parents about.. From then on we grew up together.. By sixteen we realized that we were in love, and began formal dating. By 18 he'd asked me to marry him after we each finished college.. By then I was two years into my college career and he was just beginning his. Things were great, til I graduated college and began to set up shop for our 'dream life. Then I got the call from a long time family friend to train his horse for his daughter. I flew back to Cali and began the work, but something was off with Eddie. ( not THAT Eddie) it wasn't the same.. Then I had my accident, and my whole world was crushed right before my eyes.. In the entire nine months I was hospitalized he only came to visit me once. After six months of this, and having had a really grueling day in PT, I called him to ask him why. My worst enemy answered the phone... And suddenly I reized why things were 'off'. I think that was just the last straw with people. I had trusted him like no other human.. EVER. I loved no other but him. I've had other boyfriends, but they were all cheats, and the last one I drive to it, cause I was certain that was what was going on.. So I don't want to be alone.. Trust me I've been alone too much.. But I'm terrified.. So far pain has all I've ever been awarded.. And I'm not necessarily willing to be open and honest with people anymore cause then when they fuck you over it hurts even worse.. So I guess in a way my pain is self chosen.. But it's safer here, just miserable as well.
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
www.headstonesband.com
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
I missed the username question. Drop the first letter. It's a HitchHiker's Guide reference.
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
no matter; carry on.
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
I'm sure you're trying, but I think getting a job might make a big difference for you. you might feel like you're doing something worthwhile (most jobs are, even if they may not feel like it) and you might meet some people. hang in there.
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
Having been in a common law marriage and going through its ending, being alone after that feels just fine. I have absolutely nothing against being with someone, marriage, whatever, and of course don't rule it out for myself... but i think i still have some leftover feelings of 'been there, done that' about it, as well as the whole 'wow, I don't know if I want to risk going through THAT again' mindset (the breakup was pretty horrific), so living alone is more like an extended vacation for me, lol! I don't know how I'll feel down the road a bit... i assume that if I just meet the right one, I'll be more than happy to try cohabitating again. But i don't have a specific desire for it right now.
Lol, that is true dave. I think we might have said hi quickly, but am not positive. Maybe I just thought about it and then swooned. I was so hot in that place I was delirious, lol.
I am 31 soon and never had a girlfriend and don't believe I ever will.
Everyone is dumbfounded at this.
Shrinks I have seen were shocked to hear and ask me why, if I knew I'd tell them, I don't know.
I have stopped trying in the last few weeks, I can't find the will to get back on internet job sites.
I don't even know what I want to do and what my purpose is in life which doesn't help.
All the jobs (close to 100 applications) that I have applied for I have gotten nowhere.
I applied for where I have skills yet never hear back from recruiters or get told I wasn't successful.
I can't fit into the corporate world in which I have experience, it's a daily struggle to be 'like them'.
My previous colleagues all turned out to be bullies, two faced backstabbers with a nasty streak behind your back, and users.
I have lost faith in people in the workplace.
Ouch! It hurts because it is true.
She always brings my no friends thing up but today she was poisonous as we were arguing.
Hardest thing is not even being able to imagine the situation changing as your self-esteem is so low you can't imagine anyone ever loving you, even though you can't really explain what makes you so unlovable compared to others. I have many faults but I think I'm a good person, I guess I'm just not an attractive person
If your mother speaks to you like that then she's doing so with the intention of hurting you and her words mean nothing. Don't let her cruelty bring you down. I don't think you or me are any less worthy or deserving of friends, I think we just find it harder to make connections with people and to put ourselves out there
I find it hard to not be terrified around new people so it makes it hard meeting potential friends.
I don't think I am a bad person, I too have my flaws in character.
I guess my lack of confidence has turned off my 3 previous dates.
Have you tried internet dating? Maybe you could get to know someone via messaging before meeting in person and then it wouldn't be as scary. I've had no luck with it myself but Ireland is a very small country!
I don't have any good photos of myself in social settings to use as profile pics.
Plus I don't have anything interesting to say about myself.
A former friend had some psychos from net dating (one threatened to have him bashed after he told her he didn't want to continue dating) so it has scared me off.
I feel like net dating is the last resort for losers like me.
I prefer meeting the traditional tech-free ways.
P.s. if you chat a bit online before meeting you should be able to weed out the crazies
www.headstonesband.com
maybe people on this board aren't traditional friends per se but you always have the people who have responded here who seem liked minded and some with similar situations. that's a good thing.