Why people feel so alone?

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  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    jennycoyle said:

    RKCNDY said:

    So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.

    I'm a very different person online than in person. I'm incredibly shy except when I'm playing sport and I can't deal with being in a group of more than 4 or 5 people really. It's much easier to be yourself when posting from the safety of your home etc. You can be more honest and the sense of being somewhat removed allows you to say things you mighn't have the courage to say out loud. This thread is a good example of that. How many of us would openly speak about our thoughts and feelings on this subject with our friends and family? I know I couldn't
    I have connected with many people online, but in person...it is rare that you still have that meaningful connection-perhaps it's different for the ladies than it is for the guys.
    I try to be more sociable when I go out, it's getting easier since where I moved to, the community is so friendly and truly caring. The PJ functions are a bit easier, though it is hard to 'connect' with others, there isn't much time, and there are people that travel and aren't staying in town for very long.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

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  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    jennycoyle said:

    RKCNDY said:

    So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.

    I'm a very different person online than in person. I'm incredibly shy except when I'm playing sport and I can't deal with being in a group of more than 4 or 5 people really. It's much easier to be yourself when posting from the safety of your home etc. You can be more honest and the sense of being somewhat removed allows you to say things you mighn't have the courage to say out loud. This thread is a good example of that. How many of us would openly speak about our thoughts and feelings on this subject with our friends and family? I know I couldn't
    Like I said what you see in here is what you get out there.. If I
    Have forged a friendship online, then I
    Generally feel comfortable with that person in a RL setting. However, if I meet you in person, and I
    Get a weird vibe, or a bad feeling about you, ( you have to remember that you can't lie to me, cause I can read your underlying energies), then I'll just excuse myself and leave. But I discuss these topics with my family, who honestly believe that you CAN'T forge online friendships.
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Perfect example: when I went to Wrigley, and was sitting outside of the pre party, I kept seeing Dimitris walking around, but I didn't have the balls to approach him and say hi.. When he finally saw ME, and came over to say hi, he had the most relaxed energy of anyone I have ever met! I felt instantly safe and calm. Then I met Boston Lou.. And he had a much more tenuous energy.. Not that I distrusted him.. Just something I couldn't put my finger on.. It took me all day to figure out, I was reading my own energy off of him.. That's rare, and only happens once in a great while.. Some people are mirrors.. They reflect back to you what you present.. So what ended up happening was the exact opposite of what I anticipated happening.. But again.. I just try to remain true to whom I am in all angles, and that way I don't ever feel
    Like I am lying to anyone.
  • jnimhaoileoin
    jnimhaoileoin Baile Átha Cliath Posts: 2,682
    On balance, I think online forums and social networks do more good than harm. They offer an outlet to those who find it harder to get out and socialise in the real world. I know you could see that as a bad thing and say it helps us to hide away from real life but the most important thing is for people to feel they can reach out and talk to someone when they need to.

    Perhaps the fact that we can be more honest with the shield of a screen between us can enable us to then form friendships with others who already know what we're really like. Such friendships could prove to be more valuable than those formed with people with see every day. The very fact that we do see certain people all the time is probably partly what prevents us from opening up to them, as we know we will have to see them again and can't choose to avoid them in the event that they don't react as we would like.

    For all its faults, I know that i could find a sympathetic ear on facebook and that I could find the words to express myself online that I could never find in person. So I think as far as social media goes, it's just a case of using it to your advantage and not letting it make you feel worse about yourself

    Anyhoo, enough random ramblings on the bus home from work :)
  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,758
    jennycoyle said:

    On balance, I think online forums and social networks do more good than harm. They offer an outlet to those who find it harder to get out and socialise in the real world. I know you could see that as a bad thing and say it helps us to hide away from real life but the most important thing is for people to feel they can reach out and talk to someone when they need to.

    Perhaps the fact that we can be more honest with the shield of a screen between us can enable us to then form friendships with others who already know what we're really like. Such friendships could prove to be more valuable than those formed with people with see every day. The very fact that we do see certain people all the time is probably partly what prevents us from opening up to them, as we know we will have to see them again and can't choose to avoid them in the event that they don't react as we would like.

    For all its faults, I know that i could find a sympathetic ear on facebook and that I could find the words to express myself online that I could never find in person. So I think as far as social media goes, it's just a case of using it to your advantage and not letting it make you feel worse about yourself

    Anyhoo, enough random ramblings on the bus home from work :)

    I agree that it can help the individual, like yourself, for sure. no question. even me. I have said things on here that I've probably never told a real face. but I'm not sure about the balance part. there is so much vitriol spewed from the safety of the keyboard, causing people to hurt or even kill themselves as a result, I don't know. I would tend to think the balance is actually on the other, more negative, end.

    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




  • jnimhaoileoin
    jnimhaoileoin Baile Átha Cliath Posts: 2,682
    HughFreakingDillon said:

    jennycoyle said:

    On balance, I think online forums and social networks do more good than harm. They offer an outlet to those who find it harder to get out and socialise in the real world. I know you could see that as a bad thing and say it helps us to hide away from real life but the most important thing is for people to feel they can reach out and talk to someone when they need to.

    Perhaps the fact that we can be more honest with the shield of a screen between us can enable us to then form friendships with others who already know what we're really like. Such friendships could prove to be more valuable than those formed with people with see every day. The very fact that we do see certain people all the time is probably partly what prevents us from opening up to them, as we know we will have to see them again and can't choose to avoid them in the event that they don't react as we would like.

    For all its faults, I know that i could find a sympathetic ear on facebook and that I could find the words to express myself online that I could never find in person. So I think as far as social media goes, it's just a case of using it to your advantage and not letting it make you feel worse about yourself

    Anyhoo, enough random ramblings on the bus home from work :)

    I agree that it can help the individual, like yourself, for sure. no question. even me. I have said things on here that I've probably never told a real face. but I'm not sure about the balance part. there is so much vitriol spewed from the safety of the keyboard, causing people to hurt or even kill themselves as a result, I don't know. I would tend to think the balance is actually on the other, more negative, end.

    I suppose it depends on the individual and how they use social media, certainly it can hurt you if you allow it to but I also feel it's easier to avoid that which could cause you harm, by choosing carefully what you expose yourself to
  • The Juggler
    The Juggler Posts: 49,598
    chadwick said:

    people are a pain in the ass

    people. they're the worst.
    www.myspace.com
  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    At least they're not the wurst.
  • Nami
    Nami Newfoundland Posts: 5,999
    takes all kinds.
    Hamilton 9-13-05; Toronto 5-9-06, Toronto 8-21-09, Toronto 9-12-11, Hamilton 9-15-11....
  • rollings
    rollings unknown Posts: 7,127
    hedonist said:

    At least they're not the wurst.

    yeah, hain't

    image

  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    Were I to ascribe a voice to that brat, it would have a strong and slightly angry Eastern European accent.
  • Halifax2TheMax
    Halifax2TheMax Posts: 42,646
    It needs to be in a pretzel bun. Now that's a braaaaaaaat! With some spicy mustard.
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  • eeriepadave
    eeriepadave West Chester, PA Posts: 43,372
    well i live by myself, no girlfriend, not too many friends. kinda an outsider i guess. I come off weird/awkward when meeting people for the first time. Ask a few people on here they can testify to that :lol: It sucks. I do have my cats and music so that helps :smile:
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  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    eeriepadave said:

    well i live by myself, no girlfriend, not too many friends. kinda an outsider i guess. I come off weird/awkward when meeting people for the first time. Ask a few people on here they can testify to that :lol: It sucks. I do have my cats and music so that helps :smile:

    Same here!
  • PJ_Soul
    PJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 50,759
    edited May 2015
    eeriepadave said:

    well i live by myself, no girlfriend, not too many friends. kinda an outsider i guess. I come off weird/awkward when meeting people for the first time. Ask a few people on here they can testify to that :lol: It sucks. I do have my cats and music so that helps :smile:

    I also am single and love alone. I don't feel lonely though. Not so far anyway.
    If we ever meet i won't care if you are weird and awkward - i'll deal with it. People are too weird and awkward about weird and awkward, lol. ;)
    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • HughFreakingDillon
    HughFreakingDillon Winnipeg Posts: 39,758
    I lived alone before my wife and I got together. Those were some of the best times of my life. Loved it.
    By The Time They Figure Out What Went Wrong, We'll Be Sitting On A Beach, Earning Twenty Percent.




  • PJ_Soul
    PJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 50,759
    edited May 2015
    HughFreakingDillon said:

    I lived alone before my wife and I got together. Those were some of the best times of my life. Loved it.

    I think it's pretty great for the time being! ... I did live with a partner for a long time though. And had many roommates during thenfirst half of my 20s. Maybe that is why I am now so happy living alone. :lol: Sharing close quarters can be great if your situation is lucky... but living alone certainly has its perks!
    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • eeriepadave
    eeriepadave West Chester, PA Posts: 43,372
    PJ_Soul said:

    eeriepadave said:

    well i live by myself, no girlfriend, not too many friends. kinda an outsider i guess. I come off weird/awkward when meeting people for the first time. Ask a few people on here they can testify to that :lol: It sucks. I do have my cats and music so that helps :smile:

    I also am single and love alone. I don't feel lonely though. Not so far anyway.
    If we ever meet i won't care if you are weird and awkward - i'll deal with it. People are too weird and awkward about weird and awkward, lol. ;)
    living alone does have it's advantages i'll admit along with some disadvantages as well though.

    We did kinda "meet" at the Wrigley pre-party. I don't think we actually talked but we are in one photo together, :lol:
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  • jnimhaoileoin
    jnimhaoileoin Baile Átha Cliath Posts: 2,682
    I wouldn't mind living alone, it's the thought of being alone for the rest of my life that's scary, that I might never have a partner or children
  • Wobbie
    Wobbie Posts: 31,396
    makes me kind of sad to read some of this stuff.

    I like to be alone sometimes but I totally value having a great wife. She takes good care of me even when I don't deserve it. I was never much of a "player" with the ladies, yet I had one good (until it wasn't) six year relationship and have now been with my wife since 1990. For me, these relationships just came along by happenstance so I know it can happen when you least expect it.

    As far as not drinking....I envy you guys....I don't feel I'm an alcoholic but I too often drink too much and feel like crap the following day. Today is such a day.....I really like myself more when I'm feeling great.

    P.S. I was sure ident42 was a guy. Sorry. Care to share what's behind your user name?
    If I had known then what I know now...

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