So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.
I think that's true sometimes.
I also think sometimes people use forums because it gives them a way to meet people with some kind of common interest. To find people who have a similar passion or interest allows you to have something to talk about in the first place before the conversations expand out into other areas.
So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.
I think so. For me, when I started hanging out online back In 89 or so.. No one in my real life had any clue what my cousin and I were talking about. I'd found a world where I didn't have to face the awkwardness of face to face interaction.. I just had to wait weeks for an answer! Lol but once the online world grew into a household arena, I was pretty well versed at my 'Persona'. Now days I am exactly whom I am in person as I am online. What you read here is what you'll get IRL. But it really IS a way to talk on a 'deeper' level because there's a security in the words spoken from behind a screen via a keyboard. That isn't often felt on a face to face conversation. For me it was easier because I didn't have nine million tons of olfactory, and perceptive information shoved at me at once, which is often what overwhelms me in public...
And to be honest. The pre party at Slugger's for Wrigley was the very first one I'd ever been to! And I sat outside for most of it.. I just couldn't handle the crowds!
Rkcndy, I can see why you'd be disappointed if people didn't respond to your questions.
I promise you I'd answer any question you asked!
it's okay, I've learned to just assume those people would just rather have 'surface friendships'. They only want to be as deep as a puddle...I'd rather know people who are like oceans, deep and meaningful.
Me too. Unfortunately I believe that is becoming a rarity.
I think texting and cell phones killed that desire to connect inerpersonally with others.
I do as well. That's why I turn my phone off when hanging out with people in person.
We have a group of friends and we go out every so often. There is another couple, and I've been asked 'what do you think of her'. Well, honestly I don't care for her because when we all go out, and I leave to smoke, she wants to go with me-fine, I can chat and get to know her right? Wrong-first thing she does as soon as she gets outside is bury her face in her phone. I ask her how work is going, "mmmmm" is her answer. " How are your dogs doing?" "mmmmm". Then she puts out her cigarette and leaves me by myself. Not that I really care about that part (she's not talking to me anyway), but smoker's courtesy is if you go with someone to smoke, you wait till the other one is finished. You don't go to dinner, and if you finish first, leave the table and go wait in the car if your buddy isn't finished yet. I don't even know why she wants to go with me...she even asks to go smoke with me. I don't get it. So, no, I don't like her. I don't like her at all.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
Rkcndy, I can see why you'd be disappointed if people didn't respond to your questions.
I promise you I'd answer any question you asked!
it's okay, I've learned to just assume those people would just rather have 'surface friendships'. They only want to be as deep as a puddle...I'd rather know people who are like oceans, deep and meaningful.
Me too. Unfortunately I believe that is becoming a rarity.
I think texting and cell phones killed that desire to connect inerpersonally with others.
I do as well. That's why I turn my phone off when hanging out with people in person.
We have a group of friends and we go out every so often. There is another couple, and I've been asked 'what do you think of her'. Well, honestly I don't care for her because when we all go out, and I leave to smoke, she wants to go with me-fine, I can chat and get to know her right? Wrong-first thing she does as soon as she gets outside is bury her face in her phone. I ask her how work is going, "mmmmm" is her answer. " How are your dogs doing?" "mmmmm". Then she puts out her cigarette and leaves me by myself. Not that I really care about that part (she's not talking to me anyway), but smoker's courtesy is if you go with someone to smoke, you wait till the other one is finished. You don't go to dinner, and if you finish first, leave the table and go wait in the car if your buddy isn't finished yet. I don't even know why she wants to go with me...she even asks to go smoke with me. I don't get it. So, no, I don't like her. I don't like her at all.
I think it takes time to truly know people and so often people don't feel comfortable talking about deep questions or feelings they might have in everyday conversations.
I also think all this superficial connection on social media is often substituting for deeper, in-person, relationships. Not that I don't enjoy the distant friendships, it's just that they aren't the same as close, in-the-room relationships.
So often I see people with their noses in their phones when they are sitting next to someone they could be talking to!
I always see the young generation at restaurants or cafes all sitting around a table looking at their phones in silence. It is sad. One of my dates kept looking at her phone. I knew then she wasn't the right one for me.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.
People that have met me after knowing me strictly online via forums are shocked at how quiet I am. They think I am some loud extroverted clown in real life. Well I was told I have social anxiety so there you go. I can be a clown with close friends.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.
I'm a very different person online than in person. I'm incredibly shy except when I'm playing sport and I can't deal with being in a group of more than 4 or 5 people really. It's much easier to be yourself when posting from the safety of your home etc. You can be more honest and the sense of being somewhat removed allows you to say things you mighn't have the courage to say out loud. This thread is a good example of that. How many of us would openly speak about our thoughts and feelings on this subject with our friends and family? I know I couldn't
So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.
I'm a very different person online than in person. I'm incredibly shy except when I'm playing sport and I can't deal with being in a group of more than 4 or 5 people really. It's much easier to be yourself when posting from the safety of your home etc. You can be more honest and the sense of being somewhat removed allows you to say things you mighn't have the courage to say out loud. This thread is a good example of that. How many of us would openly speak about our thoughts and feelings on this subject with our friends and family? I know I couldn't
I have connected with many people online, but in person...it is rare that you still have that meaningful connection-perhaps it's different for the ladies than it is for the guys. I try to be more sociable when I go out, it's getting easier since where I moved to, the community is so friendly and truly caring. The PJ functions are a bit easier, though it is hard to 'connect' with others, there isn't much time, and there are people that travel and aren't staying in town for very long.
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
So I wonder if people who use a chat/forum regularly have a social anxiety...they can get to know people, and have a thoughtful conversation without being face to face. I know I'm super shy, I don't do well in large groups of people I don't know well (it's literally exhausting/mentally taxing for me)...heck, at PJ pre-parties, I'm not one to bounce around the room and say hi to everybody. I only do that if I know people there.
I'm a very different person online than in person. I'm incredibly shy except when I'm playing sport and I can't deal with being in a group of more than 4 or 5 people really. It's much easier to be yourself when posting from the safety of your home etc. You can be more honest and the sense of being somewhat removed allows you to say things you mighn't have the courage to say out loud. This thread is a good example of that. How many of us would openly speak about our thoughts and feelings on this subject with our friends and family? I know I couldn't
Like I said what you see in here is what you get out there.. If I Have forged a friendship online, then I Generally feel comfortable with that person in a RL setting. However, if I meet you in person, and I Get a weird vibe, or a bad feeling about you, ( you have to remember that you can't lie to me, cause I can read your underlying energies), then I'll just excuse myself and leave. But I discuss these topics with my family, who honestly believe that you CAN'T forge online friendships.
Perfect example: when I went to Wrigley, and was sitting outside of the pre party, I kept seeing Dimitris walking around, but I didn't have the balls to approach him and say hi.. When he finally saw ME, and came over to say hi, he had the most relaxed energy of anyone I have ever met! I felt instantly safe and calm. Then I met Boston Lou.. And he had a much more tenuous energy.. Not that I distrusted him.. Just something I couldn't put my finger on.. It took me all day to figure out, I was reading my own energy off of him.. That's rare, and only happens once in a great while.. Some people are mirrors.. They reflect back to you what you present.. So what ended up happening was the exact opposite of what I anticipated happening.. But again.. I just try to remain true to whom I am in all angles, and that way I don't ever feel Like I am lying to anyone.
On balance, I think online forums and social networks do more good than harm. They offer an outlet to those who find it harder to get out and socialise in the real world. I know you could see that as a bad thing and say it helps us to hide away from real life but the most important thing is for people to feel they can reach out and talk to someone when they need to.
Perhaps the fact that we can be more honest with the shield of a screen between us can enable us to then form friendships with others who already know what we're really like. Such friendships could prove to be more valuable than those formed with people with see every day. The very fact that we do see certain people all the time is probably partly what prevents us from opening up to them, as we know we will have to see them again and can't choose to avoid them in the event that they don't react as we would like.
For all its faults, I know that i could find a sympathetic ear on facebook and that I could find the words to express myself online that I could never find in person. So I think as far as social media goes, it's just a case of using it to your advantage and not letting it make you feel worse about yourself
Anyhoo, enough random ramblings on the bus home from work
On balance, I think online forums and social networks do more good than harm. They offer an outlet to those who find it harder to get out and socialise in the real world. I know you could see that as a bad thing and say it helps us to hide away from real life but the most important thing is for people to feel they can reach out and talk to someone when they need to.
Perhaps the fact that we can be more honest with the shield of a screen between us can enable us to then form friendships with others who already know what we're really like. Such friendships could prove to be more valuable than those formed with people with see every day. The very fact that we do see certain people all the time is probably partly what prevents us from opening up to them, as we know we will have to see them again and can't choose to avoid them in the event that they don't react as we would like.
For all its faults, I know that i could find a sympathetic ear on facebook and that I could find the words to express myself online that I could never find in person. So I think as far as social media goes, it's just a case of using it to your advantage and not letting it make you feel worse about yourself
Anyhoo, enough random ramblings on the bus home from work
I agree that it can help the individual, like yourself, for sure. no question. even me. I have said things on here that I've probably never told a real face. but I'm not sure about the balance part. there is so much vitriol spewed from the safety of the keyboard, causing people to hurt or even kill themselves as a result, I don't know. I would tend to think the balance is actually on the other, more negative, end.
On balance, I think online forums and social networks do more good than harm. They offer an outlet to those who find it harder to get out and socialise in the real world. I know you could see that as a bad thing and say it helps us to hide away from real life but the most important thing is for people to feel they can reach out and talk to someone when they need to.
Perhaps the fact that we can be more honest with the shield of a screen between us can enable us to then form friendships with others who already know what we're really like. Such friendships could prove to be more valuable than those formed with people with see every day. The very fact that we do see certain people all the time is probably partly what prevents us from opening up to them, as we know we will have to see them again and can't choose to avoid them in the event that they don't react as we would like.
For all its faults, I know that i could find a sympathetic ear on facebook and that I could find the words to express myself online that I could never find in person. So I think as far as social media goes, it's just a case of using it to your advantage and not letting it make you feel worse about yourself
Anyhoo, enough random ramblings on the bus home from work
I agree that it can help the individual, like yourself, for sure. no question. even me. I have said things on here that I've probably never told a real face. but I'm not sure about the balance part. there is so much vitriol spewed from the safety of the keyboard, causing people to hurt or even kill themselves as a result, I don't know. I would tend to think the balance is actually on the other, more negative, end.
I suppose it depends on the individual and how they use social media, certainly it can hurt you if you allow it to but I also feel it's easier to avoid that which could cause you harm, by choosing carefully what you expose yourself to
well i live by myself, no girlfriend, not too many friends. kinda an outsider i guess. I come off weird/awkward when meeting people for the first time. Ask a few people on here they can testify to that It sucks. I do have my cats and music so that helps
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
4/28/16- Philly, PA
4/29/16- Philly, PA
5/1/16- NYC
5/2/16- NYC
9/2/18- Boston, MA
9/4/18- Boston, MA
9/14/22- Camden, NJ
9/7/24- Philly, PA
9/9/24- Philly, PA
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly. PA
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
well i live by myself, no girlfriend, not too many friends. kinda an outsider i guess. I come off weird/awkward when meeting people for the first time. Ask a few people on here they can testify to that It sucks. I do have my cats and music so that helps
well i live by myself, no girlfriend, not too many friends. kinda an outsider i guess. I come off weird/awkward when meeting people for the first time. Ask a few people on here they can testify to that It sucks. I do have my cats and music so that helps
I also am single and love alone. I don't feel lonely though. Not so far anyway. If we ever meet i won't care if you are weird and awkward - i'll deal with it. People are too weird and awkward about weird and awkward, lol.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I lived alone before my wife and I got together. Those were some of the best times of my life. Loved it.
I think it's pretty great for the time being! ... I did live with a partner for a long time though. And had many roommates during thenfirst half of my 20s. Maybe that is why I am now so happy living alone. Sharing close quarters can be great if your situation is lucky... but living alone certainly has its perks!
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
well i live by myself, no girlfriend, not too many friends. kinda an outsider i guess. I come off weird/awkward when meeting people for the first time. Ask a few people on here they can testify to that It sucks. I do have my cats and music so that helps
I also am single and love alone. I don't feel lonely though. Not so far anyway. If we ever meet i won't care if you are weird and awkward - i'll deal with it. People are too weird and awkward about weird and awkward, lol.
living alone does have it's advantages i'll admit along with some disadvantages as well though.
We did kinda "meet" at the Wrigley pre-party. I don't think we actually talked but we are in one photo together,
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
4/28/16- Philly, PA
4/29/16- Philly, PA
5/1/16- NYC
5/2/16- NYC
9/2/18- Boston, MA
9/4/18- Boston, MA
9/14/22- Camden, NJ
9/7/24- Philly, PA
9/9/24- Philly, PA
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly. PA
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
I like to be alone sometimes but I totally value having a great wife. She takes good care of me even when I don't deserve it. I was never much of a "player" with the ladies, yet I had one good (until it wasn't) six year relationship and have now been with my wife since 1990. For me, these relationships just came along by happenstance so I know it can happen when you least expect it.
As far as not drinking....I envy you guys....I don't feel I'm an alcoholic but I too often drink too much and feel like crap the following day. Today is such a day.....I really like myself more when I'm feeling great.
P.S. I was sure ident42 was a guy. Sorry. Care to share what's behind your user name?
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
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EV LA1 08
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Comments
I also think sometimes people use forums because it gives them a way to meet people with some kind of common interest. To find people who have a similar passion or interest allows you to have something to talk about in the first place before the conversations expand out into other areas.
In 89 or so.. No one in my real life had any clue what my cousin and I were talking about. I'd found a world where I didn't have to face the awkwardness of face to face interaction.. I just had to wait weeks for an answer! Lol but once the online world grew into a household arena, I was pretty well versed at my
'Persona'. Now days I am exactly whom I am in person as I am online. What you read here is what you'll get IRL. But it really IS a way to talk on a 'deeper' level because there's a security in the words spoken from behind a screen via a keyboard. That isn't often felt on a face to face conversation. For me it was easier because I didn't have nine million tons of olfactory, and perceptive information shoved at me at once, which is often what overwhelms me in public...
- Christopher McCandless
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.
It is sad.
One of my dates kept looking at her phone. I knew then she wasn't the right one for me.
They think I am some loud extroverted clown in real life.
Well I was told I have social anxiety so there you go.
I can be a clown with close friends.
I try to be more sociable when I go out, it's getting easier since where I moved to, the community is so friendly and truly caring. The PJ functions are a bit easier, though it is hard to 'connect' with others, there isn't much time, and there are people that travel and aren't staying in town for very long.
- Christopher McCandless
Have forged a friendship online, then I
Generally feel comfortable with that person in a RL setting. However, if I meet you in person, and I
Get a weird vibe, or a bad feeling about you, ( you have to remember that you can't lie to me, cause I can read your underlying energies), then I'll just excuse myself and leave. But I discuss these topics with my family, who honestly believe that you CAN'T forge online friendships.
Like I am lying to anyone.
Perhaps the fact that we can be more honest with the shield of a screen between us can enable us to then form friendships with others who already know what we're really like. Such friendships could prove to be more valuable than those formed with people with see every day. The very fact that we do see certain people all the time is probably partly what prevents us from opening up to them, as we know we will have to see them again and can't choose to avoid them in the event that they don't react as we would like.
For all its faults, I know that i could find a sympathetic ear on facebook and that I could find the words to express myself online that I could never find in person. So I think as far as social media goes, it's just a case of using it to your advantage and not letting it make you feel worse about yourself
Anyhoo, enough random ramblings on the bus home from work
www.headstonesband.com
Libtardaplorable©. And proud of it.
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10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
4/28/16- Philly, PA
4/29/16- Philly, PA
5/1/16- NYC
5/2/16- NYC
9/2/18- Boston, MA
9/4/18- Boston, MA
9/14/22- Camden, NJ
9/7/24- Philly, PA
9/9/24- Philly, PA
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
If we ever meet i won't care if you are weird and awkward - i'll deal with it. People are too weird and awkward about weird and awkward, lol.
www.headstonesband.com
We did kinda "meet" at the Wrigley pre-party. I don't think we actually talked but we are in one photo together,
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
4/28/16- Philly, PA
4/29/16- Philly, PA
5/1/16- NYC
5/2/16- NYC
9/2/18- Boston, MA
9/4/18- Boston, MA
9/14/22- Camden, NJ
9/7/24- Philly, PA
9/9/24- Philly, PA
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly, PA
RNDM- 3/9/16- Philly, PA
I like to be alone sometimes but I totally value having a great wife. She takes good care of me even when I don't deserve it. I was never much of a "player" with the ladies, yet I had one good (until it wasn't) six year relationship and have now been with my wife since 1990. For me, these relationships just came along by happenstance so I know it can happen when you least expect it.
As far as not drinking....I envy you guys....I don't feel I'm an alcoholic but I too often drink too much and feel like crap the following day. Today is such a day.....I really like myself more when I'm feeling great.
P.S. I was sure ident42 was a guy. Sorry. Care to share what's behind your user name?
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14