Pearl Jam turned Better Man into a cream puff song

josevolution · February 2013

Oh my so maybe just to let everyone know what the song is about they should show videos of battered women through out the song that should put a stop to any sing along .....or maybe you should just head to the bathroom ...

pandora · February 2013

It's nice to hear the positive twist put on this song ... how some personal experiences
molded the song into being a song of empowerment. This is wonderful for those fortunate
and in a position to overcome. I'm afraid for me it speaks to the sadness of reality.
So many women will never have this positive outcome.
"She needs him, yeah, that's why she'll be back again" if she ever has the courage and support
to leave. Another woman hunted down this week with the final punishment,
she won't have to be afraid anymore, the scars remain for her children to carry,
both son and daughter.

shetellsherself · February 2013

iisee wrote:

shetellsherself wrote:

This song has taken on a slightly different meaning to me. Im always a little hesitant to assign meaning to a song that might be different than what the writer intended. However isn't that what art is, especially music? The writer puts it out there and it becomes something special to each of us. That's why creating music is such a generous act by the musician.

Anyway... "She dreams in color, she dreams in red" to me is not about the bruises and blood of a battered woman. It is about a woman whose relationship is not living up to her hopes, dreams and expectations that she had when she was young, bold and strong before the day to day struggles and disappointments of reality sunk in to keep her down, talking only to herself. "There's no one else who needs to know, she tells herself"... Not about hiding abuse and pretending it does not exist or not seeking help when needed. To me it's about the power and strength that we all have to persevere through those disappointments by finding your self. No one can really help with that. Obviously, I'm not suggesting any woman put up with domestic violence. That's just not what this song means to me. It's about every relationship that has struggles along the way. You might even fall into and out of love with each other at times. But you persist and find that in the end you are better for each other. Especially when Ed throws in " don't run away, run away, run away....DON'T LET ME GO!!!" It's about growing together, finding each other, becoming the betterman/woman. The wonderfully uplifting melody and tempo only serve to reinforce this sense of strength that this song gives me.

I plan to stand right next to you and sing my heart out with everybody else, bc to me this sing is about power, strength and perseverance to overcome the normal struggles that most long term relationships encounter on their way to real understanding and true love.

Maybe I'm wrong but that's why I sing along.

Jen

GO Jen!!

Thanks. I obviously love this song and can't wait to hear it again live with all of you around me!

oceaninmyeyes · February 2013

shetellsherself wrote:

This song has taken on a slightly different meaning to me. Im always a little hesitant to assign meaning to a song that might be different than what the writer intended. However isn't that what art is, especially music? The writer puts it out there and it becomes something special to each of us. That's why creating music is such a generous act by the musician.

Anyway... "She dreams in color, she dreams in red" to me is not about the bruises and blood of a battered woman. It is about a woman whose relationship is not living up to her hopes, dreams and expectations that she had when she was young, bold and strong before the day to day struggles and disappointments of reality sunk in to keep her down, talking only to herself. "There's no one else who needs to know, she tells herself"... Not about hiding abuse and pretending it does not exist or not seeking help when needed. To me it's about the power and strength that we all have to persevere through those disappointments by finding your self. No one can really help with that. Obviously, I'm not suggesting any woman put up with domestic violence. That's just not what this song means to me. It's about every relationship that has struggles along the way. You might even fall into and out of love with each other at times. But you persist and find that in the end you are better for each other. Especially when Ed throws in " don't run away, run away, run away....DON'T LET ME GO!!!" It's about growing together, finding each other, becoming the betterman/woman. The wonderfully uplifting melody and tempo only serve to reinforce this sense of strength that this song gives me.

I plan to stand right next to you and sing my heart out with everybody else, bc to me this sing is about power, strength and perseverance to overcome the normal struggles that most long term relationships encounter on their way to real understanding and true love.

Maybe I'm wrong but that's why I sing along.

Jen

Beautifully written. Well done friend!

:thumbup:

shetellsherself · February 2013

oceaninmyeyes wrote:

Beautifully written. Well done friend! :thumbup:

Thanks oceaninmyeyes! I feel a group hug coming on...

pjl44 · February 2013

Man do we need a tour announcement.

IamTom · February 2013

I'm interested that a man who is,seemingly,saying he is anti domestic violence and therefore by extension in a place of respecting feminism and women's rights would use the sexually derogatory term 'pussification' in the title of the thread.

For me this is utterly incongruent with the point you seem to be trying to make.

Pjzepp67 · February 2013

Big Bank Hank wrote:

on2legs wrote:

Hank... chill dude. Its just a song.

now it is, no big deal Pearl Jam has at least 100 other songs which are awesome, so I got to go work another 12 hours, back to the real world, and I think this made a few people think, and whether you agree with my assessment or not, if it brings even a little more awareness to domestic violence, then it did accomplish something, and if we can stop even one more person from having to go through that, then something positive comes from this thread, and that was the reason Eddie wrote the song

Go Hank...got to admire him for sticking to his guns all the way through this self-ignited thread... :twisted:

bobby dazzlers · February 2013

shetellsherself wrote:

Anyway... "She dreams in color, she dreams in red" to me is not about the bruises and blood of a battered woman. It is about a woman whose relationship is not living up to her hopes, dreams and expectations that she had when she was young, bold and strong before the day to day struggles and disappointments of reality sunk in to keep her down, talking only to herself. "There's no one else who needs to know, she tells herself"... Not about hiding abuse and pretending it does not exist or not seeking help when needed. To me it's about the power and strength that we all have to persevere through those disappointments by finding your self. No one can really help with that. Obviously, I'm not suggesting any woman put up with domestic violence. That's just not what this song means to me. It's about every relationship that has struggles along the way. You might even fall into and out of love with each other at times. But you persist and find that in the end you are better for each other. Especially when Ed throws in " don't run away, run away, run away....DON'T LET ME GO!!!" It's about growing together, finding each other, becoming the betterman/woman. The wonderfully uplifting melody and tempo only serve to reinforce this sense of strength that this song gives me.

I plan to stand right next to you and sing my heart out with everybody else, bc to me this sing is about power, strength and perseverance to overcome the normal struggles that most long term relationships encounter on their way to real understanding and true love.

Maybe I'm wrong but that's why I sing along.

Jen

and thats what i think - have always thought - about when i heard this song.
makes me want to be a betterman for my lady everytime i hear it.

bobby dazzlers · February 2013

IamTom wrote:

I'm interested that a man who is,seemingly,saying he is anti domestic violence and therefore by extension in a place of respecting feminism and women's rights would use the sexually derogatory term 'pussification' in the title of the thread.

For me this is utterly incongruent with the point you seem to be trying to make.

:corn:

Harpsy · February 2013

I know what the song is about, and have done for years.

When I saw them live last year, I was singing as loud as I could. Not in any way to disrespect the meaning of Ed's lyrics, or anyone who's been effected by domestic violence but because I was sharing a freaking awesome moment with my favorite band and a shit load of like minded people.

I loved it, it was one of the biggest highlights for me at Isle of Wight and Manchester.

EdsonNascimento · February 2013

pjl44 wrote:

Man do we need a tour announcement.

PJ_Soul · February 2013

It never occurred to me that so many fans were so fucking stupid as to not understand that the song is about a woman who is being abused and can't get out of the relationship...... Oh right. They're not.

I do not see how people singing along to it takes away from the meaning of the lyrics. It doesn't for me AT ALL, and I've sung along to it.

badbrains · February 2013

81 wrote:

EdsonNascimento wrote:

Relax with the font.

anything written in big font makes it true.

Where'd you hear that 81, on the Internet????

PJ_Soul · February 2013

badbrains wrote:

81 wrote:

EdsonNascimento wrote:

Relax with the font.

anything written in big font makes it true.

Where'd you hear that 81, on the Internet????

Everything on the internet is true.

fortyshades · February 2013

I think that Big Bank Hank is making a point here. The title of this thread however is at the same instance somewhat misleading; I thought that Puscifer had covered the song! The "pussification" of Better Man is somewhat, I don't know, negatively charging the meaning of the song title. Why call it "pussification" and not "returning to the original meaning of Betterman"? The word "pussification" itself is somewhat interested wording.

That all said however, from my perspective this song is about domestic violence; either physical, verbal or mental; but also (and even more so) the complexities of domestic violence. (*She* feeds him...) Everyone who has seen domestic violence up close, know that people within these kind of relationships are somewhat locked in this self-destructive dance. When she feeds him therefore, or stays in the relationship or "don't run away" because she is no longer "strong, bold and young"; it is not because she is growing closer to the person, (so with this I disagree Jen), but because she believes "she can't find a betterman". The colour red, often associated with anger, could symbolize the anger of her own powerless situation. So I can see Big Bank Hank's point.

That said however, I also believe - and I think that there are statements made as such - that this song, just as Alive, is highly personal and auto-biographical. I also presume this because of the time frame the original song was written in. (I believe that this song is even written before Alive.) Therefore singing along to this song is not, from my point of view at least, demeaning the meaning of the song, but actually an attempt to *relate* and *identify*. Hearing 10 000 people singing back to you, your own personal experiences, must be a very humbling experience. Its singing along to reach out and to say "I know, I understand" - that is at least how I always interpreted it. It is therefore not singing along and changing the meaning of the song as Alive did - for the original meaning I had read in an interview was about suicide - but singing along to reach out to all those who are silenced. That in itself is a form of empowerment.

KM228407 · February 2013

shetellsherself wrote:

This song has taken on a slightly different meaning to me. Im always a little hesitant to assign meaning to a song that might be different than what the writer intended. However isn't that what art is, especially music? The writer puts it out there and it becomes something special to each of us. That's why creating music is such a generous act by the musician.

Anyway... "She dreams in color, she dreams in red" to me is not about the bruises and blood of a battered woman. It is about a woman whose relationship is not living up to her hopes, dreams and expectations that she had when she was young, bold and strong before the day to day struggles and disappointments of reality sunk in to keep her down, talking only to herself. "There's no one else who needs to know, she tells herself"... Not about hiding abuse and pretending it does not exist or not seeking help when needed. To me it's about the power and strength that we all have to persevere through those disappointments by finding your self. No one can really help with that. Obviously, I'm not suggesting any woman put up with domestic violence. That's just not what this song means to me. It's about every relationship that has struggles along the way. You might even fall into and out of love with each other at times. But you persist and find that in the end you are better for each other. Especially when Ed throws in " don't run away, run away, run away....DON'T LET ME GO!!!" It's about growing together, finding each other, becoming the betterman/woman. The wonderfully uplifting melody and tempo only serve to reinforce this sense of strength that this song gives me.

I plan to stand right next to you and sing my heart out with everybody else, bc to me this sing is about power, strength and perseverance to overcome the normal struggles that most long term relationships encounter on their way to real understanding and true love.

Maybe I'm wrong but that's why I sing along.

Jen

Absolutely!!!
No one can tell me what I'm thinking when I'm singing along to a song!
You don't have to sit and analyse the lyrics to enjoy them, the way I see it Pearl Jam share their songs with us not lend them to us...

oceaninmyeyes · February 2013

IamTom wrote:

I'm interested that a man who is,seemingly,saying he is anti domestic violence and therefore by extension in a place of respecting feminism and women's rights would use the sexually derogatory term 'pussification' in the title of the thread.

For me this is utterly incongruent with the point you seem to be trying to make.

I have to say that I felt it was a little bizarre as well.

Tom K · February 2013

Although there probably isn't much to add to this thread, I will say that Eddie has dedicated "Betterman" to Charlie DeFabio, Philadelphia Spectrum employee, twice. Are we to assume that Charlie has some kind of history of domestic abuse and Eddie is publicly shaming this old man or can we safely assume that Eddie also sees an alternative meaning to the lyrics?

BTW I understand what the original poster is trying to point out........

and for 81..

President Obama is coming for your guns !

PJ_Soul · February 2013

Tom K wrote:

Although there probably isn't much to add to this thread, I will say that Eddie has dedicated "Betterman" to Charlie DeFabio, Philadelphia Spectrum employee, twice. Are we to assume that Charlie has some kind of history of domestic abuse and Eddie is publicly shaming this old man or can we safely assume that Eddie also sees an alternative meaning to the lyrics?

BTW I understand what the original poster is trying to point out........

and for 81..

President Obama is coming for your guns !

He dedicated it to John Tester in MT too.
Eddie is perfectly open to his songs having different meanings and everything (just like he's said that the meaning of Alive has changed for him since it was written). The meaning of Better Man hasn't changed because the lyrics really are so clear that it's not open for interpretation, BUT that doesn't mean that the same emotion has to be attached to it all the time, and certainly not that people shouldn't be happy about singing it at the top of their lungs.

Pearl Jam turned Better Man into a cream puff song

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