Pearl Jam turned Better Man into a cream puff song

on2legs · February 2013

Hank... chill dude. Its just a song.

pandora · February 2013

I understand what the op is saying though... some who sing along don't get it.
You can tell standing there next to them, the enthusiasm of certain lines.
Its a fucking sad song.
It was never a celebration song to me. She's not going anywhere, she is taking it, settling
and that is a huge disappointment to me and perhaps the songwriter.
The song made me angry that women are not more empowered, maybe the songwriter too.
Maybe we both have had this too close in our lives.
And we can remove gender from this because there are plenty of men hurt as well.
Why can't people stop hurting each other?

A side note a new shelter opened here ... 55 beds filled long before it opened.
Living afraid.

Empty Glass · February 2013

Hank, this isn't twitter. This is the band's website. Start a #betterman thing over there if you want your message to get across

81 · February 2013

EdsonNascimento wrote:

Relax with the font.

anything written in big font makes it true.

Big Bank Hank · February 2013

on2legs wrote:

Hank... chill dude. Its just a song.

now it is, no big deal Pearl Jam has at least 100 other songs which are awesome, so I got to go work another 12 hours, back to the real world, and I think this made a few people think, and whether you agree with my assessment or not, if it brings even a little more awareness to domestic violence, then it did accomplish something, and if we can stop even one more person from having to go through that, then something positive comes from this thread, and that was the reason Eddie wrote the song

JimmyV · February 2013

I couldn't disagree with the sentiment of the OP more. I think Better Man is a song that needs to be heard live to be fully appreciated. From time to time around here someone will question the best way to get a casual fan ready for their first live PJ experience. Explaining how the Better Man singalong works is a great way.

Kimmiebyrom · February 2013

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

badbrains wrote:

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

Can I wear a Pearl Jam T-Shirt, when I sing along to this song, while at a concert?

Who gives a rats ass what speedy wears!!!!!

Good Point.

All this.

Kimmiebyrom · February 2013

As a DA survivor (yea me), Better Man is an effing anthem for me. To hear thousands of people sing it at shows all over the world at the direction of its writer is a testament to the song's influence. Keep in mind that some people are belting the song out because they survived, some people because they support the cause, some people because its just a kick ass song. Thank goodness not everyone interprets PJ songs the same way. As Ed says, his lyrics are 3 dimensional, with multiple layers and meanings.

beachbelle · February 2013

I disagree that the crowd singing along to the song, any song, weakens its message. PJ fans, especially the true fans (i.e., ones who actually know the words) can identify with their music and what the lyrics tell. It's a song impacting you on an emotional level that prompts you to sing out loud to it. So much of PJ's music is full of deeper meaning, and the fans get it. The bands gets it,too, and invites us to join in.
You don't have to be an abused individual to appreciate the message behind "Better Man". And you definitely can't help but feel the power of the song, especially live. I don't mean this in a sacrilegious way, but for me, an EV or PJ show is the closest thing to church I know. A community of people, joined together in the same room, singing aloud. It's uplifting, really.

covered in bliss · February 2013

Think about this... there are plenty of women that HAVE gotten out of abusive relationships. The song can take on a different meaning for them. "can't find a bettermaaannn..."

"oh yes I can, motherfucker!!!"

I remember listening to the song when it first came out and crying because I was sooooo thankful I had gotten myself out of a bad situation. Unfortunately I know a handful of women that feel the same way I do.

I do see your point, though, and will keep it in the back of my mind when I'm singing along!

amethgr8 · February 2013

covered in bliss wrote:

I remember listening to the song when it first came out and crying because I was sooooo thankful I had gotten myself out of a bad situation. Unfortunately I know a handful of women that feel the same way I do.

Kimmiebyrom wrote:

As a DA survivor (yea me), Better Man is an effing anthem for me. To hear thousands of people sing it at shows all over the world at the direction of its writer is a testament to the song's influence

this is what is is for me. not necessarily a physically abusive relationship but at the time mentally controlling. actually it was a slight conversation about PJ that put up a huge red flag for his closed mind.

I didnt' want my life to be summed up in a song, a sad song. If you listen the the alternate version, much slower and sadder I think that's what eddie wanted originally. just like REM everybody hurts song. so many of them out there. now when I hear the whole crowd sing it, I'm so glad I'm there and feeling the love that I would have missed out on.

so glad I'm here!

amy

2-feign-reluctance · February 2013

Ed has gone on and on about the 'exchange' that takes place during live shows between band and audience. I suppose we all conduct ourselves in our own way during that exchange. Songs can take on different meanings, we all feel music different for different reasons. I get where the OP is coming from to an extent - I'm still not sure about the word 'pussification' though. :problem:

ikiT · February 2013

Big Bank Hank wrote:

on2legs wrote:

Hank... chill dude. Its just a song.

now it is, no big deal Pearl Jam has at least 100 other songs which are awesome, so I got to go work another 12 hours, back to the real world, and I think this made a few people think, and whether you agree with my assessment or not, if it brings even a little more awareness to domestic violence, then it did accomplish something, and if we can stop even one more person from having to go through that, then something positive comes from this thread, and that was the reason Eddie wrote the song

ForceofNature101 wrote:

The version from MSG II in 2010 is my favorite, the crowd singing along is what makes it for me

I don't see it as trivializing the meaning of the tune but rather the unification of the crowd by singing along to a song they love from a band they love who is playing right in front of their eyes.

I mean it looks obvious that Eddie himself loves it when the crowd sings along, that pretty much speaks for itself

Better Man is about domestic violence? Wow, I had absolutely no fucking idea, I personally want to thank you enlightening me, and bringing awareness to us all.

I wouldn't trade my dedicated to Sean Penn (a much Better Man) Bristow sing a long (a few days before the MSG show mentioned earlier) for anything.

"pussification?" That's the exact point when you lost me. That song has done nothing but kick my sorry ass since the first time I heard it.

vant0037 · February 2013

Very confusing post.

Has the song become "pussified" because people misinterpret it's lyrics, or because they sing along to it?

Has the song become a "hollow pop song" because the meaning has actually changed or because you think a sing-along has changed the meaning?

It's also little curious that you complain that the song - which is about women being in an abusive relationship - has become "pussified" - apparently a derivative of the word "pussy" - which is not exactly a women-friendly phrase to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I say it all the time. But if you're so into the song's actual meaning and you think that meaning is getting lost, you might want to change your phrasing. It's like saying you support women's rights because not doing so is very c*ntish. Seems at odds with one another.

Anyway. Not sure what the beef is. People might understand the lyrics, they might not. So long as they're not misinterpreting a song about love for a song promoting Nazi hate rock, can you just get over it? Does the fact that there are people who like "Spin The Black Circle" but don't own vinyl bug you too?

Just seems like a lot of angst over an inconsequential thing.

shetellsherself · February 2013

This song has taken on a slightly different meaning to me. Im always a little hesitant to assign meaning to a song that might be different than what the writer intended. However isn't that what art is, especially music? The writer puts it out there and it becomes something special to each of us. That's why creating music is such a generous act by the musician.

Anyway... "She dreams in color, she dreams in red" to me is not about the bruises and blood of a battered woman. It is about a woman whose relationship is not living up to her hopes, dreams and expectations that she had when she was young, bold and strong before the day to day struggles and disappointments of reality sunk in to keep her down, talking only to herself. "There's no one else who needs to know, she tells herself"... Not about hiding abuse and pretending it does not exist or not seeking help when needed. To me it's about the power and strength that we all have to persevere through those disappointments by finding your self. No one can really help with that. Obviously, I'm not suggesting any woman put up with domestic violence. That's just not what this song means to me. It's about every relationship that has struggles along the way. You might even fall into and out of love with each other at times. But you persist and find that in the end you are better for each other. Especially when Ed throws in " don't run away, run away, run away....DON'T LET ME GO!!!" It's about growing together, finding each other, becoming the betterman/woman. The wonderfully uplifting melody and tempo only serve to reinforce this sense of strength that this song gives me.

I plan to stand right next to you and sing my heart out with everybody else, bc to me this sing is about power, strength and perseverance to overcome the normal struggles that most long term relationships encounter on their way to real understanding and true love.

Maybe I'm wrong but that's why I sing along.

Jen

lowlighter · February 2013

Ty wrote:

Only clicked on this in hope that Puscifer had covered Better Man.

I was totally hoping for this one too!

mattcoz · February 2013

I have nothing wrong with singing along to it, but I completely understand the meaning of it. I find it funny when some people will recommend it as a wedding song though, heh. :roll:

LA98 · February 2013

shetellsherself wrote:

This song has taken on a slightly different meaning to me. Im always a little hesitant to assign meaning to a song that might be different than what the writer intended. However isn't that what art is, especially music? The writer puts it out there and it becomes something special to each of us. That's why creating music is such a generous act by the musician.

Anyway... "She dreams in color, she dreams in red" to me is not about the bruises and blood of a battered woman. It is about a woman whose relationship is not living up to her hopes, dreams and expectations that she had when she was young, bold and strong before the day to day struggles and disappointments of reality sunk in to keep her down, talking only to herself.

HELL YES!!!!!! Couldn't have stated it better!!

To me this song is about lying to yourself, trying to make yourself believe something's okay when your gut knows damn well that it isn't, and both men and women do that. So using the word "pussified" is really curious, not to mention objectionable, and totally negates what I think was the intent of the OP. I sing my heart out to this song whether it's live in concert or on my iPod because it's my anthem, my reminder that I got out. Relationships don't have to be physically abusive to still be absolutely shitty and totally wrong to be in....

ikiT · February 2013

shetellsherself wrote:

Anyway... "She dreams in color, she dreams in red" to me is not about the bruises and blood of a battered woman. It is about a woman whose relationship is not living up to her hopes, dreams and expectations that she had when she was young, bold and strong before the day to day struggles and disappointments of reality sunk in to keep her down, talking only to herself. "There's no one else who needs to know, she tells herself"... Not about hiding abuse and pretending it does not exist or not seeking help when needed. To me it's about the power and strength that we all have to persevere through those disappointments by finding your self. No one can really help with that. Obviously, I'm not suggesting any woman put up with domestic violence. That's just not what this song means to me. It's about every relationship that has struggles along the way. You might even fall into and out of love with each other at times. But you persist and find that in the end you are better for each other. Especially when Ed throws in " don't run away, run away, run away....DON'T LET ME GO!!!" It's about growing together, finding each other, becoming the betterman/woman. The wonderfully uplifting melody and tempo only serve to reinforce this sense of strength that this song gives me.

I plan to stand right next to you and sing my heart out with everybody else, bc to me this sing is about power, strength and perseverance to overcome the normal struggles that most long term relationships encounter on their way to real understanding and true love.

Maybe I'm wrong but that's why I sing along.

Jen

EXACTLY.

iisee · February 2013

shetellsherself wrote:

This song has taken on a slightly different meaning to me. Im always a little hesitant to assign meaning to a song that might be different than what the writer intended. However isn't that what art is, especially music? The writer puts it out there and it becomes something special to each of us. That's why creating music is such a generous act by the musician.

Anyway... "She dreams in color, she dreams in red" to me is not about the bruises and blood of a battered woman. It is about a woman whose relationship is not living up to her hopes, dreams and expectations that she had when she was young, bold and strong before the day to day struggles and disappointments of reality sunk in to keep her down, talking only to herself. "There's no one else who needs to know, she tells herself"... Not about hiding abuse and pretending it does not exist or not seeking help when needed. To me it's about the power and strength that we all have to persevere through those disappointments by finding your self. No one can really help with that. Obviously, I'm not suggesting any woman put up with domestic violence. That's just not what this song means to me. It's about every relationship that has struggles along the way. You might even fall into and out of love with each other at times. But you persist and find that in the end you are better for each other. Especially when Ed throws in " don't run away, run away, run away....DON'T LET ME GO!!!" It's about growing together, finding each other, becoming the betterman/woman. The wonderfully uplifting melody and tempo only serve to reinforce this sense of strength that this song gives me.

I plan to stand right next to you and sing my heart out with everybody else, bc to me this sing is about power, strength and perseverance to overcome the normal struggles that most long term relationships encounter on their way to real understanding and true love.

Maybe I'm wrong but that's why I sing along.

Jen

GO Jen!!

Pearl Jam turned Better Man into a cream puff song

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