Disowning Family

PJ_Soul · May 2012

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

I know one thing....

All the people in this thread, who talk about disowning family members???

I would LOVE TO HEAR those families members side of the story......

... dude, that's kind if discounting people's feelings. Would you really love to hear the other side of the story? Why? To confirm a deteriorated relationship, or what?

comebackgirl · May 2012

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

I know one thing....

All the people in this thread, who talk about disowning family members???

I would LOVE TO HEAR those families members side of the story......

In a lot of cases the DYFS investigations, criminal charges and restraining orders speak for themselves.

bindy123 · May 2012

comebackgirl wrote:

"Forgive them for they know not what they do"

I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.

You definately nailed it with that statement comebackgirl.

Spent most of my working life in refuges working with homeless young people. The abuse many people have had to experience has such a massive impact on so many areas of their lives...the way many are able to function and succeed in life is just incredible.

My ex girlfriend is and always will be my best friend. Both her parents went to jail for significant time for the abuse they put her through...then she was fostered by other abusive fucks...she now works in welfare herself...raises a beautiful little boy, spends all her income to rent a house in a nice area and sends him to a private school...she is without any family and alone in this world...she will always be a part of mine...she is my hero...as are all of you who have endured abusive families...take care

pandora · May 2012

comebackgirl wrote:

"Forgive them for they know not what they do"

I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.

As I mentioned this is how I dealt.

The forgiving is not for the abuser is is for oneself.
I did not forgive to have anyone understand nor feel guilty nor hope that there was remorse.

And is this the motive behind forgiveness :?

This and the thought of reconnecting and reconciling is ridiculous.
Expecting this would be the height of being naive and if you have lived
this situation it would never even be plausible.

Forgiving was for me alone so I could be free.

As long as one holds negative feelings the abuser still has control over a victim.

Again, I speak of my experience alone what is right for me.

pandora · May 2012

http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/dpp/news/lo ... fe-Lessons

watched this as I dozed off last night it was inspirational and I felt might fit here

pandora · May 2012

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

I know one thing....

All the people in this thread, who talk about disowning family members???

I would LOVE TO HEAR those families members side of the story......

When it comes to pettiness and family politics, black sheep and parent's favorite,
sibling rivalry and jealousy....

I see your point.

Relationships in a family situation are very complicated and rooted as deep
as troubles go ... right back to birth.

comebackgirl · May 2012

bindy123 wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

"Forgive them for they know not what they do"

I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.

You definately nailed it with that statement comebackgirl.

Spent most of my working life in refuges working with homeless young people. The abuse many people have had to experience has such a massive impact on so many areas of their lives...the way many are able to function and succeed in life is just incredible.

My ex girlfriend is and always will be my best friend. Both her parents went to jail for significant time for the abuse they put her through...then she was fostered by other abusive fucks...she now works in welfare herself...raises a beautiful little boy, spends all her income to rent a house in a nice area and sends him to a private school...she is without any family and alone in this world...she will always be a part of mine...she is my hero...as are all of you who have endured abusive families...take care

I'm sorry your ex-girlfriend had to endure that. She is an example of someone who thrived through the abuse. It's wonderful that you can still be supports for each other.

When talking about disowning family and forgiveness it is important to remember that there are countless situations just like this; situations with horrific and ongoing abuse. It's not always just a "falling out." I think a lot of those situations can be worked through. Everyone has a different story and experience. I've learned I can't judge someone's else's based on my own. I have to hear their story, hear the impact and support them in the choices that are healthiest.

comebackgirl · May 2012

pandora wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

"Forgive them for they know not what they do"

I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.

As I mentioned this is how I dealt.

The forgiving is not for the abuser is is for oneself.
I did not forgive to have anyone understand nor feel guilty nor hope that there was remorse.

And is this the motive behind forgiveness :?

This and the thought of reconnecting and reconciling is ridiculous.
Expecting this would be the height of being naive and if you have lived
this situation it would never even be plausible.

Forgiving was for me alone so I could be free.

As long as one holds negative feelings the abuser still has control over a victim.

Again, I speak of my experience alone what is right for me.

I wasn't referring to your situation, just to that statement. That's why I didn't quote you As I said, I think the statement probably applies to a lot of situations, but there are many where it doesn't fit. Healing is such a personal and individual journey and there are many ways of getting there. I'm glad you found your peace.

pandora · May 2012

comebackgirl wrote:

I wasn't referring to your situation, just to that statement. That's why I didn't quote you As I said, I think the statement probably applies to a lot of situations, but there are many where it doesn't fit. Healing is such a personal and individual journey and there are many ways of getting there. I'm glad you found your peace.

Thanks ... glad you have found yours too

makes living and coping a lot easier and more enjoyable ...

Thoughts_Arrive · May 2012

Can't wait to move out and disown my mother.

pandora · May 2012

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Can't wait to move out and disown my mother.

I'm disappointed in her as well but have seen people come around ...
space can mend some things.

It might feel good to slam the door but sometimes it gets stuck shut then for a lifetime,
that's a long time for you not so much for her.

comebackgirl · May 2012

pandora wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

I wasn't referring to your situation, just to that statement. That's why I didn't quote you As I said, I think the statement probably applies to a lot of situations, but there are many where it doesn't fit. Healing is such a personal and individual journey and there are many ways of getting there. I'm glad you found your peace.

Thanks ... glad you have found yours too

makes living and coping a lot easier and more enjoyable ...

Thank you.

So true.

Disowning Family

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