What about forgetting? What if you just forget about the person and all the bad things they said or did to you? Then there is nothing left to forgive,...
I'm not talking about forgiving the behavior, just letting go of the anger and not letting that person have power over you anymore. I think making a conscious decision not to let someone's treatment of you impact you in the here and now or impact your present life fits with that idea.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
What about forgetting? What if you just forget about the person and all the bad things they said or did to you? Then there is nothing left to forgive,...
I'm not talking about forgiving the behavior, just letting go of the anger and not letting that person have power over you anymore. I think making a conscious decision not to let someone's treatment of you impact you in the here and now or impact your present life fits with that idea.
If someone is able to do that, fabulous. Not everyone can (depends on disposition), but the less one is reminded the better of course, and certainly never laying eyes on or speaking to the abuser again helps!
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
What about forgetting? What if you just forget about the person and all the bad things they said or did to you? Then there is nothing left to forgive,...
I'm not talking about forgiving the behavior, just letting go of the anger and not letting that person have power over you anymore. I think making a conscious decision not to let someone's treatment of you impact you in the here and now or impact your present life fits with that idea.
If someone is able to do that, fabulous. Not everyone can (depends on disposition), but the less one is reminded the better of course, and certainly never laying eyes on or speaking to the abuser again helps!
Absolutely. I don't think reconciliation is possible or a good idea in a lot of situations. In some situations it may be, but often it's best just to have distance from an unhealthy person (especially if they are still unhealthy)! I've witnessed so many people thrive past their abuse...even though it's something they wish they never had to endure, they've turned it into a strength and determined the impact it's going to have on them. It takes a lot of support, strength and hard work, but it's very cool when that happens.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
Absolutely. I don't think reconciliation is possible or a good idea in a lot of situations. In some situations it may be, but often it's best just to have distance from an unhealthy person (especially if they are still unhealthy)! I've witnessed so many people thrive past their abuse...even though it's something they wish they never had to endure, they've turned it into a strength and determined the impact it's going to have on them. It takes a lot of support, strength and hard work, but it's very cool when that happens.
Do abusers ever realize their effect on others? I mean, if one no longer associates with the abuser, does the abuser ever realize, "wow, I must have really hurt the other person, I need to change"? Or do abusers just have the one track mind where they just keep going about their life and think "what's wrong with them? I wonder why they don't talk to me anymore?"
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
Absolutely. I don't think reconciliation is possible or a good idea in a lot of situations. In some situations it may be, but often it's best just to have distance from an unhealthy person (especially if they are still unhealthy)! I've witnessed so many people thrive past their abuse...even though it's something they wish they never had to endure, they've turned it into a strength and determined the impact it's going to have on them. It takes a lot of support, strength and hard work, but it's very cool when that happens.
Do abusers ever realize their effect on others? I mean, if one no longer associates with the abuser, does the abuser ever realize, "wow, I must have really hurt the other person, I need to change"? Or do abusers just have the one track mind where they just keep going about their life and think "what's wrong with them? I wonder why they don't talk to me anymore?"
Abusers seem to be pretty fucked up. I can't claim to understand them, but from what I've heard, they are usually afflicted with an intense case of self-involvement, and usually only think of things in terms of how they affect themselves rather than the people around them.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Absolutely. I don't think reconciliation is possible or a good idea in a lot of situations. In some situations it may be, but often it's best just to have distance from an unhealthy person (especially if they are still unhealthy)! I've witnessed so many people thrive past their abuse...even though it's something they wish they never had to endure, they've turned it into a strength and determined the impact it's going to have on them. It takes a lot of support, strength and hard work, but it's very cool when that happens.
Do abusers ever realize their effect on others? I mean, if one no longer associates with the abuser, does the abuser ever realize, "wow, I must have really hurt the other person, I need to change"? Or do abusers just have the one track mind where they just keep going about their life and think "what's wrong with them? I wonder why they don't talk to me anymore?"
There usually has to be a fair bit of narcissism going on to consistently abuse someone in the first place. I think some do realize, but might feel such shame or be so deeply wounded themselves that they can't look at it. I have had a few people come in for therapy because they realize something is wrong and they want to change it, but it takes a lot of work and a lot of pain for that to happen. Others are so stuck on blaming their behavior on other people that they will never see it. They'll repeat the same pattern with different people over and over again...the only common denominator being themselves...and they still won't see it.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
forgiving was the only way to heal for me,truly heal
it's weight lifted from my heart, there is no hurt, no hate, just peace.
the saying ... "forgive for they know not what they do" is truth.
Sometimes I think it is the only truth we were given.
They have no idea the depths of what they do and neither do you or I.
Forgiving is inevitable, knowing is inevitable, freedom is inevitable, justice is inevitable.
For me I know one day we will all face our own hearts that will be punishment enough,
I want mine to be as light as possible now and then.
Do abusers ever realize their effect on others? I mean, if one no longer associates with the abuser, does the abuser ever realize, "wow, I must have really hurt the other person, I need to change"? Or do abusers just have the one track mind where they just keep going about their life and think "what's wrong with them? I wonder why they don't talk to me anymore?"
abusers are fucked in the head and do not give a shit about your feelings. it is a sickness inside of a monster, the monster being the sickness. something like this
forgiving was the only way to heal for me,truly heal
it's weight lifted from my heart, there is no hurt, no hate, just peace.
the saying ... "forgive for they know not what they do" is truth.
Sometimes I think it is the only truth we were given.
They have no idea the depths of what they do and neither do you or I.
Forgiving is inevitable, knowing is inevitable, freedom is inevitable, justice is inevitable.
For me I know one day we will all face our own hearts that will be punishment enough,
I want mine to be as light as possible now and then.
my vote is to just forget the abuser exists. no family christmas meals and gift time, none. no thanksgiving get togethers, zip. no give a shits, no nothing. if i were abused i'd grow up and forget my abuser ever even existed. i would not forgive them for molesting me,,,(let's just use molesting as the example) (i was not molested, btw)
if i were molested by someone when i was growing up, they would not ever be forgiven. they'd be lucky i never jammed a pencil or pen into their stupid neck
forgetting someone exists is very easy. forgiving someone who is a monster and harmed me like that would be impossible. i believe this to be true
forgiving was the only way to heal for me,truly heal
it's weight lifted from my heart, there is no hurt, no hate, just peace.
the saying ... "forgive for they know not what they do" is truth.
Sometimes I think it is the only truth we were given.
They have no idea the depths of what they do and neither do you or I.
Forgiving is inevitable, knowing is inevitable, freedom is inevitable, justice is inevitable.
For me I know one day we will all face our own hearts that will be punishment enough,
I want mine to be as light as possible now and then.
my vote is to just forget the abuser exists. no family christmas meals and gift time, none. no thanksgiving get togethers, zip. no give a shits, no nothing. if i were abused i'd grow up and forget my abuser ever even existed. i would not forgive them for molesting me,,,(let's just use molesting as the example) (i was not molested, btw)
if i were molested by someone when i was growing up, they would not ever be forgiven. they'd be lucky i never jammed a pencil or pen into their stupid neck
forgetting someone exists is very easy. forgiving someone who is a monster and harmed me like that would be impossible. i believe this to be true
Agreed! I'd find no peace in forgiving a person like that at all! On the contrary. I'd find much more peace if I found out that they died a long drawn out miserable death or something. Also, that "Forgive them for they know not what they do" line is not about forgiving molesters and people who beat their children or do other rotten things like that. It's about people not having found faith in God and Jesus. Really, it's a line in the Bible that tells potential converts that it's not too late for them to become a Christian.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
some(edit) experts, therapists would tend to say let the anger go, to do that one must forgive,
forgetting is near to impossible when you have been abused. Blocked out
but that is not forgetting.
That is what worked for me, forgiving, I am at peace now and it does not effect my life
though has made me who I am like all my life experiences. I like myself and the puzzle fits
though some pieces are horribly ugly.
Most experts, therapists would tend to say let the anger go, to do that one must forgive,
forgetting is near to impossible when you have been abused. Blocked out
but that is not forgetting.
That is what worked for me, forgiving, I am at peace now and it does not effect my life
though has made me who I am like all my life experiences. I like myself and the puzzle fits
though some pieces are horribly ugly.
Are you an expert? A therapist? Not sure how you know what most therapists would say. And letting go of anger and forgiving someone who hurt you like that isn't the same thing at all. I'm completely at peace about someone in my past who hurt me. I don't hurt anymore from it. That's finding peace. But I'll never the forgive the fucker.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
forgiving was the only way to heal for me,truly heal
it's weight lifted from my heart, there is no hurt, no hate, just peace.
the saying ... "forgive for they know not what they do" is truth.
Sometimes I think it is the only truth we were given.
They have no idea the depths of what they do and neither do you or I.
Forgiving is inevitable, knowing is inevitable, freedom is inevitable, justice is inevitable.
For me I know one day we will all face our own hearts that will be punishment enough,
I want mine to be as light as possible now and then.
my vote is to just forget the abuser exists. no family christmas meals and gift time, none. no thanksgiving get togethers, zip. no give a shits, no nothing. if i were abused i'd grow up and forget my abuser ever even existed. i would not forgive them for molesting me,,,(let's just use molesting as the example) (i was not molested, btw)
if i were molested by someone when i was growing up, they would not ever be forgiven. they'd be lucky i never jammed a pencil or pen into their stupid neck
forgetting someone exists is very easy. forgiving someone who is a monster and harmed me like that would be impossible. i believe this to be true
Agreed! I'd find no peace in forgiving a person like that at all! On the contrary. I'd find much more peace if I found out that they died a long drawn out miserable death or something. Also, that "Forgive them for they know not what they do" line is not about forgiving molesters and people who beat their children or do other rotten things like that. It's about people not having found faith in God and Jesus. Really, it's a line in the Bible that tells potential converts that it's not too late for them to become a Christian.
Yes I know Jesus said it I saw it in a movie yes?
Your words are so filled with hate I don't care to have mine like that
for anything done to me.
But of course forgiving is much harder ... those who hurt a loved one.
Most experts, therapists would tend to say let the anger go, to do that one must forgive,
forgetting is near to impossible when you have been abused. Blocked out
but that is not forgetting.
That is what worked for me, forgiving, I am at peace now and it does not effect my life
though has made me who I am like all my life experiences. I like myself and the puzzle fits
though some pieces are horribly ugly.
Are you an expert? A therapist? Not sure how you know what most therapists would say. And letting go of anger and forgiving someone who hurt you like that isn't the same thing at all. I'm completely at peace about someone in my past who hurt me. I don't hurt anymore from it. That's finding peace. But I'll never the forgive the fucker.
I have had my share of help both written and in group ...
I will change my most to some that should cover it.
Forgiving has worked for me and for many this much I do know.
It doesn't mean the abuser wins, it is I who wins when I forgive, it is for me.
Agreed! I'd find no peace in forgiving a person like that at all! On the contrary. I'd find much more peace if I found out that they died a long drawn out miserable death or something. Also, that "Forgive them for they know not what they do" line is not about forgiving molesters and people who beat their children or do other rotten things like that. It's about people not having found faith in God and Jesus. Really, it's a line in the Bible that tells potential converts that it's not too late for them to become a Christian.
Yes I know Jesus said it I saw it in a movie yes?
Your words are so filled with hate I don't care to have mine like that
for anything done to me.
But of course forgiving is much harder ... those who hurt a loved one.
I don't have any hate Pandora. You're being judgmental and making assumptions about how I feel (as usual), and that isn't cool. I don't get the thing you said about a movie. I read it in the Bible myself - Father forgive them for they do not know what they do - I think that's the line. Anyway, it's not about forgiveness being harder. It's about those people not deserving forgiveness, and those hurt not feeling obligated to forgive. That's the whole problem that we were talking about in the first place. That thinking makes people feel obligated to make up with horrible people who they should never speak to again, and that seems much more harmful to a lot of people in the long run. That's fine if you like to forgive rotten people, but it's not hateful not to.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I don't have any hate Pandora. You're being judgmental and making assumptions about how I feel (as usual), and that isn't cool. I don't get the thing you said about a movie. I read it in the Bible myself - Father forgive them for they do not know what they do - I think that's the line. Anyway, it's not about forgiveness being harder. It's about those people not deserving forgiveness, and those hurt not feeling obligated to forgive. That's the whole problem that we were talking about in the first place. That thinking makes people feel obligated to make up with horrible people who they should never speak to again, and that seems much more harmful to a lot of people in the long run. That's fine if you like to forgive rotten people, but it's not hateful not to.
I didn't read it in the Bible only know that from a movie.
sorry I don't mean to sound like I was judging more like I hear you... its hard not to feel it either
thats all I have to work with here are your words and tone, sounds like you hate, is all.
For me when I was sounding and feeling like that it was not over, no where near,
I was filled with hate, I was not myself, the abuser still had control.
This thread we are speaking of our own experiences and what has worked for us.
Never did I mention allowing abusers back into your life or mine :?
I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
sorry to read that you're still having trouble, patrickredeyes. I really don't know what to say... you've been having trouble with her for so long!
comebackgirl--you nailed it! healing IS such a personal process... many times, a never-ending process! I stepped off the crazy roller coaster for a while and when I started really missing my family, got back on. Things were better for a long time but lately, I'm hearing that 'click-click-click-click'... like when a roller coaster is ascending. christ, my pulse increases just thinking about it! I can't bring myself to read back to what I said in the beginning of this thread--I"m sure it will bring back bad feelings and memories.. things that I've forgotten.
"Forgive them for they know not what they do". yep, that's my situation. Mom is an alcoholic, enough said. I think it's time to find an alanon meeting, for sure.
--and to speedy: my sister would say that I was a horrible, selfish person... how could I not speak to my alcoholic mother? SHE CAN"T HELP IT-SHE"S SICK-WOULD I DISOWN HER IF SHE HAD CANCER??!!! mom would say that she doesn't have a problem, she has it under control, she will never again be in a coma in intensive care or try to commit suicide. I'm just being too sensitive, I should lighten up. I'm holding a grudge for how shitty my childhood was and she's really, really sorry.
All the people in this thread, who talk about disowning family members???
I would LOVE TO HEAR those families members side of the story......
... dude, that's kind if discounting people's feelings. Would you really love to hear the other side of the story? Why? To confirm a deteriorated relationship, or what?
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.
You definately nailed it with that statement comebackgirl.
Spent most of my working life in refuges working with homeless young people. The abuse many people have had to experience has such a massive impact on so many areas of their lives...the way many are able to function and succeed in life is just incredible.
My ex girlfriend is and always will be my best friend. Both her parents went to jail for significant time for the abuse they put her through...then she was fostered by other abusive fucks...she now works in welfare herself...raises a beautiful little boy, spends all her income to rent a house in a nice area and sends him to a private school...she is without any family and alone in this world...she will always be a part of mine...she is my hero...as are all of you who have endured abusive families...take care
"God created surfing and Pearl Jam so that the truely gifted, talented and most intelligent people wouldnt rule the world"...adapted from my bumper sticker
I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.
As I mentioned this is how I dealt.
The forgiving is not for the abuser is is for oneself.
I did not forgive to have anyone understand nor feel guilty nor hope that there was remorse.
And is this the motive behind forgiveness :?
This and the thought of reconnecting and reconciling is ridiculous.
Expecting this would be the height of being naive and if you have lived
this situation it would never even be plausible.
Forgiving was for me alone so I could be free.
As long as one holds negative feelings the abuser still has control over a victim.
Again, I speak of my experience alone what is right for me.
I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.
You definately nailed it with that statement comebackgirl.
Spent most of my working life in refuges working with homeless young people. The abuse many people have had to experience has such a massive impact on so many areas of their lives...the way many are able to function and succeed in life is just incredible.
My ex girlfriend is and always will be my best friend. Both her parents went to jail for significant time for the abuse they put her through...then she was fostered by other abusive fucks...she now works in welfare herself...raises a beautiful little boy, spends all her income to rent a house in a nice area and sends him to a private school...she is without any family and alone in this world...she will always be a part of mine...she is my hero...as are all of you who have endured abusive families...take care
I'm sorry your ex-girlfriend had to endure that. She is an example of someone who thrived through the abuse. It's wonderful that you can still be supports for each other.
When talking about disowning family and forgiveness it is important to remember that there are countless situations just like this; situations with horrific and ongoing abuse. It's not always just a "falling out." I think a lot of those situations can be worked through. Everyone has a different story and experience. I've learned I can't judge someone's else's based on my own. I have to hear their story, hear the impact and support them in the choices that are healthiest.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.
As I mentioned this is how I dealt.
The forgiving is not for the abuser is is for oneself.
I did not forgive to have anyone understand nor feel guilty nor hope that there was remorse.
And is this the motive behind forgiveness :?
This and the thought of reconnecting and reconciling is ridiculous.
Expecting this would be the height of being naive and if you have lived
this situation it would never even be plausible.
Forgiving was for me alone so I could be free.
As long as one holds negative feelings the abuser still has control over a victim.
Again, I speak of my experience alone what is right for me.
I wasn't referring to your situation, just to that statement. That's why I didn't quote you As I said, I think the statement probably applies to a lot of situations, but there are many where it doesn't fit. Healing is such a personal and individual journey and there are many ways of getting there. I'm glad you found your peace.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
I wasn't referring to your situation, just to that statement. That's why I didn't quote you As I said, I think the statement probably applies to a lot of situations, but there are many where it doesn't fit. Healing is such a personal and individual journey and there are many ways of getting there. I'm glad you found your peace.
Thanks ... glad you have found yours too
makes living and coping a lot easier and more enjoyable ...
Comments
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
Do abusers ever realize their effect on others? I mean, if one no longer associates with the abuser, does the abuser ever realize, "wow, I must have really hurt the other person, I need to change"? Or do abusers just have the one track mind where they just keep going about their life and think "what's wrong with them? I wonder why they don't talk to me anymore?"
- Christopher McCandless
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
forgiving was the only way to heal for me,truly heal
it's weight lifted from my heart, there is no hurt, no hate, just peace.
the saying ... "forgive for they know not what they do" is truth.
Sometimes I think it is the only truth we were given.
They have no idea the depths of what they do and neither do you or I.
Forgiving is inevitable, knowing is inevitable, freedom is inevitable, justice is inevitable.
For me I know one day we will all face our own hearts that will be punishment enough,
I want mine to be as light as possible now and then.
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
if i were molested by someone when i was growing up, they would not ever be forgiven. they'd be lucky i never jammed a pencil or pen into their stupid neck
forgetting someone exists is very easy. forgiving someone who is a monster and harmed me like that would be impossible. i believe this to be true
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
forgetting is near to impossible when you have been abused. Blocked out
but that is not forgetting.
That is what worked for me, forgiving, I am at peace now and it does not effect my life
though has made me who I am like all my life experiences. I like myself and the puzzle fits
though some pieces are horribly ugly.
Your words are so filled with hate I don't care to have mine like that
for anything done to me.
But of course forgiving is much harder ... those who hurt a loved one.
I have had my share of help both written and in group ...
I will change my most to some that should cover it.
Forgiving has worked for me and for many this much I do know.
It doesn't mean the abuser wins, it is I who wins when I forgive, it is for me.
I didn't read it in the Bible only know that from a movie.
sorry I don't mean to sound like I was judging more like I hear you... its hard not to feel it either
thats all I have to work with here are your words and tone, sounds like you hate, is all.
For me when I was sounding and feeling like that it was not over, no where near,
I was filled with hate, I was not myself, the abuser still had control.
This thread we are speaking of our own experiences and what has worked for us.
Never did I mention allowing abusers back into your life or mine :?
just stating forgiving worked for me.
that's cool
I think that's true of some people who hurt others...probably of a lot of people that hurt others. However, there are some people who know exactly the hurt they inflict and that's precisely why they do it. They will not feel guilt, or show remorse. They will blame the victim, trivialize their feelings, and seek more opportunities to exploit others. Instead of remorse they feel gratification from the pain they inflict. That is not a person that you should ever feel compelled to reconcile or reconnect with. Keep them at as great a distance as possible. Healing is such a personal process.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
All the people in this thread, who talk about disowning family members???
I would LOVE TO HEAR those families members side of the story......
Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
comebackgirl--you nailed it! healing IS such a personal process... many times, a never-ending process! I stepped off the crazy roller coaster for a while and when I started really missing my family, got back on. Things were better for a long time but lately, I'm hearing that 'click-click-click-click'... like when a roller coaster is ascending. christ, my pulse increases just thinking about it! I can't bring myself to read back to what I said in the beginning of this thread--I"m sure it will bring back bad feelings and memories.. things that I've forgotten.
"Forgive them for they know not what they do". yep, that's my situation. Mom is an alcoholic, enough said. I think it's time to find an alanon meeting, for sure.
--and to speedy: my sister would say that I was a horrible, selfish person... how could I not speak to my alcoholic mother? SHE CAN"T HELP IT-SHE"S SICK-WOULD I DISOWN HER IF SHE HAD CANCER??!!! mom would say that she doesn't have a problem, she has it under control, she will never again be in a coma in intensive care or try to commit suicide. I'm just being too sensitive, I should lighten up. I'm holding a grudge for how shitty my childhood was and she's really, really sorry.
Does that answer your question?
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
You definately nailed it with that statement comebackgirl.
Spent most of my working life in refuges working with homeless young people. The abuse many people have had to experience has such a massive impact on so many areas of their lives...the way many are able to function and succeed in life is just incredible.
My ex girlfriend is and always will be my best friend. Both her parents went to jail for significant time for the abuse they put her through...then she was fostered by other abusive fucks...she now works in welfare herself...raises a beautiful little boy, spends all her income to rent a house in a nice area and sends him to a private school...she is without any family and alone in this world...she will always be a part of mine...she is my hero...as are all of you who have endured abusive families...take care
The forgiving is not for the abuser is is for oneself.
I did not forgive to have anyone understand nor feel guilty nor hope that there was remorse.
And is this the motive behind forgiveness :?
This and the thought of reconnecting and reconciling is ridiculous.
Expecting this would be the height of being naive and if you have lived
this situation it would never even be plausible.
Forgiving was for me alone so I could be free.
As long as one holds negative feelings the abuser still has control over a victim.
Again, I speak of my experience alone what is right for me.
watched this as I dozed off last night it was inspirational and I felt might fit here
sibling rivalry and jealousy....
I see your point.
Relationships in a family situation are very complicated and rooted as deep
as troubles go ... right back to birth.
I'm sorry your ex-girlfriend had to endure that. She is an example of someone who thrived through the abuse. It's wonderful that you can still be supports for each other.
When talking about disowning family and forgiveness it is important to remember that there are countless situations just like this; situations with horrific and ongoing abuse. It's not always just a "falling out." I think a lot of those situations can be worked through. Everyone has a different story and experience. I've learned I can't judge someone's else's based on my own. I have to hear their story, hear the impact and support them in the choices that are healthiest.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
makes living and coping a lot easier and more enjoyable ...