Disowning Family

Wobbie

Lizard wrote:

imalive wrote:

patrickredeyes wrote:

I'd trade my sister for another one if I could.

+1

I've been dealing with rectal cancer for 4 months. any support from my sister has been non-existent. after a four hour surgery that got the cancer, but took my rectum, my sister calls and says "I think my prayers made the difference."

sure....that was it...not the chemo; not the radiation; not the surgeon....not all the love I've gotten from people on this board. it was all you, sis. :x

Geez.
I find it odd that people who pray and apparently believe in God could be so "cold"

she's a piece of work.

when my mom died in 2005, I did EVERYTHING in regard to cleaning out her house, getting it ready to sell, donating, arranging an auction, etc.

my sister shows up when I'm done to take some stuff she wants and tells me "don't forget to clean the light switch covers." :x

of.the.girl

imalive wrote:

Lizard wrote:

imalive wrote:

+1

I've been dealing with rectal cancer for 4 months. any support from my sister has been non-existent. after a four hour surgery that got the cancer, but took my rectum, my sister calls and says "I think my prayers made the difference."

sure....that was it...not the chemo; not the radiation; not the surgeon....not all the love I've gotten from people on this board. it was all you, sis. :x

Geez.
I find it odd that people who pray and apparently believe in God could be so "cold"

she's a piece of work.

when my mom died in 2005, I did EVERYTHING in regard to cleaning out her house, getting it ready to sell, donating, arranging an auction, etc.

my sister shows up when I'm done to take some stuff she wants and tells me "don't forget to clean the light switch covers." :x

WOW! Sounds like my family. My family is a piece of work. The easiest way I have found to deal with them is to not deal with them. Less heartache and less aggravation.

Going for surgery in the morning tomorrow and not any of them (mom, brother or sister) knows I have cancer...or will go to the hospital with me tomorrow. My mom has a funeral for a nonfamily member she just has to go to. :shock: since when does a nonfamily members funeral become more important than your own daughter going in for surgery to remove cancer?!?!?! :evil: :shock:

I just don't get some people these days. Oh well! It makes us stronger as individuals. At least that's the way I look at it.

whispering hands

My dad supposedly Disowned my oldest sister this past year over a dispute that she dragged him into during her divorce.. in the end, my sister stole 1200 dollars from her ex-husband who then tried to pin it on my Dad since we'd gone back out to Kansas to help her move all of my stuff as well as hers from her ex-husband's house. It is a precarious situation to be in.. I personally don't know where to stand on my family's situation.. I feel my sister deserved the money since she had to bail this loser out of jail several times due to drunk driving incidents and she saved his job more than once, by drawing her bank account into the red to make the bail payments before he had to work the next morning. However I think my dad also has a point in being pissed over the whole thing, because he never knew ( nor did I) that my sister had done this until the police report came out, complete with the license plate to my dad's truck, dates and times.. and a witness statement from the guy who helped us move all our shit.. so I personally, having cut my mother out of my life for nearly 8 years, agree that if your family is making you physically ill one should cut them off.To be honest, the only reason I EVER moved my mother back out to Kansas with me was because when she go into her car accident ( she'd been awake for three days then decided to go get more stuff to make more meth with, crashing her car into a box truck), my sister and I were the only ones who would go back out to Cali and claim her.. To this day I wish we hadn't.. but oh well one of those live and learn things ya know?? those 8 years where I didn't talk to her and sent all her letters back, were the greatest 8 years of my "family life" Anyhow my prayers are with you and your family in this troubling time..hope it all works out for you guys.

pandora

I might have wished to trade a sister or two in my lifetime

then I lost one to cancer

now I appreciate the other two much more and for all their crazy ass flaws

we are alive we are family ...

much of family is now on the other side
I want them to feel us together, as I feel them together, we will join them soon

revelation comes to some and not others... even those who pray
all in good time

julesandian

pandora wrote:

I might have wished to trade a sister or two in my lifetime

then I lost one to cancer

now I appreciate the other two much more and for all their crazy ass flaws

we are alive we are family ...

much of family is now on the other side
I want them to feel us together, as I feel them together, we will join them soon

revelation comes to some and not others... even those who pray
all in good time

Beautiful words.

Get_Right

I dont speak to my dad. I disowned him. He's a douche.

chadwick

sad stuff here. this is me, this is us, my family. i do not know my cousins at all. i know what some of them look like, that's it. i do not know where any of them live. our mother's family disowned her when she was a girl way back when. mom has three sisters and one brother. my aunts and my uncle, i have no clue except that the aunts are all three nasty bitches. the uncle is forgiven beings he has never lived near us. the three aunts always have lived near by (one aunt finally moved to florida a few yrs ago). these are pretty uppity well off folks whom have never once showed love to our mother, their sister.

i have mom and one brother left, that's it. dad and one brother died years ago. it makes me sad that mother's family treat her with utter disrespect and have zero compassion for her at all.

they have no reasons for their actions in this case at all. it'd be different if mom was a raging drug addicted, alcoholic, abusive slave driver setting fires to orphanages and stuff.

mom is a saint actually. slightly out of her mind from time to time, but that's her artistic ways. she does more art forms than anyone i know.

i do not want my aunts or cousins to attend mother's funeral when that time comes. i do not wish to attend any of their funerals either.

you want cold? try getting kicked out of grandpa's house during a christmas party. gramps said we were out playing in themud, when infact we were out smoking cigs... all my aunts just sat there and let gramps be a cocksucker to our mom and us.


i do not like weak bullshit.

edit... most of dad's relatives live in California. most of them i have no clue about. sad stuff.

Yellow Ledbelly

I have nothing to do with most of my family...only child but got lots of cousins. I look at family as the people you were forced to be associated with and friends as the family you choose. Therefore my closest friendship mean more to me than anything. Why should I like my dickhead cousin just because he's my dickhead cousin? Nope. I never talk to any cousins on my dad's side nor either of his sisters if I can avoid it. His brother is a pretty cool dude but don't have much to do with him either though he and pop are tight.

Cousins on my mom's side I have four. One of them is fuckin nutcase with a fucked up punk of a teenage kid. I told her off real good a couple of months ago for being a bitch to my mom. I don't have to talk to her anymore now.
One of them is one year younger than me and we always ran around together....as we've gotten older not so much for various reasons. One of them lives aways and is ok....just never see her.

Then the fourth one is my best friend. I don't think of him like 'that's my cousin'....he's my friend and that means more to me than being my cousin. I wouldn't piss on his dad if he was on fire though. Maybe I have a fucked up view of family. But it's mostly warranted.

patrickredeyes

I'm real close to telling my middle sister off for good. Enough is enough and I'm not gonna deal with her shit anymore. I don't need it and don't wont it. Been dealing with it for way to long now.

81

patrickredeyes wrote:

I'm real close to telling my middle sister off for good. Enough is enough and I'm not gonna deal with her shit anymore. I don't need it and don't wont it. Been dealing with it for way to long now.

i don't take calls from my one brother any more. not worth the effort.

pandora

My sister's, their friends, everyone is dying from cancer ...
tumor here tumor there, my sister is dying with a dear friend as I post this,
perhaps he is gone now.

just dropping, no time ...
months, weeks, days, gone gone

just like our oldest sister
who's next?


the pettiness of life shouldn't keep one from loving,
does everyone deserve it ... no

can everyone do it ... yes

chadwick

81 wrote:

we are not rural out here......chicago burbs don't stop until you hit the Iowa border.

get the frig outta here

PJ_Soul

My mom disowned her older sister because she's a rotten human being who treated her like shit, is a manipulative cow. Finally my mom had had enough after putting up with it for 55 years or whatever. And she hasn't looked back since. She's thrilled to have her out of her life and won't go to her funeral, and frankly won't care when she dies. She hates her and is just happy she doesn't have to deal with her ever again. So I guess the disowning went well. I figure that it's crazy to keep someone who makes you miserable in your life. I don't think the fact that they're family should matter in that kind of scenario. People shouldn't put up with others treating them like shit year after year no matter who they are. A bad person is a bad person, family or not.

pandora

Being victimized is almost unforgivable, I know.
Forgiving heals the heart, it's going to happen, it is inevitable
once we know each other's pain.
It's something we all can do, free your heart, forgive then live.

PJ_Soul

pandora wrote:

Being victimized is almost unforgivable, I know.
Forgiving heals the heart, it's going to happen, it is inevitable
once we know each other's pain.
It's something we all can do, free your heart, forgive then live.

I don't know about you, but if, say, I had a parent who molested me during my childhood, I would not be forgiving. I'd have nothing to do with them. But the sad thing is that so many children with the shittiest parent(s) in the world who abused them and still feel like they have a responsibility to make peace with such people just because they are family, and I think THAT'S damaging. Making peace with yourself is great, but I see no need to make peace with someone who is abusive, especially not a parent who is.

comebackgirl

PJ_Soul wrote:

pandora wrote:

Being victimized is almost unforgivable, I know.
Forgiving heals the heart, it's going to happen, it is inevitable
once we know each other's pain.
It's something we all can do, free your heart, forgive then live.

I don't know about you, but if, say, I had a parent who molested me during my childhood, I would not be forgiving. I'd have nothing to do with them. But the sad thing is that so many children with the shittiest parent(s) in the world who abused them and still feel like they have a responsibility to make peace with such people just because they are family, and I think THAT'S damaging. Making peace with yourself is great, but I see no need to make peace with someone who is abusive, especially not a parent who is.

I agree. There's absolutely no need to make peace with someone who has been abusive and is an unhealthy person to be around. Sometimes the best thing you can do is keep them at a distance or cut them out completely. Sometimes that is absolutely necessary. Some people find they can reconnect, which can be healing if the other person is no longer abusive and especially if they've owned and worked through what they've done. Forgiving is just about letting go of the anger; and you can forgive without reconnecting or making peace with the other person.

RKCNDY

comebackgirl wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

pandora wrote:

Being victimized is almost unforgivable, I know.
Forgiving heals the heart, it's going to happen, it is inevitable
once we know each other's pain.
It's something we all can do, free your heart, forgive then live.

I don't know about you, but if, say, I had a parent who molested me during my childhood, I would not be forgiving. I'd have nothing to do with them. But the sad thing is that so many children with the shittiest parent(s) in the world who abused them and still feel like they have a responsibility to make peace with such people just because they are family, and I think THAT'S damaging. Making peace with yourself is great, but I see no need to make peace with someone who is abusive, especially not a parent who is.

I agree. There's absolutely no need to make peace with someone who has been abusive and is an unhealthy person to be around. Sometimes the best thing you can do is keep them at a distance or cut them out completely. Sometimes that is absolutely necessary. Some people find they can reconnect, which can be healing if the other person is no longer abusive and especially if they've owned and worked through what they've done. Forgiving is just about letting go of the anger; and you can forgive without reconnecting or making peace with the other person.

What about forgetting? What if you just forget about the person and all the bad things they said or did to you? Then there is nothing left to forgive,...

PJ_Soul

RKCNDY wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

I don't know about you, but if, say, I had a parent who molested me during my childhood, I would not be forgiving. I'd have nothing to do with them. But the sad thing is that so many children with the shittiest parent(s) in the world who abused them and still feel like they have a responsibility to make peace with such people just because they are family, and I think THAT'S damaging. Making peace with yourself is great, but I see no need to make peace with someone who is abusive, especially not a parent who is.

I agree. There's absolutely no need to make peace with someone who has been abusive and is an unhealthy person to be around. Sometimes the best thing you can do is keep them at a distance or cut them out completely. Sometimes that is absolutely necessary. Some people find they can reconnect, which can be healing if the other person is no longer abusive and especially if they've owned and worked through what they've done. Forgiving is just about letting go of the anger; and you can forgive without reconnecting or making peace with the other person.

What about forgetting? What if you just forget about the person and all the bad things they said or did to you? Then there is nothing left to forgive,...

That's much easier said than done, particularly if you're talking about abusive family members.

RKCNDY

PJ_Soul wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

What about forgetting? What if you just forget about the person and all the bad things they said or did to you? Then there is nothing left to forgive,...

That's much easier said than done, particularly if you're talking about abusive family members.

I've pretty much blocked my abusive parent out out of my mind. Don't think about them, every now and then, something happens that reminds me of them, and I just remind myself, "f**k that @%&!" and go on about my life.

PJ_Soul

RKCNDY wrote:

PJ_Soul wrote:

RKCNDY wrote:

What about forgetting? What if you just forget about the person and all the bad things they said or did to you? Then there is nothing left to forgive,...

That's much easier said than done, particularly if you're talking about abusive family members.

I've pretty much blocked my abusive parent out out of my mind. Don't think about them, every now and then, something happens that reminds me of them, and I just remind myself, "f**k that @%&!" and go on about my life.

That's great - good for you!