Got a first date lined up for Saturday night....

Thoughts_Arrive · June 2011

Really nervous, this is my first date ever, I am not good at these things and am very shy and anxious.
She had a crush on me in High School (I was too shy to respond) and found me on facebook and was very happy to have reconnected after almost 10 yrs, and she was keen to chat online.
We agreed on meeting up for a coffee on Tuesday night over facebook (she kept insisting on catching up) and then gave me her number without me asking. So I am taking it she likes me.

I just spoke to her to confirm the time and ensure she knows where this cafe is.
She asked me "are we just doing coffee or something else afterwards".
I responded with "we'll see how it goes, maybe". Didn't expect that question.
Now this has me thinking. Is she really really keen on me and wants to spend more time, or is my date plan boring???
I read online tips for dating and a short meet up over coffee is the best bet for a first date and make a second date longer and something different and activity based.

Advice please, help a brother out. :?

Thanks in advance.

Slap upside the head · June 2011

Bring a rubber and a backup plan to bolt.
Never hurts to be prepared.

pjhawks · June 2011

wing it. go for the coffee and if you enjoy it suggest something else. and be honest. if you are nervous nothing wrong with telling her that. saying you don't know what to say is better than sitting there saying nothing.

PureandEasy · June 2011

Sounds like she wants to do more than just have coffee. Why don’t you just suggest a walk after your coffee date. No pressure on you and at that time you can make plans to see each other again.

theserialthrilla · June 2011

coffee together sunday morning then its a good date

EmBleve · June 2011

PureandEasy wrote:

Sounds like she wants to do more than just have coffee. Why don’t you just suggest a walk after your coffee date. No pressure on you and at that time you can make plans to see each other again.

This sounds good! If she had a crush on you in high school, then she is probably excited about seeing you and catching up. Anxious is understandable. So is shy.

Just take some deep breaths, relax, it will be fine. 10 years worth of stuff should be able to provide for some conversation.

Have fun!
edit: also, being honest and admitting you're nervous if you are, is good advice from the other poster. And your coffee date does not sound boring--don't worry. You never know, SHE might be the one to suggest what to do next..

pandora · June 2011

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Really nervous, this is my first date ever, I am not good at these things and am very shy and anxious.
She had a crush on me in High School (I was too shy to respond) and found me on facebook and was very happy to have reconnected after almost 10 yrs, and she was keen to chat online.
We agreed on meeting up for a coffee on Tuesday night over facebook (she kept insisting on catching up) and then gave me her number without me asking. So I am taking it she likes me.

I just spoke to her to confirm the time and ensure she knows where this cafe is.
She asked me "are we just doing coffee or something else afterwards".
I responded with "we'll see how it goes, maybe". Didn't expect that question.
Now this has me thinking. Is she really really keen on me and wants to spend more time, or is my date plan boring???
I read online tips for dating and a short meet up over coffee is the best bet for a first date and make a second date longer and something different and activity based.

Advice please, help a brother out. :?

Thanks in advance.

Ummm... might just be me but coffee on a Saturday night?
Maybe you can think of something fun and make a little memory... it is a first date.

Your reply ... "we'll see how it goes, maybe" ... if that was me, as the lady friend,
I'd be feeling the pressure!

Not sure about dating tips online ... feeling is the way to go.
Focus on how she feels this will help your shyness, make her the center of attention.
Move from the heart and you can't go wrong.
Keep it open to the possibilities even just as a friendship.

Perhaps this girl did not impress you so much in high school
and maybe not still but I hope life surprises you and knocks your socks off!

polaris_x · June 2011

get to know her and see how it goes ... try to be yourself ... listen to her ... she'll be nervous too ...

if you are enjoying her company ... go for a walk ... find a nice spot with maybe a view and talk some more ...

if you still like her ... walk her home ...

if at any point you are not feeling it with her ... politely end the date and whatever you do ... don't say "you'll call her" if you don't plan on it ...

lukins.lawyer · June 2011

#1. Ask her a ton of questions. Fact: Women just want to talk and want men to listen.
#2. She will eventually ask you some stuff, so just be honest and sincere. No need to put on a show.
#3. Although you are just meeting for coffee, maybe think of something you can do afterwards because chances are things will go well and you don't want it to end for lack of something else to do (ex. go for a walk somewhere that has nice scenery and bring a blanket).
#4. Shyness is cool. Nobody likes the asshole who doesn't shut his mouth. Confidence is key. Quiet confidence - even better.
#5. Take the stigma of a "date" out of your mind. Just go catch up with her. The "date" really takes place if you see her a second time.
#6. PJ20

SPEEDY MCCREADY · June 2011

Just be yourself....
Dont overthink it..
Just be yourself....
Just have fun....
Just be yourself....
Let the conversation flow naturally...
Just be yourself....
Make her smile...
Just be yourself....
Have fun....

EmBleve · June 2011

lukins.lawyer wrote:

#1. Ask her a ton of questions. Fact: Women just want to talk and want men to listen.

This is not always the case, especially for shy women.

I would prefer not to do most of the talking at that stage of the game, but that's just me. But the asking questions part is good, shows interest.
and, yes, pj20!

81 · June 2011

if you think it's a really really awesome idea,...it's most likely not, and you should not say it.

and most importantly, post a picture of her so we can help decide if she is the one.

RKCNDY · June 2011

EmBleve wrote:

lukins.lawyer wrote:

#1. Ask her a ton of questions. Fact: Women just want to talk and want men to listen.

This is not always the case, especially for shy women. I would prefer not to do most of the talking at that stage of the game, but that's just me. But the asking questions part is good, shows interest.
and, yes, pj20!

I hate when guys ask a bunch of stupid questions!

If you like her, stay away from talking about politics or religion.

polaris_x · June 2011

oh yeah ... don't let her know you are a right wing rupert murdoch loving guy right away ...

Danimal · June 2011

Get hammered and plow.

EmBleve · June 2011

RKCNDY wrote:

EmBleve wrote:

lukins.lawyer wrote:

#1. Ask her a ton of questions. Fact: Women just want to talk and want men to listen.

This is not always the case, especially for shy women. I would prefer not to do most of the talking at that stage of the game, but that's just me. But the asking questions part is good, shows interest.
and, yes, pj20!

I hate when guys ask a bunch of stupid questions!

If you like her, stay away from talking about politics or religion.

'stupid' being the key word. And absolutely true on your second point!!

JonnyPistachio · June 2011

don't forget to clean out the chamber before you go..no more nerves. :P

Thoughts_Arrive · June 2011

Thank you all for the advice and feedback, much appreciated.
As for the coffee on a Sat night not being a good idea mentioned earlier, she suggested we do something Sat night, I always thought and read that coffee or drinks at a bar are most suitable for a first date.
Maybe I should've suggested Sunday lunchtime, oh wells.
Where we are meeting up is not a walking distance to her house.
I hope she doesn't want to go city, too much traffic.
It is all cafe's and restaurants where we are going, not sure if there is a place more exciting there, see what happens.
I always had in my mind something "more exciting" for a second date.
I am going by the rules on youtube and online dating advice sites.

dr0ptheleash · June 2011

pjhawks wrote:

wing it. go for the coffee and if you enjoy it suggest something else. and be honest. if you are nervous nothing wrong with telling her that. saying you don't know what to say is better than sitting there saying nothing.

^ Good advice! It definitely seems like she wants to spend time with you, so think of something to do after coffee if things go well. Is there a nice park nearby? Somewhere you could stroll to with pretty scenery? (not something where she will think you're just taking her to a "make out spot" or whatnot haha) At least near me there are tons of parks with pretty fountains and benches and lighting and statues. It's casual and romantic. Make it a night to remember, have fun. Enjoy yourself!!!!

SPEEDY MCCREADY · June 2011

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Thank you all for the advice and feedback, much appreciated.
As for the coffee on a Sat night not being a good idea mentioned earlier, she suggested we do something Sat night, I always thought and read that coffee or drinks at a bar are most suitable for a first date.
Maybe I should've suggested Sunday lunchtime, oh wells.
Where we are meeting up is not a walking distance to her house.
I hope she doesn't want to go city, too much traffic.
It is all cafe's and restaurants where we are going, not sure if there is a place more exciting there, see what happens.
I always had in my mind something "more exciting" for a second date.
I am going by the rules on youtube and online dating advice sites.

You are already overthinking this!!!!! hehehehe

Relax my friend.....

EmBleve · June 2011

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Thank you all for the advice and feedback, much appreciated.
As for the coffee on a Sat night not being a good idea mentioned earlier, she suggested we do something Sat night, I always thought and read that coffee or drinks at a bar are most suitable for a first date.
Maybe I should've suggested Sunday lunchtime, oh wells.
Where we are meeting up is not a walking distance to her house.
I hope she doesn't want to go city, too much traffic.
It is all cafe's and restaurants where we are going, not sure if there is a place more exciting there, see what happens.
I always had in my mind something "more exciting" for a second date.
I am going by the rules on youtube and online dating advice sites.

You are already overthinking this!!!!! hehehehe

Relax my friend.....

yes, and please do.

I've had quite a few 'first date coffee dates', and they're absolutely fine. It's a good way to get a vibe on things...an icebreaker. Plus, it's an excellent situation because if it's not working out, you both have an easy out at that point-conversely, if it is working out...it's easy to move forward. Don't sweat it.

Got a first date lined up for Saturday night....

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