*** Jokes of the Day!! ***

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  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    5 blondes were closed in an elevator. They began to shout for help. Suddenly one says:
    Stop, we get nothing like that. It should be loud and all together at the same time,,ill count to 3."
    ready?
    1,2,3,go!!
    "At the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    Yo Momma is so old....
    I told her to act her age, and she died!

    Yo Momma is so old....
    the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment!

    Yo Momma is so old....
    Jurassic Park brought back memories! :lol:
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    pandora wrote:
    Yo Momma is so old....
    I told her to act her age, and she died!

    Yo Momma is so old....
    the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment!

    Yo Momma is so old....
    Jurassic Park brought back memories! :lol:
    :lol: yo mamma is so old,older than Acropolis!!!
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Green Circle
    Green Circle Posts: 5,192
    edited August 2010
    After everything I say respond with Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Breakfast?.......... Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Lunch?..............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Dinner?............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Dessert?.............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What do you do when you see a hot woman walking down the street?...........


    kudos to my 10 year old son.. :lol:
    Post edited by Green Circle on
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    A blonde to her husband:
    someone stole our car, but do not worry! I kept the number!
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    Yo Momma is so FAT
    Your momma is so fat she's not allowed to wear a Malcolm X jacket because they're afraid helicopters might land on her.
  • Green Circle
    Green Circle Posts: 5,192
    pandora wrote:
    Yo Momma is so FAT
    Your momma is so fat she's not allowed to wear a Malcolm X jacket because they're afraid helicopters might land on her.

    Nice one!
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    Boo Boo wrote:
    After everything I say respond with Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Breakfast?.......... Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Lunch?..............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Dinner?............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What did you have for Dessert?.............Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

    What do you do when you see a hot woman walking down the street?...........


    kudos to my 10 year old son.. :lol:
    cute, kids have great jokes!
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    A blond go into a shop and says:
    How much is this TV?
    And the shopkeeper:
    Madam, we do not sell things on blondes

    Go the next time the blonde with a red wig and redo the same question and the shopkeeper
    Madam, we do not sell to blondes

    again blonde with a black wig asking the same question and the shopkeeper
    Madam, i told u we do not sell to blondes
    and the blonde says:
    How do you understand that I am a blonde?


    cos my lady this is a microwave,not a TV !!!
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Newch91
    Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    dimitrispearljam wrote:
    A blond go into a shop and says:
    How much is this TV?
    And the shopkeeper:
    Madam, we do not sell things on blondes

    Go the next time the blonde with a red wig and redo the same question and the shopkeeper
    Madam, we do not sell to blondes

    again blonde with a black wig asking the same question and the shopkeeper
    Madam, i told u we do not sell to blondes
    and the blonde says:
    How do you understand that I am a blonde?


    cos my lady this is a microwave,not a TV !!!

    Haha! :lol::lol::lol:
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    Your Mama's so stupid
    she thought meow mix was a record for cats.

    Your Mama's so stupid
    you can tell when she's used the computer because there's White Out all over the screen!

    Your Mama's so stupid
    she tripped over a cordless phone!

    Your Mama's so stupid
    she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff!

    Your Mama's so stupid
    she thought hamburger helper came with another person! :lol:
  • markin ball
    markin ball Posts: 1,076
    LoveOnTwoLegs wrote:
    What did one snowman say to the other??
    Do you smell carrots?



    Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
    Because he was a little shellfish!



    What does a vegan zombie eat??
    Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains.

    My favs so far.
    "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win ."

    "With our thoughts we make the world"
  • Green Circle
    Green Circle Posts: 5,192
    This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

    The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”

    “Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

    The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

    “Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    On the ground floor of a luxury hotel waiting two brunettes and a blonde lady on the elevator.
    The elevator arrives, and the employe ask
    - "Where you go;" asked the first lady
    - "In the fourth,
    - "You?" Asks the other brunnete
    - "In the fifth,"
    - "and You?" Asks the blonde
    - "Aaaa ... The 73rd" answer.
    - "But the hotel has seven floors only, madam,"
    - "Oh !! on floors you was talking so long ??
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Newch91
    Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    Yo Mamma's so stupid I saw her staring at the Orange Juice carton because it said 'Concentrate'.
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    How do you know that a fax sent by blonde?

    Has stamp on it
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    It was a blind and accidentally walked into a bar for women. Sit and said to barman
    "Dude, ill tell the last joke about blondes?
    a woman near listen and said
    "Dude, before you tell a joke I must tell you five things:
    1) barwoman is blonde,
    2) the waitress is blonde,
    3) the girl who sits on your left is 1.90, blonde and has a black belt in karate
    4) the girl who sits on your right is blonde and just released yesterday on murder and ...
    5) ... I'm blonde ...
    Well, do you still want to tell the joke? "
    and blind said
    "Well, let it go ... no way I have to explain it five times ..."
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    dimitrispearljam wrote:
    It was a blind and accidentally walked into a bar for women. Sit and said to barman
    "Dude, ill tell the last joke about blondes?
    a woman near listen and said
    "Dude, before you tell a joke I must tell you five things:
    1) barwoman is blonde,
    2) the waitress is blonde,
    3) the girl who sits on your left is 1.90, blonde and has a black belt in karate
    4) the girl who sits on your right is blonde and just released yesterday on murder and ...
    5) ... I'm blonde ...
    Well, do you still want to tell the joke? "
    and blind said
    "Well, let it go ... no way I have to explain it five times ..."
    :lol:
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    A traffic policeman stops a blonde driver.
    your driving licence, please.
    -What is this? She answer.
    your registration please.
    -What is this? Asked again.
    -The insurance please.
    -What is this? She asks again.
    -the policeman grab his pants down and says,maybe you know what is this???????????/.
    Ah-again an alcohol test ill do ?
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    Your Breast is Loose
    A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

    A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

    She says, "Why, officer?"

    "Because your breast is hanging out."

    She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!" :lol:

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