Disowning Family

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  • adropinthepark
    adropinthepark Posts: 475
    mickeyrat wrote:
    covered in bliss wrote:
    The thing that sucks the most is the guilt. I was raised catholic and I keep hearing in my head "THAT"S YOUR FAMILY!" We're supposed to love our family, unconditionally.

    That's dangerous.
    Yes we are supposed to love our family unconditionally, however we still have to protect ourselves.


    Happy to find this thread with minimal searching. I didn't want to start a new thread. Mostly just want to get this "out" somewhere.

    A few years back I excommunicated my mother from my life. It only lasted six months, until she was going through some things and I felt like I should be there for her.

    Ugh. Well, now I've relied on her for some help and I soooo should have known better. I look forward to getting out of this situation. But, it sucks that I got pulled back into her manipulative ways.
    I don't think I'll excommunicate her this time, but our contact will be very limited, for sure.
    I carried a watermelon
  • covered in bliss
    covered in bliss chi-caw-go Posts: 1,332
    adropinthepark wrote:
    Happy to find this thread with minimal searching. I didn't want to start a new thread. Mostly just want to get this "out" somewhere.

    A few years back I excommunicated my mother from my life. It only lasted six months, until she was going through some things and I felt like I should be there for her.

    Ugh. Well, now I've relied on her for some help and I soooo should have known better. I look forward to getting out of this situation. But, it sucks that I got pulled back into her manipulative ways.
    I don't think I'll excommunicate her this time, but our contact will be very limited, for sure.

    In some situations, it takes a while for healthy boundaries to be established.
  • patrickredeyes
    patrickredeyes Posts: 8,834
    adropinthepark wrote:
    mickeyrat wrote:
    covered in bliss wrote:
    The thing that sucks the most is the guilt. I was raised catholic and I keep hearing in my head "THAT"S YOUR FAMILY!" We're supposed to love our family, unconditionally.

    That's dangerous.
    Yes we are supposed to love our family unconditionally, however we still have to protect ourselves.


    Happy to find this thread with minimal searching. I didn't want to start a new thread. Mostly just want to get this "out" somewhere.

    A few years back I excommunicated my mother from my life. It only lasted six months, until she was going through some things and I felt like I should be there for her.

    Ugh. Well, now I've relied on her for some help and I soooo should have known better. I look forward to getting out of this situation. But, it sucks that I got pulled back into her manipulative ways.
    I don't think I'll excommunicate her this time, but our contact will be very limited, for sure.


    Always glad to see this thread. ;)


    Ohh how I wish I could trade my sister for another sister. She is such a bitch, yes I said it.
  • Thoughts_Arrive
    Thoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    ^ ^ YES!
    It's been about 6 months since I spoke to my sis, 3 months since I talked to her husband.
    My sis is pregnant, do I not attend hospital when her baby is born and the christening?
    Do I not attend my bro in laws 40th this year?

    Well I guess I won't be invited anyways to these events!
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Yellow Ledbelly
    Yellow Ledbelly Posts: 3,749
    Heatherj43 wrote:
    mickeyrat wrote:
    covered in bliss wrote:
    The thing that sucks the most is the guilt. I was raised catholic and I keep hearing in my head "THAT"S YOUR FAMILY!" We're supposed to love our family, unconditionally.

    That's dangerous.
    Yes we are supposed to love our family unconditionally, however we still have to protect ourselves.
    Who says we are suppose to? Also, if we are suppose to and don't, do we just lie about it?
    I hate that expression, "I love so and so because they are family and I have to", or "I love so and so because they are family but I don't like them". What a guilt trip!
    I'm with Heather....I don't have brothers or sisters, but my parents are close with their families so my cousins were always kind of like siblings to me. Thing is...I don't have any love for the idiots on my dad's side, but two of mother's nephews are two of the closest friends I have.
    Beyond that, I have always thought of my friends more like family and I have always felt more loyalty towards my TRUE friends that my actual family
    All I have to do is revel in the everyday....then do it again tomorrow

    They say every sin is deadly but I believe they may be wrong...I'm guilty of all seven and I don't feel too bad at all
  • lksammkt
    lksammkt Posts: 127
    I would like to revisit this thread. I think there is a lot of stuff brewing out there since Mother’s Day is this weekend. I have had 2 friends call me today dreading the fact that Mother’s Day is on Sunday. I am going to start charging by the hour and have a floral couch put in my office and some fake flowers from IKEA.

    On my side – OPEN VENT; My mother called me in August and told she is divorcing my father whom she had been married to for 40 years. This morning the divorce was suppose to be finalized, but he didn’t sign the papers. He says he won’t sign until he gets a blue bowl that my deceased grandma used to hold her monthly bills that has sat in the China cabinet for 30 years. Are you f’ing kidding me? VENT DONE 
    I just keep moving on....
  • patrickredeyes
    patrickredeyes Posts: 8,834
    No need waiting for the fireworks to start we got them already in my family today. Life is just grand.
  • Nothingman54
    Nothingman54 Posts: 2,251
    patrickredeyes wrote:
    No need waiting for the fireworks to start we got them already in my family today. Life is just grand.

    I feel ya. It's about to get crazy with my family.
    I'll be back
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    New thought...
    I guess we can think we want to disown but then that someone decides they are going to leave this world and then they are missed. Love them while they are here even if its difficult. Even if they are difficult. Just love them while they are alive, here, now, while you can.
  • Nothingman54
    Nothingman54 Posts: 2,251
    pandora wrote:
    New thought...
    I guess we can think we want to disown but then that someone decides they are going to leave this world and then they are missed. Love them while they are here even if its difficult. Even if they are difficult. Just love them while they are alive, here, now, while you can.[/

    Easier said than done.
    I'll be back
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    Nothingman54 wrote:
    pandora wrote:
    New thought...
    I guess we can think we want to disown but then that someone decides they are going to leave this world and then they are missed. Love them while they are here even if its difficult. Even if they are difficult. Just love them while they are alive, here, now, while you can.[/

    Easier said than done.
    I know.
    Perhaps this is why some consider suicide. We think they are disappointed in others and the world and that this let them down but perhaps they are disappointed in themselves and fear letting others down. Unconditional love perhaps could save someone.
  • comebackgirl
    comebackgirl Posts: 9,885
    I think it's possible to love someone, but not accept their mistreatment. Sometimes you have to hold them at a distance for your own emotional safety...and you can hope this opens their eyes and does them some good...but it won't always. Ultimately you have to take care of yourself before you can care for anyone else (put your air mask on first as the airlines tell us)! And some people will never be safe enough to let in close...although you still may care about them. It takes a lot of work and strength to get to that level of acceptance.
    tumblr_mg4nc33pIX1s1mie8o1_400.gif

    "I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
  • JaneNY
    JaneNY Posts: 4,438
    pandora wrote:
    New thought...
    I guess we can think we want to disown but then that someone decides they are going to leave this world and then they are missed. Love them while they are here even if its difficult. Even if they are difficult. Just love them while they are alive, here, now, while you can.

    Some people, when they're gone, I'll breathe a sigh of relief, not miss them.
    R.i.p. Rigoberto Alpizar.
    R.i.p. My Dad - May 28, 2007
    R.i.p. Black Tail (cat) - Sept. 20, 2008
  • illegal pants
    illegal pants Posts: 13,471
    this is a really touchy subject.. i hope you all have some amazing family/friends out there as support. i find time to time to keep it all in as not to overburden certain people.. but that's bullshit, you gotta let it all out..
    wah
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    JaneNY wrote:
    pandora wrote:
    New thought...
    I guess we can think we want to disown but then that someone decides they are going to leave this world and then they are missed. Love them while they are here even if its difficult. Even if they are difficult. Just love them while they are alive, here, now, while you can.

    Some people, when they're gone, I'll breathe a sigh of relief, not miss them.
    I hope this is out of fear not loathing. If you fear someone out of personal harm that remains a threat, this is a very understandable way to feel.
    If you hate someone because you are unable to forgive them then I feel it is your heart that is being the most hurt by this.
    If you believe we are all on a path of spiritual growth in this life it becomes very clear why we must forgive. We don't need to forget only forgive.
    I understand some things seem unforgivable. Evil motives being that which drives the most unforgivable.
    I heart filled with hate is locked and can not open. Its corny but love is the key.
  • covered in bliss
    covered in bliss chi-caw-go Posts: 1,332
    I hope that some have found peace. I have been speaking to my parents once a week, about 30 minutes each time. Usually, that time is filled with talk of the price of gas, the weather, and my kids' happenings. We also talk about the dogs. My dad thinks it's hilarious that I don't know what the price of gas is in Wheaton, IL. It's gas... I need it.... I will buy it it if it's 10 bucks or 99 cents a gallon. Why get stressed and pissed about the price?

    We laugh.. they recently moved from NE Wisconsin to NW Alabama. ???????????

    Try to make peace. Be the bigger person. Bite your tongue. When people look at my profile, they see my biggest topic here is this one... disowning family.

    It should be about my LOVE FOR PORCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • patrickredeyes
    patrickredeyes Posts: 8,834
    covered in bliss wrote:
    I hope that some have found peace. I have been speaking to my parents once a week, about 30 minutes each time. Usually, that time is filled with talk of the price of gas, the weather, and my kids' happenings. We also talk about the dogs. My dad thinks it's hilarious that I don't know what the price of gas is in Wheaton, IL. It's gas... I need it.... I will buy it it if it's 10 bucks or 99 cents a gallon. Why get stressed and pissed about the price?

    We laugh.. they recently moved from NE Wisconsin to NW Alabama. ???????????

    Try to make peace. Be the bigger person. Bite your tongue. When people look at my profile, they see my biggest topic here is this one... disowning family.

    It should be about my LOVE FOR PORCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    For now there is peace on the battle field. I told my sister to keep this nice mood she's in and don't go back to being a bitch. lol


    Will see how long this last. :)
  • RKCNDY
    RKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    gawd...never saw this thread before...read the whole thing thru and parts of it made me cry because I have disowned my mother for the last 5 years.....my reasons are justified and I don't need to spew all the painful things she caused/said and done to me.

    Thank god my father loves me and I wish I could see him more often....I wouldn't still be alive if it weren't for him. Thanks Daddy, I love you and hope you know it.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • Nothingman54
    Nothingman54 Posts: 2,251
    On Christmas I disowned my mom, dad, brother, & sister. My reasons are 150% justified. My life is so much better because of it. I did it for my kids.
    I'll be back
  • covered in bliss
    covered in bliss chi-caw-go Posts: 1,332
    patrickredeyes wrote:
    covered in bliss wrote:
    I hope that some have found peace. I have been speaking to my parents once a week, about 30 minutes each time. Usually, that time is filled with talk of the price of gas, the weather, and my kids' happenings. We also talk about the dogs. My dad thinks it's hilarious that I don't know what the price of gas is in Wheaton, IL. It's gas... I need it.... I will buy it it if it's 10 bucks or 99 cents a gallon. Why get stressed and pissed about the price?

    We laugh.. they recently moved from NE Wisconsin to NW Alabama. ???????????

    Try to make peace. Be the bigger person. Bite your tongue. When people look at my profile, they see my biggest topic here is this one... disowning family.

    It should be about my LOVE FOR PORCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    For now there is peace on the battle field. I told my sister to keep this nice mood she's in and don't go back to being a bitch. lol


    Will see how long this last. :)

    I'm glad you're speaking. Actually, I was thinking about YOU when I mentioned being the bigger person and biting your tongue. :)

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