On-line dating? I give up!

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  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    sourdough09 wrote:
    Thanks for your input! I've tried a more up front approach as in mentioning it in an early email/message but I find it really tends to freak people out and I think the assumption is that there is baggage etc. There is no "Never been married" option, nor a "tell you later" either. I figured that if I was to meet someone on the street, I wouldn't mention the fact until we came to a point where it became necessary or tactful to mention it as it does not at all play any pertinent role in my present nor in my future. I do realize the online thing might have different rules and/or etiquitte.

    i say fuck it. put single. you're single. and what you did before you met them is not their business. if they want to know they can ask.
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    locked wrote:
    I may have to get me an Aussie girl...

    I like the ones here!

    :D

    careful... we bite. ;)
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • Whizbang
    Whizbang Posts: 1,314
    catefrances wrote:
    locked wrote:
    I may have to get me an Aussie girl...

    I like the ones here!

    :D

    careful... we bite. ;)

    like that's a bad thing? ;)

    ok, ok....I will behave in here with you, cate. next thing we know, Ziggy will be in here and we'll be in trouble.

    soulsinging - I wanted to say that at first too.....really. I've done some on-line dating think a little but when it boils down to it, I don't have any interest in dating with the intent of finding a life partner, a long term relationship or otherwise. Some people are and that's fine. If he puts himself out there as having never been married and the question comes up afterwards? there are people that would consider that hiding something and wouldn't give him the time of day going forward. Right or wrong, there are people who think that way. He's assuming people will think his young divorce puts an automatic black mark on him.....kind of unfair to those who wouldn't otherwise care.
    believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.

    I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29

    Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Whizbang wrote:
    soulsinging - I wanted to say that at first too.....really. I've done some on-line dating think a little but when it boils down to it, I don't have any interest in dating with the intent of finding a life partner, a long term relationship or otherwise. Some people are and that's fine. If he puts himself out there as having never been married and the question comes up afterwards? there are people that would consider that hiding something and wouldn't give him the time of day going forward. Right or wrong, there are people who think that way. He's assuming people will think his young divorce puts an automatic black mark on him.....kind of unfair to those who wouldn't otherwise care.

    im not saying he should lie if asked, but he's saying he's single, not that he's never been married. and it's true.
  • Whizbang
    Whizbang Posts: 1,314
    soulsinging wrote:
    Whizbang wrote:
    soulsinging - I wanted to say that at first too.....really. I've done some on-line dating think a little but when it boils down to it, I don't have any interest in dating with the intent of finding a life partner, a long term relationship or otherwise. Some people are and that's fine. If he puts himself out there as having never been married and the question comes up afterwards? there are people that would consider that hiding something and wouldn't give him the time of day going forward. Right or wrong, there are people who think that way. He's assuming people will think his young divorce puts an automatic black mark on him.....kind of unfair to those who wouldn't otherwise care.

    im not saying he should lie if asked, but he's saying he's single, not that he's never been married. and it's true.

    totally agree.....
    I know on match when you get match emails, they indicate if the guy was previously married or never been married. I am assuming that label is based on what they have chosen as their status - single, divorced, widowed, separated. I am not sure how it works on other sites...guessing the same. My profile indicates I'm divorced but I am as single as they come. Why I went on there and have since canceled my subscription is a topic for another day. ;)
    believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.

    I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29

    Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    Whizbang wrote:
    catefrances wrote:
    locked wrote:
    I may have to get me an Aussie girl...

    I like the ones here!

    :D

    careful... we bite. ;)

    like that's a bad thing? ;)

    ok, ok....I will behave in here with you, cate. next thing we know, Ziggy will be in here and we'll be in trouble.

    ...

    oh no its not a bad thing. in fact its a very very good thing. ;)8-)

    now hush. :shh:
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    has anyone used the "quickmatch" thing on OkCupid? I just did it and 1) I felt like a really mean and shallow person rating people on a scale of 1-5 and 2) I must have clicked through 100 guys, and I gave almost all of them 1 star. Frustrating!
  • locked
    locked Boston Posts: 4,048
    Lauri wrote:
    has anyone used the "quickmatch" thing on OkCupid? I just did it and 1) I felt like a really mean and shallow person rating people on a scale of 1-5 and 2) I must have clicked through 100 guys, and I gave almost all of them 1 star. Frustrating!

    what kind of guy rates a 4-5 in your mind?
    "This here's a REQUEST!"
    EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
    10/25/13 Hartford
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    locked wrote:
    Lauri wrote:
    has anyone used the "quickmatch" thing on OkCupid? I just did it and 1) I felt like a really mean and shallow person rating people on a scale of 1-5 and 2) I must have clicked through 100 guys, and I gave almost all of them 1 star. Frustrating!

    what kind of guy rates a 4-5 in your mind?

    honestly, I don't even know :). I guess going just by the info you can get from an online dating profile (and I think that's the main problem, I have had a hard time judging people just by their photos and "essays"), I would say...25-35 years old, college graduate, over 6' tall, lives within 5 miles of me, dresses kinda cool but not like a hipster, has strong interests, good facial hair, doesn't look like he hasn't taken a shower in weeks or had a hair cut in years, but isn't clean cut either...has freckles...um...glasses are cool...doesn't work in finance...has clever profile essays...oh no self-righteous comments...no cliches...nice smile, nice eyes...not too skinny, not too built, not too fat...oo tattoos, but only good ones...
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    Lauri wrote:
    locked wrote:
    Lauri wrote:
    has anyone used the "quickmatch" thing on OkCupid? I just did it and 1) I felt like a really mean and shallow person rating people on a scale of 1-5 and 2) I must have clicked through 100 guys, and I gave almost all of them 1 star. Frustrating!

    what kind of guy rates a 4-5 in your mind?

    honestly, I don't even know :). I guess going just by the info you can get from an online dating profile (and I think that's the main problem, I have had a hard time judging people just by their photos and "essays"), I would say...25-35 years old, college graduate, over 6' tall, lives within 5 miles of me, dresses kinda cool but not like a hipster, has strong interests, good facial hair, doesn't look like he hasn't taken a shower in weeks or had a hair cut in years, but isn't clean cut either...has freckles...um...glasses are cool...doesn't work in finance...has clever profile essays...oh no self-righteous comments...no cliches...nice smile, nice eyes...not too skinny, not too built, not too fat...oo tattoos, but only good ones...
    :shock:
    No one can accuse you of not knowing what you want!
    question - do you state that in your profile? and....do you get hate mail? :lol: A few women that I've met that have specifics like 'over 6' tall', or 'not too fat' tell me that they receive tons of hate mail from rejected guys...
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    Drowned Out wrote:
    :shock:
    No one can accuse you of not knowing what you want!
    question - do you state that in your profile? and....do you get hate mail? :lol: A few women that I've met that have specifics like 'over 6' tall', or 'not too fat' tell me that they receive tons of hate mail from rejected guys...

    hahaha no, I didn't state this in my profile! In fact, I was pretty much joking here. I mean these are all things I like obviously, but I know they don't all exist in one person. I'm "picky" when it comes to men, that's true, but I think being picky is the point of it all...but when it comes down to it, I really don't know what I "want." It's hard to specify exactly what it is you like about a person. I really hate it when people make demands in their profiles about who is "allowed" to contact them.

    The hate mail thing is kind of scary though- whether the girls deserve it or not. There's like this whole misogynistic movement out there now of rejected men. There was that guy that killed that woman because she rejected him and he had all those followers online. Once a guy on my dating site IM'd me and I just asked him why he didn't have a profile up, and he went off on me about how all women were out to get him and told me to "die, bitch." It was very disturbing.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Lauri wrote:
    The hate mail thing is kind of scary though- whether the girls deserve it or not. There's like this whole misogynistic movement out there now of rejected men. There was that guy that killed that woman because she rejected him and he had all those followers online. Once a guy on my dating site IM'd me and I just asked him why he didn't have a profile up, and he went off on me about how all women were out to get him and told me to "die, bitch." It was very disturbing.

    there are some crazy people on the internet, but i don't think that's restricted to guys. i'm willing to bet anything that a guy that put 'no fatties' in his profile would get hate mail too. it's not a misogynistic thing, it's a jilted human being thing.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Whizbang wrote:
    soulsinging wrote:
    Whizbang wrote:
    soulsinging - I wanted to say that at first too.....really. I've done some on-line dating think a little but when it boils down to it, I don't have any interest in dating with the intent of finding a life partner, a long term relationship or otherwise. Some people are and that's fine. If he puts himself out there as having never been married and the question comes up afterwards? there are people that would consider that hiding something and wouldn't give him the time of day going forward. Right or wrong, there are people who think that way. He's assuming people will think his young divorce puts an automatic black mark on him.....kind of unfair to those who wouldn't otherwise care.

    im not saying he should lie if asked, but he's saying he's single, not that he's never been married. and it's true.

    totally agree.....
    I know on match when you get match emails, they indicate if the guy was previously married or never been married. I am assuming that label is based on what they have chosen as their status - single, divorced, widowed, separated. I am not sure how it works on other sites...guessing the same. My profile indicates I'm divorced but I am as single as they come. Why I went on there and have since canceled my subscription is a topic for another day. ;)

    i think on okcupid it's just available and seeing someone.

    since you posted this yesterday and now it's another day, what say you tell that match story?
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    soulsinging wrote:

    i think on okcupid it's just available and seeing someone.

    No it's much more fine tuned on okc! "Available" actually means that you are seeing someone, in whatever capacity, but you are still looking for someone. The "polyamorous" people seem to choose this. "Single" means single on okc. "Seeing someone" is somehow different from available, but I think if you're just looking for "friends" you would choose this. There's also "married" as an option. But you're right I don't think there's a divorced option. That is definitely one thing I like about okc, it's really open to anyone. Not that I really condone cheating and stuff, but people have all different circumstances, so why not let them use the site?
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Lauri wrote:
    soulsinging wrote:

    i think on okcupid it's just available and seeing someone.

    No it's much more fine tuned on okc! "Available" actually means that you are seeing someone, in whatever capacity, but you are still looking for someone. The "polyamorous" people seem to choose this. "Single" means single on okc. "Seeing someone" is somehow different from available, but I think if you're just looking for "friends" you would choose this. There's also "married" as an option. But you're right I don't think there's a divorced option. That is definitely one thing I like about okc, it's really open to anyone. Not that I really condone cheating and stuff, but people have all different circumstances, so why not let them use the site?

    man, i should've paid more attention when i signed up. i wonder what i checked? gotta ease off the cristmas ale...

    i've done the quick match thing, i basically rate everyone i'm not interested in as a 3... they dont know and why bother going harsher? far as i can tell, it isn't used for anything anyway unless you check 4-5. i'm not terribly picky and will talk to anyone though, so i give plenty of 4's. you don't often hear back from those anyhow as i recall. then again, i get the impression there are a lot more loser guys for the girls to weed through than the other way round.
  • PearlOfAGirl
    PearlOfAGirl Posts: 15,993
    Not for me... too many creeps out there :o

    Wish you were here...
    ♥~RIP Dad
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    soulsinging wrote:
    then again, i get the impression there are a lot more loser guys for the girls to weed through than the other way round.

    oh totally. I've checked out the female population on okc, and it's not bad at all! lots of good choices for guys. There's more of an age range for girls too. I get frustrated because the few guys I find interesting are usually younger- which I have no problem with. I'll usually email them anyway, but I get the feeling they don't want to date older women. I mentioned it before, but the late 20s-early 30s pickins are really slim.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Lauri wrote:
    soulsinging wrote:
    then again, i get the impression there are a lot more loser guys for the girls to weed through than the other way round.

    oh totally. I've checked out the female population on okc, and it's not bad at all! lots of good choices for guys. There's more of an age range for girls too. I get frustrated because the few guys I find interesting are usually younger- which I have no problem with. I'll usually email them anyway, but I get the feeling they don't want to date older women. I mentioned it before, but the late 20s-early 30s pickins are really slim.

    Try eharmony or something. I took their 3.5 hour psych breakdown test and now get like 10 emails a day from those bastards. But they seem to skew older. Okc seems a bit of a younger crowd and I've noticed many of them are skittish.
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    soulsinging wrote:
    Try eharmony or something. I took their 3.5 hour psych breakdown test and now get like 10 emails a day from those bastards. But they seem to skew older. Okc seems a bit of a younger crowd and I've noticed many of them are skittish.

    eHarmony scares me.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Lauri wrote:
    soulsinging wrote:
    Try eharmony or something. I took their 3.5 hour psych breakdown test and now get like 10 emails a day from those bastards. But they seem to skew older. Okc seems a bit of a younger crowd and I've noticed many of them are skittish.

    eHarmony scares me.

    well they havent done anything to me other than spam me and try to get me to drop a ton of $ for a monthly membership.

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