On-line dating? I give up!

Lauri · October 2009

Drowned Out wrote:

Tho I'm comfortable and somewhat content, I'd still rather be in a happy relationship (who wouldn't be, really? the trick is finding a happy one).

Actually, you would be surprised. There's a lot of people out there who just want to be single. I, myself, don't really prefer one over the other.

Drowned Out · October 2009

Lauri wrote:

Drowned Out wrote:

Tho I'm comfortable and somewhat content, I'd still rather be in a happy relationship (who wouldn't be, really? the trick is finding a happy one).

Actually, you would be surprised. There's a lot of people out there who just want to be single. I, myself, don't really prefer one over the other.

ok, got me again.
I agree, lots...but I think that most people that prefer being single have deeper-seeded reasons, aside from 'just wanting to be single'...either they've given up, they prefer being promiscuous, they're in the closet, they've been hurt too many times, they're downplaying their loneliness or trying to play up the single life, etc etc...most people I've known that have made that statement, at least one of these applies...

spencer958 · October 2009

I met my wife of 4 years online. It can work. We met on dating.com(I think), which don't believe is still around, in July of 2000. We dated for 5 years and got married in '05. Stay in there!!

BinFrog · October 2009

spencer958 wrote:

I met my wife of 4 years online. It can work. We met on dating.com(I think), which don't believe is still around, in July of 2000. We dated for 5 years and got married in '05. Stay in there!!

Right on man.

Whizbang · October 2009

Drowned Out wrote:

Lauri wrote:

Drowned Out wrote:

Tho I'm comfortable and somewhat content, I'd still rather be in a happy relationship (who wouldn't be, really? the trick is finding a happy one).

Actually, you would be surprised. There's a lot of people out there who just want to be single. I, myself, don't really prefer one over the other.

ok, got me again.
I agree, lots...but I think that most people that prefer being single have deeper-seeded reasons, aside from 'just wanting to be single'...either they've given up, they prefer being promiscuous, they're in the closet, they've been hurt too many times, they're downplaying their loneliness or trying to play up the single life, etc etc...most people I've known that have made that statement, at least one of these applies...

But you can say the same for a lot of people who are unhappily married/in a relationship. There is some deep seeded reason as to why they don't leave. Most of the time, people are too afraid to be alone with themselves, afraid of what they might see. So they either stick it out unhappily to avoid being alone or they constantly jump from one relationship to the next to avoid being alone.

As for me, I've tried the on-line thing. A bit too much work for something I am content not having. I've talked with quite a few, been on a few dates....some good, some not so good. I've had just as much "luck", so to speak, by meeting people through friends and family. Didn't seem to be a great use of my time.

I agree, if you want it to work, you have to weed through a lot of BS...including men who love to hear themselves talk and constantly interrupt you to change the subject to where they worked or how much they hate their mother, claim to be Sir Lancelot looking for his Queen (asking if I was willing to be said Queen), men who ask if a girlfriend in one of my photos was available if I wasn't interested, men who claim to want an independent woman but are indignant when you offer to pay your own way for dinner (quite possibly the same men who then complain women only want men to pay for everything). Even better is the man who is suddenly insulted that, if it gets to the point of a physical relationship, you are actually responsible enough to have condoms. I find that though some men claim to be attracted to a woman who is quite capable of living on her own without "needing" a man are threatened by that and seek to change it.

That could very well be my deep seeded reason - I love my independence, love who I am. I rebel against anyone who threatens that. and no, I am not kidding on the Sir Lancelot thing. I do hate mowing my lawn though....

locked · October 2009

al I can say is WOW!

I have not checked this thread since my orginal post and am grateful for all the advice and encourgement.

It sounds silly by this site always re-affirms my sense of "family" in this PJ community like no where else.

To the woman who posted that men have similar faults as I cited in my orginal post, I can only concede the point. My perspective is that of a hetero male..so that is what i can accurately report.

I will also admit several handicaps to dating skills at this stage in my life:

1) I married young (age 23..) I am now in my early 40's divorced about three years. so I never had to hone skills to "get the girl".
2) I am far too lazy / jaded / and impatient (ADD/ADHD maybe) to invent a "pitch" for my on-site profiles... (I have been on Match.com, Eharmony and Plentyof Fish...had many dates but no "keepers") I think my profile was pretty accurate and heartfelt and humerous, my dates seemed to think they were accurate!

(My view) of the current online dating world is that it is mainly broken down into two categories of people searching for mates :
1) Those who have always been single and have no children
2) Those who were married and are now divorced w/ kids that they share joint custody of with their ex.
I fall into category #2 and seem to have the most rejection rate from woman in category #1.
Finally, I will shamelessly encourage any woman in this forum to PM me if they would like to talk further!
I am still hoping to meet my PJ girl!

Thoughts_Arrive · October 2009

Low strike rate when searching, 2-3 good looking girls out of 100's.

catefrances · October 2009

Flagg wrote:

Hey locked - First off, get really skinny if you aren't already. I mean really skinny. We should be able to count your ribs. Then, avoid the sun for months until you are pasty white. Then, grow your hair out a little. If it isn't black, dye it. Then wear just a touch of makeup. Not so much as to notice it, but just enough to keep people guessing. Start listening to Muse and familiarize yourself with all things Twilight. Get a slight British tinge to your accent and walk around looking all sensitive and depressed.

You won't be able to beat back all of the 35 year old women that will come knocking your door down.

hey! locked.

DO NOT follow this advice. unless you want a 35 year old girl and not a 35 year old woman.

Flagg · October 2009

catefrances wrote:

Flagg wrote:

Hey locked - First off, get really skinny if you aren't already. I mean really skinny. We should be able to count your ribs. Then, avoid the sun for months until you are pasty white. Then, grow your hair out a little. If it isn't black, dye it. Then wear just a touch of makeup. Not so much as to notice it, but just enough to keep people guessing. Start listening to Muse and familiarize yourself with all things Twilight. Get a slight British tinge to your accent and walk around looking all sensitive and depressed.

You won't be able to beat back all of the 35 year old women that will come knocking your door down.

hey! locked.

DO NOT follow this advice. unless you want a 35 year old girl and not a 35 year old woman.

Haha - Obviously I am kidding, but this Twilight craze that my wife and her friends are on right now is driving me insane.

Good luck locked - you seem like a decent person and I hope you find someone. I could not imagine being single at this stage in my life.

mrvedderson · October 2009

Whizbang wrote:

But you can say the same for a lot of people who are unhappily married/in a relationship. There is some deep seeded reason as to why they don't leave. Most of the time, people are too afraid to be alone with themselves, afraid of what they might see. So they either stick it out unhappily to avoid being alone or they constantly jump from one relationship to the next to avoid being alone.

As for me, I've tried the on-line thing. A bit too much work for something I am content not having. I've talked with quite a few, been on a few dates....some good, some not so good. I've had just as much "luck", so to speak, by meeting people through friends and family. Didn't seem to be a great use of my time.

I agree, if you want it to work, you have to weed through a lot of BS...including men who love to hear themselves talk and constantly interrupt you to change the subject to where they worked or how much they hate their mother, claim to be Sir Lancelot looking for his Queen (asking if I was willing to be said Queen), men who ask if a girlfriend in one of my photos was available if I wasn't interested, men who claim to want an independent woman but are indignant when you offer to pay your own way for dinner (quite possibly the same men who then complain women only want men to pay for everything). Even better is the man who is suddenly insulted that, if it gets to the point of a physical relationship, you are actually responsible enough to have condoms. I find that though some men claim to be attracted to a woman who is quite capable of living on her own without "needing" a man are threatened by that and seek to change it.

That could very well be my deep seeded reason - I love my independence, love who I am. I rebel against anyone who threatens that. and no, I am not kidding on the Sir Lancelot thing. I do hate mowing my lawn though....

i'll mow your lawn, but dont ask me any questions.

demetrios · October 2009

I'm in the same boat, too. I too want to find a PJ woman. I've seen & talked to gorgeous single PJ ladies all the time online & met them on tour. Though they all live outside of Nova Scotia, where I live. I have a great job & great career here but I don't want to leave Nova Scotia. It's tough to do online dating if your search is for a PJ girl. I've tried, many times. I can't find her here. I know she is out there.

If I can find a Greek Orthodox woman who lives in Nova Scotia; is into the Pearl Jam like I am & single; doesn't smoke, doesn't drink (well, just for those special events); want's kids, loves music, art & films ... and doesn't mind seeing Pearl Jam with me LIVE on the road together, i'm set for life!

soulsinging · October 2009

catefrances wrote:

Flagg wrote:

Hey locked - First off, get really skinny if you aren't already. I mean really skinny. We should be able to count your ribs. Then, avoid the sun for months until you are pasty white. Then, grow your hair out a little. If it isn't black, dye it. Then wear just a touch of makeup. Not so much as to notice it, but just enough to keep people guessing. Start listening to Muse and familiarize yourself with all things Twilight. Get a slight British tinge to your accent and walk around looking all sensitive and depressed.

You won't be able to beat back all of the 35 year old women that will come knocking your door down.

hey! locked.

DO NOT follow this advice. unless you want a 35 year old girl and not a 35 year old woman.

1. Why do women love so much playing semantics with the whole woman/girl thing? Any time you let slip the word every woman on the pit smells blood in the water and races to inform you that you're just too duped by youth and beauty to find a real "woman." I think they truly believe all men should enter puberty desiring nothing but 40 year old women that used to behave just like the girls they love to hate now, but suddenly when the looks fade they think men should see right through the games they themselves played in their younger days.

2. I believe you candidly admitted to me an Edward attraction yourself ya hypocrite

decides2dream · October 2009

soulsinging wrote:

catefrances wrote:

Flagg wrote:

Hey locked - First off, get really skinny if you aren't already. I mean really skinny. We should be able to count your ribs. Then, avoid the sun for months until you are pasty white. Then, grow your hair out a little. If it isn't black, dye it. Then wear just a touch of makeup. Not so much as to notice it, but just enough to keep people guessing. Start listening to Muse and familiarize yourself with all things Twilight. Get a slight British tinge to your accent and walk around looking all sensitive and depressed.

You won't be able to beat back all of the 35 year old women that will come knocking your door down.

hey! locked.

DO NOT follow this advice. unless you want a 35 year old girl and not a 35 year old woman.

1. Why do women love so much playing semantics with the whole woman/girl thing? Any time you let slip the word every woman on the pit smells blood in the water and races to inform you that you're just too duped by youth and beauty to find a real "woman." I think they truly believe all men should enter puberty desiring nothing but 40 year old women that used to behave just like the girls they love to hate now, but suddenly when the looks fade they think men should see right through the games they themselves played in their younger days.

2. I believe you candidly admitted to me an Edward attraction yourself ya hypocrite

1. how are your comments even applicable here?

seems to me cate is focusing not on age, but on maturity? in either scenario, the woman is 35 so it's got nada to do with 40 year old women, or any such nonsense of women thinking men should always want a woman of that age. it has EVERYthing to do with following flagg's joke post and saying any woman that hung up on wanting that BS, wanting some guy to affect all that....well, that woman is far more girly-immature, than womanly-mature who wants a man for who he is. youth and beauty are awesome....all should enjoy, when/while they can. however, as it lasts for no one, it's good to enjoy the later years too.

btw - i read a LOT of projection in posts like these. i don't know of any woman who 'hates' young women, or girls, tho i know you like to think we all do.

and 'real women' come at all ages, not just over 30....in fact, there are lots of 40+ year old 'girls' still running around. also, not all looks fade either. nor were/are all girls/women game players.

just sayin'....tho i know you enjoy dealing in absolutes...

2. one can be attracted to anyone they like, but doesn't make you a hypocrite to point out how silly it is for a guy not to try being something he's not and/or a woman hung up soley on the superficials. however, fantasy is always fun...no matter your age.

locked · October 2009

catefrances wrote:

Flagg wrote:

Hey locked - First off, get really skinny if you aren't already. I mean really skinny. We should be able to count your ribs. Then, avoid the sun for months until you are pasty white. Then, grow your hair out a little. If it isn't black, dye it. Then wear just a touch of makeup. Not so much as to notice it, but just enough to keep people guessing. Start listening to Muse and familiarize yourself with all things Twilight. Get a slight British tinge to your accent and walk around looking all sensitive and depressed.
You won't be able to beat back all of the 35 year old women that will come knocking your door down.

man.

I got the white part down..
How's that for starters?

Also, I have a low 10C number..(joined in 1994)
Just ask anyone here who's gone to a show with me....
(Yes,...I went THERE!.... no shame!)

decides2dream · October 2009

locked wrote:

catefrances wrote:

Flagg wrote:

Hey locked - First off, get really skinny if you aren't already. I mean really skinny. We should be able to count your ribs. Then, avoid the sun for months until you are pasty white. Then, grow your hair out a little. If it isn't black, dye it. Then wear just a touch of makeup. Not so much as to notice it, but just enough to keep people guessing. Start listening to Muse and familiarize yourself with all things Twilight. Get a slight British tinge to your accent and walk around looking all sensitive and depressed.
You won't be able to beat back all of the 35 year old women that will come knocking your door down.

man.

I got the white part down..
How's that for starters?

Also, I have a low 10C number..(joined in 1994)
Just ask anyone here who's gone to a show with me....
(Yes,...I went THERE!.... no shame!)

it's ok, we love ya anyway...;)
and yes, indeed!
i was most fortunate - locked does indeed rock!

Ms. Haiku · October 2009

I tried to use my 1993 tenclub number on a different dating thread, but nothing.

See, I know how to commit! That's 16 years of bliss, and I don't see an end in site.

Cinnamon Girl · October 2009

Ms. Haiku wrote:

I tried to use my 1993 tenclub number on a different dating thread, but nothing.

See, I know how to commit! That's 16 years of bliss, and I don't see an end in site.

LOL!! That IS commitment!

Dating sites throw me off. Being newly single is frightening sometimes. Seems like 90% of the guys are just horny and pretending to want to "get to know" someone....yeah...get to know their vaginas!! meh.

I've messaged three or four guys who mentioned PJ in there profiles....no response. Rejection is painful sometimes. :( Such is life.

dimitrispearljam · October 2009

demetrios wrote:

I'm in the same boat, too. I too want to find a PJ woman. I've seen & talked to gorgeous single PJ ladies all the time online & met them on tour. Though they all live outside of Nova Scotia, where I live. I have a great job & great career here but I don't want to leave Nova Scotia. It's tough to do online dating if your search is for a PJ girl. I've tried, many times. I can't find her here. I know she is out there.

If I can find a Greek Orthodox woman who lives in Nova Scotia; is into the Pearl Jam like I am & single; doesn't smoke, doesn't drink (well, just for those special events); want's kids, loves music, art & films ... and doesn't mind seeing Pearl Jam with me LIVE on the road together, i'm set for life!

i hope u find her..the Greek Ortodox and Pearl Jam fan will be a bit difficult to happen..

locked · October 2009

Ms. Haiku wrote:

I tried to use my 1993 tenclub number on a different dating thread, but nothing.

See, I know how to commit! That's 16 years of bliss, and I don't see an end in site.

I can attest to seeing you front row two nights in Boston..

Godamn girl you have the juice!

soulsinging · October 2009

decides2dream wrote:

1. how are your comments even applicable here?

seems to me cate is focusing not on age, but on maturity? in either scenario, the woman is 35 so it's got nada to do with 40 year old women, or any such nonsense of women thinking men should always want a woman of that age. it has EVERYthing to do with following flagg's joke post and saying any woman that hung up on wanting that BS, wanting some guy to affect all that....well, that woman is far more girly-immature, than womanly-mature who wants a man for who he is. youth and beauty are awesome....all should enjoy, when/while they can. however, as it lasts for no one, it's good to enjoy the later years too.

btw - i read a LOT of projection in posts like these. i don't know of any woman who 'hates' young women, or girls, tho i know you like to think we all do. and 'real women' come at all ages, not just over 30....in fact, there are lots of 40+ year old 'girls' still running around. also, not all looks fade either. nor were/are all girls/women game players. just sayin'....tho i know you enjoy dealing in absolutes...

2. one can be attracted to anyone they like, but doesn't make you a hypocrite to point out how silly it is for a guy not to try being something he's not and/or a woman hung up soley on the superficials. however, fantasy is always fun...no matter your age.

i just see it as an incredibly lame avoidance technique that's used way too often around here. spot the word 'girl', whip up a post dismissing and ignoring anything the poster is actually dealing with and put all the problems down to them being "girls." i'm well aware it's a maturity thing, but it's still annoying. sometimes shit just doesn't work out. sometimes good people are shitty to people. sometimes great women just aren't attracted to you. and sometimes people stick to older notions of dating. to write off all the factors that go into two people connecting in favor of a token "well, you're just chasing girls and you need a real mature woman" is lame. none of the problems listed in here are unique to immature people... there are plenty of perfectly balanced and normal individuals that may engage in the behaviors discussed because it's what they're looking for in a mate or it's who they are. the things listed are perfectly normal and don't necessarily mean a given woman is immature. "oh god, she talks about herself." well, did you or did you not want to get to know her? maybe she was doing it because you're socially awkward and can't hold a comfortable convo. maybe she was nervous as hell. but no, we shall assume that all people who do not hold the classic pj fanbase values of being super independent and no nonsense in the best of the grunge sense are all just immature folks that haven't grown up to be as amazingly poised as us.

it's rather akin to the simple dismissive generalizations you often accuse me of making. and i find it hilarious how quick some people are to pounce on that 4-letter word like it's the clincher in any discussion of dating. i know i'm full of shit and most of what i do is devoted to making myself feel better... the problem isn't me and what i'm doing, it's that girls are bitches and don't appreciate what a catch i am. i see the girl/woman brigade the same way... like it's a pep talk being given to prop up their own self-image and boost their own confidence, rather than actually help the OP with the issues they're up against. it's not something specific to this thread or the people in it, i just see it all the time.

dating's a pain in the ass, and you're going to strike out way more often than you connect. the frustration is understandable, but let's not act like clearly any woman that does not like the OP just hasn't grown up yet. i guarantee that every one of us has done everything on that initial list at one time or other, because none of us is perfect and it's human behavior. it sucks for him now, but anytime i see a post about how 'women' are so much better than 'girls' i roll my eyes because it's a lazy statement and means nothing other than cheap cliched comfort to those trying to convince themselves that they're the latter and that's ok despite the fact that they're afraid the former is what other people really want.

and i know she's not a hypocrite for that, i was just teasing becos we'd had a conversation about it recently.

On-line dating? I give up!

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