eHarmony is horrible! It costs a LOT of money, first of all, and secondly, it's only for Christians who want to get married. If you are not religious (and Christian) and aren't desperate to get married immediately, it's not for you. Also, they do not offer services for gay people, which I think is horrible, so personally, I wouldn't give them my money.
It cost me around $100 for 3 months.
I am not Christian
I did not go on the site just to "get married"
I am not religious (grew up Jewish, and now do not practice anything)
I was not desperate. I just wanted to get back on the dating scene.
Got any other insight...i.e. are we really going down this path again where you have to refute ANYTHING I say about relaionships?
haha I didn't even realize you were the one who posted that!
I'm actually quite surprised that you used eHarmony! I took the questionnaire a few years ago when some of my friends started using it, and was really offended by the whole thing. It was also like $50/month at the time!
Oh and in terms of using it just to "get married" - maybe you didn't feel that way, for sure. But doesn't the company itself advertise itself as filling that role now? They always stress how it's the site for people who are looking for "serious" relationships and stuff like that.
eHarmony is horrible! It costs a LOT of money, first of all, and secondly, it's only for Christians who want to get married. If you are not religious (and Christian) and aren't desperate to get married immediately, it's not for you. Also, they do not offer services for gay people, which I think is horrible, so personally, I wouldn't give them my money.
It cost me around $100 for 3 months.
I am not Christian
I did not go on the site just to "get married"
I am not religious (grew up Jewish, and now do not practice anything)
I was not desperate. I just wanted to get back on the dating scene.
Got any other insight...i.e. are we really going down this path again where you have to refute ANYTHING I say about relaionships?
haha I didn't even realize you were the one who posted that!
I'm actually quite surprised that you used eHarmony! I took the questionnaire a few years ago when some of my friends started using it, and was really offended by the whole thing. It was also like $50/month at the time!
Oh and in terms of using it just to "get married" - maybe you didn't feel that way, for sure. But doesn't the company itself advertise itself as filling that role now? They always stress how it's the site for people who are looking for "serious" relationships and stuff like that.
Well, I certainly didn't join with the end goal of getting married as the prime motivation. I went on it to date, and potentially lead to something more. If you go into ANY dating scenario with a wedding in mind, you will come across as desperate and you are doomed. They advertise themselves as trying to help you find the right one. Of course they will try and flaunt their success stories...who wouldn't?
The questionnaire actually put me more at ease. They didn't just ask my favorite sports team & color then and send me to the wolves.
Bright eyed kid: "Wow Typo Man, you're the best!"
Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
I met one long-term girlfriend here on the pit actually. and i just met another girl online chatting about music and we had one date and it went great. you can meet girls at bars or wherever and they'll be just as shallow or whatever. just keep at it. i know it sucks looking, believe me.
The questionnaire actually put me more at ease. They didn't just ask my favorite sports team & color then and send me to the wolves.
I actually kinda like being sent to the wolves- it's fun. You get the best stories. Recently a 19 year old wrote me asked me to be his "cougar" (well he spelled it "couger"). His email was so unbelievably hilarious. The story kills at every party.
i dunno, i've found that all girls want a guy that they can sorta show off/brag about to their friends to make them jealous. guys want a girl their friends will go 'damn she's hot.' and girls want a guy that they can talk about him having a solid job or whatever else might make their friends a bit green with envy. i'm not saying they all want movie stars or millionaire ceo's... but he's got to be a success in some sense. if you live at home with mom and are on the career track to being the manager at taco bell... you're going to be working uphill with the women. just like girls are going to be working uphill if they're the bride of frankenstein.
there's nothing wrong with it. we may have moved past the days of women wanting a man that can provide for them, but most don't want a guy that's just looking for a new mom either. that's what i'm saying.
that's a LOT different than saying a woman wants status and a man wants looks. just sayin'.
you BEt i want a man who is a 'success', but that really has nada to do with status. and holy shit, no, mama's boys are never desired. and, yes....looks ARe important. perhaps not the most important, but they are important. i think HS/college-age boys and girls may want to brag about status or hotness, i really don't know, was never into it then....but most definitely as people get older, say mid-20s onwards, unless they are insecure, immature little assholes, idk anyone who needs/wants things like that, so simple. however, this is where you and i always 'get into it'...basically, i think you oversimplify the desires of both men and women.
i dunno, i've found that all girls want a guy that they can sorta show off/brag about to their friends to make them jealous. guys want a girl their friends will go 'damn she's hot.' and girls want a guy that they can talk about him having a solid job or whatever else might make their friends a bit green with envy. i'm not saying they all want movie stars or millionaire ceo's... but he's got to be a success in some sense. if you live at home with mom and are on the career track to being the manager at taco bell... you're going to be working uphill with the women. just like girls are going to be working uphill if they're the bride of frankenstein.
there's nothing wrong with it. we may have moved past the days of women wanting a man that can provide for them, but most don't want a guy that's just looking for a new mom either. that's what i'm saying.
well I agree that no one wants to be a mom and that no one wants someone who lives at home (past a certain age) or can't support themselves. but I don't see why that's a girl thing- I can't see a guy wanting a girl in that situation either.
I disagree about the bragging to your friends about the guy's job thing. Maybe in the 1950s when a husband's job spoke for the woman too. I have my own career, why would I care what my friends thought about my boyfriend's? I don't even think my friends could get jealous over what my boyfriend did for a living. Well maybe they would be jealous ofhim if he had a great job, but not of me. I'd just be dating the guy with the awesome job, not the person actually doing it.
Maybe I just live in a bubble, but I think that any girl (again not woman) who thinks this way would have to be severely insecure and/or dependent on other people.
i think of it as a hollywood thing. it's drilled into us from when we're young. guys want the pin up. girls want the whirlwind romance that has their friends going 'ooooh... that sounds SO perfect.' sure, it's not 100%, nothing is. but we're all shaped by the culture we grow up in and as a rule of thumb, i think it has an impact in terms of what we think we want. and i think a lot of people have a tough time shaking those influences so it's not terribly uncommon to run into people like this, even if they're not even conscious of it. it's why girls that would never let a trekkie get away with cheating will give a guy in a band multiple chances, and why nice guys will stick with girls that treat them like shit if they're hot enough. we all know probably more than a few people like this. doesn't make them bad people, just interesting social dynamics.
what is it around here these days? i'm part of the problem, but this is like thread number 50 about love and lust this week... fall must have the perhomones flying, hehe.
I definitely feel rejuvenated in the autumn. Not enough for another try at online dating . . . but it definitely increases the ability for fun/joy/humor even when my coffee is too bitter. Damn you cheapo coffee machines, damn you!
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
My problem in dating is that I'm too honest. I know that sounds strange to say, but its true. And maybe its not that I'm too honest, but that I think out loud, and I put my thoughts and feelings out there, and you can take it or leave it. Most people end up leaving it!
i think of it as a hollywood thing. it's drilled into us from when we're young. guys want the pin up. girls want the whirlwind romance that has their friends going 'ooooh... that sounds SO perfect.' sure, it's not 100%, nothing is. but we're all shaped by the culture we grow up in and as a rule of thumb, i think it has an impact in terms of what we think we want. and i think a lot of people have a tough time shaking those influences so it's not terribly uncommon to run into people like this, even if they're not even conscious of it. it's why girls that would never let a trekkie get away with cheating will give a guy in a band multiple chances, and why nice guys will stick with girls that treat them like shit if they're hot enough. we all know probably more than a few people like this. doesn't make them bad people, just interesting social dynamics.
what is it around here these days? i'm part of the problem, but this is like thread number 50 about love and lust this week... fall must have the perhomones flying, hehe.
I think you are making a lot of assumptions here. "'it's why girls that would never let a trekkie get away with cheating will give a guy in a band multiple chances, and why nice guys will stick with girls that treat them like shit if they're hot enough" etc. In my experience, dating doesn't play itself out as stereotypes. Rarely is anything so black-and-white. I actually have never even heard of the stereotype that a girl would let one "type" of guy get away with cheating while not another.
"but we're all shaped by the culture we grow up in and as a rule of thumb, i think it has an impact in terms of what we think we want." This is true, however, mature people will tend grow out of this and realize it is not accurate. This is why I said that locked should look for "women" rather than "girls" in his dating endeavors. This is not a question of age, but rather of personality, and dare I say, even intelligence.
i think of it as a hollywood thing. it's drilled into us from when we're young. guys want the pin up. girls want the whirlwind romance that has their friends going 'ooooh... that sounds SO perfect.' sure, it's not 100%, nothing is. but we're all shaped by the culture we grow up in and as a rule of thumb, i think it has an impact in terms of what we think we want. and i think a lot of people have a tough time shaking those influences so it's not terribly uncommon to run into people like this, even if they're not even conscious of it. it's why girls that would never let a trekkie get away with cheating will give a guy in a band multiple chances, and why nice guys will stick with girls that treat them like shit if they're hot enough. we all know probably more than a few people like this. doesn't make them bad people, just interesting social dynamics.
what is it around here these days? i'm part of the problem, but this is like thread number 50 about love and lust this week... fall must have the perhomones flying, hehe.
I think you are making a lot of assumptions here. "'it's why girls that would never let a trekkie get away with cheating will give a guy in a band multiple chances, and why nice guys will stick with girls that treat them like shit if they're hot enough" etc. In my experience, dating doesn't play itself out as stereotypes. Rarely is anything so black-and-white. I actually have never even heard of the stereotype that a girl would let one "type" of guy get away with cheating while not another.
"but we're all shaped by the culture we grow up in and as a rule of thumb, i think it has an impact in terms of what we think we want." This is true, however, mature people will tend grow out of this and realize it is not accurate. This is why I said that locked should look for "women" rather than "girls" in his dating endeavors. This is not a question of age, but rather of personality, and dare I say, even intelligence.
which is why i'm waiting to get married until the divorces start flowing and i can catch someone on the rebound. figure i get a woman that basically only wants me around for sex and comfort and i don't lose half my worth in my own divorce
I only use beautifulpeople.com (kidding)
As a single dad, being able to spend a half hour a night after the kids are down getting to know people and set up dates for my free weekends has been a godsend...I think I'd have been on 2 or 3 dates in three years if not for these sites...
One piece of advice for those thinking about trying it - use humour in your profile! I tried a bunch of different approaches...serious, romantic, indifferent etc....they ALL sound cliched....I ended up taking the sites advice on writing a profile and turning it on it's ear by pointing out how stupid the advice was and cracking jokes about it....I've been getting WAY more emails since, and getting much more positive responses to my first messages...
which is why i'm waiting to get married until the divorces start flowing and i can catch someone on the rebound. figure i get a woman that basically only wants me around for sex and comfort and i don't lose half my worth in my own divorce
I know you're half joking, but there is so much truth to this....the divorcee, 30+ dating scene is SOOOOOOO different from dating in my early 20's was. So much less pretense...
oh, and I've said it before...you lose half your worth when you MARRY...you lose the other half when you divorce
I only use beautifulpeople.com (kidding)
As a single dad, being able to spend a half hour a night after the kids are down getting to know people and set up dates for my free weekends has been a godsend...I think I'd have been on 2 or 3 dates in three years if not for these sites...
One piece of advice for those thinking about trying it - use humour in your profile! I tried a bunch of different approaches...serious, romantic, indifferent etc....they ALL sound cliched....I ended up taking the sites advice on writing a profile and turning it on it's ear by pointing out how stupid the advice was and cracking jokes about it....I've been getting WAY more emails since, and getting much more positive responses to my first messages...
which is why i'm waiting to get married until the divorces start flowing and i can catch someone on the rebound. figure i get a woman that basically only wants me around for sex and comfort and i don't lose half my worth in my own divorce
I know you're half joking, but there is so much truth to this....the divorcee, 30+ dating scene is SOOOOOOO different from dating in my early 20's was. So much less pretense...
oh, and I've said it before...you lose half your worth when you MARRY...you lose the other half when you divorce
see.
there is a LOT of truth in women liking men with a great sense of humor. life can be hellish at times, so much to go thru...it definitely is a big PLUS to have someone who can make you laugh thru the hard times, and make the good times even better.
and while i am not dating nor looking to be! i definitely believe you on the differences of dating. i know seeing my sisters sinle in their 30s and the differences, and just even imagining if i were on my own...hell yea, less pretense, not that there ever was much to begin with with me....but i think after you've been so involved, grown-up, etc....who wants to be bothered with BS?
glad things are going so well for you!
with the right woman, or man, marriage doubles your worth...and it just keeps growing........
see.
there is a LOT of truth in women liking men with a great sense of humor. life can be hellish at times, so much to go thru...it definitely is a big PLUS to have someone who can make you laugh thru the hard times, and make the good times even better.
and while i am not dating nor looking to be! i definitely believe you on the differences of dating. i know seeing my sisters sinle in their 30s and the differences, and just even imagining if i were on my own...hell yea, less pretense, not that there ever was much to begin with with me....but i think after you've been so involved, grown-up, etc....who wants to be bothered with BS?
glad things are going so well for you!
with the right woman, or man, marriage doubles your worth...and it just keeps growing........
meh, things aren't going THAT well ...I'd rather find someone to have an actual relationship with, but at least there is almost constant potential....eventually something/someone will stick, I am not giving up
The second-go-round dating scene is a two-headed monster tho....it is very easy to just let things slip away, or be overly picky when you've already had kids, or have become comfortable living alone or being single....so easy to let little imperfections bother you.
Whomever mentioned that you have to take an occasional hiatus is right...I go off and on...wait for the pond to be restocked, so to speak....but there are a ton of serial daters on those sites, and I can see how it would be easy to become one.
and while i am not dating nor looking to be! i definitely believe you on the differences of dating. i know seeing my sisters sinle in their 30s and the differences, and just even imagining if i were on my own...hell yea, less pretense, not that there ever was much to begin with with me....but i think after you've been so involved, grown-up, etc....who wants to be bothered with BS?
Interestingly, I often date younger guys in their 20s (not like college, but like 26-29ish), and they seem to appreciate the no BS of a 30+ situation.
or be overly picky when you've already had kids, or have become comfortable living alone or being single....so easy to let little imperfections bother you.
you can NEVER be too picky! That's the whole point isn't it? Yeah, I agree that overtime you get comfortable being single and living alone. But I find it interesting that the way you phrased it, that sounds like a bad thing. I think it's good, it means you're happy with what you have. None of us have to meet someone, so what's the problem if "little imperfections" bother us. If they bother us, then what's the point of bothering with them?
or be overly picky when you've already had kids, or have become comfortable living alone or being single....so easy to let little imperfections bother you.
you can NEVER be too picky! That's the whole point isn't it? Yeah, I agree that overtime you get comfortable being single and living alone. But I find it interesting that the way you phrased it, that sounds like a bad thing. I think it's good, it means you're happy with what you have. None of us have to meet someone, so what's the problem if "little imperfections" bother us. If they bother us, then what's the point of bothering with them?
you're absolutely right, I didn't phrase that well at all. It's just that I often find myself second guessing whether I should have tried harder or overlooked something I didn't particularly like about a person or whatever...
On the other hand...after going thru a divorce and learning a lot about myself and what I want/need in a partner, I've resolved not to compromise if I'm going to be exclusive with anyone. Tho I'm comfortable and somewhat content, I'd still rather be in a happy relationship (who wouldn't be, really? the trick is finding a happy one)...But is not compromising realistic? Can anyone find EXACTLY what they are looking for? I don't know...that's where the self-doubt in letting relationships go comes in. Will something better come along? Is the grass greener? who knows. might as well ask what the meaning of life is while I'm at it...
and while i am not dating nor looking to be! i definitely believe you on the differences of dating. i know seeing my sisters sinle in their 30s and the differences, and just even imagining if i were on my own...hell yea, less pretense, not that there ever was much to begin with with me....but i think after you've been so involved, grown-up, etc....who wants to be bothered with BS?
Interestingly, I often date younger guys in their 20s (not like college, but like 26-29ish), and they seem to appreciate the no BS of a 30+ situation.
That's not surprising. A lot of women in their 20s use sex as a bargaining chip to get the kinds of high maintenance perks the OP described. There's a lot of appeal in a woman that has her own life and doesn't have any use for that kind of crap... and has grown to realize there's no shame in sex for the sake of sex
But is not compromising realistic? Can anyone find EXACTLY what they are looking for? I don't know...that's where the self-doubt in letting relationships go comes in. Will something better come along? Is the grass greener? who knows. might as well ask what the meaning of life is while I'm at it...
i have a checklist/questionnaire that i like to administer on the first date to make sure i won't have to compromise for anything less than perfect. nobody ever scored a second date. but then, might have something to do with most of them storming out minutes into the first
But is not compromising realistic? Can anyone find EXACTLY what they are looking for? I don't know...that's where the self-doubt in letting relationships go comes in. Will something better come along? Is the grass greener? who knows. might as well ask what the meaning of life is while I'm at it...
i have a checklist/questionnaire that i like to administer on the first date to make sure i won't have to compromise for anything less than perfect. nobody ever scored a second date. but then, might have something to do with most of them storming out minutes into the first
take the word 'swallow' out of the first question, dumbass :P
That's not surprising. A lot of women in their 20s use sex as a bargaining chip to get the kinds of high maintenance perks the OP described. There's a lot of appeal in a woman that has her own life and doesn't have any use for that kind of crap... and has grown to realize there's no shame in sex for the sake of sex
That's not surprising. A lot of women in their 20s use sex as a bargaining chip to get the kinds of high maintenance perks the OP described. There's a lot of appeal in a woman that has her own life and doesn't have any use for that kind of crap... and has grown to realize there's no shame in sex for the sake of sex
^^a less subtle way of saying 'less pretense'
on the converse, i believe older men are a bit 'less crude' and develop 'more tact'... or at least that's the excuse i'm sticking with
and i refuse to revise my questionnaire. these are important things to know!
i haven't been on a first date in... hell, 4-5 years? my most recent ex was a good friend and we kinda just evolved a relationship so the last first date i had was probably the girl before her. that one went well, so let's hope it's like riding a bike!
and while i am not dating nor looking to be! i definitely believe you on the differences of dating. i know seeing my sisters single in their 30s and the differences, and just even imagining if i were on my own...hell yea, less pretense, not that there ever was much to begin with with me....but i think after you've been so involved, grown-up, etc....who wants to be bothered with BS?
Interestingly, I often date younger guys in their 20s (not like college, but like 26-29ish), and they seem to appreciate the no BS of a 30+ situation.
glad things are going so well for you!
with the right woman, or man, marriage doubles your worth...and it just keeps growing........
know what you mean by this, however, I don't like the idea that people are only worth half as much as they could be if they're not married.
i was working within the confines of drowned out's joke firstly...and secondly, saying 'doubles your worth' in no way signifies you are worth half as much if you are single. just to clarify.
and i think most people, male or female, if they are secure enough in themselves, enjoy a no BS situation. makes life far simpler, and more fun!
That's not surprising. A lot of women in their 20s use sex as a bargaining chip to get the kinds of high maintenance perks the OP described. There's a lot of appeal in a woman that has her own life and doesn't have any use for that kind of crap... and has grown to realize there's no shame in sex for the sake of sex
^^a less subtle way of saying 'less pretense'
on the converse, i believe older men are a bit 'less crude' and develop 'more tact'... or at least that's the excuse i'm sticking with
and i refuse to revise my questionnaire. these are important things to know!
i haven't been on a first date in... hell, 4-5 years? my most recent ex was a good friend and we kinda just evolved a relationship so the last first date i had was probably the girl before her. that one went well, so let's hope it's like riding a bike!
....older men...ouch!
would an older man ask 'are you willing to ensure that your partner is satisfied, even if it leaves a bad taste in your mouth?' (groan)
ya, that's another thing I noticed about being single this time....before, there was still an abundance of women from high school, or from that big teen/early 20's social circle to choose from...you either knew each other already, or had people to grill about what they're REALLY like....
Getting to know someone from scratch is a whole different ball game.
see.
there is a LOT of truth in women liking men with a great sense of humor. life can be hellish at times, so much to go thru...it definitely is a big PLUS to have someone who can make you laugh thru the hard times, and make the good times even better.
and while i am not dating nor looking to be! i definitely believe you on the differences of dating. i know seeing my sisters sinle in their 30s and the differences, and just even imagining if i were on my own...hell yea, less pretense, not that there ever was much to begin with with me....but i think after you've been so involved, grown-up, etc....who wants to be bothered with BS?
glad things are going so well for you!
with the right woman, or man, marriage doubles your worth...and it just keeps growing........
meh, things aren't going THAT well ...I'd rather find someone to have an actual relationship with, but at least there is almost constant potential....eventually something/someone will stick, I am not giving up
The second-go-round dating scene is a two-headed monster tho....it is very easy to just let things slip away, or be overly picky when you've already had kids, or have become comfortable living alone or being single....so easy to let little imperfections bother you.
Whomever mentioned that you have to take an occasional hiatus is right...I go off and on...wait for the pond to be restocked, so to speak....but there are a ton of serial daters on those sites, and I can see how it would be easy to become one.
that's still all good news.
and btw - one need not have kids to be picky ...or being comofrtable being alone or single. i think most definitely, even if your marriage ended, you DO get sort of used to the 'shorthand' you had in any given long-term relationship, and that does indeed impact future relationships, good or bad.
and the 2nd part i bolded..... good stuff!
if i ever need dating advice, i know who to turn to.......
all i can say is, don't give up hope, anyone! if you want love...or even just fun times ....you'll find em. or they'll find you. just be open and enjoy your life.
Hey locked - First off, get really skinny if you aren't already. I mean really skinny. We should be able to count your ribs. Then, avoid the sun for months until you are pasty white. Then, grow your hair out a little. If it isn't black, dye it. Then wear just a touch of makeup. Not so much as to notice it, but just enough to keep people guessing. Start listening to Muse and familiarize yourself with all things Twilight. Get a slight British tinge to your accent and walk around looking all sensitive and depressed.
You won't be able to beat back all of the 35 year old women that will come knocking your door down.
that's still all good news.
and btw - one need not have kids to be picky ...or being comofrtable being alone or single. i think most definitely, even if your marriage ended, you DO get sort of used to the 'shorthand' you had in any given long-term relationship, and that does indeed impact future relationships, good or bad. .
oh, you! I knew you'd want me to clarify that...but i refuse :P You know what I meant geek.
and the 2nd part i bolded..... good stuff!
if i ever need dating advice, i know who to turn to.......
all i can say is, don't give up hope, anyone! if you want love...or even just fun times ....you'll find em. or they'll find you. just be open and enjoy your life.
ha! you use plentyoffish.com long enough and the fishing puns come naturally...
But yes, new people join those sites all the time...if you're there all the time, people get used to seeing your profile, or you just plain run out of interesting people that fit your search parameters....'course the bigger your city, the bigger the pond...the longer you could stick around without it becoming redundant. I bet NY would be great for online dating!
that's still all good news.
and btw - one need not have kids to be picky ...or being comofrtable being alone or single. i think most definitely, even if your marriage ended, you DO get sort of used to the 'shorthand' you had in any given long-term relationship, and that does indeed impact future relationships, good or bad. .
oh, you! I knew you'd want me to clarify that...but i refuse :P You know what I meant geek.
and the 2nd part i bolded..... good stuff!
if i ever need dating advice, i know who to turn to.......
all i can say is, don't give up hope, anyone! if you want love...or even just fun times ....you'll find em. or they'll find you. just be open and enjoy your life.
ha! you use plentyoffish.com long enough and the fishing puns come naturally...
But yes, new people join those sites all the time...if you're there all the time, people get used to seeing your profile, or you just plain run out of interesting people that fit your search parameters....'course the bigger your city, the bigger the pond...the longer you could stick around without it becoming redundant. I bet NY would be great for online dating!
:shock:
you've not visited here yet right?
you might want to retract that statement.
seriously, sure, there are a LOT of people in NY. a LOT. crazy! but yea....some of them, ok a lot of them are.....well.....crazy! so the 'eligible dating pool' probably no better. just an fyi.....haha.
Comments
haha I didn't even realize you were the one who posted that!
I'm actually quite surprised that you used eHarmony! I took the questionnaire a few years ago when some of my friends started using it, and was really offended by the whole thing. It was also like $50/month at the time!
Oh and in terms of using it just to "get married" - maybe you didn't feel that way, for sure. But doesn't the company itself advertise itself as filling that role now? They always stress how it's the site for people who are looking for "serious" relationships and stuff like that.
Well, I certainly didn't join with the end goal of getting married as the prime motivation. I went on it to date, and potentially lead to something more. If you go into ANY dating scenario with a wedding in mind, you will come across as desperate and you are doomed. They advertise themselves as trying to help you find the right one. Of course they will try and flaunt their success stories...who wouldn't?
The questionnaire actually put me more at ease. They didn't just ask my favorite sports team & color then and send me to the wolves.
Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
...as long as you don't hurl on them kenny...
I actually kinda like being sent to the wolves- it's fun. You get the best stories. Recently a 19 year old wrote me asked me to be his "cougar" (well he spelled it "couger"). His email was so unbelievably hilarious. The story kills at every party.
it's from a song
http://www.lyricstime.com/the-hold-stea ... yrics.html
i think of it as a hollywood thing. it's drilled into us from when we're young. guys want the pin up. girls want the whirlwind romance that has their friends going 'ooooh... that sounds SO perfect.' sure, it's not 100%, nothing is. but we're all shaped by the culture we grow up in and as a rule of thumb, i think it has an impact in terms of what we think we want. and i think a lot of people have a tough time shaking those influences so it's not terribly uncommon to run into people like this, even if they're not even conscious of it. it's why girls that would never let a trekkie get away with cheating will give a guy in a band multiple chances, and why nice guys will stick with girls that treat them like shit if they're hot enough. we all know probably more than a few people like this. doesn't make them bad people, just interesting social dynamics.
what is it around here these days? i'm part of the problem, but this is like thread number 50 about love and lust this week... fall must have the perhomones flying, hehe.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
I tried eHarmony once, and it denied me!
I think you are making a lot of assumptions here. "'it's why girls that would never let a trekkie get away with cheating will give a guy in a band multiple chances, and why nice guys will stick with girls that treat them like shit if they're hot enough" etc. In my experience, dating doesn't play itself out as stereotypes. Rarely is anything so black-and-white. I actually have never even heard of the stereotype that a girl would let one "type" of guy get away with cheating while not another.
"but we're all shaped by the culture we grow up in and as a rule of thumb, i think it has an impact in terms of what we think we want." This is true, however, mature people will tend grow out of this and realize it is not accurate. This is why I said that locked should look for "women" rather than "girls" in his dating endeavors. This is not a question of age, but rather of personality, and dare I say, even intelligence.
which is why i'm waiting to get married until the divorces start flowing and i can catch someone on the rebound. figure i get a woman that basically only wants me around for sex and comfort and i don't lose half my worth in my own divorce
As a single dad, being able to spend a half hour a night after the kids are down getting to know people and set up dates for my free weekends has been a godsend...I think I'd have been on 2 or 3 dates in three years if not for these sites...
One piece of advice for those thinking about trying it - use humour in your profile! I tried a bunch of different approaches...serious, romantic, indifferent etc....they ALL sound cliched....I ended up taking the sites advice on writing a profile and turning it on it's ear by pointing out how stupid the advice was and cracking jokes about it....I've been getting WAY more emails since, and getting much more positive responses to my first messages...
I know you're half joking, but there is so much truth to this....the divorcee, 30+ dating scene is SOOOOOOO different from dating in my early 20's was. So much less pretense...
oh, and I've said it before...you lose half your worth when you MARRY...you lose the other half when you divorce
see.
there is a LOT of truth in women liking men with a great sense of humor. life can be hellish at times, so much to go thru...it definitely is a big PLUS to have someone who can make you laugh thru the hard times, and make the good times even better.
and while i am not dating nor looking to be! i definitely believe you on the differences of dating. i know seeing my sisters sinle in their 30s and the differences, and just even imagining if i were on my own...hell yea, less pretense, not that there ever was much to begin with with me....but i think after you've been so involved, grown-up, etc....who wants to be bothered with BS?
glad things are going so well for you!
with the right woman, or man, marriage doubles your worth...and it just keeps growing........
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
meh, things aren't going THAT well
The second-go-round dating scene is a two-headed monster tho....it is very easy to just let things slip away, or be overly picky when you've already had kids, or have become comfortable living alone or being single....so easy to let little imperfections bother you.
Whomever mentioned that you have to take an occasional hiatus is right...I go off and on...wait for the pond to be restocked, so to speak....but there are a ton of serial daters on those sites, and I can see how it would be easy to become one.
Interestingly, I often date younger guys in their 20s (not like college, but like 26-29ish), and they seem to appreciate the no BS of a 30+ situation.
know what you mean by this, however, I don't like the idea that people are only worth half as much as they could be if they're not married.
you can NEVER be too picky! That's the whole point isn't it? Yeah, I agree that overtime you get comfortable being single and living alone. But I find it interesting that the way you phrased it, that sounds like a bad thing. I think it's good, it means you're happy with what you have. None of us have to meet someone, so what's the problem if "little imperfections" bother us. If they bother us, then what's the point of bothering with them?
im a guy
i like girls
cool
On the other hand...after going thru a divorce and learning a lot about myself and what I want/need in a partner, I've resolved not to compromise if I'm going to be exclusive with anyone. Tho I'm comfortable and somewhat content, I'd still rather be in a happy relationship (who wouldn't be, really? the trick is finding a happy one)...But is not compromising realistic? Can anyone find EXACTLY what they are looking for? I don't know...that's where the self-doubt in letting relationships go comes in. Will something better come along? Is the grass greener? who knows. might as well ask what the meaning of life is while I'm at it...
That's not surprising. A lot of women in their 20s use sex as a bargaining chip to get the kinds of high maintenance perks the OP described. There's a lot of appeal in a woman that has her own life and doesn't have any use for that kind of crap... and has grown to realize there's no shame in sex for the sake of sex
i have a checklist/questionnaire that i like to administer on the first date to make sure i won't have to compromise for anything less than perfect. nobody ever scored a second date. but then, might have something to do with most of them storming out minutes into the first
ah, the first date interview...fun fun.
on the converse, i believe older men are a bit 'less crude' and develop 'more tact'... or at least that's the excuse i'm sticking with
and i refuse to revise my questionnaire. these are important things to know!
i haven't been on a first date in... hell, 4-5 years? my most recent ex was a good friend and we kinda just evolved a relationship so the last first date i had was probably the girl before her. that one went well, so let's hope it's like riding a bike!
i was working within the confines of drowned out's joke firstly...and secondly, saying 'doubles your worth' in no way signifies you are worth half as much if you are single. just to clarify.
and i think most people, male or female, if they are secure enough in themselves, enjoy a no BS situation. makes life far simpler, and more fun!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
would an older man ask 'are you willing to ensure that your partner is satisfied, even if it leaves a bad taste in your mouth?'
ya, that's another thing I noticed about being single this time....before, there was still an abundance of women from high school, or from that big teen/early 20's social circle to choose from...you either knew each other already, or had people to grill about what they're REALLY like....
Getting to know someone from scratch is a whole different ball game.
that's still all good news.
and btw - one need not have kids to be picky
and the 2nd part i bolded.....
if i ever need dating advice, i know who to turn to.......
all i can say is, don't give up hope, anyone! if you want love...or even just fun times
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
You won't be able to beat back all of the 35 year old women that will come knocking your door down.
BOS-9/28/04,9/29/04,6/28/08,6/30/08, 9/5/16, 9/7/16, 9/2/18
MTL-9/15/05, OTT-9/16/05
PHL-5/27/06,5/28/06,10/30/09,10/31/09
CHI-8/2/07,8/5/07,8/23/09,8/24/09
HTFD-6/27/08
ATX-10/4/09, 10/12/14
KC-5/3/2010,STL-5/4/2010
Bridge School-10/23/2010,10/24/2010
PJ20-9/3/2011,9/4/2011
OKC-11/16/13
SEA-12/6/13
TUL-10/8/14
ha! you use plentyoffish.com long enough and the fishing puns come naturally...
But yes, new people join those sites all the time...if you're there all the time, people get used to seeing your profile, or you just plain run out of interesting people that fit your search parameters....'course the bigger your city, the bigger the pond...the longer you could stick around without it becoming redundant. I bet NY would be great for online dating!
:shock:
you've not visited here yet right?
you might want to retract that statement.
seriously, sure, there are a LOT of people in NY. a LOT. crazy! but yea....some of them, ok a lot of them are.....well.....crazy!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow