On-line dating? I give up!

I only use beautifulpeople.com (kidding)
As a single dad, being able to spend a half hour a night after the kids are down getting to know people and set up dates for my free weekends has been a godsend...I think I'd have been on 2 or 3 dates in three years if not for these sites...
One piece of advice for those thinking about trying it - use humour in your profile! I tried a bunch of different approaches...serious, romantic, indifferent etc....they ALL sound cliched....I ended up taking the sites advice on writing a profile and turning it on it's ear by pointing out how stupid the advice was and cracking jokes about it....I've been getting WAY more emails since, and getting much more positive responses to my first messages...

soulsinging wrote:

which is why i'm waiting to get married until the divorces start flowing and i can catch someone on the rebound. figure i get a woman that basically only wants me around for sex and comfort and i don't lose half my worth in my own divorce

I know you're half joking, but there is so much truth to this....the divorcee, 30+ dating scene is SOOOOOOO different from dating in my early 20's was. So much less pretense...
oh, and I've said it before...you lose half your worth when you MARRY...you lose the other half when you divorce

decides2dream wrote:

see.
there is a LOT of truth in women liking men with a great sense of humor. life can be hellish at times, so much to go thru...it definitely is a big PLUS to have someone who can make you laugh thru the hard times, and make the good times even better.

and while i am not dating nor looking to be! i definitely believe you on the differences of dating. i know seeing my sisters sinle in their 30s and the differences, and just even imagining if i were on my own...hell yea, less pretense, not that there ever was much to begin with with me....but i think after you've been so involved, grown-up, etc....who wants to be bothered with BS?

glad things are going so well for you!
with the right woman, or man, marriage doubles your worth...and it just keeps growing........

meh, things aren't going THAT well ...I'd rather find someone to have an actual relationship with, but at least there is almost constant potential....eventually something/someone will stick, I am not giving up
The second-go-round dating scene is a two-headed monster tho....it is very easy to just let things slip away, or be overly picky when you've already had kids, or have become comfortable living alone or being single....so easy to let little imperfections bother you.
Whomever mentioned that you have to take an occasional hiatus is right...I go off and on...wait for the pond to be restocked, so to speak....but there are a ton of serial daters on those sites, and I can see how it would be easy to become one.

Drowned Out wrote:

or be overly picky when you've already had kids, or have become comfortable living alone or being single....so easy to let little imperfections bother you.

you can NEVER be too picky! That's the whole point isn't it? Yeah, I agree that overtime you get comfortable being single and living alone. But I find it interesting that the way you phrased it, that sounds like a bad thing. I think it's good, it means you're happy with what you have. None of us have to meet someone, so what's the problem if "little imperfections" bother us. If they bother us, then what's the point of bothering with them?

Lauri wrote:

Drowned Out wrote:

or be overly picky when you've already had kids, or have become comfortable living alone or being single....so easy to let little imperfections bother you.

you can NEVER be too picky! That's the whole point isn't it? Yeah, I agree that overtime you get comfortable being single and living alone. But I find it interesting that the way you phrased it, that sounds like a bad thing. I think it's good, it means you're happy with what you have. None of us have to meet someone, so what's the problem if "little imperfections" bother us. If they bother us, then what's the point of bothering with them?

you're absolutely right, I didn't phrase that well at all. It's just that I often find myself second guessing whether I should have tried harder or overlooked something I didn't particularly like about a person or whatever...
On the other hand...after going thru a divorce and learning a lot about myself and what I want/need in a partner, I've resolved not to compromise if I'm going to be exclusive with anyone. Tho I'm comfortable and somewhat content, I'd still rather be in a happy relationship (who wouldn't be, really? the trick is finding a happy one)...But is not compromising realistic? Can anyone find EXACTLY what they are looking for? I don't know...that's where the self-doubt in letting relationships go comes in. Will something better come along? Is the grass greener? who knows. might as well ask what the meaning of life is while I'm at it...

soulsinging wrote:

That's not surprising. A lot of women in their 20s use sex as a bargaining chip to get the kinds of high maintenance perks the OP described. There's a lot of appeal in a woman that has her own life and doesn't have any use for that kind of crap... and has grown to realize there's no shame in sex for the sake of sex

^^a less subtle way of saying 'less pretense'

Lauri wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

and while i am not dating nor looking to be! i definitely believe you on the differences of dating. i know seeing my sisters single in their 30s and the differences, and just even imagining if i were on my own...hell yea, less pretense, not that there ever was much to begin with with me....but i think after you've been so involved, grown-up, etc....who wants to be bothered with BS?

Interestingly, I often date younger guys in their 20s (not like college, but like 26-29ish), and they seem to appreciate the no BS of a 30+ situation.

decides2dream wrote:

glad things are going so well for you!
with the right woman, or man, marriage doubles your worth...and it just keeps growing........

know what you mean by this, however, I don't like the idea that people are only worth half as much as they could be if they're not married.

i was working within the confines of drowned out's joke firstly...and secondly, saying 'doubles your worth' in no way signifies you are worth half as much if you are single. just to clarify.


and i think most people, male or female, if they are secure enough in themselves, enjoy a no BS situation. makes life far simpler, and more fun!

soulsinging wrote:

Drowned Out wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

That's not surprising. A lot of women in their 20s use sex as a bargaining chip to get the kinds of high maintenance perks the OP described. There's a lot of appeal in a woman that has her own life and doesn't have any use for that kind of crap... and has grown to realize there's no shame in sex for the sake of sex

^^a less subtle way of saying 'less pretense'

on the converse, i believe older men are a bit 'less crude' and develop 'more tact'... or at least that's the excuse i'm sticking with

and i refuse to revise my questionnaire. these are important things to know!

i haven't been on a first date in... hell, 4-5 years? my most recent ex was a good friend and we kinda just evolved a relationship so the last first date i had was probably the girl before her. that one went well, so let's hope it's like riding a bike!

....older men...ouch!
would an older man ask 'are you willing to ensure that your partner is satisfied, even if it leaves a bad taste in your mouth?' (groan)

ya, that's another thing I noticed about being single this time....before, there was still an abundance of women from high school, or from that big teen/early 20's social circle to choose from...you either knew each other already, or had people to grill about what they're REALLY like....
Getting to know someone from scratch is a whole different ball game.

Hey locked - First off, get really skinny if you aren't already. I mean really skinny. We should be able to count your ribs. Then, avoid the sun for months until you are pasty white. Then, grow your hair out a little. If it isn't black, dye it. Then wear just a touch of makeup. Not so much as to notice it, but just enough to keep people guessing. Start listening to Muse and familiarize yourself with all things Twilight. Get a slight British tinge to your accent and walk around looking all sensitive and depressed.

You won't be able to beat back all of the 35 year old women that will come knocking your door down.

Drowned Out wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

that's still all good news.
and btw - one need not have kids to be picky ...or being comofrtable being alone or single. i think most definitely, even if your marriage ended, you DO get sort of used to the 'shorthand' you had in any given long-term relationship, and that does indeed impact future relationships, good or bad. .

oh, you! I knew you'd want me to clarify that...but i refuse :P You know what I meant geek.

decides2dream wrote:

and the 2nd part i bolded..... good stuff!
if i ever need dating advice, i know who to turn to.......

all i can say is, don't give up hope, anyone! if you want love...or even just fun times ....you'll find em. or they'll find you. just be open and enjoy your life.

ha! you use plentyoffish.com long enough and the fishing puns come naturally...
But yes, new people join those sites all the time...if you're there all the time, people get used to seeing your profile, or you just plain run out of interesting people that fit your search parameters....'course the bigger your city, the bigger the pond...the longer you could stick around without it becoming redundant. I bet NY would be great for online dating!

:shock:
you've not visited here yet right?
you might want to retract that statement.
seriously, sure, there are a LOT of people in NY. a LOT. crazy! but yea....some of them, ok a lot of them are.....well.....crazy! so the 'eligible dating pool' probably no better. just an fyi.....haha.