Disowning Family
Comments
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Sometimes you have to put space between your family and yourself.
My mother to this day, loves to call me long distance for a 'hit and run.' That's when she is in a bad mood and wants to call me and tell me everything that was and is wrong with me and my life choices. Then says she is busy and has to go.0 -
nothing is worth not having contac with family imo really specially $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ...jesus greets me looks just like me ....0
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This thread is making me so sad. I feel like my daughter has disowned me. She will be 13 this month and I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. :( Things have been tense around the house when she's home. She's half here, half at her dad's (he became a part of her life 4 years ago and introduced her to his religious extremism). So I dropped her off at her dad's on August 14th after we had been fighting and I said some things that I desperately regret and she hasn't come home since. She doesn't want to come home and I don't want to force her. And as of Monday when I called her, now she isn't speaking to me on the phone.I really screwed that up. I really Schruted it.0
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_Crazy_Mary_ wrote:This thread is making me so sad. I feel like my daughter has disowned me. She will be 13 this month and I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. :( Things have been tense around the house when she's home. She's half here, half at her dad's (he became a part of her life 4 years ago and introduced her to his religious extremism). So I dropped her off at her dad's on August 14th after we had been fighting and I said some things that I desperately regret and she hasn't come home since. She doesn't want to come home and I don't want to force her. And as of Monday when I called her, now she isn't speaking to me on the phone.
:( I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Without knowing anything about your situation other than what you have posted here, I want to say don't give up on trying to contact your daughter; however, at the same time I want to say, give her some space, but still be available.
I guess my biggest concern for your daughter is the father's 'religious extremism.' She's at a vulnerable and impressionable age, so I'd be concerned about the influence that he currently holds over her, especially because you state that things have been tense around the house prior to this. Does she have a friend or is there another neutral adult that could serve as a mediator between you both? What about resources through the school that she attends? Good luck. I hope that things work out."What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop0 -
Fifthelement wrote:
:( I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Without knowing anything about your situation other than what you have posted here, I want to say don't give up on trying to contact your daughter; however, at the same time I want to say, give her some space, but still be available.
I guess my biggest concern for your daughter is the father's 'religious extremism.' She's at a vulnerable and impressionable age, so I'd be concerned about the influence that he currently holds over her, especially because you state that things have been tense around the house prior to this. Does she have a friend or is there another neutral adult that could serve as a mediator between you both? What about resources through the school that she attends? Good luck. I hope that things work out.
I used to make family days now and then when I felt we weren't spending enough time together. They sometimes felt it was like being grounded, but in the end it kept us from growing too far apart. We would just eat dinner together, watch a movie, or nothing, but it did let us know how we all were doing.Save room for dessert!0 -
Wow talk about timing. I was reading this thread last night. I know how everyone is feeling about disowning a family member. In this case it is my dad. My parents just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary last month. I didn't know if my Mom would do it. But I think she realized she would rather be happy alone than be with someone and be miserable. Last night my mom called me to tell me that her and my dad are getting a divorce.
Needless to say, I was supportive and happy for her. I am looking forward to enjoying my family without the 1 person that was the root of all our problems.
Funny how this all worked out!I just keep moving on....0 -
South of Seattle wrote:
I'm just going on what was been posted here. That's why I asked the question about the therapy and such, I've not heard of anyone going to therapy alone for a family problem, that's all.
I think all therapy involves some kind of "family problem"... and the will to show I will always be better than before.0 -
I don't think I could ever disown any of my immediate family. I have seen enough bad blood. My mom doesn't talk to her brother at all. I have cousins I never met because of it. Also, my grandfather does not talk to my sister and I because he and my father had a falling out. It's a sad situation.These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.0
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It's threads like these that make me appreciate how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family.
They're not perfect, but I wouldn't ever THINK about disowning any of them.Don't come closer or I'll have to go0 -
_Crazy_Mary_ wrote:This thread is making me so sad. I feel like my daughter has disowned me. She will be 13 this month and I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. :( Things have been tense around the house when she's home. She's half here, half at her dad's (he became a part of her life 4 years ago and introduced her to his religious extremism). So I dropped her off at her dad's on August 14th after we had been fighting and I said some things that I desperately regret and she hasn't come home since. She doesn't want to come home and I don't want to force her. And as of Monday when I called her, now she isn't speaking to me on the phone.0
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Well due to a certain situation 2morrow I will have to be kinda in the same room with my sister who I haven't spoken too since April. I have decided that if she even tries to say sorry for her outburst and actions towards me I will not accept it. It's not the right place and time to be discussing it is what I will say. Will be together 2morrow but it's for support for another family member. My other sister supports my choice and understands. Not looking forward to being in the same room with her.0
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I have not seen or spoken with my brother in probably 10 years, hardly speak or see my parents, but I am fairly close with my sister. It doesn't bother me, I tried really hard with my brother but my effort was in vein as for the parents they have hardly noticed I was alive since I was 14, pretty much raised myself from then on. They were to busy dealing with my brother and his problems and are still dealing with it. You know what, I would not change a thing (except maybe trying harder in school and finishi college), because I learned from an early age about being responsible, independent and accountable for your actions. Through all the bullshit family problems I turned out well, got a great wife who means the world to me , a decent job with a pension and we do a fair bit of travelling.I have certain rules I live by ... My First Rule ... I don't believe anything the government tells me ... George Carlin
"Life Is What Happens To You When Your Busy Making Other Plans" John Lennon0 -
pandora wrote:Just hang in there and let her know you love her no matter what. My kids were so hard during the teen years both son and daughter. Happy days are coming- mine are now in their 20's and we are all so close again. They love going out with us again- love family vacations- call me all the time. Its just those awful teen years and daughters are hard on their Moms. I felt like I couldn't say anything right now they want advice. It will be ok. She will need her Mom again someday.
Thank you.
Things have gotten progressively worse since I posted about my daughter in this thread. It is good to hear that she will need her mom again someday. I keep telling her (on the rare occasion that she'll actually answer the phone, but mostly via email) that I will always love her and anytime she needs something to call me. She is always welcome back here. Every morning when I wake up for a split second I have that feeling of "oh, good, it was only a bad dream..." Then I remember I am actually living this nightmare. :(I really screwed that up. I really Schruted it.0 -
patrickredeyes wrote:Well due to a certain situation 2morrow I will have to be kinda in the same room with my sister who I haven't spoken too since April. I have decided that if she even tries to say sorry for her outburst and actions towards me I will not accept it. It's not the right place and time to be discussing it is what I will say. Will be together 2morrow but it's for support for another family member. My other sister supports my choice and understands. Not looking forward to being in the same room with her.
Well today that was as much fun as having a tooth pulled. :x :roll:0 -
patrickredeyes wrote:
Well today that was as much fun as having a tooth pulled. :x :roll:Believe me, when I was growin up, I thought the worst thing you could turn out to be was normal, So I say freaks in the most complementary way. Here's a song by a fellow freak - E.V0 -
keeponrockin wrote:Sorry to hear that.
She acted like myself and my other sister weren't even in the same room. What a bitch.0 -
_Crazy_Mary_ wrote:
Thank you.
Things have gotten progressively worse since I posted about my daughter in this thread. It is good to hear that she will need her mom again someday. I keep telling her (on the rare occasion that she'll actually answer the phone, but mostly via email) that I will always love her and anytime she needs something to call me. She is always welcome back here. Every morning when I wake up for a split second I have that feeling of "oh, good, it was only a bad dream..." Then I remember I am actually living this nightmare. :(0 -
Me and my sister had a big disagreement a number of years ago which resulted in us not talking for about six months.
It was torture but neither of us would back down.I saw the effect it had on my parents and my brother stuck in the middle.
I ended the riff by visiting her at home unannounced and we began to talk through what had gone on.It took us a while to get back on track but I learned never to hold a grudge with family again.It turns to poison so quickly.“There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen”0 -
stargirl69 wrote:Me and my sister had a big disagreement a number of years ago which resulted in us not talking for about six months.
It was torture but neither of us would back down.I saw the effect it had on my parents and my brother stuck in the middle.
I ended the riff by visiting her at home unannounced and we began to talk through what had gone on.It took us a while to get back on track but I learned never to hold a grudge with family again.It turns to poison so quickly.
I totally get what you mean about the effects of not talking to a family member can be. My sister and I have been not talking to each other since April. I know my folks are bothered by this and my other sister feels the same but knows also that my folks are bothered. I just can't be the better one and try to make up. My sister was the one that said what she said to me and I can't forgive her or give in at this time. With my moms health last couple weeks I have had to be in the same room with my sister. It bothers me but like I said she has to be the one to talk and say sorry. I WILL NOT let her forget or ignore her hurtful remarks she said to me. Last couple days its been back on my mind. It's not easy. :(0 -
patrickredeyes wrote:
I totally get what you mean about the effects of not talking to a family member can be. My sister and I have been not talking to each other since April. I know my folks are bothered by this and my other sister feels the same but knows also that my folks are bothered. I just can't be the better one and try to make up. My sister was the one that said what she said to me and I can't forgive her or give in at this time. With my moms health last couple weeks I have had to be in the same room with my sister. It bothers me but like I said she has to be the one to talk and say sorry. I WILL NOT let her forget or ignore her hurtful remarks she said to me. Last couple days its been back on my mind. It's not easy. :(
If you can't forgive her, you can't forgive her. You're not ready to move on. It doesn't seem like you're irrational. If/when the day comes that she approaches you, make sure you know what you want to say. Make sure you communicate that you want an apology and don't get dramatic. Some people are completely unable to apologize and they will twist everything around to make you feel like YOU were the one that was wrong.
That is my sister and bro-in-law. Fuck them. BIL knew a guy that was in a band that played with Bad Religion in San Diego.... and this guy knew EV and blah-de-lah.... I would rather eat dog poop!
As you said, it's not easy. The last time I talked with my sis, I said "you would crawl up mom's ass if you could". !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The stress level is down 124% since I stopped talking to them. I push away the moments of guilt and life is ok!0
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