I guess you would need to start with the question "Why are you the black cloud?" From what you said here your mother is an Alcoholic but you've been through the therapy. That obviously means that you have some sort of problem with alcohol as well and maybe pill issues since you also said that you're taking anti-depressants.
Alcoholism does get passed down through the family. Maybe they see you as the black cloud since you seem to be going down the same road as your mother?
I don't know why the OP has been to therapy but if it's to deal with an alcoholic mother then I don't see that as having a problem with alcohol. And being prescribed anti-depressants, which are taken for depression, which is an illness, is not the same thing as abusing drugs or alcohol, so I don't think it's appropriate to talk about pill issues. CIB was asking for other people's experiences breaking off with family members, especially handling guilt feelings. I don't think piling on more guilt is necessary.
I guess you would need to start with the question "Why are you the black cloud?" From what you said here your mother is an Alcoholic but you've been through the therapy. That obviously means that you have some sort of problem with alcohol as well and maybe pill issues since you also said that you're taking anti-depressants.
Alcoholism does get passed down through the family. Maybe they see you as the black cloud since you seem to be going down the same road as your mother?
I don't know why the OP has been to therapy but if it's to deal with an alcoholic mother then I don't see that as having a problem with alcohol. And being prescribed anti-depressants, which are taken for depression, which is an illness, is not the same thing as abusing drugs or alcohol, so I don't think it's appropriate to talk about pill issues. CIB was asking for other people's experiences breaking off with family members, especially handling guilt feelings. I don't think piling on more guilt is necessary.
I'm just going on what was been posted here. That's why I asked the question about the therapy and such, I've not heard of anyone going to therapy alone for a family problem, that's all.
I've disowned my father and my sister.
With the sisters: when we were kids, we were close- especially my 2nd oldest (I'm the 3rd of 4). When she reached high school, things changed and we became distant, and she became one of the most selfish person I have ever met (to this day). One day she threw a hissy-fit and started yelling and screaming at my mom- and I had about enough of it. Words were spoken, not kind ones and soon (not soon enough), she was out the door. She continues her mean spirited bullshit- with nasty letters- and then one year she just stopped. I don't know what happened, but she "changed". She had a kid and tried to make amends with my mom. I don't believe that she has changed, but my mom is willing- more power to her. I've decided that its not worth my sanity and I don't speak to her. My mom tries to ambush me with coincidental get-togethers. I'm cordial, for my mom's sake. But I don't want to be- and its such a hard fight sometimes.
Now my dad- wow- just an abusive(too much to get into), controlling individual. I too was forced to go visit him when I was a kid- and he tried to brainwash us against my mom (worked with the one sister above). I stopped going when I was about 14. Off and on I would see him over the years until I just stopped trying to have a relationship with him. When I was getting married, my mom (bless her kindness) thought I should invite him to the wedding- not to be part of the ceremony or anything like that(I did not think that it was appropriate- not having been in my life for some time) - more that, maybe, he should be there. That was the worst thing I could have ever done- I got so much nastiness and anger. Lets just say, words could not express the disgust I felt with his replies.
I've given up on my dad- don't know where he is and don't want to know. My sister- maybe with a bit more time I could be more friendly towards her.
Family is hard and a lot of work- on both sides- if they are willing to make a change to make the relationship work. Sometimes its best just to cut the cord and move on with your life. It saddens me sometimes when I see close knit families -where the siblings get along and you have that deep connection. I realize i will not have that with my family (except with my mom- which has to be good enough)
I guess you would need to start with the question "Why are you the black cloud?" From what you said here your mother is an Alcoholic but you've been through the therapy. That obviously means that you have some sort of problem with alcohol as well and maybe pill issues since you also said that you're taking anti-depressants.
Alcoholism does get passed down through the family. Maybe they see you as the black cloud since you seem to be going down the same road as your mother?
I don't know why the OP has been to therapy but if it's to deal with an alcoholic mother then I don't see that as having a problem with alcohol. And being prescribed anti-depressants, which are taken for depression, which is an illness, is not the same thing as abusing drugs or alcohol, so I don't think it's appropriate to talk about pill issues. CIB was asking for other people's experiences breaking off with family members, especially handling guilt feelings. I don't think piling on more guilt is necessary.
I'm just going on what was been posted here. That's why I asked the question about the therapy and such, I've not heard of anyone going to therapy alone for a family problem, that's all.
I see people in therapy all the time who are there because of a family problem - very often growing up with a parent who is an alcoholic and/or abusive. So much of the work is about what's been posted on here - recognizing you can't make the other person change and re-determining boundaries, etc. recognizing the changes you can make for yourself.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
If a family member is hurting you I believe you have the right to disown them.
"But they are family" can be an excuse for illogical, masochistic behavior.
I recently had an old friend go nuts on me during a phone call after leaving vile messages.
No amount of calm, non-accusitive response could bring them down from their rage.
I hung up and decided that they were not a frined of mine any more.
I hope they win the lottery and find love. Just don't bother me.
We have a right to be in peace.
Know that all things cannot be fixed.
If a family member is hurting you I believe you have the right to disown them.
"But they are family" can be an excuse for illogical, masochistic behavior.
I recently had an old friend go nuts on me during a phone call after leaving vile messages.
No amount of calm, non-accusitive response could bring them down from their rage.
I hung up and decided that they were not a frined of mine any more.
I hope they win the lottery and find love. Just don't bother me.
We have a right to be in peace.
Know that all things cannot be fixed.
THANK YOU!! my dad's family and my mom's parents (who are big born again christians) are like "but he's your father you have to forgive him blah blah blah" but it's like, if he's tearing me apart and making me and everyone around him feel like shit then why not disown him? it's the same with having an abusive boyfriend. if my boyfriend is making me feel like shit you better believe everyone will say "oh get rid of him he's no good he'll always abuse you and make your life hell". he won't change. he's not even thinking about changing. when i had to go to therapy when i was 5 for my mental breakdown because of his abuse, he wouldn't go because "it wasn't his fault". so if he's not willing to do something for his daughter, why should i do something for him?
My oldest sister and I have pretty much written off our other sister. My folks haven't cause it's their daughter and I understand that. But she has done things and said things that have hurt many like myself, my older sister and her family and my folks. And in the past couple yrs as my folk's health has taken some scary and stressful turns. She continues to act the same way and treat us like shit. Well this past April as I decided to go back to Denver I called her and asked if she could help out while I'm gone. Help out with coming over to my folks house and take my dad out for a ride or take him to the store. I told her I know she is busy with her kids and stuff but I was only asking for a hr extra from her. Right away she goes into asking if our older sister is helping out also. I replied yes of course and she goes off on one of her rants about her. Anyway she is going on and on and saying things that are not nice and totally wrong. Well in my mind I just snapped and said enough of this. I told her what I thought of the way she was acting and has in the past. I didn't call her to fight but called her to ask about helping out. She turned the entire chat onto our older sister. See if you can tell by now they have never got along. Lynn who is my middle sister and not talking too has always thought that my mom liked Cindy my older sister better. Lynn still blames my mom for shit that happened to her in high school. So anyway her and I are yelling back and forth on the phone. And then she starts on me and about me going back to Denver. The last thing she says to me b4 hanging up the phone is that I'm a fucking bum and will always be. Now I would rather have a complete stranger tell me this then my own flesh and blood. That comment still hurts and hurts to type that out now. Since then I refused to talk to her and will continue to do so. In my eyes I only have one sister now and that's good enough for me. This may sound very cruel but my middle sister is dead to me. I don't care about her at all anymore. It's sad but its the truth and how I feel. :(
My oldest sister and I have pretty much written off our other sister. My folks haven't cause it's their daughter and I understand that. But she has done things and said things that have hurt many like myself, my older sister and her family and my folks. And in the past couple yrs as my folk's health has taken some scary and stressful turns. She continues to act the same way and treat us like shit. Well this past April as I decided to go back to Denver I called her and asked if she could help out while I'm gone. Help out with coming over to my folks house and take my dad out for a ride or take him to the store. I told her I know she is busy with her kids and stuff but I was only asking for a hr extra from her. Right away she goes into asking if our older sister is helping out also. I replied yes of course and she goes off on one of her rants about her. Anyway she is going on and on and saying things that are not nice and totally wrong. Well in my mind I just snapped and said enough of this. I told her what I thought of the way she was acting and has in the past. I didn't call her to fight but called her to ask about helping out. She turned the entire chat onto our older sister. See if you can tell by now they have never got along. Lynn who is my middle sister and not talking too has always thought that my mom liked Cindy my older sister better. Lynn still blames my mom for shit that happened to her in high school. So anyway her and I are yelling back and forth on the phone. And then she starts on me and about me going back to Denver. The last thing she says to me b4 hanging up the phone is that I'm a fucking bum and will always be. Now I would rather have a complete stranger tell me this then my own flesh and blood. That comment still hurts and hurts to type that out now. Since then I refused to talk to her and will continue to do so. In my eyes I only have one sister now and that's good enough for me. This may sound very cruel but my middle sister is dead to me. I don't care about her at all anymore. It's sad but its the truth and how I feel. :(
Patrick, from a complete stranger who only knows form what you write here: You are not a fucking bum.
I haven't spoken to my mom in 6 weeks and my sister in 5. I've never felt better in my life. I imagine the Holiday's will be hard but I might escape with a cruise or Hawaii for Christmas.
I'd really love to hear stories! I'm sure a bunch of people think "that's your FAMILY!" etc. When your family makes you physically sick, isn't it time to tell them to f-off?
I haven't spoken to the step-father that considers himself my father in 15 years. He occasionally sends letters or asks me to call (through my uncle) when he's sick and needs emotional support (!!) but by the time I cut him off I'd had enough of his nonsense.
I don't regret the lack of contact in the least. In fact, the thought of speaking to him makes me feel so angry I could break something or get ill. :?
If a family member is hurting you I believe you have the right to disown them.
"But they are family" can be an excuse for illogical, masochistic behavior.
I recently had an old friend go nuts on me during a phone call after leaving vile messages.
No amount of calm, non-accusitive response could bring them down from their rage.
I hung up and decided that they were not a frined of mine any more.
I hope they win the lottery and find love. Just don't bother me.
We have a right to be in peace.
Know that all things cannot be fixed.
You are absolutely right! People wouldn't expect you to stay in non-familial relationships that are toxic to your soul. Sometimes one of the hardest and bravest things a person can do is to walk away.
Surrounding yourself with friends and family who accept your decisions and don't try to force you to accept the unacceptable is the way to go.
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
My oldest sister and I have pretty much written off our other sister. My folks haven't cause it's their daughter and I understand that. But she has done things and said things that have hurt many like myself, my older sister and her family and my folks. And in the past couple yrs as my folk's health has taken some scary and stressful turns. She continues to act the same way and treat us like shit. Well this past April as I decided to go back to Denver I called her and asked if she could help out while I'm gone. Help out with coming over to my folks house and take my dad out for a ride or take him to the store. I told her I know she is busy with her kids and stuff but I was only asking for a hr extra from her. Right away she goes into asking if our older sister is helping out also. I replied yes of course and she goes off on one of her rants about her. Anyway she is going on and on and saying things that are not nice and totally wrong. Well in my mind I just snapped and said enough of this. I told her what I thought of the way she was acting and has in the past. I didn't call her to fight but called her to ask about helping out. She turned the entire chat onto our older sister. See if you can tell by now they have never got along. Lynn who is my middle sister and not talking too has always thought that my mom liked Cindy my older sister better. Lynn still blames my mom for shit that happened to her in high school. So anyway her and I are yelling back and forth on the phone. And then she starts on me and about me going back to Denver. The last thing she says to me b4 hanging up the phone is that I'm a fucking bum and will always be. Now I would rather have a complete stranger tell me this then my own flesh and blood. That comment still hurts and hurts to type that out now. Since then I refused to talk to her and will continue to do so. In my eyes I only have one sister now and that's good enough for me. This may sound very cruel but my middle sister is dead to me. I don't care about her at all anymore. It's sad but its the truth and how I feel. :(
Patrick, from a complete stranger who only knows form what you write here: You are not a fucking bum.
I guess you would need to start with the question "Why are you the black cloud?" From what you said here your mother is an Alcoholic but you've been through the therapy. That obviously means that you have some sort of problem with alcohol as well and maybe pill issues since you also said that you're taking anti-depressants.
Alcoholism does get passed down through the family. Maybe they see you as the black cloud since you seem to be going down the same road as your mother?
My gosh, noooo! I'm the 'bad' one because I stopped taking their crap and pointing out when they were being assholes.
I didn't realize there was still such a negative stigma about therapy and anti-depressants. I 'obviously' have a problem with alcohol? Kinda freaky that improving ones life can lead others to think something like that.
Patrick--you're not a bum! sometimes sick parents bring out the worst in siblings. I remember you writing about your guilt in moving... you did the right thing for yourself and there's nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes.
I guess you would need to start with the question "Why are you the black cloud?" From what you said here your mother is an Alcoholic but you've been through the therapy. That obviously means that you have some sort of problem with alcohol as well and maybe pill issues since you also said that you're taking anti-depressants.
Alcoholism does get passed down through the family. Maybe they see you as the black cloud since you seem to be going down the same road as your mother?
My gosh, noooo! I'm the 'bad' one because I stopped taking their crap and pointing out when they were being assholes.
I didn't realize there was still such a negative stigma about therapy and anti-depressants. I 'obviously' have a problem with alcohol? Kinda freaky that improving ones life can lead others to think something like that.
Patrick--you're not a bum! sometimes sick parents bring out the worst in siblings. I remember you writing about your guilt in moving... you did the right thing for yourself and there's nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes.
"Obviously" was a little harsh, I was typing fast.
I wasn't describing therapy as negative either. Most of the people I know on Anti's tend to abuse them, so I'm just talking about personal experience here.
My friend was going to see Eddie last night. Since he was in Vegas, I gave him 5 Grand to gamble with. I told him I wanted it all to go on Black. Bastard! PhillyCrownOfThorns-11-2-12
My grandfather came from a very wealthy family. He fell in love with my grandmother who came from a poor family. My great grand parents did not aprove of Pa's relationship with Nan, so Pa and Nan moved and came to Sydney. In doing so, My great grandparents disowned my grandparents, writing Pa out of their will. So when Pa's sister's and brothers both inherited multiple houses each and a shit load of money, Nana and Pa only received a couple of Religious statues.
For the rest of their lives they were poor with money, rich with love.
Sydney 11/02/2003
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014
covered in bliss, do not feel guilty. do what YOU need to do. i too, put up with years of drama from a family member, one day i said enough is enough, i *disowned* them. haven't spoken to the person in years and it's is very liberating. i am finally free of all the drama, bs, emotional issues, etc. if you are concerned about holidays, let your friends know what you are doing and you may even get *adopted* by one of them. i have done some really cool things on holidays. take care of yourself and keep us updated. good luck!
if you are concerned about holidays, let your friends know what you are doing and you may even get *adopted* by one of them. i have done some really cool things on holidays. take care of yourself and keep us updated. good luck!
I second this idea. Fortunately, I never got to a disowning point, though we've had our issues. In the most intense times, I often spent holidays amongst friends. It's a beautiful thing to actually enjoy those days, to be with folks who take you in unconditionally.
How do you steal 10 grand from a cousin's wife? Renovations?
strangely enough, since I've cut off my mom and sis, I've been talking with a cousin that I haven't talked to in years. We caught up at my bro's wedding a year ago.. it's amazing how a door has closed and another has opened.
I still have pangs of guilt, though, and that's why I'm asking for viewpoints.
I don't speak to my mother... it's been over 10 years now... except for times when I have made efforts and thought 'well maybe things have changed', which of course they hadn't. Everything I did was for purely selfish reasons... if/when something happens to her, I want to be able to live guilt free. You need to think about if something happens, could you live with yourself? If no, then swallow some pride and try again.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I haven't really talked to my sister in over 10 years. I sometimes wonder if it is too late to get things back to how they once were. You're right though, holidays can be the toughest times when dealing with this shit
It will probably not get back to how it was... but, if you're wondering, it's not too late. Why don't you just give her a call and arrange to meet for a coffee or something?
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
The thing that sucks the most is the guilt. I was raised catholic and I keep hearing in my head "THAT"S YOUR FAMILY!" We're supposed to love our family, unconditionally.
That's dangerous.
I'm catholic... guilt can be a good thing. I'm pretty sure I won't have any but nobody can tell until the time comes.
What do you feel guilty about? Disowning her? Or something else?
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
in 2003 I told my oldest sister to never call me again. She only talked to me to tell me how I wasn't living up to her standards in regards to my choices. I was turning 35 that year. I mean, if I"m going to fall or soar, let it be my responsibility, eh?
Anyhoo, she lives in Holland, and a couple times a year she comes over on a business trip. It's a little tense at first, but once the food is out it's better. I still have a wall up when it comes to her advice.
I have to say that when I was with my four siblings this past July 4th (including her) I felt like I belonged. I haven't felt that good in years. We are all different, but it just felt good to be with the four of them. They had their families, or in my sister's case her husband was back in Holland, but it was very cool for the 5 of us to be together.
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
HH-I don't really feel any guilt w/mom. She's had a foot in the grave numerous times (all alcohol related) and each time, I've hoped for her death. I realize how horrible that sounds but death would mean freedom from whatever demons possess her.
I felt guilty w/sis because she emailed me - she was fired from her job and really needed to talk. That used to be my place in the family-- I was the fixer.
I've since gotten over it, though, after sis sent a text saying something about mom's drinking being the reason for my not talking to her. The level of enmeshment is sickening with those 2. Her thinking what she does is sad... she's so clueless! Clueless enough that I'm thinking about emailing her to tell her exactly what's on my mind and to not contact me anymore. Things might change down the road but for now, I just can't/don't want to be involved with them. I would be nice but firm. Her contacting me every few days is making me nervous... I'm sure her husband will call mine soon and I'm sure she will drive over someday. That's way too dramatic and I'm getting uncomfortable when the doorbell rings. Also, I have kids and I'm not thrilled about the way things are playing out in front of them.
Simply because you shared the same DNA or home, doesn't necessarily mean you're going to want to interact with them for the rest of your life. Do what you need to to keep yourself whole (original poster) - if being around the family members makes you feel worse, and you feel better when you're not around them, I think its pretty obvious what to do.
R.i.p. Rigoberto Alpizar.
R.i.p. My Dad - May 28, 2007
R.i.p. Black Tail (cat) - Sept. 20, 2008
i would love to never talk to my brother. i avoid it as much as possible as it is. unfortunately, my mother would prolly disown me if i cut my brother out of my life completely, as he is the favorite child. ah families ..
I don't know why the OP has been to therapy but if it's to deal with an alcoholic mother then I don't see that as having a problem with alcohol. And being prescribed anti-depressants, which are taken for depression, which is an illness, is not the same thing as abusing drugs or alcohol, so I don't think it's appropriate to talk about pill issues. CIB was asking for other people's experiences breaking off with family members, especially handling guilt feelings. I don't think piling on more guilt is necessary.
I'm just going on what was been posted here. That's why I asked the question about the therapy and such, I've not heard of anyone going to therapy alone for a family problem, that's all.
I see people in therapy all the time who are there because of a family problem - very often growing up with a parent who is an alcoholic and/or abusive. So much of the work is about what's been posted on here - recognizing you can't make the other person change and re-determining boundaries, etc. recognizing the changes you can make for yourself.
not to mention that a lot of (non-family) problems that people do go to therapy for have deep roots in family issues -- whether we recognize it or not right away.
going to therapy alone for a family problem shows that you are proactive and want to put a stop to whatever issues there are before it starts to seep into other areas of your life, as it inevitably will.
Her contacting me every few days is making me nervous... I'm sure her husband will call mine soon and I'm sure she will drive over someday. That's way too dramatic and I'm getting uncomfortable when the doorbell rings. Also, I have kids and I'm not thrilled about the way things are playing out in front of them.
Thanks for the kind words, everyone!
That scenario sounds familiar and something I've dealt with a few times. If/when it happens, just firmly ask/demand them to leave if that's what you want. Don't bring emotion into it as that will never end well. When you have kids you have to lay the law down and keep them away from the situation. Doesn't matter who is to blame, it's nothing to do with the kids. Again, this is something I'm very very familiar with.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I did it. I felt a lot of guilt for a long time. Now I do see some relatives, but only on my terms. I feel a lot of freedom and no guilt. My relatives learned, over time, that guilt pushes me further away so they stopped trying to throw it at me. They also know if they start any crap that is disrespectful, rude, or just anything that they only do to relatives, cuz only relatives would put up with that stuff, they will not see me for years again.
They now treat me how they'd like to be treated.
Comments
I'm just going on what was been posted here. That's why I asked the question about the therapy and such, I've not heard of anyone going to therapy alone for a family problem, that's all.
With the sisters: when we were kids, we were close- especially my 2nd oldest (I'm the 3rd of 4). When she reached high school, things changed and we became distant, and she became one of the most selfish person I have ever met (to this day). One day she threw a hissy-fit and started yelling and screaming at my mom- and I had about enough of it. Words were spoken, not kind ones and soon (not soon enough), she was out the door. She continues her mean spirited bullshit- with nasty letters- and then one year she just stopped. I don't know what happened, but she "changed". She had a kid and tried to make amends with my mom. I don't believe that she has changed, but my mom is willing- more power to her. I've decided that its not worth my sanity and I don't speak to her. My mom tries to ambush me with coincidental get-togethers. I'm cordial, for my mom's sake. But I don't want to be- and its such a hard fight sometimes.
Now my dad- wow- just an abusive(too much to get into), controlling individual. I too was forced to go visit him when I was a kid- and he tried to brainwash us against my mom (worked with the one sister above). I stopped going when I was about 14. Off and on I would see him over the years until I just stopped trying to have a relationship with him. When I was getting married, my mom (bless her kindness) thought I should invite him to the wedding- not to be part of the ceremony or anything like that(I did not think that it was appropriate- not having been in my life for some time) - more that, maybe, he should be there. That was the worst thing I could have ever done- I got so much nastiness and anger. Lets just say, words could not express the disgust I felt with his replies.
I've given up on my dad- don't know where he is and don't want to know. My sister- maybe with a bit more time I could be more friendly towards her.
Family is hard and a lot of work- on both sides- if they are willing to make a change to make the relationship work. Sometimes its best just to cut the cord and move on with your life. It saddens me sometimes when I see close knit families -where the siblings get along and you have that deep connection. I realize i will not have that with my family (except with my mom- which has to be good enough)
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
"But they are family" can be an excuse for illogical, masochistic behavior.
I recently had an old friend go nuts on me during a phone call after leaving vile messages.
No amount of calm, non-accusitive response could bring them down from their rage.
I hung up and decided that they were not a frined of mine any more.
I hope they win the lottery and find love. Just don't bother me.
We have a right to be in peace.
Know that all things cannot be fixed.
family members can be so retarded sometimes.
eV: 8/4/08, 8/5/08, 6/21/11
SG: 10/4/08<-- MET STONE!!!
Patrick, from a complete stranger who only knows form what you write here: You are not a fucking bum.
I haven't spoken to the step-father that considers himself my father in 15 years. He occasionally sends letters or asks me to call (through my uncle) when he's sick and needs emotional support (!!) but by the time I cut him off I'd had enough of his nonsense.
I don't regret the lack of contact in the least. In fact, the thought of speaking to him makes me feel so angry I could break something or get ill. :?
I think avoiding him has worked out quite well.
You are absolutely right! People wouldn't expect you to stay in non-familial relationships that are toxic to your soul. Sometimes one of the hardest and bravest things a person can do is to walk away.
Surrounding yourself with friends and family who accept your decisions and don't try to force you to accept the unacceptable is the way to go.
Thank you
My gosh, noooo! I'm the 'bad' one because I stopped taking their crap and pointing out when they were being assholes.
I didn't realize there was still such a negative stigma about therapy and anti-depressants. I 'obviously' have a problem with alcohol? Kinda freaky that improving ones life can lead others to think something like that.
Patrick--you're not a bum! sometimes sick parents bring out the worst in siblings. I remember you writing about your guilt in moving... you did the right thing for yourself and there's nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes.
"Obviously" was a little harsh, I was typing fast.
I wasn't describing therapy as negative either. Most of the people I know on Anti's tend to abuse them, so I'm just talking about personal experience here.
"Free Shipping" SPEEDY MCCREADY
My friend was going to see Eddie last night. Since he was in Vegas, I gave him 5 Grand to gamble with. I told him I wanted it all to go on Black. Bastard! PhillyCrownOfThorns-11-2-12
For the rest of their lives they were poor with money, rich with love.
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014
I second this idea. Fortunately, I never got to a disowning point, though we've had our issues. In the most intense times, I often spent holidays amongst friends. It's a beautiful thing to actually enjoy those days, to be with folks who take you in unconditionally.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
What do you feel guilty about? Disowning her? Or something else?
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Anyhoo, she lives in Holland, and a couple times a year she comes over on a business trip. It's a little tense at first, but once the food is out it's better. I still have a wall up when it comes to her advice.
I have to say that when I was with my four siblings this past July 4th (including her) I felt like I belonged. I haven't felt that good in years. We are all different, but it just felt good to be with the four of them. They had their families, or in my sister's case her husband was back in Holland, but it was very cool for the 5 of us to be together.
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
Sometimes you go through life meeting/making new and improved role-models for yourself as you go along.
https://www.facebook.com/Bring.Pearl.Jam.To.Israel
I felt guilty w/sis because she emailed me - she was fired from her job and really needed to talk. That used to be my place in the family-- I was the fixer.
I've since gotten over it, though, after sis sent a text saying something about mom's drinking being the reason for my not talking to her. The level of enmeshment is sickening with those 2. Her thinking what she does is sad... she's so clueless! Clueless enough that I'm thinking about emailing her to tell her exactly what's on my mind and to not contact me anymore. Things might change down the road but for now, I just can't/don't want to be involved with them. I would be nice but firm. Her contacting me every few days is making me nervous... I'm sure her husband will call mine soon and I'm sure she will drive over someday. That's way too dramatic and I'm getting uncomfortable when the doorbell rings. Also, I have kids and I'm not thrilled about the way things are playing out in front of them.
Thanks for the kind words, everyone!
R.i.p. My Dad - May 28, 2007
R.i.p. Black Tail (cat) - Sept. 20, 2008
not to mention that a lot of (non-family) problems that people do go to therapy for have deep roots in family issues -- whether we recognize it or not right away.
going to therapy alone for a family problem shows that you are proactive and want to put a stop to whatever issues there are before it starts to seep into other areas of your life, as it inevitably will.
That scenario sounds familiar and something I've dealt with a few times. If/when it happens, just firmly ask/demand them to leave if that's what you want. Don't bring emotion into it as that will never end well. When you have kids you have to lay the law down and keep them away from the situation. Doesn't matter who is to blame, it's nothing to do with the kids. Again, this is something I'm very very familiar with.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
They now treat me how they'd like to be treated.