Acquaintance Rape

AllNiteThing wrote:

Exactly correct, again. There is WAY too much overdramatic projecting going on here (cough...HH...cough ). Don't equate whatever personal situations you've been in with this one. You make it a personal argument and your logical perspective suffers.

Gotta stick to the guns till the bitter end, no matter what is revealed and/or logically argued..

The Champ wrote:

Gotta stick to the guns till the bitter end, no matter what is revealed and/or logically argued..

but what HAS been logically argued? Obviously I'm gonna go with my experiences on this one. I'm sure every alley way rape that gets reported to the guards is reported in the media... it's the ones that you DON'T hear about that some people seem to decide don't actually happen.

Too many ifs and buts in this thread. Clothing does not matter... full stop!

The Champ wrote:

Right about now, she's probably laughing at this thread while tickling the hot neighbor's yam bags..

Probably

I don't know the girl so I can't fill in the details for her. But this thread moved away from the one specific incident as soon as clothing and her behaviour was brought into it. Hence why I can't specifically refer to HER incident when I reply.

Heineken Helen wrote:

Huh? So I should go AGAINST all my experiences then? that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

No, but Tish isn't you, and this situation isn't the one you were involved in and the guy Tish had over wasn't the guy who tried to assault you. See what I mean? You're taking your situation and substituting this thread as an argument for what happened to you. Apologies if that's not the case, but it certainly seems like it from your posts. What happened to you was obviously bad and something you did not ask for. You didn't put yourself in a bad situation, you were at a party surrounded by many people. Etc, etc. What Tish did was plain stupid. You, as a girl, do NOT invite random guys to your house, otherwise you are playing with fire. Plain and simple. It's up to him to be a gentleman, but it's up to YOU not to put yourself in that situation. At least know the person well before taking a step like that. Common sense. And no, it's not the same as what happened with you, HH.

Heineken Helen wrote:

And yes, I've got myself into several stupid situations that turned out great. It's when I THOUGHT I was safe that I wasn't... and I'm not the only person in the world to have experienced something like that... far from it.

And that's all you can do. Put yourself in safe situations. It's a shame when something bad happens, it really is, no matter what situation you put yourself in. BUT, you can eliminate the risk by not being stupid, can't we agree on that? When did common sense go out the window?

Heineken Helen wrote:

So really and truly unless you become a fucking hermit, which I've no intentions of doing, you CAN'T be safe. I'm certainly not gonna change my ways.

Again, it's not about you, it's about Tish. Unless you walk down dark alleys by yourself or invite random dudes over to your house, I don't see anyone saying YOU should change your ways. This was my point about some people in this thread projecting their own lives. This is about Tish and her actions.

Heineken Helen wrote:

I find it amusing that there are so many men on this thread telling us women what we should do and how we should feel... and confusing at the same time but yeh, I appreciate your opinions :rolleyes:

Again with the man vs. woman victim mentality. What IS with that??? I would say the same thing to a guy. Don't park your new car in a shoddy neighborhood, don't walk through the ghetto at 3am. And women shouldn't invite strange guys over to their house to 'watch videos' when they know that guy likes them. I'm in no way saying it invites rape, but don't be surprised that the guy is confused and tries to make a move. This isn't man vs. woman, this is common sense vs. stupidity.

And just to join in the fun: :rolleyes:

AllNiteThing wrote:

No, but Tish isn't you, and this situation isn't the one you were involved in and the guy Tish had over wasn't the guy who tried to assault you. See what I mean? You're taking your situation and substituting this thread as an argument for what happened to you. Apologies if that's not the case, but it certainly seems like it from your posts. What happened to you was obviously bad and something you did not ask for. You didn't put yourself in a bad situation, you were at a party surrounded by many people. Etc, etc. What Tish did was plain stupid. You, as a girl, do NOT invite random guys to your house, otherwise you are playing with fire. Plain and simple. It's up to him to be a gentleman, but it's up to YOU not to put yourself in that situation. At least know the person well before taking a step like that. Common sense. And no, it's not the same as what happened with you, HH.



And that's all you can do. Put yourself in safe situations. It's a shame when something bad happens, it really is, no matter what situation you put yourself in. BUT, you can eliminate the risk by not being stupid, can't we agree on that? When did common sense go out the window?



Again, it's not about you, it's about Tish. Unless you walk down dark alleys by yourself or invite random dudes over to your house, I don't see anyone saying YOU should change your ways. This was my point about some people in this thread projecting their own lives. This is about Tish and her actions.




Again with the man vs. woman victim mentality. What IS with that??? I would say the same thing to a guy. Don't park your new car in a shoddy neighborhood, don't walk through the ghetto at 3am. And women shouldn't invite strange guys over to their house to 'watch videos' when they know that guy likes them. I'm in no way saying it invites rape, but don't be surprised that the guy is confused and tries to make a move. This isn't man vs. woman, this is common sense vs. stupidity.

And just to join in the fun: :rolleyes:

I replied to the champ about why I can't reply regarding tish's situation... but so what... are you all able to guess or speculate about what happened without anyone defending?

And in that situation you're right, my situation wasn't like that. but there have been others and stuff I no longer talk about here since I've feckin MET ya all now so yep, you can become a victim and live your life accordingly OR you can choose to live it as you like. I choose the latter... sorry if that's just me asking for it but we all have different opinions and different ways of doing things and that's just mine. And it's not as if I'll choose the alley above the well lit busy street... BUT there have been occasions where the alley is the only option and I'm not gonna ask someone to come with me. I'm just not gonna live like that.

soulsinging wrote:

and nobody in here has used her clothing or behavior to say it was justifiable to rape her or force sex upon her, despite all your best efforts to project that view onto the men in here.

all that has been said is that the circumstances here (a late night phone call to an almost-stranger inviting him to her house alone on a snowy night to watch a movie) could very well have lead him to reasonably think this was a booty call and him putting the moves on her is not a big deal. her clothes go directly to whether or not he was reading things right. if a girl i barely know calls me out of the blue and says "im cold and lonely, wanna come over to my place and curl up on my couch for a movie" and i get there and she's wearing the outfit from "slutty schoolgirls 6"... i dont think think id be crazy to figure i was probly going to get laid. that is the only reason clothing was brought up; becos some posters were acting from the very beginning like he was a pig from the moment he tried to kiss her, not just becos he wouldnt take no for an answer.

everyone universally agrees it is wrong that he wouldnt take no for an answer. though im beginning to doubt that is what truly happened based on her other posts.

you've said this several times and I've agreed with ya... but then you reply further with more ifs and buts... and well basically there's just too many of em.

soulsinging wrote:

and nobody in here has used her clothing or behavior to say it was justifiable to rape her or force sex upon her

Motown322 wrote:

I haven't seen anyone post in this thread that has said, "Well, she deserved it..." or "If a girl dresses provocatively then she should expect to be assaulted..."

Not directly, but implied:

Indian Summer wrote:

maybe he took it as a "booty call".....and what exactly were you wearing?

tish wrote:

It doesn't matter what I was wearing. I

Indian Summer wrote:

sure it does.....

Motown322 wrote:

She puts on some hot clothes and waits for him to arrive. .

She had some hot clothes on? Where is that stated? And again.... would it make a difference?

Heineken Helen wrote:

thank you... its been implied way too much in this thread.

Nobody's come out and said 'it makes not one bit of difference what she was wearing' and left it at that. It's all 'of course it doesn't matter what she was wearing... BUT...' and then followed by a further 3 paragraphs

Most of these posts involving what she was wearing do not mean that her choice of clothes is a justification for a man to rape or force himself on her. They're saying that her choice of clothes may have been reason for him to think she was into him.

Heineken Helen wrote:

thank you... its been implied way too much in this thread.

Nobody's come out and said 'it makes not one bit of difference what she was wearing' and left it at that. It's all 'of course it doesn't matter what she was wearing... BUT...' and then followed by a further 3 paragraphs

I think the "3 paragraphs" are to clarify that it is in response to the people who implied that he was a terrible person because he went to her house with the thought of sex in his mind. If you ignore the context and just attack the quotes, it leads to 20 pages of miscommunication.

The arguments that:
1) He's a bad person for thinking sex was a likelihood
and
2) He's a bad person for what happened after the rejection

...are two different things.

I have not seen any person in this thread justify the non-rape that did(n't) happen, and I would not defend anybody if I thought they were defending something(that apparently didn't happen...) like that.