emotional vs physical cheating

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  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    The Champ wrote:
    Yes, it makes sense, but it's like you're already making excuses for him. Of course he'd tell you that it's a one time mistake, but more than likely, if he is/was willing to do it once, he'll do it again. Especially if he got away with the first time! Are you kidding, he'll be fucking like a little bunny rabbit and know you'll forgive him. Or i'm not sure what you mean by 'habit.' Is twice a habit, or every now and again considered a habit and thus not okay with you?


    a habit doesnt mean that he feels the need to fuck like a bunny rabbit any cottontails that he finds.

    it means that if, after we went through the drama (described in a previous post) he did the same thing again (for equally physical reasons) then, I think I would have to consider him habitually unsatisfied by me sexually and give him the big send off.

    and for ever afterwards in my head he would be called the "manjoso" (or however that spanglish word for gluttony pig is spelled)
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • anotherclone
    anotherclone Posts: 1,688
    soulsinging wrote:
    i know, im just saying cheating, especially emotional cheating, isnt very easy to define.


    AGREED.

    please to be defining "emotional cheating".
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    anotherclone wrote:
    AGREED.

    please to be defining "emotional cheating".

    I don't entirely get it either. Most people think 'he/she seems nice, phwoar'.
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    failedpersephone wrote:
    I think there is a level of truth to this post that was overlooked.

    for the record, my bf understands me and my humor/attitudes so when he hears me talking about chatting up someone - he just chuckles because unless there is "real" face time, it's just me doing some truthful jawing -and likewise, he can make comments/statements about other women (not piggish ones...that shit does NOT fly with me) but I know that he has no desire or need to go elsewhere. I like to tell the truth in a humorous almost unbelievable way...so if I am at work and someone comments about my stockings or something I will say something like "well too bad you didn't pay for the gold membership status on my website you might get a show of garter snapping" ya know?? (there is no website...but the garter thing is true and I am a smart ass about stupid physical inspired compliments) That often leads to bizarre levels of flirting...but my boyfriend hears about it all and generally laughs.

    The same can go for him, case in point, my boyfriend told me about this woman that works with him that he had a "crush" on - he was practically babbling about how he thought she was cute blah blah blah...and you know what? I never felt any jealousy or fear about it...but if he had never told me about her and I found out later that he had "secret" feelings (physical feelings) I would be nervous about our relationship...

    That's exactly what I'm talking about. ^ :)
    Whenever I've been cheated on it's the lying and deception that's gone on to "hide" the cheating that has been more hurtful to me than any actual act itself. I mean sure yes, it hurts to know that someone you love screwed someone else, BUT that they lied about it repeatedly to cover it up (and I really have NO IDEA why you'd bother :rolleyes: ) well that is the the thing that made me completely reassess the relationship. Not the cheating.
    The way I see it if you do screw around that's cool, if your partner accepts that and has no problem with it. And if you got a crush or a bit of flirty back and forth going on with someone else the greatest thing you can do in that situation is tell your partner. Share it with them. So they know, that yeah, I'm not blind or numb, I am attracted to this person BUT I'm telling you about it because how you feel MEANS MORE to me. I dunno seems to me that what you got going on is a bit of looking in the cake shop window but all cakes consumed at your place are baked at home. :) You're being clear with your partner and they with you so nobody has to doubt where the loyalty lies. That's a really powerful and important thing to have in a relationship. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    anotherclone wrote:
    AGREED.

    please to be defining "emotional cheating".
    the way they were talking about it was having a signicant other and sharing everything except any physical relationship. Except the example on thw show was holding hands and hugging his emotional attachment. Its all very fuzzy i think. Fine fine line to walk. Not my cup of tea.
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    soulsinging wrote:
    what constitutes piggish?

    hmmn, I suppose it would be honestly referring to women by their body parts or slang for their body parts...honestly, not with a level of humor or joke-perv vibe.

    I can and do speak fluent "Locker Room" but, there is a level of gentlemanliness that seems to be able to pull off joke perv...whereas, I have heard men calling other women (and prolly when i was not there calling me this as well) "pig holes" "cunt" and ya know other terms of the same ilk...and they meant it. not like a joke or trying to be a big man but like, it was an acceptable expression.

    I jokingly say "cuntsticks" and "dickhole" and such, but it's like "asshole" or "shit for brains" it's not meant to be used to actually describe an anus or other sexualized body part...it is used as a vague derogatory expression for the person as a whole...and has as much meaning to me as calling someone a "jerk"

    so, in short, do not call me a "cunt" unless you make it funny and are not referring to me by a slang term for my vagina.
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • Linda
    Linda Posts: 1,656
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    That's just silly. I do it all the time but I call it a crush.

    what she says......;)
    i'm not happy yet.....
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Jeanie wrote:
    That's exactly what I'm talking about. ^ :)
    Whenever I've been cheated on it's the lying and deception that's gone on to "hide" the cheating that has been more hurtful to me than any actual act itself. I mean sure yes, it hurts to know that someone you love screwed someone else, BUT that they lied about it repeatedly to cover it up (and I really have NO IDEA why you'd bother :rolleyes: ) well that is the the thing that made me completely reassess the relationship. Not the cheating.
    The way I see it if you do screw around that's cool, if your partner accepts that and has no problem with it. And if you got a crush or a bit of flirty back and forth going on with someone else the greatest thing you can do in that situation is tell your partner. Share it with them. So they know, that yeah, I'm not blind or numb, I am attracted to this person BUT I'm telling you about it because how you feel MEANS MORE to me. I dunno seems to me that what you got going on is a bit of looking in the cake shop window but all cakes consumed at your place are baked at home. :) You're being clear with your partner and they with you so nobody has to doubt where the loyalty lies. That's a really powerful and important thing to have in a relationship. :)

    my gf bursts into tears anytime i mention having dated other girls before her in the most roundabout way. i rather doubt she would at all be ok with me telling her ive been flirting with a classmate or think another girl is cute.
  • gue_barium
    gue_barium Posts: 5,515
    failedpersephone wrote:
    hmmn, I suppose it would be honestly referring to women by their body parts or slang for their body parts...honestly, not with a level of humor or joke-perv vibe.

    I can and do speak fluent "Locker Room" but, there is a level of gentlemanliness that seems to be able to pull off joke perv...whereas, I have heard men calling other women (and prolly when i was not there calling me this as well) "pig holes" "cunt" and ya know other terms of the same ilk...and they meant it. not like a joke or trying to be a big man but like, it was an acceptable expression.

    I jokingly say "cuntsticks" and "dickhole" and such, but it's like "asshole" or "shit for brains" it's not meant to be used to actually describe an anus or other sexualized body part...it is used as a vague derogatory expression for the person as a whole...and has as much meaning to me as calling someone a "jerk"

    so, in short, do not call me a "cunt" unless you make it funny and are not referring to me by a slang term for my vagina.

    Coont.
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  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    failedpersephone wrote:
    hmmn, I suppose it would be honestly referring to women by their body parts or slang for their body parts...honestly, not with a level of humor or joke-perv vibe.

    I can and do speak fluent "Locker Room" but, there is a level of gentlemanliness that seems to be able to pull off joke perv...whereas, I have heard men calling other women (and prolly when i was not there calling me this as well) "pig holes" "cunt" and ya know other terms of the same ilk...and they meant it. not like a joke or trying to be a big man but like, it was an acceptable expression.

    I jokingly say "cuntsticks" and "dickhole" and such, but it's like "asshole" or "shit for brains" it's not meant to be used to actually describe an anus or other sexualized body part...it is used as a vague derogatory expression for the person as a whole...and has as much meaning to me as calling someone a "jerk"

    so, in short, do not call me a "cunt" unless you make it funny and are not referring to me by a slang term for my vagina.

    fair enough. just curious.
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    soulsinging wrote:
    fair enough. just curious.

    hahahaa...I realized how I ended that last post...*stops singing I am Woman Hear Me Roar* :eek:

    hahahaaa..."Cuntlefish McBewbie" is totally fine with me, btw. ;)
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    soulsinging wrote:
    my gf bursts into tears anytime i mention having dated other girls before her in the most roundabout way. i rather doubt she would at all be ok with me telling her ive been flirting with a classmate or think another girl is cute.

    I'd say that you got bigger problems afoot then.
    A reasonable person with a healthy self esteem, that has trust in their partner does not need to crack up crying at the very mention of what went on before them or expect that their partner doesn't have a history. If it's not something she can cope with then I'd say she needs to be asking herself why or finding someone with NO previous partners.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Jeanie wrote:
    I'd say that you got bigger problems afoot then.
    A reasonable person with a healthy self esteem, that has trust in their partner does not need to crack up crying at the very mention of what went on before them or expect that their partner doesn't have a history. If it's not something she can cope with then I'd say she needs to be asking herself why or finding someone with NO previous partners.

    she didn't have any, which might be why she has no healthy self esteem. it's wearing me out. i'll take getting fucked over by a bitch who knows she doesn't need me over this walking on eggshells shit.
  • Linda
    Linda Posts: 1,656
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    No one said it's okay to be cheated on.

    Just saying if we had to put up with it. Rather him sleep with someone else because he just wanted sex rather than him being madly in love with someone else that he would ultimately leave me for anyway.

    again, what she said...
    i'm not happy yet.....
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    Linda wrote:
    again, what she said...

    Thanks. Maybe I don't always talk crap. :rolleyes:

    Soulsinging, who's the bitch? Not your girlfriend?
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    Thanks. Maybe I don't always talk crap. :rolleyes:

    Soulsinging, who's the bitch? Not your girlfriend?

    the ex.
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    soulsinging wrote:
    she didn't have any, which might be why she has no healthy self esteem. it's wearing me out. i'll take getting fucked over by a bitch who knows she doesn't need me over this walking on eggshells shit.


    Well you can only decide if you wanna stay in it and work toward it being a non issue (as it should be) or accept that it's not working and move on. It's not like you can remove your past experience from your life simply because she can't cope. Or that you could have lived your life not experiencing anything UNTIL she came along, predicting that she would somehow. :rolleyes: There are SO MANY other things that couples have to work through in a life, if she's not coping with this small, reasonable thing then how's she going to cope with the big stuff? And I wouldn't be walking on eggshells over it either. I'd be stating plain and simple this is how it is and I'm here with you trying so we either get past it or we're done. You can't change it, so pretending that it didn't happen just to keep the peace isn't really going to do much for the relationship anyway.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    soulsinging wrote:
    the ex.

    Was she the one that wears sweatsuits and has low self esteem, etc? :(
  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    Emotional cheating is a deal breaker, just as much as physical cheating.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • anotherclone
    anotherclone Posts: 1,688
    GraySaturday wrote:
    the way they were talking about it was having a signicant other and sharing everything except any physical relationship. Except the example on thw show was holding hands and hugging his emotional attachment. Its all very fuzzy i think. Fine fine line to walk. Not my cup of tea.

    Thanks for clarifying that. If that is the case, then that's pretty terrible. Almost worse than physical (sex) cheating.

    Both dump-able offences in my opinion.

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