emotional vs physical cheating

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  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    failedpersephone wrote:
    ditch the shame HARMLESS!!!!!

    I'm starting with a tattoo, something which others with my 'upbringing' aren't all that happy about. :D
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    failedpersephone wrote:
    that is why the obvious question was raised about consenting legal adult porn.

    disrespectful? hmmn, sometimes...there is an aspect to the porn industry that is obviously set up to titillate and create the misogynistic "fantasy" but there is a healthy thread to some of that behavior...exploitative, all of those are true and false at the same time. *disclaimer* I am talking about LEGAL CONSENTING ADULT PORN

    like I said above - even with your "upbringing" and your heartfelt views regarding it - it still worked for you sexually.

    and provided that you didn't go into any fiscal/situational problems as a result of using porn when something works sexually - you should explore it, and it's ramifications and find the useful tools within it.

    your sexuality is one facet to a multifaceted human being...exploring and refining all of your facets is a great way to be alive. :)

    IOW: ditch the shame HARMLESS!!!!!

    so am i addicted if i sometimes blow off homework in favor of a morning porn session?
  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    Porn is not misogynistic at all.

    Would anyone contest that a Dominatrix is misandrous? No, because she is facilitating the submissive's fantasy and her own at the same time. The role might be reversed when people make fake rape porn or something, but ultimately it has nothing to do with oppression of women, it has to do with supply and demand. There are over 50 identified paraphilias of which the porn industry tries to satisfy.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia#List_of_paraphilias

    News flash, women look at porn. I don't remember the exact stat, but it was upwards of 8 million women who view porn each day.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    soulsinging wrote:
    know as i do? what's that mean?

    It's a saying. :)

    You said get up to forty, waiting to retire and die. And I was saying As you do. Sarcastically joking with you. Because everyone knows that forty means certain death these days???? Right??? :p:D
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    Being alive is a guaranteed way to die.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Jeanie wrote:
    It's a saying. :)

    You said get up to forty, waiting to retire and die. And I was saying As you do. Sarcastically joking with you. Because everyone knows that forty means certain death these days???? Right??? :p:D

    gotcha. perhaps i have poor examples. seems to me at a certain point in any marriage you hit a point where you dont want to speak to or see the other person, communicate by grunts, only stay together out of fear splitting might fuck up your kids, and wait for the sweet release of death, or at least a horrible disease that takes the other person out of your house so they'll stop annoying the shit out of you.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Ahnimus wrote:
    Porn is not misogynistic at all.

    Would anyone contest that a Dominatrix is misandrous? No, because she is facilitating the submissive's fantasy and her own at the same time. The role might be reversed when people make fake rape porn or something, but ultimately it has nothing to do with oppression of women, it has to do with supply and demand. There are over 50 identified paraphilias of which the porn industry tries to satisfy.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia#List_of_paraphilias

    News flash, women look at porn. I don't remember the exact stat, but it was upwards of 8 million women who view porn each day.

    i was going to see how many of those i have, but i lost count :)

    when did they break up pedophiles by age group? it seems like there are a few repeats there. this list might be a bit inflated.
  • decides2dream
    decides2dream Posts: 14,977
    justam wrote:
    I think every person has different things they can tolerate or things they want in a relationship.

    If we're lucky, we end up in partnerships that work because the wants and needs of the pair are complimentary.


    justam sums it all up succinctly. :)
    Stay with me...
    Let's just breathe...


    I am myself like you somehow


  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    soulsinging wrote:
    gotcha. perhaps i have poor examples. seems to me at a certain point in any marriage you hit a point where you dont want to speak to or see the other person, communicate by grunts, only stay together out of fear splitting might fuck up your kids, and wait for the sweet release of death, or at least a horrible disease that takes the other person out of your house so they'll stop annoying the shit out of you.

    From what I can gather SS every relationship has highs and lows.
    And some people do find themselves in that situation that you described but I don't think it's solely the domain of people over 40.
    Fact is you either hit a rough patch and make some changes and are able to continue on with your partner or you make some changes and decide to go seperate ways. I know that there are people that will stay with each other miserable, and making each other miserable for years and years but they need to take a long hard look in the mirror I suspect.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    soulsinging wrote:
    i was going to see how many of those i have, but i lost count :)

    when did they break up pedophiles by age group? it seems like there are a few repeats there. this list might be a bit inflated.

    Are you referring to ephibophelia? It's clinically very different.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Ahnimus wrote:
    Are you referring to ephibophelia? It's clinically very different.

    i dont remember, it just seemed like there were 5 different entries about sex with kids. how is that one different?
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Jeanie wrote:
    From what I can gather SS every relationship has highs and lows.
    And some people do find themselves in that situation that you described but I don't think it's solely the domain of people over 40.
    Fact is you either hit a rough patch and make some changes and are able to continue on with your partner or you make some changes and decide to go seperate ways. I know that there are people that will stay with each other miserable, and making each other miserable for years and years but they need to take a long hard look in the mirror I suspect.

    im one of those people. there was a great quote in the departed that about sums it up for so many people i know (me in particular). he says something about how she has to leave becos he's irish and he will live miserably with something wrong rather than fix it.
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    Ahnimus wrote:
    Porn is not misogynistic at all.

    Would anyone contest that a Dominatrix is misandrous? No, because she is facilitating the submissive's fantasy and her own at the same time. The role might be reversed when people make fake rape porn or something, but ultimately it has nothing to do with oppression of women, it has to do with supply and demand. There are over 50 identified paraphilias of which the porn industry tries to satisfy.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia#List_of_paraphilias

    News flash, women look at porn. I don't remember the exact stat, but it was upwards of 8 million women who view porn each day.

    I said that there is an aspect to some of the porn. This cannot be refuted. I could say there is an aspect to having a bear use a honey douche on you as you are tied to a redwood to SOME porn and still not be refuted...I am a female. I can see the appeal of porn. I have used it. I am also a dominatrix. um, I am not entirely sure what the news flash was regarding.

    I was trying to better understand Harmless's reluctance to "own" that aspect of his sexuality.
    and in the process made generalized statements trying to assist him in pinpointing something as a result of his statements... :)
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    soulsinging wrote:
    i dont remember, it just seemed like there were 5 different entries about sex with kids. how is that one different?

    They are presumably the consequence of sexual development terminating at different critical phases.

    There are only 3 that I'm aware of.

    Nepiophilia (also infantophilia): sexual attraction to children three years old or younger

    Pedophilia: sexual attraction to prepubescent children (British spelling: paedophilia)

    Ephebophilia (also hebephilia): sexual attraction towards adolescents.

    I've read a few papers on different theories as to their causes and they are distinctly different in terms of the theories. The general public wouldn't have a clue, to them it's all Pedophilia, unless the perpetrator is a woman.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    failedpersephone wrote:
    I said that there is an aspect to some of the porn. This cannot be refuted. I could say there is an aspect to having a bear use a honey douche on you as you are tied to a redwood to SOME porn and still not be refuted...I am a female. I can see the appeal of porn. I have used it. I am also a dominatrix. um, I am not entirely sure what the news flash was regarding.

    I was trying to better understand Harmless's reluctance to "own" that aspect of his sexuality.
    and in the process made generalized statements trying to assist him in pinpointing something as a result of his statements... :)

    Well, I've just known women who got into porn and were quite satisfied with the lifestyle. So I didn't see at all as misogynistic. It seems to be a catch-phrase of the last 20+ years.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    soulsinging wrote:
    im one of those people. there was a great quote in the departed that about sums it up for so many people i know (me in particular). he says something about how she has to leave becos he's irish and he will live miserably with something wrong rather than fix it.

    Yeah, I'm one of those people too.

    We do get stuck in things some times. But ultimately most of us get the hang of it and move on. Only to get stuck again. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Ahnimus wrote:
    They are presumably the consequence of sexual development terminating at different critical phases.

    There are only 3 that I'm aware of.

    Nepiophilia (also infantophilia): sexual attraction to children three years old or younger

    Pedophilia: sexual attraction to prepubescent children (British spelling: paedophilia)

    Ephebophilia (also hebephilia): sexual attraction towards adolescents.

    I've read a few papers on different theories as to their causes and they are distinctly different in terms of the theories. The general public wouldn't have a clue, to them it's all Pedophilia, unless the perpetrator is a woman.

    you're right, i didn't have a clue. i think scrolling down the list i didn't catch that they referred to different phases. though im not entirely sure what the difference is between the latter two.
  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    soulsinging wrote:
    you're right, i didn't have a clue. i think scrolling down the list i didn't catch that they referred to different phases. though im not entirely sure what the difference is between the latter two.

    Well. I remember one paper on it that described the anatomical differences, but I can't recall them now. But if you read the Pedophilia article at wikipedia, it cites a study which has results that are representative of Ephebophelia instead.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia#Extent_of_occurrence

    The rates for Pedophilia are higher than for Nepiophilia and Ephebophilia is more common still. Many would not even consider Ephebophilia as remotely the same things as Pedophilia.

    For example, I would think, most 25 year old guys would react to a hot 17 year old girl. I should point out too that pedophilia or ephebophilia refers to arousal and not action. I'm pretty sure most 25 year old guys would be aroused by a naked 17 year old girl, thus making them Ephibophiles.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Ahnimus wrote:
    Well. I remember one paper on it that described the anatomical differences, but I can't recall them now. But if you read the Pedophilia article at wikipedia, it cites a study which has results that are representative of Ephebophelia instead.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia#Extent_of_occurrence

    The rates for Pedophilia are higher than for Nepiophilia and Ephebophilia is more common still. Many would not even consider Ephebophilia as remotely the same things as Pedophilia.

    For example, I would think, most 25 year old guys would react to a hot 17 year old girl. I should point out too that pedophilia or ephebophilia refers to arousal and not action. I'm pretty sure most 25 year old guys would be aroused by a naked 17 year old girl, thus making them Ephibophiles.

    i think that makes 75% of the males in america technically pedophiles. i think that's slightly ridiculous though, that one day it's a paraphilia and the next she has a birthday and it's just normal attraction to a hottie?
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    soulsinging wrote:
    im one of those people. there was a great quote in the departed that about sums it up for so many people i know (me in particular). he says something about how she has to leave becos he's irish and he will live miserably with something wrong rather than fix it.

    F****** hell soulsinging. Thanks for that. God you've made me feel really miserable.

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