emotional vs physical cheating

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  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    I've been addicted to porn at points and my ex always felt as if I was cheating on her whenever she found it.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    I've been addicted to porn at points and my ex always felt as if I was cheating on her whenever she found it.

    yea, what's with that? It's just pr0n.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Ahnimus wrote:
    yea, what's with that? It's just pr0n.

    *shrug* I admit, it's not ideal, but what can you do...
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    I've been addicted to porn at points and my ex always felt as if I was cheating on her whenever she found it.

    I don't get the big deal here...did you hide it?? did she tell you that it hurt her/ or that she was upset/offended by it? addicted is a strong word...needed it more than her?

    preferred it to her??

    I am of course assuming it was legal consenting adults type porn...


    I also realize that I am being totally nosy.

    please - tell me to fuck off...by all means. ;)
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    failedpersephone wrote:
    I don't get the big deal here...did you hide it?? did she tell you that it hurt her/ or that she was upset/offended by it? addicted is a strong word...needed it more than her?

    preferred it to her??

    I am of course assuming it was legal consenting adults type porn...


    I also realize that I am being totally nosy.

    please - tell me to fuck off...by all means. ;)

    Obviously always legal..

    She was very against it, explicitly, and so am I in principal. I loved her more than anything in life. I say 'addicted' because I still didn't stop looking at it.

    Doesn't matter too much as it wasn't a factor in why she left me in the end
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    I think every person has different things they can tolerate or things they want in a relationship.

    If we're lucky, we end up in partnerships that work because the wants and needs of the pair are complimentary.
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  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    Was she the one that wears sweatsuits and has low self esteem, etc? :(

    that's the current one. that's what i was saying, id prefer the bitch of an ex that fucked me over and broke my heart to the whole insecure wilting nonsense. hell, she could even cheat on me as long as im allowed the same freedom.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    I've been addicted to porn at points and my ex always felt as if I was cheating on her whenever she found it.

    tell her if she'd wear a schoolgirl costume with a skirt that doesnt even cover her ass you wouldnt HAVE to look at porn. maybe i should just leave some around this week while she's gone. i've tried dropping every other hint i can, as well as outright talking. maybe if she thinks im going to cheat it will push to fucking do something about it.
  • gue_barium
    gue_barium Posts: 5,515
    soulsinging wrote:
    that's the current one. that's what i was saying, id prefer the bitch of an ex that fucked me over and broke my heart to the whole insecure wilting nonsense. hell, she could even cheat on me as long as im allowed the same freedom.

    Would it be "cheating" if it was "allowed?"
    all posts by ©gue_barium are protected under US copyright law and are not to be reproduced, exchanged or sold
    except by express written permission of ©gue_barium, the author.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    soulsinging wrote:
    that's the current one. that's what i was saying, id prefer the bitch of an ex that fucked me over and broke my heart to the whole insecure wilting nonsense. hell, she could even cheat on me as long as im allowed the same freedom.

    I think you've pretty much put yourself into the niche of needing a female with low self esteem now though because of the way you view women and their roles in relationships.

    At least, if you talk in real life about women being essentially whores/housekeepers you're unlikely to attract women with high self esteem!
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  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    justam wrote:
    I think you've pretty much put yourself into the niche of needing a female with low self esteem now though because of the way you view women and their roles in relationships.

    At least, if you talk in real life about women being essentially whores/housekeepers you're unlikely to attract women with high self esteem!

    that was a joke. the best girl i ever dated was the only one who matched me in terms of intelligence and ambition. she had confidence and could take me or leave me. it was perfect. she pushed me to be my best all the time. unfortunately, in the end she opted for the leave me part, hehe.

    my current gf is such a doormat i think i could fuck 2 girls on our living room floor and she's apologize to me and say it was her fault. it's the least exciting and interesting relationship i've ever been in. i feel like we're 40 and just waiting to retire and die.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    gue_barium wrote:
    Would it be "cheating" if it was "allowed?"

    i suppose not. but it would still be infidelity i suppose? i would love an open marriage. tis a shame so few women are ok with that.
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Obviously always legal..

    She was very against it, explicitly, and so am I in principal. I loved her more than anything in life. I say 'addicted' because I still didn't stop looking at it.

    Doesn't matter too much as it wasn't a factor in why she left me in the end

    well, principles shift. if you didn't stop looking at it despite your and her principles, you may have to own up to the fact that you enjoy porn. and if you are honest about the use/enjoyment of it as an aspect of your sexuality - then once the shame/principles shift the problem is gone.

    it only "doesn't matter" as a possible reasoning to the end of your past relationship - it will matter a lot in your future relationships if it is still an ambiguous and was left an non-inspected factor in your natural sexuality.
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    soulsinging wrote:
    that was a joke. the best girl i ever dated was the only one who matched me in terms of intelligence and ambition. she had confidence and could take me or leave me. it was perfect. she pushed me to be my best all the time. unfortunately, in the end she opted for the leave me part, hehe.

    my current gf is such a doormat i think i could fuck 2 girls on our living room floor and she's apologize to me and say it was her fault. it's the least exciting and interesting relationship i've ever been in. i feel like we're 40 and just waiting to retire and die.

    Yikes! I think people who are like that bring out the worst in others.
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  • Ahnimus
    Ahnimus Posts: 10,560
    soulsinging wrote:
    i suppose not. but it would still be infidelity i suppose? i would love an open marriage. tis a shame so few women are ok with that.

    There are resorts in Jamaica for such adventures, appropriately titled Hedonism 1 - 3.
    I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    failedpersephone wrote:
    well, principles shift. if you didn't stop looking at it despite your and her principles, you may have to own up to the fact that you enjoy porn. and if you are honest about the use/enjoyment of it as an aspect of your sexuality - then once the shame/principles shift the problem is gone.

    it only "doesn't matter" as a possible reasoning to the end of your past relationship - it will matter a lot in your future relationships if it is still an ambiguous and was left an non-inspected factor in your natural sexuality.

    Hmm.. that's food for thought. I dunno, I've got over many taboos from my upbringing, but this one, if it's gonna go, will take some work. I've just always thought it was wrong.. disrespectful.. exploitative on all involved.. etc. etc., yadda yadda yadda.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Ahnimus wrote:
    There are resorts in Jamaica for such adventures, appropriately titled Hedonism 1 - 3.

    now i know where to suggest a vacation.
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    soulsinging wrote:
    .... it's the least exciting and interesting relationship i've ever been in. i feel like we're 40 and just waiting to retire and die.

    You know as you do?? :rolleyes:

    I can't wait till you get up here and redefine your views! :rolleyes: :p
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Jeanie wrote:
    You know as you do?? :rolleyes:

    I can't wait till you get up here and redefine your views! :rolleyes: :p

    know as i do? what's that mean?
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    Hmm.. that's food for thought. I dunno, I've got over many taboos from my upbringing, but this one, if it's gonna go, will take some work. I've just always thought it was wrong.. disrespectful.. exploitative on all involved.. etc. etc., yadda yadda yadda.

    that is why the obvious question was raised about consenting legal adult porn.

    disrespectful? hmmn, sometimes...there is an aspect to the porn industry that is obviously set up to titillate and create the misogynistic "fantasy" but there is a healthy thread to some of that behavior...exploitative, all of those are true and false at the same time. *disclaimer* I am talking about LEGAL CONSENTING ADULT PORN

    like I said above - even with your "upbringing" and your heartfelt views regarding it - it still worked for you sexually.

    and provided that you didn't go into any fiscal/situational problems as a result of using porn when something works sexually - you should explore it, and it's ramifications and find the useful tools within it.

    your sexuality is one facet to a multifaceted human being...exploring and refining all of your facets is a great way to be alive. :)

    IOW: ditch the shame HARMLESS!!!!!
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.

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