emotional vs physical cheating

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  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    soulsinging wrote:
    i was just fucking around and being a dick. i know what you mean.

    well in that case- i could use your dick, provided we don't really have conversations (as specified above)...and then if my bf ever decides that he wants to try another flavor, I can't give him too much shit about it. ;)
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    failedpersephone wrote:
    well in that case- i could use your dick, provided we don't really have conversations (as specified above)...and then if my bf ever decides that he wants to try another flavor, I can't give him too much shit about it. ;)

    except, as i pointed out, you getting physical with another guy is to him what him getting emotionally involved with another woman is to you.

    to him, it means that you're just using him as a paycheck/emotional punching bag when you're on the rag. that you don't desire him and he doesn't please you physically. a huge deal to a guy. that was the point. men and women are opposites on this one.
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    GraySaturday wrote:
    so im watching a talk show right now. (okay yes its tyra please dont hate me) and she is talking about people having emotional affairs. I am not having an affair emotionally or physically but the topic got me wondering...

    Tyra and her "experts" are saying that often an emotional affair is far more hurtful then a physical affair. Do you agree? Have any of you become emotionally connected to someone other then your significant other?

    That's just silly. I do it all the time but I call it a crush.
  • The Champ
    The Champ Posts: 4,063
    failedpersephone wrote:
    if he fucked someone else, i think I would be a bit bitchy about getting his ass tested, and be a whole lot merciless about making him feel like shit.

    but clearly - it wouldnt be a deal breaker...

    So you'd let your boyfriend fuck other girls as long as he doesn't get emotionally involved? Wow, I wish my girl was this open minded and/or have low enough self-esteem to take my cheating ass back afterwards....Unfortunately in my case, it is CLEARLY a deal breaker..
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    soulsinging wrote:
    except, as i pointed out, you getting physical with another guy is to him what him getting emotionally involved with another woman is to you.

    to him, it means that you're just using him as a paycheck/emotional punching bag when you're on the rag. that you don't desire him and he doesn't please you physically. a huge deal to a guy. that was the point. men and women are opposites on this one.


    yeah...I know I got your point. but wouldn't it be a really smart way of proving your point to my bf who has never heard your point???

    :D oh yeah, that's logic. :D

    I like to say "nail file" instead of emotional punching bag...

    I am kidding. seriously not really a bitch...

    but I think that I would have similar feelings of being undesirable, and I would wonder about my abilities if he physically cheated - I would just be more apt to get over those feelings and maybe turn very passive aggressive about the affair - but once again not a deal breaker...I get it that it would equate to emotional affairs to a woman, but I wonder if your style of man would respond to emotional affairs similarly??

    I dont think my question made sense...sorry...
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    failedpersephone wrote:
    yeah...I know I got your point. but wouldn't it be a really smart way of proving your point to my bf who has never heard your point???

    :D oh yeah, that's logic. :D

    I like to say "nail file" instead of emotional punching bag...

    I am kidding. seriously not really a bitch...

    but I think that I would have similar feelings of being undesirable, and I would wonder about my abilities if he physically cheated - I would just be more apt to get over those feelings and maybe turn very passive aggressive about the affair - but once again not a deal breaker...I get it that it would equate to emotional affairs to a woman, but I wonder if your style of man would respond to emotional affairs similarly??

    I dont think my question made sense...sorry...

    i think a guy would get suspicious or jealous, but see nothing wrong until or unless you started sleeping with the other guy.
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    The Champ wrote:
    So you'd let your boyfriend fuck other girls as long as he doesn't get emotionally involved? Wow, I wish my girl was this open minded and/or have low enough self-esteem to take my cheating ass back afterwards....Unfortunately in my case, it is CLEARLY a deal breaker..


    woah, low self esteem red flag.

    um, nope I don't "let" my boyfriend do anything. it is a matter of him being an adult. if he CHOSE to fuck another girl, I would of course be disappointed...and upset. I would not want him near me with a spottled up dick until it was proved safe. I would maybe hit him really hard in the sac, give him a blue ball treat whatever and be able to constantly allude to his cheating moment.

    it would obviously change the dynamic of our relationship, and I would have a level of power that would actually turn me into the type of bitch that I don't like...but in all honesty, that would play out.

    but I would still be with him...because my sig other is a person that I really love and care deeply about. because his CHOICE was a mistake, and there was no real vested interest in this other female.

    maybe it's like i would be horrible about it but once the scent figuratively dissipates, I think all told we have more together emotionally than one bad trip could shake.

    of course, if it becomes a habit that says something entirely different about the dynamic that I thought we had.

    does that make sense??
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • Yellow Bedwetter
    Yellow Bedwetter NYC Posts: 2,832
    GraySaturday wrote:
    so im watching a talk show right now. (okay yes its tyra please dont hate me) and she is talking about people having emotional affairs. I am not having an affair emotionally or physically but the topic got me wondering...

    Tyra and her "experts" are saying that often an emotional affair is far more hurtful then a physical affair. Do you agree? Have any of you become emotionally connected to someone other then your significant other?

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  • The Champ
    The Champ Posts: 4,063
    failedpersephone wrote:
    woah, low self esteem red flag.

    um, nope I don't "let" my boyfriend do anything. it is a matter of him being an adult. if he CHOSE to fuck another girl, I would of course be disappointed...and upset. I would not want him near me with a spottled up dick until it was proved safe. I would maybe hit him really hard in the sac, give him a blue ball treat whatever and be able to constantly allude to his cheating moment.

    it would obviously change the dynamic of our relationship, and I would have a level of power that would actually turn me into the type of bitch that I don't like...but in all honesty, that would play out.

    but I would still be with him...because my sig other is a person that I really love and care deeply about. because his CHOICE was a mistake, and there was no real vested interest in this other female.

    maybe it's like i would be horrible about it but once the scent figuratively dissipates, I think all told we have more together emotionally than one bad trip could shake.

    of course, if it becomes a habit that says something entirely different about the dynamic that I thought we had.

    does that make sense??

    Yes, it makes sense, but it's like you're already making excuses for him. Of course he'd tell you that it's a one time mistake, but more than likely, if he is/was willing to do it once, he'll do it again. Especially if he got away with the first time! Are you kidding, he'll be fucking like a little bunny rabbit and know you'll forgive him. Or i'm not sure what you mean by 'habit.' Is twice a habit, or every now and again considered a habit and thus not okay with you?
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    Bottom line as far as I can see? If you're keeping it from your partner then it's cheating. (well not their suprise birthday party obviously!) But if you're keeping it from them because you know it would change how they see you, break the trust they have in you, be hurt by your actions. It's cheating. If you're not telling it's because you know the outcome. So if you develop a great emotional connection with someone else and your partner knows about it and they're not uncomfortable with it, then it's not cheating. Cheating would be when you do something that you know your partner would neither be happy about or condone. I know plenty of guys who's wifes and girlfriends have started internet romances and the guys have been devestated about it so I'm not sure that I agree that it's different for guys than girls. And I have women friends whose partners have cheated but it's more important to them that they don't lose the father of their children. I think as you get older you have different wants and needs from a relationship. Personally if I found out that I was being cheated on either physically OR emotionally I'd be kicking that arse to the curb. AND more importantly if I found out you were LYING to me your arse would be gone too. And that would apply to friendships as much as relationships.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

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  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    failedpersephone wrote:
    woah, low self esteem red flag.

    um, nope I don't "let" my boyfriend do anything. it is a matter of him being an adult. if he CHOSE to fuck another girl, I would of course be disappointed...and upset. I would not want him near me with a spottled up dick until it was proved safe. I would maybe hit him really hard in the sac, give him a blue ball treat whatever and be able to constantly allude to his cheating moment.

    it would obviously change the dynamic of our relationship, and I would have a level of power that would actually turn me into the type of bitch that I don't like...but in all honesty, that would play out.

    but I would still be with him...because my sig other is a person that I really love and care deeply about. because his CHOICE was a mistake, and there was no real vested interest in this other female.

    maybe it's like i would be horrible about it but once the scent figuratively dissipates, I think all told we have more together emotionally than one bad trip could shake.

    of course, if it becomes a habit that says something entirely different about the dynamic that I thought we had.

    does that make sense??

    I understand what you mean.

    1 quick bonk isn't nearly as bad as him wanting to spend his life with someone else.
  • The Champ
    The Champ Posts: 4,063
    MattCameronKicksButt wrote:
    I understand what you mean.

    1 quick bonk isn't nearly as bad as him wanting to spend his life with someone else.

    I'm surprised with the chicks here that are okay with being cheated on..
    'I want to hurry home to you
    put on a slow, dumb show for you
    and crack you up
    so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
    god I'm very, very frightening
    and I'll overdo it'
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    The Champ wrote:
    I'm surprised with the chicks here that are okay with being cheated on..
    not me... Cheat and you're done. No questions asked
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    The Champ wrote:
    I'm surprised with the chicks here that are okay with being cheated on..

    i think if their emotional needs are being met, they're willing to forgive a mistake. i dont see anything all that incredible about it.
  • MattCameronKicksButt
    MattCameronKicksButt Posts: 4,317
    The Champ wrote:
    I'm surprised with the chicks here that are okay with being cheated on..

    No one said it's okay to be cheated on.

    Just saying if we had to put up with it. Rather him sleep with someone else because he just wanted sex rather than him being madly in love with someone else that he would ultimately leave me for anyway.
  • decides2dream
    decides2dream Posts: 14,977
    like most things, i think it depends entirely on the people involved. one may think it divides by gender lines, and more often than not, i'd agree with that statement. however, i know men who've flipped over their wives having 'emotional' affairs.....and women who went nutty over physical ones. it really depends on the couple, and the 'whys' of it. are needs being met at home? physical and/or emotional? are both aware of these issues, working on them or ignoring them, etc? i think once you are truly emotionally involved with someone, have your lives invested in each other, truly lovers/best friends....it is more than possible to move past ANYthing, if BOTH truly WANT to. emotional or physical....they both hurt.....it's looking at the relationship and saying 'is it worth saving'...and that depends entirely on the couple involved.
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  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    decides2dream wrote:
    ....it is more than possible to move past ANYthing, if BOTH truly WANT to. emotional or physical....they both hurt.....it's looking at the relationship and saying 'is it worth saving'...and that depends entirely on the couple involved.

    I agree. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • failedpersephone
    failedpersephone Posts: 3,424
    Jeanie wrote:
    Bottom line as far as I can see? If you're keeping it from your partner then it's cheating. (well not their suprise birthday party obviously!) But if you're keeping it from them because you know it would change how they see you, break the trust they have in you, be hurt by your actions. It's cheating. If you're not telling it's because you know the outcome. So if you develop a great emotional connection with someone else and your partner knows about it and they're not uncomfortable with it, then it's not cheating. Cheating would be when you do something that you know your partner would neither be happy about or condone. I know plenty of guys who's wifes and girlfriends have started internet romances and the guys have been devestated about it so I'm not sure that I agree that it's different for guys than girls. And I have women friends whose partners have cheated but it's more important to them that they don't lose the father of their children. I think as you get older you have different wants and needs from a relationship. Personally if I found out that I was being cheated on either physically OR emotionally I'd be kicking that arse to the curb. AND more importantly if I found out you were LYING to me your arse would be gone too. And that would apply to friendships as much as relationships.


    I think there is a level of truth to this post that was overlooked.

    for the record, my bf understands me and my humor/attitudes so when he hears me talking about chatting up someone - he just chuckles because unless there is "real" face time, it's just me doing some truthful jawing -and likewise, he can make comments/statements about other women (not piggish ones...that shit does NOT fly with me) but I know that he has no desire or need to go elsewhere. I like to tell the truth in a humorous almost unbelievable way...so if I am at work and someone comments about my stockings or something I will say something like "well too bad you didn't pay for the gold membership status on my website you might get a show of garter snapping" ya know?? (there is no website...but the garter thing is true and I am a smart ass about stupid physical inspired compliments) That often leads to bizarre levels of flirting...but my boyfriend hears about it all and generally laughs.

    The same can go for him, case in point, my boyfriend told me about this woman that works with him that he had a "crush" on - he was practically babbling about how he thought she was cute blah blah blah...and you know what? I never felt any jealousy or fear about it...but if he had never told me about her and I found out later that he had "secret" feelings (physical feelings) I would be nervous about our relationship...
    IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    failedpersephone wrote:
    he can make comments/statements about other women (not piggish ones...that shit does NOT fly with me)

    what constitutes piggish?
  • nothingman44
    nothingman44 Posts: 1,496
    GraySaturday wrote:
    so im watching a talk show right now. (okay yes its tyra please dont hate me) and she is talking about people having emotional affairs. I am not having an affair emotionally or physically but the topic got me wondering...

    Tyra and her "experts" are saying that often an emotional affair is far more hurtful then a physical affair. Do you agree? Have any of you become emotionally connected to someone other then your significant other?

    having been through what i have, yes. i agree.

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