becos the women around here dont hate me enough already

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  • baraka
    baraka Posts: 1,268
    This is a funny thread. Certainly, there are differences between the sexes. But, men and women can absolutely be intellectual equals. Men & women compliment each other, Yin & Yang. I say celebrate the differences instead of complaining about them.

    In a relationship, I think it is a balance. I'll be honest, I am not the pillar of strength, so if my husband offers to carry my bags at the airport, them I let him. Of course, I'll open the doors for him ;). He mows the grass, since he's better at that and, in turn, I do other things, like manage our finances. Yin and Yang.....

    It doesn't have to be a 'battle of the sexes'. Yes, there are jerky, superficial guys & there are catty, superficial girls, a lot of them unfortunately. I'm thinking most of the posts in this thread were in jest, at least I'm hoping so.
    The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,
    but the illusion of knowledge.
    ~Daniel Boorstin

    Only a life lived for others is worth living.
    ~Albert Einstein
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    Jeanwah wrote:
    That's the way I've always felt too. Why expect things from other people when you can do it all yourself? And in that way, you attract another independent person and there would never be those "needy" issues that so many people have.

    Yes, I've done my time with the "needy" of this world. :)

    It's all about because I "want" to now.

    And if I end up on my own because of it, that's perfectly ok with me. :)

    I'll never give up my independence again to play "gender roles" with someone.

    I guess that eventually, as you get older, or as you learn (don't want ahnimus thundering down on me here! ;) ) you discover that there are so many things in life that you have to rely on yourself for. And being self reliant is such a freeing thing. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • baraka
    baraka Posts: 1,268
    Jeanie wrote:

    I guess that eventually, as you get older, or as you learn (don't want ahnimus thundering down on me here! ;) ) you discover that there are so many things in life that you have to rely on yourself for. And being self reliant is such a freeing thing. :)


    This is cool, Jeanie. Too many relationships are co-dependent. You have to be able to love & take care of yourself before you can love & take care of someone else.
    The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,
    but the illusion of knowledge.
    ~Daniel Boorstin

    Only a life lived for others is worth living.
    ~Albert Einstein
  • Jeanwah
    Jeanwah Posts: 6,363
    Jeanie wrote:
    And being self reliant is such a freeing thing. :)
    It sure is! :)
    baraka wrote:
    You have to be able to love & take care of yourself before you can love & take care of someone else.
    That is so true! Yet, so many people, my sister included, don't feel complete without a man in her life to "take care of her". Needless to say, she takes her eggs however the man in her life takes his eggs...
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    baraka wrote:
    This is a funny thread. Certainly, there are differences between the sexes. But, men and women can absolutely be intellectual equals. Men & women compliment each other, Yin & Yang. I say celebrate the differences instead of complaining about them.

    In a relationship, I think it is a balance. I'll be honest, I am not the pillar of strength, so if my husband offers to carry my bags at the airport, them I let him. Of course, I'll open the doors for him ;). He mows the grass, since he's better at that and, in turn, I do other things, like manage our finances. Yin and Yang.....

    It doesn't have to be a 'battle of the sexes'. Yes, there are jerky, superficial guys & there are catty, superficial girls, a lot of them unfortunately. I'm thinking most of the posts in this thread were in jest, at least I'm hoping so.

    I'm all about Yin and Yang baraka. And I agree that there are differences between the sexes. And we just need to understand and compliment each other. When it all gets down to it, if you are with the right person for you, it all gets sorted out pretty quickly as far as I can see. Because you want it to be that way. And so does he. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    baraka wrote:
    This is cool, Jeanie. Too many relationships are co-dependent. You have to be able to love & take care of yourself before you can love & take care of someone else.

    Exactly!! Because you deserve to be the best you can be and you deserve to be with someone who is striving for the same thing. Regardless of what sex you are. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    Jeanwah wrote:
    It sure is! :)

    That is so true! Yet, so many people, my sister included, don't feel complete without a man in her life to "take care of her". Needless to say, she takes her eggs however the man in her life takes his eggs...

    Oh I know that I am "complete" right now. That I know myself and that I'll keep learning and growing as I go along. I think maybe learning and growing together could be difficult, but I'm willing to give it a go. BUT be buggered I'm eating my eggs any way other than how I feel like them on the day!! ;)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • baraka
    baraka Posts: 1,268
    Jeanwah wrote:
    It sure is! :)

    That is so true! Yet, so many people, my sister included, don't feel complete without a man in her life to "take care of her". Needless to say, she takes her eggs however the man in her life takes his eggs...

    This is a very common predicament, unfortunately. Some people feel they need a partner in their life to feel good about themselves. The 'taking care of' should always be mutual and if you are confident with yourself & love yourself, you don't need a partner to feel self worth. That's a backwards way of entering into a relationship and you set yourself up for disappointment.
    The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,
    but the illusion of knowledge.
    ~Daniel Boorstin

    Only a life lived for others is worth living.
    ~Albert Einstein
  • baraka
    baraka Posts: 1,268
    Jeanie wrote:
    Exactly!! Because you deserve to be the best you can be and you deserve to be with someone who is striving for the same thing. Regardless of what sex you are. :)

    Absolutely! It's about self love, which is not the same thing as conceit. A person who is conceited cares about what others think, a person with self love couldn't care less about another's opinion of them.
    The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,
    but the illusion of knowledge.
    ~Daniel Boorstin

    Only a life lived for others is worth living.
    ~Albert Einstein
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    baraka wrote:
    Absolutely! It's about self love, which is not the same thing as conceit. A person who is conceited cares about what others think, a person with self love couldn't care less about another's opinion of them.

    So how come we've got all this angst going on then?


    If I know this and you know this and so many people that I know do too,
    why so much with the gender inequality still? It always amazes me when I come across it. Like I've stumbled onto a dinosaur or something!! :D I would have thought we all, as a race, have a vested interest in the promotion of happy, healthy and harmonious relationships.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • baraka
    baraka Posts: 1,268
    Jeanie wrote:
    So how come we've got all this angst going on then?


    If I know this and you know this and so many people that I know do too,
    why so much with the gender inequality? It always amazes me when I come across it. Like I've stumbled onto a dinosaur or something!! :D

    Those are some hard questions and I'm not awake yet, Jeanie! :D

    I don't know why so many are like that. I think maybe people 'give up' and revert back to old comfortable habits. And it's hard to overcome years of programming, as well. I think people tend to focus on the bad things, opposed to the good. A lot of women still feel repressed, due to a variety of reasons and men feel uncomfortable with the changing roles. Maybe they get 'mixed' messages on what women really want. I think it boils down to selecting a mate that is right for you, compliments you. Nothing like a bad relationship to diminish your opinion of the opposite sex!
    The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,
    but the illusion of knowledge.
    ~Daniel Boorstin

    Only a life lived for others is worth living.
    ~Albert Einstein
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Jeanie wrote:
    I agree with you about this RiC. Seems that there has been quite a bit of inequality with regard to the sentencing of females and in how the public views it. There have been several cases of this happening here recently and even the media reporting of it seems to view it more leniently. I think anybody who begins a sexual relationship with a minor needs to take a long hard look at themselves. And that anyone who does should be subject to the same laws and punishments regardless of their sex.

    that's not true.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Jeanie wrote:
    So how come we've got all this angst going on then?


    If I know this and you know this and so many people that I know do too,
    why so much with the gender inequality still? It always amazes me when I come across it. Like I've stumbled onto a dinosaur or something!! :D I would have thought we all, as a race, have a vested interest in the promotion of happy, healthy and harmonious relationships.

    becos you, your friends, and the 100 people on the pearl jam message pit aren't enough people to even become a majority sentiment in a small ohio town.
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    baraka wrote:
    Those are some hard questions and I'm not awake yet, Jeanie! :D

    I don't know why so many are like that. I think maybe people 'give up' and revert back to old comfortable habits. And it's hard to overcome years of programming, as well. I think people tend to focus on the bad things, opposed to the good. A lot of women still feel repressed, due to a variety of reasons and men feel uncomfortable with the changing roles. Maybe they get 'mixed' messages on what women really want. I think it boils down to selecting a mate that is right for you, compliments you. Nothing like a bad relationship to diminish your opinion of the opposite sex!

    Sorry!! :o You coulda had your coffee! ;)

    Yes I agree with what you are saying. I think it is a lot like that for many people. And I think the day to day does wear people down. It's hard to put on your best face when you're late for work, the boss gives you shit all day, you are stuck in a queue at the supermarket and you finally stagger in the door and your partner has had a shit day too. I guess it requires a lot of patience and understanding on both sides of the fence. And some forthought and planning.
    I don't know about bad relationships dimishing my opinion of the opposite sex. I've had a series of really shitty relationships culminating in the last one which was the ultimate in shitty relationships, but I don't hold that against men. I think it was just indicative of those men. The last one in particular, was such a violent, self absorbed individual, that I was determined not to allow his bad behaviour to taint my enjoyment of men. I think I do ok. I'm pretty happy with the way things are going in the man department these days. :) But I can't speak for everyone. I know that bad relationships can have a devestating and long term affect on people and that it can scar you for the future. I guess I just chose not to allow him to inflict any more bad days on me by letting what he did change how I go about my relationships. :)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    soulsinging wrote:
    that's not true.

    What's not ss?
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Jeanie wrote:
    What's not ss?

    women getting lighter sentences. i mentioned it earlier. there's a link in the original article discussing how this is a myth and just a bunch of media hoopla.
  • baraka
    baraka Posts: 1,268
    Jeanie wrote:
    Sorry!! :o You coulda had your coffee! ;)

    Yes I agree with what you are saying. I think it is a lot like that for many people. And I think the day to day does wear people down. It's hard to put on your best face when you're late for work, the boss gives you shit all day, you are stuck in a queue at the supermarket and you finally stagger in the door and your partner has had a shit day too. I guess it requires a lot of patience and understanding on both sides of the fence. And some forthought and planning.
    I don't know about bad relationships dimishing my opinion of the opposite sex. I've had a series of really shitty relationships culminating in the last one which was the ultimate in shitty relationships, but I don't hold that against men. I think it was just indicative of those men. The last one in particular, was such a violent, self absorbed individual, that I was determined not to allow his bad behaviour to taint my enjoyment of men. I think I do ok. I'm pretty happy with the way things are going in the man department these days. :) But I can't speak for everyone. I know that bad relationships can have a devestating and long term affect on people and that it can scar you for the future. I guess I just chose not to allow him to inflict any more bad days on me by letting what he did change how I go about my relationships. :)

    Good for you Jeanie! We hurt ourselves when we let others define how we should feel, and it's so easy to fall into that trap. You have a great perspective, that's why you are a self sufficient, self loving person. Props to you!!!
    The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,
    but the illusion of knowledge.
    ~Daniel Boorstin

    Only a life lived for others is worth living.
    ~Albert Einstein
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    soulsinging wrote:
    becos you, your friends, and the 100 people on the pearl jam message pit aren't enough people to even become a majority sentiment in a small ohio town.

    No, that's true, but if you were to take these small statistics and run the demographic against the rest of the country perhaps you might find some more who felt this way. The study was done in another country was it not?

    To have true stats would it not make sense to sample from all over the world?

    I mean the stats as the appear in your article do not even apply to your country.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    baraka wrote:
    Good for you Jeanie! We hurt ourselves when we let others define how we should feel, and it's so easy to fall into that trap. You have a great perspective, that's why you are a self sufficient, self loving person. Props to you!!!


    Thanks baraka. :) I'm no saint, but I do try to establish what is mine to take on board and what is not. Seems that being fair and resonable is what I strive for. Sometimes I fail, but we are all human after all I guess. ;)
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Jeanie wrote:
    No, that's true, but if you were to take these small statistics and run the demographic against the rest of the country perhaps you might find some more who felt this way. The study was done in another country was it not?

    To have true stats would it not make sense to sample from all over the world?

    I mean the stats as the appear in your article do not even apply to your country.

    what study? the original study posted? i was talking more about how you and your friends aren't indicative of the norm of behavior. in general, pearl jam fans are well off the norm of society. you dont get into pearl jam's music if you're a mindless sex and the city acolyte. pearl jam fans are on the whole, far more liberal than average, better educated, wealthier, etc. we are not even close to a middle section of society.

    and yes, the survey of the original post was conducted in sweden. i just thought it was interesting. sweden is more liberal than the US... they're kind of the cradle of liberal socialism... they dont marry as much, cohabit more, better health care, etc. so if their women are suffering from equality, id really like to see how it looks over here.

    but my reply was to point out that your friends and this tiny little corner of the internet by no means indicates that your xp of how liberal and un-materialistic women are. you're not the norm. just as most guys around here aren't the norm of male behavior.

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