Feelings for a best friend.

stickboy

Stone Is God wrote:

100% true. I went through the same mess. I knew this girl was engaged and we ended up hooking up. We hooked up on and off until one night we ended up having sex. She then proceeds to tell me that she really wants to give it an effort with her fiance. From that point on we went from talking just about every day till now we barely even talk.

It doesn't matter to me because I ended up seeing that all she needed me for was a crutch because her relationship was a shitty one. It's tough to see that when you're actually a part of it though.

Thank you. Thats the word I ws looking for. Crutch. And obviously if the relationship wasnt shitty there would be no need for a guy friend or a crutch but thats just how it is. Its like a backup plan just in case.

muiren77

to the OP, how do you feel everytime the girl talks about who she is hooking up with?
why don't ask her how she would feel if it's the other way around? let her put herself in your shoes and see how she feels...

ariel

Interesting.

Some very sage words and nice ways of putting them from the guys in here.
You guys can be very thoughtful when you want - I hope you're all in much better situations now


women are always spot on so I don't need to commend them lol

stickboy

ariel wrote:

Interesting.

Some very sage words and nice ways of putting them from the guys in here.
You guys can be very thoughtful when you want - I hope you're all in much better situations now


women are always spot on so I don't to commend them lol

hey...you know? if its one thing I never lacked in was being thoughtful and considerate to my female friends...and they are still like friends to me. Theres maybe one or 2 that I would actually consider making my lady but I know my thoughtfullness and being considerate and everything that the bf is not isnt gonna get me anywhere or anything but trouble, lol

locked

its like the scene in the movie "when harry met sally":

---

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

catefrances

JordyWordy wrote:

...i didnt want to insult them by turning them down, but i think it would have been even more offensive to rub it in their faces by discussing my gfs with em afterwards? ...

why would you think you were insulting them by turning them down?

you know guys there are a lot of girls who appreciate honesty. dont beat around the bush, just tell it to us straight cause we can handle it. sure you might get some psycho bitch who wants to boil your bunny but dont judge the many by the few. were more insulted when you lie to us, even under the guise of 'letting us down gently'.

Jeremy1012

unifiedscene wrote:

That's my point. He told her how he feels, she rejected him. But the men are all supposed to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she's just confused, while all the women here say that if he keeps some distance from her to protect his feelings from being hurt more, it's a sure sign he's a terrible friend that only wanted to use her or fuck her or he's pathetically grasping after any emotional support? The men here are speaking from experience based on the pain they've suffered of falling for a girl that didn't want them like that. The women here are speaking only to what an inconvenience it is for them to lose a friend, and how much pain it causes him to maintain that is irrelevant.

+10

JordyWordy

catefrances wrote:

why would you think you were insulting them by turning them down?

you know guys there are a lot of girls who appreciate honesty. dont beat around the bush, just tell it to us straight cause we can handle it. sure you might get some psycho bitch who wants to boil your bunny but dont judge the many by the few. were more insulted when you lie to us, even under the guise of 'letting us down gently'.

well, i wasnt generalising about girls, it was specifically about the girls i had this with.
so yeah, you are completely right, most people (not just girls) appreciate honesty.

its not that i think id offended them, they quite clearly told me that i had.2 very close friends, they thought id led them on, (i hadnt meant to), etc. they dont talk to me anymore. They didnt appreciate the honesty, but fuckit, it was how it was.

yep, some girls appreciate honesty. and some get offended/hurt. i wasnt lying...like has already been said its just an awkward thing to go through and ultimately tests whether you really are just good mates or not. these girls didnt see me as a mate & now they dont talk to me anymore.

it was weird, but its happened before & itll happen again. life goes on i suppose..

Jeremys Spoken

I've got some good advice in this thread. Thanks guys.

I will remain great friends with her. I really don't mind it. Im currently kinda sorta with someone at the moment anyway. Just those feelings are still there. It's like a movie two people once so close, go separate ways, one day they pass by with their new mates, and they turn around when they walk a little bit past each other. Then turn back around.

catefrances

JordyWordy wrote:

well, i wasnt generalising about girls, it was specifically about the girls i had this with.
so yeah, you are completely right, most people (not just girls) appreciate honesty.

its not that i think id offended them, they quite clearly told me that i had.2 very close friends, they thought id led them on, (i hadnt meant to), etc. they dont talk to me anymore. They didnt appreciate the honesty, but fuckit, it was how it was.

yep, some girls appreciate honesty. and some get offended/hurt. i wasnt lying...like has already been said its just an awkward thing to go through and ultimately tests whether you really are just good mates or not. these girls didnt see me as a mate & now they dont talk to me anymore.

it was weird, but its happened before & itll happen again. life goes on i suppose..

i think perhaps some girls think that cause a guy is friends with them that in their minds the guy is always thinking there just might be a chance for soemthing more. and when the girl acts on that and the guy rejects them(cause he seriously just wnats to be friends), their ego cant take it and they project their wrong assumptions back onto the guy in the form of hostility.

just a thought.

janegosford

Well I was "that girl" for about 3 years. My best friend was in love with me but I was completely clueless. I never knew how he felt. In hindsight he did an amazing job of hiding it! He told me later he was scared if he said something he'd scare me away or that things would never be the same between us. He sat by as I dated a guy for about 2 1/2 years until I finally ended things with that guy. It was a rough break-up but after a few months I told him I thought I was ready to start dating again & it was at that moment he told me how he felt. He told me he couldn't sit back & watch me get into another serious relationship. He told me that he hoped I could see him as more than just a friend b/c he had feelings for me. I was STUNNED. It weirded me out for a while & I was even a little angry at first (I was, exactly as he suspected, worried that he'd ruined our friendship by telling me this) However things eventually became less weird between us & I finally had a what the hell type moment where I decided to just throw caution to the wind (That moment came when he caught me off-guard & kissed me. Instead of getting angry my knees started to buckle & I took that as a sign that maybe there was something there after all! LOL!) So I agreed to go out with him. He waited a while to tell me he was in love with me & by then I realized I was in love with him too. That was two years ago. We've been together ever since & I've never been happier. In fact I can't believe I wasted all that time NOT being with him.

In short sometimes these things do work out even if the girl is too blind to realize it at the time

Oh...and FYI...We got engaged this summer

JordyWordy

catefrances wrote:

i think perhaps some girls think that cause a guy is friends with them that in their minds the guy is always thinking there just might be a chance for soemthing more. and when the girl acts on that and the guy rejects them(cause he seriously just wnats to be friends), their ego cant take it and they project their wrong assumptions back onto the guy in the form of hostility.

just a thought.

well put. and like i said, thats why i didnt want to hurt their feelings / ego. you worded it a LOT better though

catefrances

JordyWordy wrote:

well put. and like i said, thats why i didnt want to hurt their feelings / ego. you worded it a LOT better though

tis what i do.

JordyWordy

Jeremy's Spoken wrote:

I've got some good advice in this thread. Thanks guys.

I will remain great friends with her. I really don't mind it. Im currently kinda sorta with someone at the moment anyway. Just those feelings are still there. It's like a movie two people once so close, go separate ways, one day they pass by with their new mates, and they turn around when they walk a little bit past each other. Then turn back around.

Ahhh, you are kinda with someone else and still have it regardless...well fair play to you anyways, good luck with the whole thing & dont let it get you down.