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Feelings for a best friend.

Jeremys SpokenJeremys Spoken Posts: 7,578
edited December 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
Suck. BAD.

I have so many feelings for this girl, but im forever in the friend zone. Shes a real beauty. Sucks when she complains about her bf to me. She knows how I feel about her, but still it just blows. But the fact that we are best friends, at least makes me happy. Maybe one day....

But right now what is easing my mind is, Crazy Mary from the Gorge.
2008 - MSG 6/24-6/25
2010 - Newark 5/18 MSG 5/21
2011 - PJ20 9/3-9/4
2012 - MIA Festival 9/2
2013 - Wrigley Field 7/19 Brooklyn 10/18-10/19 Philly 10/22
2015 - Colbert show - 9/23 Global Citizens Festival 9/26
2016 - Philly 4/28-4/29 MSG 5/1-5/2



Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • gobrowns19gobrowns19 Posts: 1,447
    She complains about her boyfriend to you when she knows how you feel? I'm sorry, but that's low in my book.
    Happiness is only real when shared
  • Jeremys SpokenJeremys Spoken Posts: 7,578
    gobrowns19 wrote:
    She complains about her boyfriend to you when she knows how you feel? I'm sorry, but that's low in my book.
    I mean, I told her exactly how I felt with her. That was a few months back, i've kinda come to terms, and even told her to know she can talk to me about anything. So I kinda invited that aspect. But w.e. shes about to end it with him anyways.
    2008 - MSG 6/24-6/25
    2010 - Newark 5/18 MSG 5/21
    2011 - PJ20 9/3-9/4
    2012 - MIA Festival 9/2
    2013 - Wrigley Field 7/19 Brooklyn 10/18-10/19 Philly 10/22
    2015 - Colbert show - 9/23 Global Citizens Festival 9/26
    2016 - Philly 4/28-4/29 MSG 5/1-5/2



  • pjfan31pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    Man I had the exact same thing. This chick (who I still believe we would of been perfect for each other), was dating this guy who was also kind of a friend. I didn't wanna cut his grass, then they broke up. I was getting the courage to take a punt to ask her out when I found out she was dating another guy. I thought I would see this one out, because I knew we were meant for each other. Hell, her best friend told me how this girl felt about me.

    2 months later she accidentally fell pregnant and now they are engaged.

    Moral of the story. Don't wait until it is too late.... I lost my chance. And I haven't come close to finding someone who was as perfect as she :(
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • Jeremys SpokenJeremys Spoken Posts: 7,578
    pjfan31 wrote:
    Man I had the exact same thing. This chick (who I still believe we would of been perfect for each other), was dating this guy who was also kind of a friend. I didn't wanna cut his grass, then they broke up. I was getting the courage to take a punt to ask her out when I found out she was dating another guy. I thought I would see this one out, because I knew we were meant for each other. Hell, her best friend told me how this girl felt about me.

    2 months later she accidentally fell pregnant and now they are engaged.

    Moral of the story. Don't wait until it is too late.... I lost my chance. And I haven't come close to finding someone who was as perfect as she :(
    ughhh yeah. I think we are past the point of just acquaintances where we could still hook up or w.e. if it just happened. Like I feel it would be TOTALLY awkward and ruin the friendship we have, if I asked her or tried anything.
    2008 - MSG 6/24-6/25
    2010 - Newark 5/18 MSG 5/21
    2011 - PJ20 9/3-9/4
    2012 - MIA Festival 9/2
    2013 - Wrigley Field 7/19 Brooklyn 10/18-10/19 Philly 10/22
    2015 - Colbert show - 9/23 Global Citizens Festival 9/26
    2016 - Philly 4/28-4/29 MSG 5/1-5/2



  • pjfan31pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    Jeremy's Spoken wrote:
    ughhh yeah. I think we are past the point of just acquaintances where we could still hook up or w.e. if it just happened. Like I feel it would be TOTALLY awkward and ruin the friendship we have, if I asked her or tried anything.

    Dude this is exactly how I felt. The kid is now over 3, so for nearly 4 years I have regretted it. "Get over it" I hear people say, but I have dated a few girls, but nobody was as perfect as this girl. I lived 4 years thinking 'What if?" Don't make the same mistake as I. If it doesn't work out, then I'm sure you will be friends eventually, no matter how awkward.
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • Jeremys SpokenJeremys Spoken Posts: 7,578
    pjfan31 wrote:
    Dude this is exactly how I felt. The kid is now over 3, so for nearly 4 years I have regretted it. "Get over it" I hear people say, but I have dated a few girls, but nobody was as perfect as this girl. I lived 4 years thinking 'What if?" Don't make the same mistake as I. If it doesn't work out, then I'm sure you will be friends eventually, no matter how awkward.
    Yeah, I know. I guess i'll just ride it out, and see where it goes from here.
    2008 - MSG 6/24-6/25
    2010 - Newark 5/18 MSG 5/21
    2011 - PJ20 9/3-9/4
    2012 - MIA Festival 9/2
    2013 - Wrigley Field 7/19 Brooklyn 10/18-10/19 Philly 10/22
    2015 - Colbert show - 9/23 Global Citizens Festival 9/26
    2016 - Philly 4/28-4/29 MSG 5/1-5/2



  • Motown322Motown322 Posts: 465
    Jeremy's Spoken wrote:
    I mean, I told her exactly how I felt with her. That was a few months back, i've kinda come to terms, and even told her to know she can talk to me about anything. So I kinda invited that aspect. But w.e. shes about to end it with him anyways.

    Been there, done that... you're in the friend zone. If you can handle just being friends with this chick, by all means keep being the guy that gets to hear about all of her current shitty boyfriends. If not, I think the best thing for you to do is to step away for a while and stop torturing yourself.

    Sounds harsh, but every minute you spend with her is giving you little glimmers of hope... and if she knows how you feel already and decided to keep being your buddy, then it ain't gonna happen. Don't sit around and "wait" for her to maybe come around and decide to date you, or wait around for her to run through 10+ guys... cut it loose. If you have 5-6 friends already, you have enough. You don't need one more.
  • tvismyfriendtvismyfriend Posts: 2,118
    I think there's a Sloan song about this.
  • Jeremys SpokenJeremys Spoken Posts: 7,578
    Motown322 wrote:
    Been there, done that... you're in the friend zone. If you can handle just being friends with this chick, by all means keep being the guy that gets to hear about all of her current shitty boyfriends. If not, I think the best thing for you to do is to step away for a while and stop torturing yourself.

    Sounds harsh, but every minute you spend with her is giving you little glimmers of hope... and if she knows how you feel already and decided to keep being your buddy, then it ain't gonna happen. Don't sit around and "wait" for her to maybe come around and decide to date you, or wait around for her to run through 10+ guys... cut it loose. If you have 5-6 friends already, you have enough. You don't need one more.
    Well before I started to have feelings for her, we were still great friends. So losing her would be hard, not in a Oh SHES the LOVE OF MY LIFE way, but in a I lost one of my best friends.
    2008 - MSG 6/24-6/25
    2010 - Newark 5/18 MSG 5/21
    2011 - PJ20 9/3-9/4
    2012 - MIA Festival 9/2
    2013 - Wrigley Field 7/19 Brooklyn 10/18-10/19 Philly 10/22
    2015 - Colbert show - 9/23 Global Citizens Festival 9/26
    2016 - Philly 4/28-4/29 MSG 5/1-5/2



  • r1versr1vers Posts: 244
    i'm just surprised & impressed that you got up the courage to tell her. i've been in a situation like that myself for quite some time.
    "Last time I think we played that song here was like, a long time ago, and there was a bonfire in the back and people were like throwing each other into it...very exciting days but a huge fucking relief that that's not how it is tonight..." Ed Irvine Night 1 2003, after Deep
  • Jeremys SpokenJeremys Spoken Posts: 7,578
    r1vers wrote:
    i'm just surprised & impressed that you got up the courage to tell her. i've been in a situation like that myself for quite some time.
    Yep. I couldn't fucking believe it myself. I did it a few months ago, in the summer. It had to be done. You always picture the reaction being horrible, but it really never is, and most times completely different from what you thought.
    2008 - MSG 6/24-6/25
    2010 - Newark 5/18 MSG 5/21
    2011 - PJ20 9/3-9/4
    2012 - MIA Festival 9/2
    2013 - Wrigley Field 7/19 Brooklyn 10/18-10/19 Philly 10/22
    2015 - Colbert show - 9/23 Global Citizens Festival 9/26
    2016 - Philly 4/28-4/29 MSG 5/1-5/2



  • Motown322Motown322 Posts: 465
    tvismyfriend wrote:
    I think there's a Sloan song about this.

    I think there's more than one Sloan song about it now that I think about it... :D

    OP, do what you want. All I'm saying is, you've already laid your cards on the table. You're ALWAYS going to want your relationship to go to that next level. She knows you want that and she doesn't feel the same way. She sees you like one of her girlfriends that she can gossip with and go to the mall with and "you give like such great advice 'cause you're a guy and stuff and you really help me see how guys REALLY are" and all that shit. You will put up with that because you think that if you play the game that she'll come around and start to see you as BF material. You're both looking for something completely different out of the friendship.

    You can get mad at me... you can tell me I'm wrong... but I know I'm right. The same shit you're saying has come out of my mouth VERBATIM. We can smell our own. And I'm telling you, if's a lonely road.
  • florence151florence151 Posts: 597
    Take a small vacation. Send her a card like any friend would.
    Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
    If she misses you she will let you know it when you return.
    If things don't change at that point, change them and move on.
    IMHO
    Hold On
  • Kilgore_TroutKilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    i know the feeling... a couple times over... got some cute friends :D

    but dont do that "maybe one day..." stuff to yourself... it really just makes it harder

    karmas a bitch though... i cant tell ya how many lady friends of mine have come on to me only for me to say no (i dont mean that to sound cocky... they werent the cute ones... and i didnt mean that to sound assholey)

    just take care of yourself... the way i see it, if a chick takes years to come around to you shes probably not worth the time... not to say she cant stay a friend... but dont be looking for more... im kindof a sucker for the love at first sight romantic shit though
    "Senza speme vivemo in disio"

    http://seanbriceart.com/
  • greaticedteagreaticedtea Posts: 229
    my roommate last year told me that permanently being in the friend zone is like a company interviewing you and then hiring a less-qualified employee. however, the company will use you as a model example and will keep complaining to you about the employee they hired over you. and i find it scary how true this is.


    i hope that made you laugh a little bit man!
    MSG II 6/25/08
  • Kilgore_TroutKilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    Jeremy's Spoken wrote:
    Yep. I couldn't fucking believe it myself. I did it a few months ago, in the summer. It had to be done. You always picture the reaction being horrible, but it really never is, and most times completely different from what you thought.
    ya always wonder how they might interpret things differently afterwards though... atleast i do... im long since over any romantic feelings for a friend of mine but since im not dating anyone she probably thinks otherwise...
    "Senza speme vivemo in disio"

    http://seanbriceart.com/
  • Jeremys SpokenJeremys Spoken Posts: 7,578
    greaticedtea wrote:
    my roommate last year told me that permanently being in the friend zone is like a company interviewing you and then hiring a less-qualified employee. however, the company will use you as a model example and will keep complaining to you about the employee they hired over you. and i find it scary how true this is.


    i hope that made you laugh a little bit man!
    haha, yes it did! oh god, and sooo true.
    2008 - MSG 6/24-6/25
    2010 - Newark 5/18 MSG 5/21
    2011 - PJ20 9/3-9/4
    2012 - MIA Festival 9/2
    2013 - Wrigley Field 7/19 Brooklyn 10/18-10/19 Philly 10/22
    2015 - Colbert show - 9/23 Global Citizens Festival 9/26
    2016 - Philly 4/28-4/29 MSG 5/1-5/2



  • muiren77muiren77 Posts: 3,511
    i really find the girl insensitive, i think she should stop talking about her relationship to you since she already knows how you feel about her...i bet listening to her sharing about her past/current relationships makes you feel like being stab with daggers...
    what is essential is invisible to the eye

    apparently, 07162056 is THE date...
  • Kilgore_TroutKilgore_Trout Posts: 7,334
    muiren77 wrote:
    i really find the girl insensitive, i think she should stop talking about her relationship to you since she already knows how you feel about her...i bet listening to her sharing about her past/current relationships makes you feel like being stab with daggers...
    and i bet it makes her feeling like she can remain friends with him... by talking to him as she would any other friend... otherwise the friendship might not work at all for her and she'd feel uncomfortable... i can see where shes coming from...

    had an ex that eventually dated my roommate... and she would talk to me about their problems :rolleyes:
    "Senza speme vivemo in disio"

    http://seanbriceart.com/
  • Motown322Motown322 Posts: 465
    muiren77 wrote:
    i really find the girl insensitive, i think she should stop talking about her relationship to you since she already knows how you feel about her...i bet listening to her sharing about her past/current relationships makes you feel like being stab with daggers...

    Yeah, but when you tell her "you can talk to me about anything", you kind of invite that stuff. If she didn't see him as a permanent friend before that statement, he locked himself in the friend closet and threw away the key by saying it to her... I can't blame the girl on this one.
  • unifiedsceneunifiedscene Posts: 462
    tvismyfriend wrote:
    I think there's a Sloan song about this.

    Is it the one in my signature?
    she was underwhelmed, if that's a word
  • pearljamjenpearljamjen Posts: 13,578
    sgossard3 wrote:

    had an ex that eventually dated my roommate... and she would talk to me about their problems :rolleyes:

    HAHA!! I bet that was fun! :D
  • muiren77muiren77 Posts: 3,511
    Motown322 wrote:
    Yeah, but when you tell her "you can talk to me about anything", you kind of invite that stuff. If she didn't see him as a permanent friend before that statement, he locked himself in the friend closet and threw away the key by saying it to her... I can't blame the girl on this one.

    i know he said that but at least the girl should be sensitive as to what the "anything" topics that she could talk to him about, it's like she's torturing the guy by making him listen about her and her bf
    what is essential is invisible to the eye

    apparently, 07162056 is THE date...
  • Motown322Motown322 Posts: 465
    muiren77 wrote:
    i know he said that but at least the girl should be sensitive as to what the "anything" topics that she could talk to him about, it's like she's torturing the guy by making him listen about her and her bf

    What are they going to talk about though??? Shoes? Makeup? Fantasy football? Taking a shit? Those are things that girls & girls/guys & guys talk about. She loves the situation because she has someone to get the "guy's POV" from, as well as getting a little bit of an ego stroke because this dude is in love with her. The OP loves the situation because he figures if he waits her out and puts in his time that suddenly she's gonna wake up and see what she's been missing.
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    I disagree with those who are saying he should cut his losses and run, or not "put up with" her talking to him like she would talk to any other friend.

    If he's really her friend, he should be her friend. She should be able to talk to him about anything. He's not "putting up with" her. He shouldn't leave just because she doesn't want to get with him. What kind of friend would that make him? And why would she ever want to be with someone who turned out to not be as good a friend as she thought he was?

    All of the serious, long-term relationships I've ever been in have started kind of like this. We were friends first, usually best friends. Sometimes they hit on me and I said I just wanted to be friends and continued to talk to them like I did before. Eventually I fell in love with them, because they were such good friends. These are the kinds of relationships, for me anyway, that are lasting and real - not the "if you don't want to fuck me, I don't want to be your friend" kind.
  • unifiedsceneunifiedscene Posts: 462
    scb wrote:
    not the "if you don't want to fuck me, I don't want to be your friend" kind.

    That's a pretty simplistic way of putting it. Girls will never understand what this is like for a guy. But since you like making it sound so shallow and selfish... how about taking a similar look from the guy's perspective: "You're sweet like a cute little pet and all, and I appreciate you serving as my personal token guy perspective so that I can tell you how horrid my boyfriend is and how I wish I could find a guy that treats me like you do, but you are so completely unattractive to me that I would rather fuck ANYONE than you."
    she was underwhelmed, if that's a word
  • pjoasisrulepjoasisrule Posts: 3,412
    I dont think I could ever be close friends with a girl unless I was with her. If I want to hang out with somebody for common interests, it will be a guy.
    Alpine Valley 2000
    Summerfest 2006

    "Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?" -Lisa Simpson
  • muiren77muiren77 Posts: 3,511
    Motown322 wrote:
    What are they going to talk about though??? Shoes? Makeup? Fantasy football? Taking a shit? Those are things that girls & girls/guys & guys talk about. She loves the situation because she has someone to get the "guy's POV" from, as well as getting a little bit of an ego stroke because this dude is in love with her. The OP loves the situation because he figures if he waits her out and puts in his time that suddenly she's gonna wake up and see what she's been missing.


    all am saying is that the girl should also consider how the guy feels everytime she shares about her boyfriend...how would she feel if it's the other way around? wouldn't she rather wish that the guy will not talk about his girlfriend to her knowing that she likes him...and am sure there are plenty of topics they can talk about aside from makeup and whatnot...
    what is essential is invisible to the eye

    apparently, 07162056 is THE date...
  • hopethatuchokehopethatuchoke Posts: 2,927
    Offer her one of your MSG poster.....aka the pantie droppers.
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    unifiedscene wrote:
    That's a pretty simplistic way of putting it. Girls will never understand what this is like for a guy. But since you like making it sound so shallow and selfish... how about taking a similar look from the guy's perspective: "You're sweet like a cute little pet and all, and I appreciate you serving as my personal token guy perspective so that I can tell you how horrid my boyfriend is and how I wish I could find a guy that treats me like you do, but you are so completely unattractive to me that I would rather fuck ANYONE than you."

    Cute little pet? Personal token? Fuck ANYONE? My god, man, if that's what you hear every time a girl wants to be your friend then maybe some therapy is in order.

    Is it not possible for a girl to respect a guy as a friend and without wanting to date him?

    I swear, some of the comments I hear on this board make me want to never date (or be friends with) men again. :(
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