Feelings for a best friend.

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  • unifiedscene
    unifiedscene Posts: 462
    tvismyfriend wrote:
    I think there's a Sloan song about this.

    Is it the one in my signature?
    she was underwhelmed, if that's a word
  • pearljamjen
    pearljamjen Posts: 13,578
    sgossard3 wrote:

    had an ex that eventually dated my roommate... and she would talk to me about their problems :rolleyes:

    HAHA!! I bet that was fun! :D
  • muiren77
    muiren77 Posts: 3,511
    Motown322 wrote:
    Yeah, but when you tell her "you can talk to me about anything", you kind of invite that stuff. If she didn't see him as a permanent friend before that statement, he locked himself in the friend closet and threw away the key by saying it to her... I can't blame the girl on this one.

    i know he said that but at least the girl should be sensitive as to what the "anything" topics that she could talk to him about, it's like she's torturing the guy by making him listen about her and her bf
    what is essential is invisible to the eye

    apparently, 07162056 is THE date...
  • Motown322
    Motown322 Posts: 465
    muiren77 wrote:
    i know he said that but at least the girl should be sensitive as to what the "anything" topics that she could talk to him about, it's like she's torturing the guy by making him listen about her and her bf

    What are they going to talk about though??? Shoes? Makeup? Fantasy football? Taking a shit? Those are things that girls & girls/guys & guys talk about. She loves the situation because she has someone to get the "guy's POV" from, as well as getting a little bit of an ego stroke because this dude is in love with her. The OP loves the situation because he figures if he waits her out and puts in his time that suddenly she's gonna wake up and see what she's been missing.
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    I disagree with those who are saying he should cut his losses and run, or not "put up with" her talking to him like she would talk to any other friend.

    If he's really her friend, he should be her friend. She should be able to talk to him about anything. He's not "putting up with" her. He shouldn't leave just because she doesn't want to get with him. What kind of friend would that make him? And why would she ever want to be with someone who turned out to not be as good a friend as she thought he was?

    All of the serious, long-term relationships I've ever been in have started kind of like this. We were friends first, usually best friends. Sometimes they hit on me and I said I just wanted to be friends and continued to talk to them like I did before. Eventually I fell in love with them, because they were such good friends. These are the kinds of relationships, for me anyway, that are lasting and real - not the "if you don't want to fuck me, I don't want to be your friend" kind.
  • unifiedscene
    unifiedscene Posts: 462
    scb wrote:
    not the "if you don't want to fuck me, I don't want to be your friend" kind.

    That's a pretty simplistic way of putting it. Girls will never understand what this is like for a guy. But since you like making it sound so shallow and selfish... how about taking a similar look from the guy's perspective: "You're sweet like a cute little pet and all, and I appreciate you serving as my personal token guy perspective so that I can tell you how horrid my boyfriend is and how I wish I could find a guy that treats me like you do, but you are so completely unattractive to me that I would rather fuck ANYONE than you."
    she was underwhelmed, if that's a word
  • pjoasisrule
    pjoasisrule Posts: 3,412
    I dont think I could ever be close friends with a girl unless I was with her. If I want to hang out with somebody for common interests, it will be a guy.
    Alpine Valley 2000
    Summerfest 2006

    "Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?" -Lisa Simpson
  • muiren77
    muiren77 Posts: 3,511
    Motown322 wrote:
    What are they going to talk about though??? Shoes? Makeup? Fantasy football? Taking a shit? Those are things that girls & girls/guys & guys talk about. She loves the situation because she has someone to get the "guy's POV" from, as well as getting a little bit of an ego stroke because this dude is in love with her. The OP loves the situation because he figures if he waits her out and puts in his time that suddenly she's gonna wake up and see what she's been missing.


    all am saying is that the girl should also consider how the guy feels everytime she shares about her boyfriend...how would she feel if it's the other way around? wouldn't she rather wish that the guy will not talk about his girlfriend to her knowing that she likes him...and am sure there are plenty of topics they can talk about aside from makeup and whatnot...
    what is essential is invisible to the eye

    apparently, 07162056 is THE date...
  • hopethatuchoke
    hopethatuchoke Posts: 2,927
    Offer her one of your MSG poster.....aka the pantie droppers.
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    unifiedscene wrote:
    That's a pretty simplistic way of putting it. Girls will never understand what this is like for a guy. But since you like making it sound so shallow and selfish... how about taking a similar look from the guy's perspective: "You're sweet like a cute little pet and all, and I appreciate you serving as my personal token guy perspective so that I can tell you how horrid my boyfriend is and how I wish I could find a guy that treats me like you do, but you are so completely unattractive to me that I would rather fuck ANYONE than you."

    Cute little pet? Personal token? Fuck ANYONE? My god, man, if that's what you hear every time a girl wants to be your friend then maybe some therapy is in order.

    Is it not possible for a girl to respect a guy as a friend and without wanting to date him?

    I swear, some of the comments I hear on this board make me want to never date (or be friends with) men again. :(
  • catefrances
    catefrances Posts: 29,003
    unifiedscene wrote:
    That's a pretty simplistic way of putting it. Girls will never understand what this is like for a guy. But since you like making it sound so shallow and selfish... how about taking a similar look from the guy's perspective: "You're sweet like a cute little pet and all, and I appreciate you serving as my personal token guy perspective so that I can tell you how horrid my boyfriend is and how I wish I could find a guy that treats me like you do, but you are so completely unattractive to me that I would rather fuck ANYONE than you."

    whoa whoa there pardner. are you out of your mind? do you seriously think this doesnt happen in reverse? how many god damn films has hollywood made where the ugly duckling girl is the guys best friend cause thats all he sees her as, cause he doesnt see her as an attractive woman, UNTIL she takes off her glasses, colours her hair and voila! OMG!! shes a hottie and how blind was i(as the guy) to not have been able to see it.

    but you know with an unattractive attitude like that id be surprised if girls WOULDNT rather fuck anyone but you!!
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • unifiedscene
    unifiedscene Posts: 462
    scb wrote:
    Is it not possible for a girl to respect a guy as a friend and without wanting to date him?

    Of course it is. But we're talking about why it's perfectly legitimate for the guy to be hurt and uncomfortable after pouring his heart out to this girl, letting her know he loves her and wants to be with her, and she says no and proceeds to fill his ear with ever detail of her current relationship and how lacking her bf is. Why does this "respect" only go one way? Why does he have to put up and swallow anything she wants to feed him and he's not allowed to feel hurt or jilted in any way without it proving that he was never her friend and only wanted to fuck her (a conclusion that I didn't draw as the OP never mentioned fucking and only wanted to be her bf)? Why can't he expect that she might respect his feelings a bit as his friend and tone down the conversation about her current bf a bit so as not to hurt someone that she supposedly cares about? Did I take the crazy pills or something this morning?
    she was underwhelmed, if that's a word
  • unifiedscene
    unifiedscene Posts: 462
    catefrances wrote:
    whoa whoa there pardner. are you out of your mind? do you seriously think this doesnt happen in reverse? how many god damn films has hollywood made where the ugly duckling girl is the guys best friend cause thats all he sees her as, cause he doesnt see her as an attractive woman, UNTIL she takes off her glasses, colours her hair and voila! OMG!! shes a hottie and how blind was i(as the guy) to not have been able to see it.

    but you know with an unattractive attitude like that id be surprised if girls WOULDNT rather fuck anyone but you!!

    I can only think of one and it was a crappy movie. It was also a movie, not real life. And while I'm sure it does happen in reverse too, I've seen more cases of it happening the other way. Also, when guys hear it, they seem to react differently... e.g. I stop talking about girls I think are hot to the girl I've rejected, for the very reasons stated above. Women generally seem to expect that you can just turn your feelings off once they shoot you down and act like nothing happened.

    As to who would like to fuck me, might want to be careful lest you put your foot in your mouth.

    And now to inject a little humor:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuUhwFXM6Gg
    "You know what a platonic friend is to a woman? It's like a dick in a glass case... in case of emergency."
    she was underwhelmed, if that's a word
  • genie
    genie Posts: 2,222
    dude, i'm a girl, and i'm telling you now forget about her being your girlfriend. don't waste you fucking time if she fancied you than she would've already dumped her boyfriend and been with you. you either except she is only ever going to be your friend or move on.
  • josevolution
    josevolution Posts: 31,784
    really just put some distance between you & her just a bit and find yourself another girl that can fill that void, don't be the guy who she goes running to everytime her current BF back hands her ......
    jesus greets me looks just like me ....
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    josevolution wrote:
    really just put some distance between you & her just a bit and find yourself another girl that can fill that void, don't be the guy who she goes running to everytime her current BF back hands her ......
    this.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • petrocs
    petrocs Posts: 4,342
    My 3 best friends are the most beautiful women I have ever been around...and I havent slept with one of them
    Shows:
    9/24/96 MD. 9/28/96 Randalls. 8/28-29/98 Camden. 9/8/98 NJ. 9/18/98 MD. 9/1-2/00 Camden. 9/4/00 MD. 4/28/03 Philly. 7/5-6/03 Camden. 9/30/05 AC.
    10/3/05 Philly. 5/27-28/06 Camden. 6/23/06 Pitt. 6/19-20/08 Camden. 6/24/08 MSG. 8/7/08 EV Newark, NJ. 6/11-12/09 EV Philly, PA. 10/27-28-30-31/09 Philly, PA., 5/15/10 Hartford,5/17/10 Boston, 5/18/10 Newark, 5/20-21/10 MSG
  • saveuplife
    saveuplife Posts: 1,173
    Dude,

    I'll be the first to say it. Get the F away from her. If she's doing this to him with you, then she'll do it to you with someone else.

    She's obviously looney. There's plenty of them out there.... throw out a line... and don't do this to yourself OR TO THAT OTHER GUY.


    *****AND LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ALL FEMALES OUT THERE.... GUYS ARE NOT CAPABLE OF BEING "FRIENDS" WITH A WOMAN (ESPECIALLY ONE IN A RELATIONSHIP).... ACQUAINTANCES? ABSOLUTELY. BUT FRIENDS? NOPE.... IF THEY ARE "FRIENDS" WITH YOU, 99% OF THE TIME THEY WANT MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP. GUYS ARE VERY EASY TO FIGURE OUT.
  • saveuplife
    saveuplife Posts: 1,173
    petrocs wrote:
    My 3 best friends are the most beautiful women I have ever been around...and I havent slept with one of them


    Would you, by chance, want to sleep with the "most beautiful women you have ever been around"? lol
  • genie
    genie Posts: 2,222
    saveuplife wrote:
    Dude,

    I'll be the first to say it. Get the F away from her. If she's doing this to him with you, then she'll do it to you with someone else.

    She's obviously looney. There's plenty of them out there.... throw out a line... and don't do this to yourself OR TO THAT OTHER GUY.


    *****AND LET THIS BE A LESSON TO ALL FEMALES OUT THERE.... GUYS ARE NOT CAPABLE OF BEING "FRIENDS" WITH A WOMAN (ESPECIALLY ONE IN A RELATIONSHIP).... ACQUAINTANCES? ABSOLUTELY. BUT FRIENDS? NOPE.... IF THEY ARE "FRIENDS" WITH YOU, 99% OF THE TIME THEY WANT MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP. GUYS ARE VERY EASY TO FIGURE OUT.

    i've got a very dear friend of mine who comes into that 1% category :D he is really cool, i'm glad that i met a guy who i can only be friends with .....forever i hope. let's look at it this way all my boyfriends came and went he stayed with me, having him as my friend gives me a peace of mind.

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