Home› All Encompassing Trip

Okay. Men, why can't you pee straight into the toilet?

releaselaurenreleaselauren Posts: 384
edited April 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
Seriously.

I live with three penises (attached to bodies, of course), aged 38, 9, and 6 years old. The toilet they use the most is the "powder room" (sorry Brits, I know you must call it something else) near the kitchen. I find myself cleaning this room at least three times a day due to errant pissing.

I asked my husband, "what is the deal with peeing all over the toilet?" and he honestly replied, "well, it hangs to the left so I can't always aim it in the toilet" to which I replied, "why can't you stand 2-4 degrees to the right to get the pee-stream in there if you know you pee to the left?". I mean, after 38 years of having a penis, I would think that he would have it down to science by now?

I can forgive my young sons to a certain point....but they will have to learn how to clean or how to pee.....or both. ;)


so, men...what is the deal? What is up with pissing all over the place and why the hell don't you clean up the splash factor...or are you a considerate pisser?
"you shall be released" ~ EV
Post edited by Unknown User on
«13456

Comments

  • stylo17stylo17 Posts: 1,001
    releaselauren wrote:
    Seriously.

    I live with three penises (attached to bodies, of course), aged 38, 9, and 6 years old. The toilet they use the most is the "powder room" (sorry Brits, I know you must call it something else) near the kitchen. I find myself cleaning this room at least three times a day due to errant pissing.

    I asked my husband, "what is the deal with peeing all over the toilet?" and he honestly replied, "well, it hangs to the left so I can't always aim it in the toilet" to which I replied, "why can't you stand 2-4 degrees to the right to get the pee-stream in there if you know you pee to the left?". I mean, after 38 years of having a penis, I would think that he would have it down to science by now?

    I can forgive my young sons to a certain point....but they will have to learn how to clean or how to pee.....or both. ;)


    so, men...what is the deal? What is up with pissing all over the place and why the hell don't you clean up the splash factor...or are you a considerate pisser?

    well ummm sometimes it splashes out of the toilet, especially if the stream is hitting the water hard.

    and shaking isn't the easiest thing to aim in the world either.

    and yea, sometimes we just dont care :D
    6/11/08 WPB


    ♬♪♫ and I will not, grow tired of crayon stars and fire

    ♬♪♫ cause a soldier's death is so much better than defeat just hanging around
  • PaperPlatesPaperPlates Posts: 1,745
    releaselauren wrote:
    Seriously.

    I live with three penises (attached to bodies, of course), aged 38, 9, and 6 years old. The toilet they use the most is the "powder room" (sorry Brits, I know you must call it something else) near the kitchen. I find myself cleaning this room at least three times a day due to errant pissing.

    I asked my husband, "what is the deal with peeing all over the toilet?" and he honestly replied, "well, it hangs to the left so I can't always aim it in the toilet" to which I replied, "why can't you stand 2-4 degrees to the right to get the pee-stream in there if you know you pee to the left?". I mean, after 38 years of having a penis, I would think that he would have it down to science by now?

    I can forgive my young sons to a certain point....but they will have to learn how to clean or how to pee.....or both. ;)


    so, men...what is the deal? What is up with pissing all over the place and why the hell don't you clean up the splash factor...or are you a considerate pisser?


    Its because we're always in such a hurry trying to do all the things you ladies have us doing that we rush the job and get sloppy. Duh! ;)
    Why go home

    www.myspace.com/jensvad
  • HailHailVitalogyHailHailVitalogy Posts: 5,227
    most pee on the seat is from hitting the water...sometimes it 95% goes in one direction but then sometimes it shoots out another direction for a second or two....sometimes if u aim and then break the seal, it isnt in the direction you aimed for....sometimes we multitask, such as text and piss, scratch our ass and piss
    2003: Uniondale, MSG x2 | 2004: Reading | 2005: Gorge, Vancouver, Philly | 2006: East Rutherford x2, Gorge x2, Camden 1, Hartford | 2008: MSG x2, VA Beach | 2009: Philly x3 | 2010: MSG x2, Bristow | 2011: Alpine Valley x2 | 2012: MIA Philly | 2013: Wrigley, Charlottesville, Brooklyn 2 | 2014: Milan, Amsterdam 1 | 2016: MSG x2, Fenway x2, Wrigley 2 | 2018: Rome, Krakow, Berlin, Wrigley 2 | 2021: Sea Hear Now | 2022: San Diego, LA x2, MSG, Camden, Nashville, St. Louis, Denver | 2023: St. Paul 1, Chicago x2, Fort Worth x2, Austin 2 | 2024: Las Vegas 1, Seattle x2, Indy, MSG x2, Philly x2, Baltimore, Ohana 2
  • South of SeattleSouth of Seattle West Seattle Posts: 10,724
    There are many factors that go into this. Here are some things to consider.

    A. Has the pisser had sex recently? Sometimes this will cause a sudden change in direction. Also known as a "cumstop" in some circles.

    B. Has the pisser been drinking heavily? Several drinks can create a garden hose like pressure change in the Dick.

    C. Does the pisser not hold his wang while urinating?

    There are several things that can cause errant pissing.
    NERDS!
  • pjoasisrulepjoasisrule Posts: 3,412
    I do not have a problem with that........unless of course I am drunk or have a boner
    Alpine Valley 2000
    Summerfest 2006

    "Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?" -Lisa Simpson
  • prljmngrlprljmngrl Posts: 320
    ROFLMAO....this topic is hilarious but oh so true.

    OK guys, so if its so difficult to aim with all these extenuating factors, why not just sit and pee? Problem solved.
  • stylo17stylo17 Posts: 1,001
    prljmngrl wrote:
    ROFLMAO....this topic is hilarious but oh so true.

    OK guys, so if its so difficult to aim with all these extenuating factors, why not just sit and pee? Problem solved.

    not gonna answer that haha.



    and sometimes it comes out in a way that guys call a "splitter" cause it's not a straight stream. but that's typically only at first, it should straighten out, but not after some damage is done.
    6/11/08 WPB


    ♬♪♫ and I will not, grow tired of crayon stars and fire

    ♬♪♫ cause a soldier's death is so much better than defeat just hanging around
  • PaperPlatesPaperPlates Posts: 1,745
    prljmngrl wrote:
    ROFLMAO....this topic is hilarious but oh so true.

    OK guys, so if its so difficult to aim with all these extenuating factors, why not just sit and pee? Problem solved.


    The day they stop putting zippers in my jeans and a flap in my undies, is the day I start peeing sitting down.


    Or the day women don't leave their hair ALL OVER the bathroom sink/brush/shower/etc. :p
    Why go home

    www.myspace.com/jensvad
  • redmosquito10redmosquito10 Posts: 568
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWpYo5_8s_M
    "Ah, life is a gate, a way, a path to Paradise anyway, why not live for fun and joy and love or some sort of girl by a fireside, why not go to your desire and LAUGH..."
  • zenithzenith Posts: 3,191
    funny funny thread :D

    yea - i live with two sometimes three dicks too - and yea, im always cleaning up pee

    I've discovered the best way to deal with it is make them clean up yours for a while - albeit it is harder to leave a bit of pee on the rim while your sitting, you just have to improvise, or wiggle around a bit ;)

    and ? to South of Seattle - not hold it while peeing??? why wouldn't you hold it - surely their is some attempt at aiming involved??
    perhaps we should be putting little ping pong balls in the loo to give them something fun to do other that scratch their arse, pick their nose, contemplate the world????
    impatience is a gift ........
  • pjoasisrulepjoasisrule Posts: 3,412
    PaperPlates wrote:
    The day they stop putting zippers in my jeans and a flap in my undies, is the day I start peeing sitting down.


    Or the day women don't leave their hair ALL OVER the bathroom sink/brush/shower/etc. :p

    mammal soap?
    Alpine Valley 2000
    Summerfest 2006

    "Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?" -Lisa Simpson
  • stylo17stylo17 Posts: 1,001
    zenith wrote:
    funny funny thread :D

    yea - i live with two sometimes three dicks too - and yea, im always cleaning up pee

    these things can't just regenerate!! ;)
    6/11/08 WPB


    ♬♪♫ and I will not, grow tired of crayon stars and fire

    ♬♪♫ cause a soldier's death is so much better than defeat just hanging around
  • TheLostSoulTheLostSoul Posts: 773
    grab a rattlesnake by the tail and tell me if its head points in the direction you want it to....
    I miss you hippiemom.
  • AllieAllie Posts: 2,908
    OMG this is too funny!
    Wait, don't you all pick up the seat? Doesn't this alleviate the problem?

    SOS-Enlightening, but eeeew!
    and who texts and pees? Nasty!
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • western pearlwestern pearl Posts: 632
    Sometimes there is a bit of a spray can effect going on as well. It'll eventually straighten out but that initial burst is hard to control. Pissing at night is pretty dangerous too. There have been quite a few times when i've gotten up in the middle of the night and don't feel like blinding myself i'll leave the light off....which makes it kinda tough to see the pot. If you don't hear water on water right away you're in trouble :D
    "Everyone is a patriot in some form or another.... i prefer the intelligent ones."

    "She fell funny"

    "Klaus Daimler, 40, engineer, calm, collected, German"
  • releaselaurenreleaselauren Posts: 384
    ok ok ok ok ok ok

    from the replies so far, I understand that:

    1. you can't control the stream due to lack of sex, excessive inhibition of alcohol or pure high-pressure "garden-hose" surge .

    2. the penis is not held but rather hanging out there pissing at will because because man is too lazy or has a beer in his hand... or just doesn't care.

    3. even if the man is responsible and really trying to be considerate, shaking the penis after pissing provides a Jackson Pollock effect on the toilet seat.


    got it. still wondering who the men are who clean up after themselves.....


    are you.... "whatever, that's my piss, sit on it bitch or clean it up" or

    "I should really clean that up because it isn't sanitary or fair for the family to deal with that piss."
    "you shall be released" ~ EV
  • zenithzenith Posts: 3,191
    stylo17 wrote:
    these things can't just regenerate!! ;)

    hehe :D

    well the third one comes and goes, depending on different things

    and yea - i can see how that one might read too ;)
    impatience is a gift ........
  • AllieAllie Posts: 2,908
    releaselauren wrote:
    ok ok ok ok ok ok

    from the replies so far, I understand that:

    1. you can't control the stream due to lack of sex, excessive inhibition of alcohol or pure high-pressure "garden-hose" surge .

    2. the penis is not held but rather hanging out there pissing at will because because man is too lazy or has a beer in his hand... or just doesn't care.

    3. even if the man is responsible and really trying to be considerate, shaking the penis after pissing provides a Jackson Pollock effect on the toilet seat.


    got it. still wondering who the men are who clean up after themselves.....


    are you.... "whatever, that's my piss, sit on it bitch or clean it up" or

    "I should really clean that up because it isn't sanitary or fair for the family to deal with that piss."

    OMG
    I can't stand it, too funny..!
    Wait, I don't get it, don't y'all lift up the seat? Doesn't this solve the problem?

    then we get into the whole 'you left the seat up' controversy
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • South of SeattleSouth of Seattle West Seattle Posts: 10,724
    FYI, I wipe the lip and put the seat down.

    ;)
    NERDS!
  • stylo17stylo17 Posts: 1,001
    well in my apartment it's just guys but my "bathroom mate" and I still lower the seat even before we flush.

    about lifting the seat, YEA WE DO, but sometimes we're too lazy to lift it. and at least in my case I'll wipe any "spillage" when I'm done.

    and it's not the the LACK of sex that causes the weird shots, it's the opposite. it's "sex piss." that's why guys should pee after sex and before they go to sleep. to avoid the morning piss sting and to have SOME control in the morning.

    any other questions :D
    6/11/08 WPB


    ♬♪♫ and I will not, grow tired of crayon stars and fire

    ♬♪♫ cause a soldier's death is so much better than defeat just hanging around
  • AllieAllie Posts: 2,908
    South of Seattle wrote:
    FYI, I wipe the lip and put the seat down.

    ;)
    Aha! Nice! :)
    "...like a word misplaced, nothing said, what a waste.."
    "Sometimes life should be consumed in measured doses"
    6-01-06
    6/25/08
    Free Speedy
    and Metsy!
  • stylo17stylo17 Posts: 1,001
    zenith wrote:
    hehe :D

    well the third one comes and goes, depending on different things

    and yea - i can see how that one might read too ;)

    welllllll I wasn't gonna say but haha you caught it too
    6/11/08 WPB


    ♬♪♫ and I will not, grow tired of crayon stars and fire

    ♬♪♫ cause a soldier's death is so much better than defeat just hanging around
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    lauren....tomorrow go out to the garden......pickup the garden hose.....pinch it closed......then turn the water on.....release the pinch.....witness the results....:)
  • SamuleSamule Posts: 3,231
    I like to trace the bowl with circles and see how high i can get... sometimes i go to high and splash!
  • TheLostSoulTheLostSoul Posts: 773
    im gonna go out on a limb and say its more to do with the 9 and 6 year old than the 38 year old.

    my 6 year old nephew doesnt even look or try for the bowl. he just drops trow and lets the floodgates out.
    I miss you hippiemom.
  • zenithzenith Posts: 3,191
    cutback wrote:
    lauren....tomorrow go out to the garden......pickup the garden hose.....pinch it closed......then turn the water on.....release the pinch.....witness the results....:)

    you forgot to mention the most important instruction

    and POINT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    impatience is a gift ........
  • writersuwritersu Posts: 1,867
    when my 17 year old son was like 5, he said he had "mis aim".
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • MyHandsBoundMyHandsBound Posts: 698
    releaselauren wrote:
    Seriously.

    I live with three penises (attached to bodies, of course), aged 38, 9, and 6 years old. The toilet they use the most is the "powder room" (sorry Brits, I know you must call it something else) near the kitchen. I find myself cleaning this room at least three times a day due to errant pissing.

    I asked my husband, "what is the deal with peeing all over the toilet?" and he honestly replied, "well, it hangs to the left so I can't always aim it in the toilet" to which I replied, "why can't you stand 2-4 degrees to the right to get the pee-stream in there if you know you pee to the left?". I mean, after 38 years of having a penis, I would think that he would have it down to science by now?

    I can forgive my young sons to a certain point....but they will have to learn how to clean or how to pee.....or both. ;)


    so, men...what is the deal? What is up with pissing all over the place and why the hell don't you clean up the splash factor...or are you a considerate pisser?

    ewww...maybe he should clean it......
  • yellowled24yellowled24 Posts: 3,118
    PaperPlates wrote:
    The day they stop putting zippers in my jeans and a flap in my undies, is the day I start peeing sitting down.


    Or the day women don't leave their hair ALL OVER the bathroom sink/brush/shower/etc. :p
    shit man, do you actually use that undie flap thingie??? :eek:
    "....and was very surprised to see that he didnt actually have a recipe for anus-ankle soup." - Big Ed
  • yellowled24yellowled24 Posts: 3,118
    "On the first day, God created man"
    On the second day he shouldve taught them how to pee straight :D
    "....and was very surprised to see that he didnt actually have a recipe for anus-ankle soup." - Big Ed
Sign In or Register to comment.