Why Breed?

Urban Hiker

So people have or don’t have kids for many different reasons. I know a lot of people on here have kids who are the WORLD to them. That’s a done deal, nothing I can do about it except wish you happiness, fulfillment and the strength to get through the trying times.

But, why did you have kids? Did much thought go into to it? My mom used to pressure me into having kids, saying “Everything will work itself out. You have to have kids.” That never really sat right with me.

I’ve chosen not to have children for several different reasons.

-Money. Kids cost a lot.
-If dogs are work, I don’t even want to think about the effort a child requires.
-I like a lot of time to myself. Kids come with friends and their parents, sleepovers, parent-teacher conferences and just a lot of activity that would take away from my alone time.
-My family genes are fucked up, as are my husband’s. We don’t need that bullshit continued.
-Kids are loud! I like them fine in their place, like when they’re playing at the zoo – they’re delightful. But, as soon as some brat comes screaming into my place of work I think, “Holy shit! I think my fallopian tubes just tied themselves!” :eek:

There’s a website I love that examines people’s reasons for breeding and gives answers to each of those reasons. Some good food for thought.

Need a teaser to click?
Here’s one of my faves. Reason given: Want to see a little me Real Reason Self-absorption. Lack of ego gratification. Suggested Alternatives Order custom-made, life-like doll. Create a gratifying life of your own

Here’s the website: http://www.vhemt.org/biobreed.htm ; scroll down about a third of the page for the reasons part.

For those who have decided NOT to have children, please share your reasons. For those who do have children, I'm really not looking for you defend yourself. But, you might take some time to think about the reasons you chose to breed.

Thanks!

in_hiding79

I just like my freedom and I have other issues as well. I have never wanted children. The thought makes my stomach sick...I would never want to hear that one word "mommy"...YIKES!!

AS for all the things I've done in my past to avoid getting pregnant, well I have finally paid the price I'd say!! :(

MattCameronKicksButt

I was on the pill when I fell pregnant. I never wanted kids at one time. I considered myself very un-maternal.

As soon as I fell pregnant, I loved him more than anyone or anything else in the world.

Money's not an issue. (You always need more money, you can only do your best. My mum was very poor and she did a great job at raising us).

As an animal lover, I would say children are far more rewarding. Because they're flesh and blood, you love them more. (Or should).

Not all kids are loud.

Prolly the reason we love our kids is because it's unconditional. There doesn't need to be a reason as such. It's just pure love.

*Edit* When I was working, I confided in this woman. I told her I was worried that I wouldn't find my baby cute when he was born. She just laughed at me and said 'I thought the same thing but don't worry! You will!'. She was right.

Urban Hiker

in_hiding79 wrote:

AS for all the things I've done in my past to avoid getting pregnant, well I have finally paid the price I'd say!! :(

I hear ya. My system was never the same after trying THE SHOT. I couldn't even go back to my trusty old Ortho Novum 777. :(

Urban Hiker

MattCameronKicksButt wrote:

Not all kids are loud.

Are you sure??? I think parents just become selectively deaf to their children.

MattCameronKicksButt

Urban Hiker wrote:

Are you sure??? I think parents just become selectively deaf to their children.

There you go then...

audiodave

The only reason I can give for wanting kids is that my life would feel so empty if I didn't.

Money? Don't care. I actively dislike it, though I know it is a necessary evil (I also know I can't spell that word).
Social standing? Simply not interested.
Carreer? Not yet, and nothing appeals to me.

The most important thing in the world to me: family. I love my family more than anything in this world, and for some unexplainable reason, I want one of my own. If you don't want one, fine. But what I don't get is why some people who don't want kids have such a problem with other people wanting them (this is a general point and is no way aimed at the original poster).

Urban Hiker

audiodave wrote:

The only reason I can give for wanting kids is that my life would feel so empty if I didn't.

I wish you luck in finding something to avoid that empty feeling.

xscorcho

im too selfish to want kids right now... maybe down the line.

Brain of J.Lo

Urban Hiker wrote:

But, why did you have kids? Did much thought go into to it?

I love kids. They're funny, they're so open-minded and it's just incredible to watch my little one develop into that little person that she is going to be. I was pretty sure I wanted kids by the time I was around 16. As I got older, that feeling grew stronger. I had a great childhood, and I look forward to experiencing my child/ren's lives with them. So, yes...a lot of thought went into my decision to be a parent.

Urban Hiker wrote:

-Money. Kids cost a lot.
-If dogs are work, I don’t even want to think about the effort a child requires.
-I like a lot of time to myself. Kids come with friends and their parents, sleepovers, parent-teacher conferences and just a lot of activity that would take away from my alone time.
-My family genes are fucked up, as are my husband’s. We don’t need that bullshit continued.
-Kids are loud! I like them fine in their place, like when they’re playing at the zoo – they’re delightful. But, as soon as some brat comes screaming into my place of work I think, “Holy shit! I think my fallopian tubes just tied themselves!” :eek:

Yes, kids cost money and lots of it. But, so do a lot of things that people want to do. I would never say "well, I'd like to go to Europe, but it's expensive...so I'll just pass on that." Instead, I will save my money and plan a trip to Europe.

Yes, kids are a lot of work. It's gratifying, though, to do things for her because I love her and it's fun to be around her. I imagine that the reason people bother to walk around behind their dog and pick up his shit is because they enjoy their dog and are also gratified by spending time with him. Plus...she'll grow up. Dogs will never ever be able to take care of their own shit. Someday, she will.

I like time alone, too, and I still get it. I do have to plan it a little more in advance, but it's still there. Plus, when I'm not alone, I'm with her. And I like her.

Yes, kids are loud. And I love it. My husband can be loud, too.

GreenTeaDisease

I don't like when people have a LOT of kids. it seems very selfish to me. the social costs are so high when you think of how everyone else has to pay for education, environmental damage, health care, etc. I was reading in the Globe Santa, where people can donate to families in need for christmas gifts...this one guy wrote in and was asking for donations for his *7* kids. You know, if this guy had 2 or even 3 kids he could buy them christmas gifts himself. Why do you need 7 children??? do you worship your own genes that much??

RolandTD20Kdrummer

To enjoy moments like this:

http://www.killsometime.com/pictures/images/Pic1215.jpg

Urban Hiker

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I love kids. They're funny, they're so open-minded and it's just incredible to watch my little one develop into that little person that she is going to be. I was pretty sure I wanted kids by the time I was around 16. As I got older, that feeling grew stronger. I had a great childhood, and I look forward to experiencing my child/ren's lives with them. So, yes...a lot of thought went into my decision to be a parent.

That's cool, but did you think about other ways to watch children grow and develop (ie, mentoring, teaching, adopting) rather than creating another human being?

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

Yes, kids cost money and lots of it. But, so do a lot of things that people want to do. I would never say "well, I'd like to go to Europe, but it's expensive...so I'll just pass on that." Instead, I will save my money and plan a trip to Europe.

Kudos. It's nice when parents actually recognize what they need to do in order to support their child(ren). Too often I've seen people become foster parents just to collect the extra money to support the children already in their household.

Urban Hiker

RolandTD20Kdrummer wrote:

To enjoy moments like this:

http://www.killsometime.com/pictures/images/Pic1215.jpg

OMG! Hope that paint was washable.

BTW - it's not only human children who can seriously damage a house.
Here's what my baby Timber did (actually it was a work in progress, there's not much left of it now) to our couch.

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=67351232&albumID=0&imageID=3123200

Urban Hiker

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I don't like when people have a LOT of kids. it seems very selfish to me. the social costs are so high when you think of how everyone else has to pay for education, environmental damage, health care, etc. I was reading in the Globe Santa, where people can donate to families in need for christmas gifts...this one guy wrote in and was asking for donations for his *7* kids. You know, if this guy had 2 or even 3 kids he could buy them christmas gifts himself. Why do you need 7 children??? do you worship your own genes that much??

Sound like he needs a vasectomy gift certificate.

Brain of J.Lo

Urban Hiker wrote:

That's cool, but did you think about other ways to watch children grow and develop (ie, mentoring, teaching, adopting) rather than creating another human being?

Mentoring or teaching students, while very rewarding, is not a substitute for raising and loving your own family. So for people who want to have their own children...this would likely not suffice. As far as adopting goes -- I wanted to experience pregnancy/childbirth because it's part of the human experience. And it was incredible and exciting. I loved almost every minute of it. However, if we decide to have another kid, it's very possible that we will adopt. I actually had a high-risk pregnancy, and rather than go through that again and risk my life and possibly put a fetus into distress, it makes more sense for us to open our home to a kid that's already out there.

Urban Hiker wrote:

Kudos. It's nice when parents actually recognize what they need to do in order to support their child(ren). Too often I've seen people become foster parents just to collect the extra money to support the children already in their household.

I think I'm probably in the majority.

Steve Dunne

My first kid was a big 'whoops!'. After that it was a natural feeling to be a parent.

My 4 year old today told me she wanted to be Darth Vader. I told she's already on that side of the Force anyway, so go for it.

soulsinging

Urban Hiker wrote:

-Money. Kids cost a lot.
-If dogs are work, I don’t even want to think about the effort a child requires.
-I like a lot of time to myself. Kids come with friends and their parents, sleepovers, parent-teacher conferences and just a lot of activity that would take away from my alone time.

that about sums up my reasons for not wanting kids. im just certain i wouldnt be very happy with it. im too self-absorbed and lazy. i want to be able to have fun on my schedule.

soulsinging

in_hiding79 wrote:

AS for all the things I've done in my past to avoid getting pregnant, well I have finally paid the price I'd say!! :(

what's that mean? it sounds very ominous.

Urban Hiker

Brain of J.Lo wrote:

I think I'm probably in the majority.

Perhaps. But not a majority in the neighborhoods I've lived. Most parents I've met seem to really struggle financially. Even if it is covered up by all of their credit purchases.

Like I said with my family. They were like, "You just find a way."

redrock

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I don't like when people have a LOT of kids. it seems very selfish to me. the social costs are so high when you think of how everyone else has to pay for education, environmental damage, health care, etc.

These kids are going to pay for your old age pension through their taxes during their working life. So the more, the merrier.